Sunday, July 11, 2010
[size=14pt]Why did this Nigerian kill his wife?
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TUNDE FAGBENLE, tundefagbenle@aol.com


The ultimate horror of spousal abuse was brought home to me a couple of weeks ago when I received a call from a very dear cousin of mine, Bose.




http://odili.net/news/source/2010/jul/11/829.html

"Broda Tunde," she had begun on the phone, trying to find the right word with which to start. Then choosing to deliver it as coldly as it deserves she broke it, "Toyin ti ku o." Toyin is dead.

Was it not but a week or so earlier that the same Bose called and passed the phone over to someone to 'shock me?' Someone who turned out to be this same Toyin, my cousin's bosom friend, who I hadn't heard from in over 20 years?

Toyin was visiting Nigeria from the United States where, apparently, she had relocated that long ago; she had left her teaching job at a Federal Government College in Nigeria and had got married. She was "home" on one of such regular visits to her loving mother; visits by which her family and friends in Nigeria were able to gauge how "successful and rich" America and marriage had turned her.

"Toyin, dead?" I repeated in disbelief. "Impossible. Here in Nigeria or is she back in the States? Of what?" Many questions.

From what Bose gathered through a caller, Toyin was murdered by her husband and within days of her return to the States from that trip. Bose would be heading for Toyin's mum's place to console her, she said - if consolation were possible of a mother in that calamity.

But now more detail is out and on the Internet, Juliet, the English name Toyin apparently had come to be more known by, was clubbed to death with a baseball bat by her husband of 18 years! The tragic incident happened at the couple's home at 8615 Villa Largo Drive, Tampa, Florida. From a story posted on a Nigerian newsgroup email, Juliet whose age is put at 53 was married to Olufemi Oladapo Ademoye, 52, a successful pharmacist and popular restaurateur in Tampa, Florida, USA, and the couple has an only child by the marriage. Olufemi Ademoye, according to the report, was taken into police custody on June 16, 2010 charged with second-degree murder of his wife and mother of his son.

According to the story, Ademoye was enraged by his "discovery" of his wife's infidelity through some of her emails, which also led him to realize that she was probably already pregnant when they met and got married but she misled him into believing that he was the biological father of the child when he may, after all, not have been by him. Of course, this story is strongly refuted by Toyin's friends and family who insist it is baseless.

The phenomenon of spousal murder is certainly not one limited to any ethnic group, nationality, or race. It is a human phenomenon and a human tragedy. Wives kill husbands (perhaps more than) husbands kill wives. In most of the instances, infidelity on the part of one or the other is at the root. But essentially it is the crass inability of one or the other to control their basest animalistic urge that result in the loss of clearer reasoning and end in such violent releases.

Men (African men?) hate for their manhood or manliness to be ridiculed, and for many there cannot be greater ridicule than infidelity of their women (sometimes even of their concubines!), especially one done carelessly and with utter disdain - in comes the likes of the banished Deji of Akure, Oluwadare Adesina!

Women know this, and some would readily taunt their husbands with it (even without truly having engaged in one) as their own "get back" in moments of hot verbal exchange of insults and abuse; anything just to "hurt" the men as much as they are hurt. And so death may come visiting even the innocent.

In Nigeria the women are either conditioned to accepting their men's insane flaunt of their "tigritude", or are completely helpless about it in a male-chauvinistic condoning society, but once outside these shores, they find freedom and are quick to "teach" their men a lesson or two in the aphorism "what a man can do, a woman can do better!" - this, to the chagrin of the Nigerian man.

But, at the bottom of it all, is the question of what, truly, is the nature of Man, as in Human Beings - for, make no mistake about it, women have similar emotional and sexual urges as men do. Evolution and the process of socialisation and acculturation are what modify and continue to modify human relationships and tendencies. This topic cannot be exhausted in an article such as this of limited space. But there are wild women just as there are wild men.

Last week when my family went visiting the engaging family of Ola and Lola (Soyinka) in Abuja, the discussion dwelled on this issue of man-woman relationship and what nature imposes that Man "disposes". What, for instance, is the concept of "infidelity" and "cheating" to a Nigerian (nay, African) man as opposed to the Western or Caucasian man? Where does the concept of "cheating" come into a marriage when the man is allowed, even encouraged, to have more than one wife? Why, for instance, would an Eskimo (reportedly) consider "gifting" a visiting friend his wife for the night as a mark of love or appreciation for the friend?

And talking of wild women, one should pray never to encounter some really outrageously wild ones that would put one's better principles in jeopardy as happened recently to a good friend of mine in Ibadan. This friend, Jide, is a successful businessman, married to a German, and his business straddles both countries - Nigeria and Germany.

Whilst driving himself one evening in Ibadan, another car drove roughly past and overtook him. And, as is wont to happen, an exchange ensued between Jide and the other driver. Both men came out. Jide wondered what manner of man would drive thus. While the men did their out-staring and out-shouting game, the woman in the other car (who turned out to be the wife) came out in fury at Jide's "audacity" to confront her husband, and without hesitation gave Jide a nasty (dirty, as we would say) slap. "Don't you know you are talking to a Commissioner?" Apparently the husband is a Commissioner of something or another in the state.

Now, what would one do in that circumstance? Rub the cheek and let the "spirit of God" sway against the devil? Lock both husband and wife until a policeman can show up? Or do the instinctive - tear both wife and husband to shreds? Indeed kill or die if need be? It is an encounter one should pray never to be caught in, for how could one know how one would react?

But, back to the murder that started this piece. There can be no justification for taking someone else's life, and temporary insanity on account of adultery or dehumanizing insult cannot be excuse enough.

This Ademoye guy has "killed" three lives - his wife's, his son's, and his own. He certainly faces possibly life imprisonment. It is a shame that an otherwise glorious life would end thus, but his deed does not belong among civilized people. Nothing will bring back Juliet.

Goodnight Toyin.

ut now more detail is out and on the Internet, Juliet, the English name Toyin apparently had come to be more known by, was clubbed to death with a baseball bat by her husband of 18 years! The tragic incident happened at the couple's home at 8615 Villa Largo Drive, Tampa, Florida. From a story posted on a Nigerian newsgroup email, Juliet whose age is put at 53 was married to Olufemi Oladapo Ademoye, 52, a successful pharmacist and popular restaurateur in Tampa, Florida, USA, and the couple has an only child by the marriage. Olufemi Ademoye, according to the report, was taken into police custody on June 16, 2010 charged with second-degree murder of his wife and mother of his son.

I rebuke these Nigerian men. Toyin will not die in Jesus name

Cheiiiiiiiii!!!!! There is a God

Ileke-IdI:

I rebuke these Nigerian men. Toyin will not die in Jesus name

Cheiiiiiiiii!!!!! There is a God

If you rebuke them, who will you marry?

Aloy+Emeka:

If you rebuke them, who will you marry?

Obviously, Nigeiran men in Florida seems to be killing their wives in plenty. Seriously, I wonder why.

God knows who I'll marry.

Ileke-IdI:

Obviously, Nigeiran men in Florida seems to be killing their wives in plenty. Seriously, I wonder why.

God knows who I'll marry. 

Time to consult Paul the octopus to see who it will be between Ezeuche and Sjeezy.

Aloy+Emeka:

Time to consult Paul the octopus to see who it will be between Ezeuche and Sjeezy.

It's like asking me if I wnt to die from gunshot or from stab wounds. No thanks

Ileke-IdI:

It's like asking me if I wnt to die from gunshot or from stab wounds. No thanks

Naaa, they cool if you ask me. Give either of them a chance in your heart. You will not regret it.

Aloy+Emeka:

Naaa, they cool if you ask me. Give either of them a chance in your heart. You will not regret it.

Aloy Emeka, back to the topix.

Anywaz, it's creepy saying RIP.

According to the story, Ademoye was enraged by his "discovery" of his wife's infidelity through some of her emails, which also led him to realize that she was probably already pregnant when they met and got married but she misled him into believing that he was the biological father of the child when he may, after all, not have been by him.

how about just filing for divorce and requesting a DNA test. did the situation warrant hitting an home run?

Emeka, wasnt this the florida man that we discussed a few wks back in the crime section? abi na new one?

bawomolo:

how about just filing for divorce and requesting a DNA test. did the situation warrant hitting an home run?

You never can tell how you will react when faced with an issue like this. Lets cut this man some slack abeg. You don't know how much he invested mentally, materially and emotionally into that marriage only for him to discover that he has been played.

~Sissy~:

Emeka, wasnt this the florida man that we discussed a few wks back in the crime section? abi na new one?

Dunno; the papers just reported this today. I only post what I see on the news.

bawomolo:

how about just filing for divorce and requesting a DNA test. did the situation warrant hitting an home run?

Exactly!
These men still beleives they're in Naija se. Where there's no justice. Toyins of this world have suffered.

~Sissy~:

Emeka, wasnt this the florida man that we discussed a few wks back in the crime section? abi na new one?

same one

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-467451.0.html

Ileke-IdI:


same one

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-467451.0.html

so the reason for the murder was infidelity, while there was the option of DNA test and/or divorce. kai!

Ileke-IdI:

Exactly!
These men still beleives they're in Naija se. Where there's no justice. Toyins of this world have suffered.

Did you care to feel for what this man went through and how vulnerable he was when he committed the crime?

Aloy+Emeka:

Did you care to feel for what this man went through and how vulnerable he was when he committed the crime?

We all face problems in different ways. It takes a man with self-control to not snuff a life outta another person.
He's not the first thatz been in that shoe. Simply go for a DNA test to reassure a biological status in his child's life, go for marriage counseling or divorce her.

MURDER is not excusable.

Ileke-IdI:

We all face problems in different ways. It takes a man with self-control to not snuff a life outta another person.
He's not the first thatz been in that shoe. Simply go for a DNA test to reassure a biological status in his child's life, go for marriage counseling or divorce her.

MURDER is not excusable.

Murder is excusable under certain conditions. Yes, he should have exercised self control but there is no telling how you will react under the same condition. Our mental state varies and can never be constant. It was not a premeditated murder lest I will say he is evil. He committed the murder out of anger and frustration. Judging and crucifying him is not the kindest thing to do.

Aloy+Emeka:

Murder is excusable under certain conditions. Yes, he should have exercised self control but there is no telling how you will react under the same condition. Our mental state varies and can never be constant. It was not a premeditated murder lest I will say he is evil. He committed the murder out of anger and frustration. Judging and crucifying him is not the kindest thing to do.

I surely hope you're not trying to justify his action.

Aloy+Emeka:

Did you care to feel for what this man went through and how vulnerable he was when he committed the crime?

went through to the point of murdering her? he suspected their son wasnt theirs, and he was in a better position/place to opt for a dna test and his infidelity accuse was based on emails, no other evidence provided but went ahead and murdered her as if the beatings wasnt enough. please, this man has and will never any excuse base on this claims for murdering that woman.  if very nigerian woman murdered their cheating backside husbands, we will be running out men by now, and probably be importing men from bukina faso and equatorial guinea

~Sissy~:


went through to the point of murdering her? he suspected their son wasnt theirs, and he was in a better position/place to opt for a dna test and his infidelity accuse was based on emails, no other evidence provided but went ahead and murdered her as if the beatings wasnt enough. please, this man has and will never any excuse base on this claims for murdering that woman.  if very nigerian woman murdered their cheating backside husbands, we will be running out men by now, and probably be importing men from bukina faso and equatorial guinea

My argument is that he acted on impulse. I am sure it wasn't his intention to kill her but that momentary madness led him into this. Let us not judge others like Christ asked us to do so we cannot be judged[ except Abacha, lol].

Ileke-IdI:

I surely hope you're not trying to justify his action.

Not necessarily but give him the benefit of the doubt.

Aloy+Emeka:

My argument is that he acted on impulse. I am sure it wasn't his intention to kill her but that momentary madness led him into this. Let us not judge others like Christ asked us to do so we cannot be judged[ except Abacha, lol].

which impulse? his intentions was to kill her and that was what he set out to do and thats exactly what he did. remember, he didnt just point a gun and shoot her, he beat her mercilessly with a bat to the point of death. and probably it wasnt his first domestic encounter with her. cause, if he hits you once, there is a 99.99% he will do it again

Aloy+Emeka:

Not necessarily but give him the benefit of the doubt.

How can you confidently claim his actions as "momentarily" when we're not even sure the length of time he knew about it to the point he killed her. His ego was playing with his mind jor

According to the story, Ademoye was enraged by his "discovery" of his wife's infidelity through some of her emails, which also led him to realize that she was probably already pregnant when they met and got married but she misled him into believing that he was the biological father of the child when he may, after all, not have been by him. Of course, this story is strongly refuted by Toyin's friends and family who insist it is baseless.

The phenomenon of spousal murder is certainly not one limited to any ethnic group, nationality, or race. It is a human phenomenon and a human tragedy. Wives kill husbands (perhaps more than) husbands kill wives. In most of the instances, infidelity on the part of one or the other is at the root. But essentially it is the crass inability of one or the other to control their basest animalistic urge that result in the loss of clearer reasoning and end in such violent releases.

Men (African men?) hate for their manhood or manliness to be ridiculed, and for many there cannot be greater ridicule than infidelity of their women (sometimes even of their concubines!), especially one done carelessly and with utter disdain - in comes the likes of the banished Deji of Akure, Oluwadare Adesina!

Ileke-IdI:

How can you confidently claim his actions as "momentarily" when we're not even sure the length of time he knew about it to the point he killed her. His ego was playing with his mind jor

You said we are not sure yet you are blaming it on his ego. I am not sure you will be shouting crucify him crucify him if this man is a relation of yours. While we condemn his act, it is necessary to relate the vices of his late wife. You cannot crucify him and excuse the evil committed by his wife. May God see him through sha.

I am yet to meet a Nigerian woman with my name. . .I guess none will be killed soon.

A candle for the Toyin that has left us too soon.

~Sissy~:


which impulse? his intentions was to kill her and that was what he set out to do and thats exactly what he did. remember, he didnt just point a gun and shoot her, he beat her mercilessly with a bat to the point of death. and probably it wasnt his first domestic encounter with her. cause, if he hits you once, there is a 99.99% he will do it again 

You don't know his intention. His case is like the American doctor who killed her philandering husband by climbing him over and over again with her mercedes Benz. It may sound heinous but that momentary madness of catching him screwing his secretary even though he swore to her that he is no more doing it in order to talk her out of divorce. She went mad momentarily and realized what she did afterwards. OJ Simpson is another similar case.

Aloy+Emeka:

You said we are not sure yet you are blaming it on his ego. I am not sure you will be shouting crucify him crucify him if this man is a relation of yours. While we condemn his act, it is necessary to relate the vices of his late wife. You cannot crucify him and excuse the evil committed by his wife. May God see him through sha.

It HAS to be his ego or why else would a man kill a cheating wife other than the thought of being belittled?

I'm not excusing her. But did she kill him when she realized that she could get better "booty tap" elsewhere?

Also remember that he has not shown any evidence of her adultery, therefore he might have been mistaken.

Ileke-IdI:

It HAS to be his ego or else why else would a man kill a cheating wife other than the thought of being belittled?

That's speculation. He may have killed her because his religion asked him to or fo some other reason.

Ileke-IdI:

I'm not excusing her. But did she kill him when she realized that she could get that "booty tap" elsewhere?

Also remember that he has not shown any evidence of her adultery, therefore he might have been mistaken.

[quote][/quote]

She doesn't have to kill him. What for after all she was the player and not the playee.

The crime has been committed.

He can hope for a lenient sentence if truely she was unfaithful.

Aloy+Emeka:

That's speculation. He may have killed her because his religion asked him to or fo some other reason.

Plz, let us know which religion a yoruba person might possibly be involved in that would demand killing a cheatibg wife?
And once again, NO RELIGION can justify the murder of A [/b]Toyin. He go suffer, he go suffer sotey he go call on him religion to end his life.

Aloy+Emeka:

She doesn't have to kill him. What for after all she was the player and not the playee.

He doesnt have to kill her. She was a victim of a boring sex life.

How are we so sure that he's the one not really having an affair, killing his wife and lying about "her" affair in order kolobo with his oyibo wife. Nigerian women BARELY cheat in the US.

[b]According to the story, Ademoye was enraged by his "discovery" of his wife's infidelity through some of her emails, which also led him to realize that she was probably already pregnant when they met and got married but she misled him into believing that he was the biological father of the child when he may, after all, not have been by him. Of course, this story is strongly refuted by Toyin's friends and family who insist it is baseless.

All we have are  the words of his mouth.

Ileke-IdI:

Plz, let us know which religion a yoruba person might possibly be involved in that would demand killing a cheatibg wife?
And once again, NO RELIGION can justify the murder of A [/b]Toyin. He go suffer, he go suffer sotey he go call on him religion to end his life.

You are looking for trouble abi?. The god of the middle east do have those conditions o.

[b]He doesnt have to kill her. She was a victim of a boring sex life.

Why not divorce him instead of playing him bigtime?.

How are we so sure that he's the one not really having an affair, killing his wife and lying about "her" affair in order kolobo with his oyibo wife. Nigerian women BARELY cheat in the US.

Hehehe, when last did you attend owambe?

Aloy+Emeka:

You are looking for trouble abi?. The god of the middle east do have those conditions o.

If his religion was linked to her murder, we'd have known. I doubt they were Mus.lim

Why not divorce him instead of playing him bigtime?.

Why didnt he? AND SHE'S STILL INNOCENT FROM ANY ADULTEROUS CLAIM BECAUSE NO EVIDENCE HAS BEEN PRODUCED BY THE SUSPECT TO INCRIMINATE TOYIN.

Hehehe, when last did you attend owambe?

Nigerian women tend to stick with their men. No cheating of any sorts.
Nigerian men on the other hand. . . . .polygamous attitude follows them everywhere.