I'm not getting any younger and I realize that sooner than later I'll have to tie the knots with some woman I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

Right now I am trying to determine the kind of attributes a woman would have to possess for me to tie my fate with hers for a life-time. Guys call it "wife material" but I don't know what that categorization entails.

I had a bitter experience in the not too distant past and that taught me how not to be too quick in declaring a woman 'wife material', and as I learnt, purported 'Christianity' or 'born-againism' has NOTHING to do with it.

I don't know but I think a woman should have a minimum of the following five attributes to qualify as "wife material":

1. Humility/Conciliatory Spirit.
2. Submissiveness.
3. Absence of materialism and covetousness
4. Tenderness (don't need a raucous or spiteful woman)
5. Truthfulness

I believe I can overlook a woman's umpteen other flaws if she has the above qualities. But can I find a woman who possesses those? Are those adequate to constitute a "wife material"? Guys what do you think?

You are wasting your time posting this here. The matured posters left years back and this place is now awash with teenagers. Good luck finding or getting what you want.


Having you consider socialising and less internet nairaland browsing? I did and it worked wonders.

ur papa submissivness---r u her bloody head master

vivaladiva:

your papa submissivness---r u her bloody head master

I didn't even notice that. Well said.

Submissiveness what a world we live in!

y me:

Submissiveness what a world we live in!

It is in the bible and quran isnt? So kini problem e? Oya go inside and lie down. Im coming in a minute.

ElRazur:

You are wasting your time posting this here. The matured posters left years back and this place is now awash with teenagers. Good luck finding or getting what you want.


Having you consider socialising and less internet nairaland browsing? I did and it worked wonders.

I don't need advice from peeps here, I merely seek diverse opinions. And being that this is an open, anonymous social forum I expect to see opinions that range from the good to the bad and ugly. Btw, I've not been here for months; I enjoy 'socialising' more, thank you very much. Your statistics would suggest that you do a lot more nairaland browsing than me, innit? Thanks any way.

You are right, that is why I am suggesting you don't become an addict like me.


Seriously, why do you want your woman to be submissive? Your manner of writing suggest you are intelligent and know what you want, but can you explain this submission part to me.

some pips still think its 1845---dont know its the black berry and ipad world

This is "wife material"

What is so wrong being submissive to your husband? Why is being submissive a bad thing. I know people have come to term it has being  a door mat to a man but that isn't true.

It is position of strength whether you chose to believe it or not.  Being submissive is to be respectful of your role ( BTW the role is not defined by society but by the couple,and it is very unique to their relationship) as a wife and his as your husband.

Only strong women and not weaklings can truly be submissive to a man.

vivaladiva:

your papa submissivness---r u her bloody head master

what has anyone's papa got to do with anything? Some of you girls despise the word submissiveness but would be quick to claim to be good Christians. The bible is pretty clear about that.

Apart from the bible and Christianity, submissiveness is very crucial (insofar as you marry a graceful and reasonable man). Husband and wife can't hold on stubbornly to their conflicting views. When such disagreements are potentially disruptive a wise wife ought to defer to the husband (as the head of the home) for peace to reign. There'll be countless other things that I'll let go for my wife too. There cant be two captains in a ship - the practical implication of this is that one person has to take the lead and have the final say. This ain't dictatorship, its sheer necessity if chaos must be avoided. Indeed if my wife's judgment proves to be better than mine in certain areas, I'd gracefully let her be the neck that twists my head in the right direction.

I really don't see why some people fear the concept of submissiveness despite the fact that it is one of the keys to a stable, turbulence-free and successful marriage. Although a lot depends on the kind of man involved. Some men may want to abuse their wife's meekness and reduce her to a "your wish is my command sir" kind of thing. That isn't the idea I have in mind.

The woman that meets the qualities you want in a wife.

Choose according to your taste.

Her imperfections might make her the perfect match for you.

wife material = tolutara.

thread closed

Oligarch:

what has anyone's papa got to do with anything? Some of you girls despise the word submissiveness but would be quick to claim to be good Christians. The bible is pretty clear about that.

Apart from the bible and Christianity, submissiveness is very crucial (insofar as you marry a graceful and reasonable man). Husband and wife can't hold on stubbornly to their conflicting views. When such disagreements are potentially disruptive a wise wife ought to defer to the husband (as the head of the home) for peace to reign. There'll be countless other things that I'll let go for my wife too. There cant be two captains in a ship - the practical implication of this is that one person has to take the lead and have the final say. This ain't dictatorship, its sheer necessity if chaos must be avoided. Indeed if my wife's judgment proves to be better than mine in certain areas, I'd gracefully let her be the neck that twists my head in the right direction.

I really don't see why some people fear the concept of submissiveness despite the fact that it is one of the keys to a stable, turbulence-free and successful marriage. Although a lot depends on the kind of man involved. Some men may want to abuse their wife's meekness and reduce her to a "your wish is my command sir" kind of thing. That isn't the idea I have in mind.

I quite agree with the above. it works in my marriage, and majority of the time, he is quite right as i tend to judge or make decision emotionally.

davidylan:

wife material = tolutara.

thread closed

*Covering my eyes with two hands and blushing*,

the best answer you can find is in the book of the proverbs in the bible it helps a lot on this one

That's everything you desire, and expect from a lady.

unitee:

the best answer you can find is in the book of the proverbs in the bible it helps a lot on this one

i fear this excellent point is wasted on this generation of reprobates.

ElRazur:

It is in the bible and quran isnt? So kini problem e? Oya go inside and lie down. Im coming in a minute.

hunnypie i dont even need you to tell me to be submissive before i know it is my duty as a wifey to be
the poster doesnt need to say that,everywoman in her right senses knows it is her duty to be submissive to the man of the house and in return the man respect her and vice-versa

@poster,
Those qualities u stated above can be found in a woman but U as the man must also need to have the best qualities desirable in a man to get such attributes in a woman

On the issue of submissiveness, any sane woman should know if she wants to build her home, she has to be 90% submissive to her husband who in turns has to show her love  90%. Its a two way thing. Realistically, I don't think any woman no matter how religious she is would be submissive to a man that does not show her love.

mama-gee:

A wife material is a woman that has the qualities of a good wife.

(shaking head)

Ur qualities will definitely attract the wife material u desire and pray for.

spicyhoney:

@poster,
Those qualities u stated above can be found in a woman but U as the man must also need to have the best qualities desirable in a man to get such attributes in a woman

On the issue of submissiveness, any sane woman should know if she wants to build her home, she has to be 90% submissive to her husband who in turns has to show her love  90%. Its a two way thing. Realistically, I don't think any woman no matter how religious she is would be submissive to a man that does not show her love.

Well I don't know that I have to possess the "best qualities desirable in a man" in other to find a woman with the modest attributes I earlier listed. If you noticed, I left out a mountain load of other attributes in my wish-list (e.g Beauty, culinary skills, home-making skills, etc.). I therefore don't think I have to be the 'best' man in the world to get a barely decent woman to live with. We all know what 'best' means to most women: rich, handsome, tall, caring, strong, romantic, funny, God-fearing and a zillion other things that I cannot possibly be all in one. I can only promise to be a decent, loving and reasonable man with a few other good qualities to boot.

Having said that, I agree with you that a man needs to show love to his wife. However I think there's everything wrong in a wife predicating her willingness to submit on her husband's readiness to show her love. The problem with this mindset is that such a wife sees submission as a resentful task, for which she needs compensation in the form of vaguely defined gestures of love by the husband. The implication is that it becomes a delicate balance of wits, so to speak. These things should be freely given, not entangled in the cliff-hangar of quid pro quo.

I'd definitely show my wife love; why should I even marry someone I can't be good to? I think that is the very purpose of genuine courtship. Prospective wives ought to know that their partner is the good type that wouldn't abuse their submissiveness. Maybe the problem is that many girls marry for the wrong reasons (money, status, good sex, looks, etc) and later complain that the husband doesn't show them love and all that. Its an inexhaustible argument really.

submissive my anuses--------
marriage is a partnership and both parties sld learn to compromise
and be equally submissive to each other
no body is the head and i aint no bodies neck
me i never claimed to be a christian am actually a full fledged aitheist
yes the bible and the koran can be a source of moral guidiance for somepeople----but some of its views can be classed as sexiest,raciest and quite discriminatory

^^
U again~

@ poster,
I probably misused the word "best", i guess the word should be 'the right' and yes u need to have the RIGHT attributes before u can get the MODEST attributes u stated.

I disagree with u that a woman sees submissiveness as a resentful task just because her husband has got to show her love first. The man should be the first to show the love because he proposed and marries the woman, the woman in turn does her own part. Women are tender by nature and it is mostly circumstances that change this at times and I tell u when u show love and respect ur woman there is no way she wont be submissive to u. The bible also sums marriage up in these two task to both partners.

It is not only women that marry for the wrong reasons, men do too. And ur own preferences could be different from that of the next man and vice versa. The attributes u stated above are quite demanding attributes and i think for a man to desire such attributes from a woman he in turn should have some extreme good attributes in his personality(not talking about physical and material possession)

yesssss----wetin b ur problemses

Any girl that uses a Blackberry in naija (esp without a tangible means of livelihood) is not a wife material, lol. From the look of things these days, it's that bad.

I dont think therte is anything like wife material, @ poster go meet the Elders in ur family to guide you

pro01:

Any girl that uses a Blackberry in naija (esp without a tangible means of livelihood) is not a wife material, lol. From the look of things these days, it's that bad.

There you are again, amazing me with your limited sense of reasoning!