My name is Pierre Muoneke. Please don't ask me for the meaning of my surname.

I am a well known motivational speaker and life coach - well known by my babe, mother, siblings and children (legitimate, illegitimate, past, present and future)

Over the years, I've observed that people fund it very difficult to read a motivational book from the beginning to the end, most people don't even get to the middle before giving up.

Then an struck me the way electricity struck Michael Faraday!

People love reading stories, isn't it?
Why not motivate through stories spiked with a little comedy?

Yeah?

So I wrote two unpublished motivation stories and people were able to read motivational book till the end in just hours! By 'people' I actually mean my BABE.

MOTIVATION

I draw motivation from two young men here - TheBlessedMan and Gazzuzz (though I think Gazzuzz is an old man). Their individual stories motivated me to pen this down

My English

I'm a civil servant, not an English and Literature student/graduate/professor. English is just my third language after Yoruba and Igbo.my tenses are horrible, I know but please help point it out, I wan learn.
My punctuation is wack, I know. All those hyphen, semi colon, colon, large and small intestine, I don't know how to use them, just understand the story

Mmuojo:


So I wrote two unpublished motivation stories and people were able to read motivational book till the end in just hours! By 'people' I actually mean my BABE.

MOTIVATION

I draw motivation from two young men here - TheBlessedMan and Gazzuzz (though I think Gazzuzz is an old man). Their individual stories motivated me to pen this down

am technically humbled boss. U are awesome. Brb to follow.

Mgbe otu onye isi di mma kpọrọ ndi ara iteghete gafee, ihe anyi mara bụ na ndi ara iri gafere.
(When a sane person walks in the company of nine mad men, what we know is that ten mad people walked pass.)
Igbo Proverb


Tí ẹyẹ kò bá fín ẹyẹ ní'ràn, ojú ọrun tó ẹyẹ ẹ́ fò láì f'ara kan'ra.
If a bird won't seek the ill of another, the sky is wide enough for all to fly without colliding.
Yoruba Proverb


1.


'O boy where you day?'
'i day car park, I day come' my bosom friend TheBlessedMan informed me.
'You carry your jallopy come block better motor abi' I teased him

You dey craze! He screamed. 'Adiye funfun tio mo rae lagba' hé continued
TBM can be fractious at the slightest provocation, sometimes.
'Back to sender' I fired back at him
'You don forget say Rolls Royce no be mate with Acura? Sha come back before the wine hot' I added.
'No worry, you go see me now'

Let it go Bar is a very famous bar designed to encourage it's patrons to forget all their worries by taking it out on various booties, green, black, brown any bottle at all!

Side attractions like DJ, occasionally, life band, good lightening (the darker the better), conducive environment and other scintillating side attractions in human form.

TheBlessedMan man and I loves drinking by the pool side, not like we can swim or intend to learn how to swim (who dash monkey banana?) but the pool side is a very beautiful scenery to behold (if you know what I mean).

At the pool side, you freely see unsolicited 'ikebes' and 'omus' (according to TBM) without an extra dime minus the premium on the drinks bought.

To save money, we drink only wine, it's cheaper in the long run than beer and we can get 'high' faster.


'Onyi ara' I heard a very familiar voice call out
'Onyi Oshi' the voice continued in a feral manner.

I raised my head up to see TBM looking like someone who just spent one hour milking Roman Goddess. The most annoying thing about TBM is the way he always murders Igbo language. I've corrected him countless times, but his head is harder than Cotonou coconut. The only thing he grasps fast is the phone no of any busty girl - fine or ugly, he's that cheap, all hole na hole, he will always say.

'Ole burukutu' I returned the favour
'Aja okuta nwa mummy' I continued
His face changed.

TBM is a very proud Yoruba boy, he defends his culture, language and tradition so vehemently that you would think he's Oduduwa himself.

'Alexander, it's not Ole burukutu, it's Ole buruku! na only alcohol dey your yeye mind' he responded rather uncouthly

[bI have also warned you, Blessing, that it is 'Onye ara' not Onyi ara! Mad man! No be your fault, person way get she goat, no no say him don day invite he goat come house. No be your fault.[/b]

'E be like say something dey worry you for head." TBM said, pointing his forefinger to his head.
'This one glass wey you drink don high you abi? Hé continued angrily

'I don't understand? wetin happen? 'I asked faking ignorance.

'How many times I don warn you make you no call me Blessing again?'

'How many times have I also warned you not to call me Alexander?' I countered

'My name is TheBlessedMan, no day spoil my rep here and see as you day shout the thing sef. Dog way wan die no day hear him master whistle' TBM ignored me and continued

In like manner, I responded: 'Just like you also know my name is Alessandro to the babes, Alexander the great to the guys. As you see say chicks plenty here, which one you suppose call me? Fly way no day hear word day follow dead body enter grave'

'Anyway, na your problem be that, the day way I go......

TBM suddenly stopped talking or did I suddenly stopped hearing him?

Oya ooo, I've finally updated

SmatestPopqueen, larrysun, centino, pamelB, rachelfst, pradoic, youngzubi, soloho19, Kimberlywest, gianaaaaa, divepen1, Gazzuzz

2.


Our eyes were both fixated at one direction.

One sweet daughter of Eve, with a third leg provoking shape, brain mutating beauty and a limp weakening poisonous smile waltzed past us by the pool side, briefly smiled at us before reclining in a corner

With eyes only, TBM and I described how shapey and pretty she was. We both raised our hands to give her a '4'.

In our world there are 4 types of girls

1. The type that will pass by you and you will never notice - even if they bump into you. The only thing you might notice might be their body odor or their smelly unkept hair. We call them INVINCIBLE girls.

2. The ones that you will only raise your eye brow when they pass by. I call them ONE-LEG UP girls

3. The ones that will turn your neck involuntarily to whichever direction they are going. I call them UMU NNUNU.

4. The one that makes you look like a fool, you might just stand up like a man in trance and be following her. TBM calls them AWON OMO TI O N'IYA (Whatever that means)

This babe is enough to send a monk into a trance. Thank God for my self control, I can't be.....

'Guy, where you day go' I felt someone pull my hand backwards
Me? I asked
'No, your shadow' was TBM's sarcastic response
Me? I asked again?
TBM ignored me
'No where now, shebi I still siddon for my seat' I defended

Which seat? TBM asked. 'My son look back and behold our seat' TBM said

I looked back and saw our seat and our table adorned by our cheap red wine surrounded by half filled glasses.

'you just day follow woman yansh' TBM continued as we made our way back to our seat. 'If woman no kill you, Methuselah go be learner to how long you go live'

In defence, I responded: 'who tell you say I follow yansh'? But wait ooo...' i Continued
TBM, wetin you say dey do standing?'

'I come bring you back now' he responded

'Bring fire! No be bweast you follow?

We were back on our seats plotting our next move and pretending we were enjoying our cheap, bland tasting red wine. The sour taste of the wine makes no sense now, the only 'sense' in our head is this mystery girl. Silence they say is golden, this time it's defeaning. What a conundrum!

As the silence burgeoned, it occurred to me that this is the first time in 20 years of friendship that TBM and I fancy the same babe.

Me, the anterior region is very scrumptious to me. A well shaped voluminuous Bakassi Peninsula apart from switching on my mumu button has a way of giving me joy unspeakable.
TBM on the other hand can lay down his life for the sins of any busty girl.

This girl has both boobs and backside on a very tiny waist!

We continued sipping our wine in silence, looking for how to our wit each other.

Meanwhile the girl causing the precarious rift among bossom friends with her bossom, ordered for Budweiser, which as promptly supplied by the waiter - the big bottle!
I love girls who drink alcohol like men, it's a huge turn on for me.

I must undo TBM and have this girl for myself, but how will I do that? I need a subterfuge.

TBM broke the silence

'Sandro make I do this girl'

'Ehen, dundun ni! Na only to abi better thing?

TBM, Check am now, this babe na my speck! See her waist, tiny waist ooo, see her ass cheeks, to crown it all she come get open teeth or is it gap teeth, whatever!
See wetin she carry for back and e no heavy am! I continued my sermon. 'Imagine say I rest my weary head on top those two things behind her, I go snore die!'

'if she no carry mess suffocate you first' TBM reminded me

'Guy, mess from that kind babe go smell like deodorant'

TBM was quiet for a while, rather pensive.
I was happy, mystery girl is definitely mine. I need to plot my moves. I mustn't miss this one. I sipped my wine in silence, devising a strategy.

'Sandro, you are owing me' TBM spoke out

'Iberibe tu gbuo ghi there! Me owing you? Omelora1 of umugirls, owing you?' I asked deviantly.

'Not money, alakori, It's like you want Sango to rape you'

'Useme, Sango is not gay' I chipped in immediately

'It's not money' TBM continued. 'You're owing me a favour.

'Better, because, like my grand father always says and I will translate so you don't murder my language: The financial needs of a man (men like you), is like a vagina, no matter the size of the penis you throw inside, it swallows it up. Your financial needs are endless.' I continued with an intent to annoy TBM.

TBM completely ignored me and continued,

'Like I said, it's not money, it's a favour' he continued rather calmly.

Now that's strange. TBM, the heavyweight undisputed King of clapback, ignored my subliminal jibe. This must be more serious than his face potrays.

'Am all ears' I said


'Remember, when Mirabel9 almost caught you with Queenpheesah?'

'Who be Queenpheesah?' I enquired

'That girl way wear fake yansh come your house for a sleep over'

'Oooooo, you mean madam fake yansh? I saved her name as fake yansh.'

That girl was a fraudster yet I was almost caught! Double wahala!

'I, TBM, your loyal friend, ride or die partner of over 20 years, helped you! If not, your loyal girlfriend of over 5 years would have moved her real ass to another guy!' TBM continued the memory torture

My girlfriend Mirabel9 always strikes the right chords in my heart. She's not from Ákwà Ibom but she has all their characteristics. Her food - physical and sexual is second to none. My Mirabel9, oh my Mirabel9....

'Alessandro' TBM jolted me out of Dreamland,
'To even out, make I do this girl'

This is deep!
TBM has used what he has on me. He always does that. Slimy basta*rd.

'On one condition' I said after thinking for a while. I can't just concede to defeat without negotiating. Pikin way Dem born for market no day fear quarell.
All the girls that came today either came to swim or the ones that can't swim came with their boyfriends, the free ones has backside as flat as Dija's boobs. The only one that ticks all my boxes, TBM wants to 'do'. I won't give up without a fight, fair or dirty. After all, nothing is fair in love and war.

'One condition' I continued, raising my fore finger.

'What's the condition' TBM asked rather eagerly

'If she bounces you, I go for her. Deal?' I asked with a mischievous grin.

'What makes you think she will bounce me?' TBM asked with his shoulders lifted up.

That guy can be proud! The way his shoulders inflate, you would think he has a boil in both armpits.

My next comment deflated his shoulders immediately

'The same reason iWrite bounced you seven months ago'

iWrite was TBM'S girlfriend for 3 years, they loved each other so dearly. She caught him cheating, several times, she kept forgiving him until she was tired. Out of the blues she sent her wedding invite to TBM on WhatsApp after one of their misunderstanding resulting from TBM's obvious infidelity. She had caught him AGAIN.

At first even i thought it was just a threat, any average computer literate guy can do magic with Adobe Photoshop and other apps.
Until her friends reconfirmed it. Even Mirabel9 came to visit me with Asoebi.
TBM cried for months. He hasn't still gotten over her. Bringing up iWrite was just my way of deflating his seemingly incorrigible pride.
Though it's 7 months already, the cinders of the heartbreak are still very warm and fresh in the hearth of his heart.

'With your head like Sango Axe, you no respect yourself now?
'Anyway, you have yourself a deal. If for any reason she doesn't fancy me, which I vehemently doubt, you can go and collect insult'

Something is wrong, I mentioned iWrite and TBM just let it slide because of mystery girl?
Anyway, wetin concern Agbero with over load.


'Insult abi? You, go collect slap come' I clapped back

'Pikin wey day find party rice no day fear Dance, slap abi, no problem.'

With that he stood up, straighten his clothes, caressed his beard. He called the waiter, he whispered something to his ear and greased his Palm. Despite all my ear straining efforts, I didn't hear back!

'Too much gra gra na him day turn grasscutter to bushmeat' I screamed after him.


Almost immediately I heard some scratches from the DJ followed by a intro of TBM'S favourite song.

With the song on his lips and hips, TBM gamboled his way towards Mystery girl in the name of dancing, raising a few eye brows as he danced his shaku shaku. With very little effort he changed to gwara gwara. TBM is a complete show off! I know I can't dance but must be always rub it in my face?
Anyway, person way go chop knock, even if him tie 20 turbans e go still leave space for am.

But......Before he got to the girl, she was already grinning like one deranged mad woman who just had her first orgasm.

No need, I said to myself
TBM has danced his way into her bootilicious heart in seconds with his insidious dance steps!

Motigbana o, moti elevate, ori mi ko ke hibernate
Awon bad belle won to suffocate, we dey gbadun, we dey Jollificate
Ola tobi, e ma pariwo ye, owo tobi e ma pariwo ye
Motor tobi e ma pariwo ye, pariwo ye, pariwo ye
Motigbana, ye!, Motigbana o, ye!
Moti gba, moti gbana, ye!
Moti, moti, moti gbana o, ye!
Na o, na o, na o, babe, na o, na o, na o, na o babe ye!
Motigbana o, moti elevate

With perfect timing, TBM continued rodomtades, he sat down and with a microphone, sang rather perfectly,the first verse of song. Out of sheer crude jealousy, I murmured a response to each line of the song. Seriously, who serenades a girl with a song by Olamide? Motigbana of all songs?


Am the man, am they one they call the bigger man (bigger man indeed)
Baby oya rotate bi ti ceiling fan, (ụsụ)
owo po gan ninu bullion van (bloody broke ass)
Abebe ni e o, if you not a fan (who cares)
I see your Gucci shoes, ko ni si issue (you're the issue)
Wo ni koba e, dem no go winsh you (you're winshing her)
Bi eja osan, I want to fish you, (fish brain like you)
ko de ni da bi ti bus make I miss you (you don miss this one)
Bi ti Enimoney mo fe DJ, mo fe freeeki-freeki wah, mo fe replay
I love the way you shake that ikebe, (Yes Oooooo!)
your bum bum bigger than Bombay (Loud it)

I didn't know when I screamed "loud it". I definitely agree on the bombom part.

TBM stood up and continued dancing. The girl was grinning deliriously. I give it to TBM he has just serenaded mystery girl - the local way, the TBM way.

The song faded and the DJ continued playing, abandoning the karaoke TBM initiated. TBM sat down with the mystery girl and in seconds they were all smiling as brandishing their teeth as if they are in a close up competition.

I can't believe TBM won the ass of mystery girl.

I poured myself more wine. If I can't have the girl, I can at least have the alcohol - the most faithful and loyal babe since 0080 BC.
TBM is having a swell time frolicking with the girl of my dreams. He deserves it. He had earned my respect.

I raised up my head, with smiles, looking for TBM's eye contact from the distance so I could raise my glass not only as a sign of his victory but also to respect him as a gentleman that I am only to see mystery girl alone without TBM.

What happened? Where's my friend? Where's TBM?

TheBlessedMan, juninho, misteruk meneski GSteve01 heryodele94 daysam007 devilmaycry drdrewise kusibe77 missnande thewriter2018 peacesamuel94 generica firstgentleman1 olatunyemi tbekz

OP, nice work you've got going. Please don't leave us high and dry. That is my primary concern.

Firstgentleman1:
OP, nice work you've got going. Please don't leave us high and dry. That is my primary concern.

I definitely won't!

Update dropping soon.