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Nice story. But in your narrative you're mixing tenses. Since your narrative is in the past tense then avoid using present tense.
For example, "why would she take the money when she knows* what he intended to do with it". Its either knows and intends or knew and intended.

Culin:
Nice story. But in your narrative you're mixing tenses. Since your narrative is in the past tense then avoid using present tense.
For example, "why would she take the money when she knows* what he intended to do with it". Its either knows and intends or knew and intended.

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nochillatalll:
Thanks a lot for the observation

Uwc. Following.

Following