Guys e don do naaaaa abi, una never tire? Ke? Na wa oooooo. The women u trash r the same women u came out from.

Thread has potential.

no mind them, even this one wey dey where glasses if no be woman whether him for know wetin be glasses let alone to wear them.

joanana:

Guys e don do naaaaa abi, una never tire? Ke? Na wa oooooo. The women u trash r the same women u came out from.

Abeg bone that one, you never hear say Man don dey get pregnant now adays?

without a man, your womb is as useless as a wasted saliva

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

----------
BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

----------
ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

----------
CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

----------
FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

----------
SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

----------
MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

----------
DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

----------
NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

----------
OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

All Women Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

Few women admit their age. Most men act theirs.

Grow your own dope, plant a woman.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

MALE VS. FEMALE



AT THE ATM MACHINE


A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."


MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6, Put window up.
7. Drive off.

*******************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Unfortunately, most of this part is the Truth.!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.


16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.


18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card
holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.





SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK WON'T DIE LAUGHING.

A woman is like your shadow; follow her, she flies; fly from her, she follows

lol - I like that!

Tanx

I'm still looking for a woman who can sit in a mini-skirt and talk philosophy, executing both with confidence and style

A man in texas once found a lamp and he rubbed the lamp and out came a genie,the genie said he could only grant one wish so the man asked the genie to create a bridge from texas to hawaii.the genie lamented do you know the amount of concrete,cement,steel old man it is impossible please think of another wish,not so happy he asked okay I want to understand women and the the genie exclaimed and asked how many lanes do you want on the bridge.



in a home a husband could be unhappy and everyone at home would be happy,
If the wife is unhappy you all are in hell that night.


Y all the extra baggage wetin sef.

Lol women don suffer

Female One: Do you remember that backless, frontless, topless, bottomless, strapless dress i bought from Debenhams?

Female Two: Yes i do. It was black and very beautiful.

Female One: Just discovered that it is a BELT!

women? is simple as that
*******************WOMAN ARE LIKE TOILET***********************

BUT DIFFERENTS BETWEEN THE BOTH IS

ONE*** TOILETS CAN BE PRIVATE AND REMAIN PRIVATE

2ND ***TOILET CAN BE CLEAN WITHOUT DISEASES

3RD****TOILET CAN NEVER BE WOMAN BUT WOMAN CAN BE TOILET

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

^^dstv advert

well, after all that's been said about us women

fact is: you guys can't live with us and you definitely can't live without us!!

Enough Said!!

;d ;d

I been come here to follow yab women but after 3 pages of lafta and cry, I kneel down for coal-tar, use god beg una make una suffri dey yab dem.
I know say make una stop O! But suffri.

I just couldnt help myself

Q- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

A- When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me, "



Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?

A: Divorced.


Q- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

A- The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.






The Cost of Woman

One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God,

ADAM: "Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Adam?" God replies.

"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."


"Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens.

"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."

"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."

"What's a 'woman,' Lord?"

"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you", replies the heavenly voice.

"Sounds great."

"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."

“How much”, asked Adam.

“An arm and leg”, God replied.

Adam thought about this for a moment, then replied, “What can I get for a rib?”

A man says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
The friend says, “Why not?”
The man says, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”




Question: How is a woman like a laxative?
Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.



Question: What’s the difference between your paycheck and your penis?
Answer: You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck


Question: What’s the best thing about a Mouth Action?
Answer: Ten minutes of silence.

Every Sunday Father Donovan, a preacher at a small church in the little town of Juniper, MO, tried to make the Bible accessible to his congregation through his sermons.

On this particular Sunday, Father Donovan proclaimed, "If you ever feel adrift in the sea of life, just turn to the Bible for guidance. All life's experiences are immortalized in the good book, and it will help you find your way to shore."

After church Mrs. Francis approached the preacher and said, "Father Donovan, I don't think every life experience is in the Bible. Nowhere in the Bible have I ever read about PMS."

Father Donovan had never heard such a comment, so that night he sifted through the Bible to see if Mrs. Francis was right.

Next Sunday Father Donovan pulled Mrs. Francis aside after church and said, "I wasn't wrong last Sunday when I said that every life experience is mentioned in the Bible."

"Okay, Father. Where does it say anything about PMS?"

Father Donovan opened up his Bible and showed her a passage that read: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

UNABRIDGED VERSION


Sorry BEN-10


Dogs love it when your friends come over.

Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.

Dogs think you sing great.

Dogs don't cry.

A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.

Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.

The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.

Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

Dogs are excited by rough play.

Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.

Dogs love red meat.

Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.

Anyone can get a good-looking dog.

If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

Dogs don't shop.

Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.

A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.

Dogs never need to examine the relationship.

A dog's parents never visit.

Dogs love long car trips.

Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.

Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.

Dogs like beer.

Dogs don't hate their bodies.

No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.

No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

Dogs never criticize.

Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

Dogs never expect gifts.

It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.

Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.

Dogs like to do their snooping outside, as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.

Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.

You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day.

Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.

Dogs don't borrow your shirts.

Dogs never want foot-rubs.

Dogs can't talk.

Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.

Female Hormones In Beer!

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.  To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.



Vocabulary Lesson For Men - Words Women Use:

Fine:  This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes:  If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.  Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with '"Nothing" usually end in "Fine."

Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

Loud Sigh:  This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks:  A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

Whatever:  It's a woman's way of saying #@*! YOU!




Q. What's the difference between a woman and a coffin ?

A. You come in one and go in the other.



Q. Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf ?

A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

HOW TO TAME A NAGGING ANNOYING WOMAN

A man marries the meanest woman in town.
Everyone tells the man: man you’re crazy, that woman is the meanest woman in town. Every man she marries she drives him crazy.
So the man says I have something for that.
So they get on with their trip. The man and the woman are on one mule riding to their house. On the way down the road the donkey slips up and stumbles and the man says "that's one time."
They get a little further down the road the donkey slips up again, the man says "that's two times."
They get a little further down the road and the donkey stumbles again, the man says "that's three times."
Then the man and wife got off the donkey and the man shoots it. The wife gets mad and says "man are you crazy that was our only transportation you son of a bitch!!
The man says, "that's one time."

HOW GOD NAMED MAN & WOMAN

So, ya know how God made men and women. Well do ya know why he calls us men/man and women/woman.

So, God created man first, when he was completed he says in disgust ugh, man. So he created woman next, he compliments his work by saying, "woah, man!" (woman)

I'm on a roll, somebody stop me.


A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up as it sometimes does.

But then the wife suddenly stops and says "I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me." "WHAT!?" says her husband. The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. He realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

The next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can’t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They head to the shoe department and pick up matching shoes worth $200 each.

The pair go to the jewelry department where she finds a set of diamond earrings that her husband agrees to buy for her. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she doesn’t care. She goes for the matching tennis bracelet. The husband says "You don’t even play tennis, but if you like it then let’s get it."

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says to her husband, "I’m ready to go, let’s go to the cashier."

The husband stops and says, "No, honey I don’t feel like buying all this stuff now." The wife’s face goes blank. "Honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode as her husband says, "You must be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

TRAINING COURSES FOR WOMEN



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Women think they already know everything, but wait, training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: "Poor me syndrome" Your Problem . . . Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

26. The Toilet : You can learn to leave the seat up


Enrollment ongoing.

Contact:

BEN 10
Jokes Moderator
Nairaland.com

"U must be in tune wit my financial nids as a man"
ROFLMAO!!
I loff it

Today is world women's day , to every woman in the house. You go girl