I use myself for example, when I begged for a new car he refused, meanwhile the old one I was driving has already gone down the heel, you know reckless some of us women drive    he completely refused I begged for over 2 months, the dude refused, wetin I no use beg?  , now listen , I have a career of my own I might not be able to buy a lamborghini but i sure as well could afford something nice, I said ok, there were times when i had to drive to work with his(though stole the keys) , and let him find his way around with a taxi, he'll just laugh it off,t hey are times i did hop on taxi's and buses infact i got so good with the bus timetable     and could tell you where or when it departs, 4 months after my first asking I got what i asked for as a gift, i did not contribute a dime but i got one, infact he surprised me that even till date when i think of it i just let a tear or two fall down my eyes     

LOL


i quite agree with you. there are good men and good husbands out there and i think the key is understanding them and owning(in a good way thats) them and to do this, there must be some sort of supportive submissiveness from the womans part. i tell-ya, many good wonders can happen when a woman learns/knows how to tame her man. handle them and you will have your forever stamp on them . but Jenny, what happens to the good women who are very royal, i mean in every sense of word of that 'submissiveness' but are still treated like doormat by husbands, yes evil shouldnt beget evil etc but we musnt forget that some men out there have the heart of a bulldog

LOL @ BB you forgot the other ones, "others are still married" "you will bring shame to the family"

I like this topic. BRB!!

_{posting here so i can find it later}. . .

@jenny
you never cease to surprise me. . .one moment you're rational, the next moment, you're dishing out the insults the way iya basira dishes out gbegiri. . .i liked your post though

jennykadry:

You see, This is where marrying a loser comes in , if you end up with a loser  issues like these will definitely arise

@Topic

Being submissive does not mean you can't voice out your opinion when the need arises, you have a say of you own as well. But staying behind a man and letting him know that he is incharge not minding our income helps a man feel worthy of his position as the head of the house.

Men are babies, you have got to treat them as such with care, respect their views and pamper them silly. When I want to go ahead and handle some project by myself I'd always seek his opinion first, men always feel threatenend if their wives does not share their views with them.

If he says no, he does not want me to do it then I just sit my backside down no stress, I am not even interested in sorting out any gender issues, infact he knows that I rely on him for a lot of things especially the difficult things like, checking out why the the TV connection isnt working, stuffs that has got to do with electricities e.t.c , sometimes he even jokes about it and tells me that I dont wanna die but want him to thats why i never deal with some electricity issues It is just a feeling of being the much weaker vessel.

Whenever he travels I feel so completely alone, whenever he is around me I feel safe and I know that there is someone God has set aside to protect me. My rock he is, I stand on that rock without fear of falling off cos I know he wouldnt let hurt come to me, my husband is the pillar(after God) I hold onto , he is the pillar of my home, the pillar that keeps me standing without falling off, the pillar I hold onto in times of mourning, sadness, sorrow, happiness and joy

GOD specifically created the shoulders of men for we women to lean on and cry on, His shoulder is created to be tough and I just go there when I know i cant go any further, it does not mean I cant tell my husband what to do, all I do is stand behind him and show him the right place to go to, whilst being incharge at the same time.

I can only teach my kids what life is all about from my feminine perspective but my husband is there to show my boys how to become strong men and tell my daughters what to expect from men when they grow up

My life would be a misery if i did  not have such a man beside me, and i have no problem with being submissive 24/7 , 365 days 52 weeks

Some men rock

Some men are crappy, some definitely rock. It's all about been with the right one. When you with the right man, no one will ask you to submit. You'll want to do things to make him happy and he'll do the same. So whether you should or should not submit is kinda no big deal really.

i think agatha kind of addressed the topic in a way

Dear Agatha, I want to learn from you on how to be more than a wife to being a woman. Please help me understand the task ahead of me and how to manage my home without problems. My fear is that my husband-to-be is a very stubborn person and I am short-fussed too. I don’t have a clue as to how to manage him or blend my personality with his.

"Marriage is a journey of tumbles, upsets, endurance, pains, disappointments, considerations, compromises, as well as victories. To survive, a couple must first and foremost be friends because it is the only way they can manage the challenges of two strangers coming together to make a home.

As a woman, you have to be determined to ensure he is happy with the choice he has made. One thing you must never do is listen to what others think of your efforts to turn your home into a haven for your husband and children. Be rest assured that there is nothing feminism in marriage. To try to equate yourself with your husband, question his authority, dishonour his decision, and disrespect him is to court trouble in your home.

Whether you like it or not, your role as the woman is to offer him protection through prayers. You were created to support him in life and once you are very clear about this, no matter how stubborn he gets, managing him won’t be a problem. Even though he is the head of the home, your role in his life is to show him the way by your own examples. Men generally are like babies who respond with care, friendship and trust to the one who cares for them the most. As his wife, you have to be the woman in his life, as well as his mother. As his wife, you have to attend to his home, his emotional needs while as the woman you have to learn to respect him. God, in making the woman, created her to support the man, stand by his side, use her seemingly fragility to get things done for him. Position yourself in his life as his strength, ego and pride, friend, support base and his think tank. Make sure he does nothing without discussing it with you by always being there for him. As a woman the secret of your strength is your fragility, as well as your emotions. When he becomes unbearably stubborn: use the fragile part of you to get him to listen to the voice of wisdom by going on your knees to beg him. No matter how educated you are or well paid, the fact remains he is your crown and only a stupid woman rubbishes the crown that makes her shine.

However, for this to work,[b] you must have imbibed from the beginning how to respect him. [/b]You cannot rubbish him in front of people and expect him to honour whatever overtures you make at home. Respect begets respect. He must have evidence of your willingness to follow his leadership before he can listen to what you have to say.

Granted, this adjustment doesn’t come easy but there is nothing in life that comes without plenty of sacrifices, especially the good ones. Something has to give for that thing you want the most to come to reality. This is your role as the woman in his life.

As his mother, you are to pamper him as you would your own child. This includes indulging his excesses and reprimanding him with love. Mothers don’t nag their children, so be careful you don’t nag him into running into the arms of another woman. No matter how imperfect a child is, the mother’s love is always there, unconditional for the child to come back to. A mother, even when everyone brands her child as bad, sees hope at the end of the tunnel. You must therefore be prepared, be patient enough to outshine his deficiencies as a human being, especially if you also keep it in the front burner that you are equally imperfect.

No sacrifice is always too much for a mother to make for her child. Your marriage is your womb, your husband the child. Unlike the conventional way of conception, this one took place in your heart; the heart is the life wire of the body. While the womb holds the mystery of life, the heart holds its glow. There is no way you can divorce the existence of the womb from the heart whereas the heart can survive without the womb. Therefore if you keep your marriage in your heart as true mothers do, no matter the disappointment, aches and betrayals you suffer in your marriage, you will never be discouraged to fight on.

As for his stubbornness, it can be managed with the right temperament. Once he gets obstinate, quietly withdraw and allow him have his way on anything he wants done his way. For the sake of peace, give in to him at the point he wants anything done his way. Naturally, this requires utmost patience, as well as tolerance but you have to grow a thick skin to deal with it. This is due to the fact that two captains cannot live in a boat. There are always other ways to get him to listen to you. When his mood is right, you can then go to him quietly to lay your complains and by then the cloud of trouble would have passed away.

To achieve a happy home, you cannot afford to be stubborn physically. Rather, deploy the stubbornness to your spiritual life. You can always pray away from his life those aspects of him you don’t like without fighting him or nagging.

Marital battles are best fought on the knees rather than with blows. Taking your marital problems to God everyday is the key to your happiness because God is fair and impartial. If you listen to Him, you will never go wrong and would help you achieve effortlessly His desires for you and your home."

mutter:

well if a woman leaves her husband because he is harsh and goes out into the world without being able to cope, she has got a real problem. In a bid to fend for herself and the kids she  might be forced to swallow allot of humiliation from people outside, even have to sell herself. So better  stay in the marriage.
You need to know your own situation might not be similar to many other women.
My husband knows I  a very strong personality with allot of drive so all the more he appreciates my submission towards him.
Have you ever heard of  being diplomatic. If you practice it at work why not at home. 
Do you think because a man married you, it gives you a right to speak and act without control or consideration.
A man is the head of the home.
There is no compromising that[b]. As the head he has to make or sanction all decisions.[/b]
If you cannot submit to this you are weak and lack discipline.
Anarchy, chaos and disorder do not require any special qualities

You are kidding right? what are you then? a woman who hasnt got the brains to make decisions right?

Listen In marriage both parties are supposed to make and sanction the decisions, my husband wouldnt make a decision without invlving me and getting my approval, likewise me.

There are some decisions he allows me make he just sits back and watches, same with me as well. There are some decisions I have had to make cos he was nt around , same with him as well.

Nope we both make the decisions and get it sanctioned, he needs my ideas same way I need his. He needs my approval same way I need his.

mutter:

That is the sad truth about some marriages but even then many women have a real problem with obedience. Even when they have no choice they still make things difficult.
That is why one should never advice a woman to leave her marriage. She may not be able to fend for the kids and herself adequately.
In that case better be one man`s donkey, than everyone`s donkey

What on blazing hell are you yapping about? , women these days have got a career that will keep them and their kids going for a long time

Why stay in an abusive marriage cos you think you cant fend for yourself and kids, are you for real? seriously I wouldnt even advice my enemy to read your posts, this is pure insanity

Better leave an unhealthy marriage and make your life worthwhile than stay on there cos you are afraid to take care of your kids, are you telling me that if your hsuabnd leaves you tomorroe you wont fend for your kids?

What on freaking hell are you on about? Ok i am just gonna sleep and pray this is all a dream

@jennykadry
if my husband leaves me today, who knows? I probably would be better off financially, because his extended family would fall out of the picture.
You just seem to be looking at a minor percentage of women who are able to fend for themselves. You are not looking at the vast majority of women.
YES if I could not give my kids what they need to make it in life, I would stay with the man no matter how bad he treated me. I would stay with the man to make sure my kids get a better chance in life.
That sacrifice I expect every mother to make.

Stay with that man and subject my kids to that kind of life? encourage my kids to stay with an abusive man cos of financial assistance?

Whatever is stopping a woman from really working her ass off? single mothers in the villages still survive

That is not a sacrifice atall, it is just plain irresponsible

mutter:

@jennykadry
if my husband leaves me today, who knows? I probably would be better off financially, because his extended family would fall out of the picture.
You just seem to be looking at a minor percentage of women who are able to fend for themselves. You are not looking at the vast majority of women.
YES if I could not give my kids what they need to make it in life, I would stay with the man no matter how bad he treated me. I would stay with the man to make sure my kids get a better chance in life. That sacrifice I expect every mother to make.

You are waaay off base here!

This is not just about you, it's about those kids you so want to protect. Do you think children are so silly that they can't tell when their parents are not having a good marriage?

So you'll take the abuse if you r not rich and walk if you are? What's the message you are passing on to the children? That's it's okay to let your husband slap you as long as he has the money?

This is what is fundamentally wrong with the word submission!

chaircover:

If one is blessed and married to the right one i.e "your own Husband", then submission is easy & it is done lovingly, naturally and without one even noticing.

If on the other hand one is married to not so Mr Right, I will say still submit. It may take longer and a little more difficult but eventually it will pay off.

I believe that submission is what God has asked us to do as wives and I beleive that He can turn round even the hardest of men if we obey His word.

I think submission is a whole lot easier than loving someone. I think where we are getting it wrong is trying to equate the level of submission to how well the man is doing. If wives say "if you loose your job and cant put food on the table then don't expect me to listen to your ideas". That's wrong and this is the beginning of the end.

Learning to accept ones husbands decisions is the key; afterall he made the decision to marry you; was that a wrong decision? I know that sometimes its difficult and in the beginning I did struggle at first, but I soon learnt to trust my husband and now I wouldn't even dream of doing anything without putting it past him first.

Little day to day things that we sometimes take forgranted & take little notice off, add up to make the relationship stronger or weaker. The way I look at it is if I cannot submit to my husband, then why do I submit to my oga at work, or my pastor when he calls for a meeting or buy aso ebi because the family have asked us to wear a particular outfit for a party function etc

I have been to Nigeria several times on my own this year and have looked after my self with no wahala. Two weeks ago, I went with Hubby and he insisted on holding on my passport & ticket from the time we left home to go to the airport, throughout the trip and until we got back to the UK, his reason was so that I didn't loose it    as If I have ever lost my passport on a solo trip before.

Anyway no offence was taken and I just looked at it as one less thing to worry about & since he had the passports & tickets, it was only natural that he had to fill in all those silly immigration forms, pay for and get a trolley, take the suitcases of the conveyor belt & deal with Naija customs on our arrival in Nigeria while I stood back enjoying the view 

In most cases, men are very simple creatures; Treat them like kings and they treat you like queens. Besides all in all; pele lako pele labo

Chiarcover, I must commend you. You obviously have a very stable and good marrige and that's what everybody prays for, myself inclusive.

However, I do not agree with your position of 'the man is always right so you have to submit at all cost'!

While your husband might be man enough to make the right decisions, some other men are not. If one happens to find herself in such a marriage, do you excepct her to fold her hands and watch while the husby makes grave errors when she knows she could do better?

Some women and born leaders, they excel in positions of leaderships, even more than most men!

If such a woman happens to marry a weakling (excuse the word), submission is completely out of context here!

Granted, a woman should respect the man as her husbad and the head of the home, but submitting to a man who is just not capable of doing the right things is just absurd!

Ujujoan:

You are waaay off base here!

This is not just about you, it's about those kids you so want to protect. Do you think children are so silly that they can't tell when their parents are not having a good marriage?

So you'll take the abuse if you r not rich and walk if you are? What's the message you are passing on to the children? That's it's okay to let your husband slap you as long as he has the money?[/b]

This is what is fundamentally wrong with the word [b]submission!

Thats what I call, "a lazy woman's way of reasoning"

yes the children will see what their mother is going through and appreciate later in life.

You know Jennykadry calling this lazy is an insult to most people living in poverty. Poor people very often work allot harder than rich ones. They just do not have the same opportunities. I know allot of very hard working women in Nigeria who cannot maintain a family. Your comment is callous, unrealistic and insulting to such women.

You want a woman to protect her kids from a husband slapping her and then what:
move to a district where the kids fall into bad company, bad education and so many other disadvantages. Bringing in many men to provide for her. We know how many hard working women get contracts in Nigeria.

Please be realistic. It certainly is not okay for a husband to maltreat a wife but sometimes women have to endure it because the price of leaving is too high.

mutter:

yes the children will see what their mother is going through and appreciate later in life.

You know Jennykadry calling this lazy is an insult to most people living in poverty. Poor people very often work allot harder than rich ones. They just do not have the same opportunities. I know allot of very hard working women in Nigeria who cannot maintain a family. Your comment is callous, unrealistic and insulting to such women.

You want a woman to protect her kids from a husband slapping her and then what:
move to a district where the kids fall into bad company, bad education and so many other disadvantages. Bringing in many men to provide for her. We know how many hard working women get contracts in Nigeria.

Please be realistic. It certainly is not  okay for a husband to maltreat a wife but sometimes women have to endure it because the price of leaving is too high.

And this does not come happen even whilst living in their fathers house? kids only fall into bad companies cos their dad isnt there?

In your case mutter you are nto even thinking of trying to look for a job, you just wanna sit there and get abused all cos of your kids, lets be realistic here, are you for real? must evry single mother have many men providing for her?

Is staying in that abusive marriage a guarantee that your husband will take care of the kids? yes it is a lazy womans comment call it an insult I dont care, I see you as a very lazy woman.

Aprreciate the fact that abuse is normal in marriage so they should accept it if it happens to them? appreciate you for not getting your a.s.s up and go looking for a job? appreciate you for introducing a worthless marriage to them? appreciate you for being a gold digger who does not want to give working for herself a trial? appreciate you for introducing them to the negative part of marriage which includes pschological, mentally, emotional  and physical torture? how will those kids concentrate in skool?

so because of people that have tried to provide for their family have failed you dont wanna try yours?

Achild that wants to be useless will be not minding if they have both parents with them or not

God forbid I share in these negative sense of reasoning of yours

Typical!
Is this a 'bragging right' thread for the married?

All i see in this thread is a bunch of supposedly happily married women talking tough about their 'perfect husbands & marriages' and how other women should follow their 'template' marriages.

Whatever happened to 'do what works best for you'

chaircover:

If one is blessed and married to the right one i.e "your own Husband", then submission is easy & it is done lovingly, naturally and without one even noticing.

If on the other hand one is married to not so Mr Right, I will say still submit. It may take longer and a little more difficult but eventually it will pay off.

I believe that submission is what God has asked us to do as wives and I beleive that He can turn round even the hardest of men if we obey His word.

I think submission is a whole lot easier than loving someone. I think where we are getting it wrong is trying to equate the level of submission to how well the man is doing. If wives say "if you loose your job and cant put food on the table then don't expect me to listen to your ideas". That's wrong and this is the beginning of the end.

Learning to accept ones husbands decisions is the key; afterall he made the decision to marry you; was that a wrong decision? I know that sometimes its difficult and in the beginning I did struggle at first, but I soon learnt to trust my husband and now I wouldn't even dream of doing anything without putting it past him first.

Little day to day things that we sometimes take forgranted & take little notice off, add up to make the relationship stronger or weaker. The way I look at it is if I cannot submit to my husband, then why do I submit to my oga at work, or my pastor when he calls for a meeting or buy aso ebi because the family have asked us to wear a particular outfit for a party function etc

I have been to Nigeria several times on my own this year and have looked after my self with no wahala. Two weeks ago, I went with Hubby and he insisted on holding on my passport & ticket from the time we left home to go to the airport, throughout the trip and until we got back to the UK, his reason was so that I didn't loose it as If I have ever lost my passport on a solo trip before.

Anyway no offence was taken and I just looked at it as one less thing to worry about & since he had the passports & tickets, it was only natural that he had to fill in all those silly immigration forms, pay for and get a trolley, take the suitcases of the conveyor belt & deal with Naija customs on our arrival in Nigeria while I stood back enjoying the view

In most cases, men are very simple creatures; Treat them like kings and they treat you like queens. Besides all in all; pele lako pele labo

This just cracked me up because something similar happened to me over the weekend. My husband needed an oil change so I was going to drive my car and then he would leave his car and we would drive back home together. Can you imagine that he was telling me how to drive. LOL. Forget that I drive every day o. He even told me that I don't know how to accelerate properly. I done suffer. I think it is in the nature of a good husband to want to do things like that.

jennykadry:

Thats what I call, "a lazy woman's way of reasoning"

My thoughts exactly. In fact it should be a crime

mutter:

yes the children will see what their mother is going through and appreciate later in life.

You know Jennykadry calling this lazy is an insult to most people living in poverty. Poor people very often work allot harder than rich ones. They just do not have the same opportunities. I know allot of very hard working women in Nigeria who cannot maintain a family. Your comment is callous, unrealistic and insulting to such women.

You want a woman to protect her kids from a husband slapping her and then what:
move to a district where the kids fall into bad company, bad education and so many other disadvantages. Bringing in many men to provide for her. We know how many hard working women get contracts in Nigeria.

Please be realistic. It certainly is not okay for a husband to maltreat a wife but sometimes women have to endure it because the price of leaving is too high.

You talk like women are completely incapable of taking care of themselves and their children without the help of the men!

What happens if God forbid, the man died? Will the children 'fall into bad company, bad education and so many other disadvantages'   

How many good men and women do you see today from a single-parent home, led by a woman? and like Jenny said, is the father being there a guarantee that the children will turn out well?

There is no reason why a woman should tolerate maltreatment from a man . . .  and staying because of money is just hedious!

children that grow up in broken homes have a higher tendency to fall along the roadside. This is fact all over the world.
Children that grow up in low income districts ( I am not talking of villages here) are more exposed to crime. This is fact all over the world, so what are you arguing about.
You can try denying it but you can`t change the reality of life.
Many women no matter how hard the work will never be able to raise kids and provide for them at the same time.
You are certainly entitled t o your own opinion about my being lazy
I have no problems with that. Would you like me to post you a copy of my CV?
I got called to the bar at the age of 22 with a second class upper and have since then worked and even gone back to school for a business course. I have always worked and I am now self employed and just by the side raise 10 kids plus a nephew, without any help from outside. I maintain not only my family but also extend help outside.
So hardworking women please over to you
Could you advise me how not to be lazy.

However I still have room in my heart to be sensitive to the plight of others, I sincerely hope you can climb down your high horses and see the world as it really is.

Jenny is a donkey ^{Abeg no shoot the messenger oh}

Submission is mostly to soothen a guy's ego. I am not against it but there are times you do not need to submit to your husband's opinion.

For most woman who are submissive and live in abuse, there is one thing people fail to understand. Abuse usually have an effect on a woman's

psychology. A woman that is told numerous times that she is not worth it and is being treated as a slave will find it out to be on her own. Even if she

is working and she provides mostly for the family (husband inclusive). She sees this as a norm. I have seen cases whereby a woman cannot even call

the cops when her husband beats her, she even plead on half of this guy. So please do not insult a woman who is under abuse or call her lazy.

Many of them are not.

Why don't we stop speaking for once and start acting?

Many women who hate the word submission happen to be "submissive" to their men.

Just that they don't even know because they love according to their hearts and not to a programmed mind.

why is the emphasis always on women and submission - the last time I checked men were given their own biblical mandate as well.

please for any woman to call her fellow woman who is being abused lazy is wrong, if one understands the psychology of abuse and how it gets to the stage a woman now accepts abusive and unkind behaviour from her husband u will know it is not as simple as telling her to walk out of that marriage/relationship.

Busy_body:


Jenny is a donkey ^{Abeg no shoot the messenger oh}

Oya amebo,where u read that one from

michelin89:

Why don't we stop speaking for once and start acting?

Many women who hate the word submission happen to be "submissive" to their men.

Just that they don't even know because they love according to their hearts and not to a programmed mind.

I think it is what people take that submit to mean. I mean here is a woman who claims to have achieved heaven on earth both in reality and in her imagination saying that submitting means a fellow human being should make every waking decision for you and without that decision maker in your life your own don finish. LOL. Okay. Let me leave it alone.

Outstrip:

I think it is what people take that submit to mean. I mean here is a woman who claims to have achieved heaven on earth both in reality and in her imagination saying that submitting means a fellow human being should make every waking decision for you and without that decision maker in your life your own don finish. LOL. Okay. Let me leave it alone.

She obviously didn't achieve wisdom and knowlegde on both earth and in her imagination.

@Michelin and Outstrip
What achievement if you wish to call them that seem to you like heaven on earth?
Is it not realistic to graduate at that age in Nigeria.
or is the six boys and 4 girls that God has blessed me with. I don`t think this is the first time I am mentioning that I have kids here. I forgot to add one Grandchild
or is the combination of the two.
I mean as hard working women that should be easy to do.
I was privileged to have parents who sent me to school and I only made use of that opportunity.My kids are a blessing from God and I thank God that I never had any complications and that I have healthy kids.
Yes being submissive has helped me, especially in the last years because it is so difficult to function on the outside when the inside is burning.
All my energy is concentrated on my kids and my work. Believe me that at a my age and with my responsibilities I would break down if my marriage was not at peace.

10 children and a grandchild?

You are from another generation.

I respect the generational gap and quit any argument with you.

Please don`t quit arguing.
I too am learning a great deal here from the younger generation. It will help me while dealing with my own kids to understand them better.
I have allot more to learn from the younger generation than from mine.
Anyway I became grandmother pretty young at the age of 38. I never in my wildest dreams believed that my son would opt for marriage at such a young age.

Outstrip:

I think it is what people take that submit to mean. I mean here is a woman who claims to have achieved heaven on earth both in reality and in her imagination saying that submitting means a fellow human being should make every waking decision for you and without that decision maker in your life your own don finish. LOL. Okay. Let me leave it alone.

Before her husband came into her life, who was making the decision for her? a pastor? or her parents?

i'm not married, and i'm quite ambivalent about marriage partly because of this submission issue. i don't have a problem with submission in itself; i'm okay with the man being in charge of the marriage. what i find hard to accept is letting someone else (it doesn't matter that i love this person) be in charge of my life.

i really can't understand why i should need permission to do my own stuff as an adult. i'm not against a man throwing in suggestions every now and then, i would both expect and welcome that. he should be concerned enough to have opinions about my hair, dressing, whereabouts, friends, career etc. but i think i should be the boss of me.

and NO, this isn't pride. humility is when a woman willingly allows a man (who really isn't any more capable than she is) to take the reins of their marriage, and happily supports his leadership. humility is not reducing a woman to a child, while still leaving her burdened with the responsibilites of an adult.

nowadays, we frown at parents who are too strict, parents are expected to give even their adolescents a measure of autonomy. many university students only have to inform their parents that they plan to travel out of state, but their mothers need permission to do the same. it's disheartening to think that as a 45-year old woman, i might be denied permission to do things that my 20 year old kids don't need permission for (things i didn't need permission for as a young adult). all because of my gender!

i know more than one family where the parents give the kids a fixed amount of pocket money without asking for a breakdown of the expenses, yet in these same families the women have to present lists of their expenditures to their husbands. and some men even cut down the costs, like slash tomatoes from 2000 naira to 1500. IMO, this is one of the most demeaning "submissions" ever, and is one reason why i must be financially independent.

as for the question on why the resistance to submission, i'd say it's because times have changed a great deal and some traditional ideas about submission have become impractical, yet people still hold on to them.

nowadays girls are raised as equal to boys, even more pampered in some families. they are encouraged to excel academically, and otherwise, and are increasingly outperforming guys. parents and teachers spend 20+ years pushing girls to be the best, to learn to stand their ground, to fight their way through to the top. the main focus of young girls' lives is expected to be academic excellence, and a successful career afterwards.

yet, it is expected that they would one day get married and all of a sudden start playing second fiddle. after all the time and resources spent on ensuring that she attains competence and independence, it's understandable that a woman would be dissatisfied with an arrangement that has her will constantly being bent to another's.