Naija people, please you guyz should advise on what to do right now I'm about getting married to an outcast guy. my people  are against it. what should I do

Nairaland guys this is a very serious issue I have dated this guy for over 3years

This is a very serious issue, are you sure that this is what you really want?
Outcasts are human beings but the society will always treat you differently and it may have effects. If you love this guy, then there shouldnt be any problems when the pressure begins, but it is a decision only u can make.

Good luck

I know its all above loving the peson you wanna be with and marry but sometimes, love is blind - sometimes we need to wear glasses so we can see where we going.

If you truly love this guy, you both have to be totally commited to make this work.

Cause you are gonna come up against mountains of oppositions and maybe your parents even disowning yous.

As i have said earlier, both of you have to be 100% in cause u know how this will affect you, your individual families and ur unborn children.

So both of you need to think about it and make the necessary decisions.

why should he suffer for his fore fathers' 'sins'? 
if u love him, go for it 

kellofish:

why should he suffer for his fore fathers' 'sins'?
if u love him, go for it

I know what you mean but i have seen the film 'Outcast' i think its called 'ozu' in ibo (please fogive ma spelling) but the girl was an outcast and the guy married her, he was disowned by his parents, they had to move and it affecetd their unborn children.

Its a bad thing that is unbelievable to me. God really needs to deliver Nigeria from all these customs, its just destroying lives.

i think it's called osu, not too sure either

we do need deliverance

at the end of the day, when they do listen to their parents and marry someone else who isn't an outcast, they're not happily married. i don't see why parents would rather see their children unhappy than 'spoil their names'.

kellofish:

i think it's called osu, not too sure either

we do need deliverance

at the end of the day, when they do listen to their parents and marry someone else who isn't an outcast, they're not happily married. i don't see why parents would rather see their children unhappy than 'spoil their names'.

I know, damned if we do and damned if we dont. There is just no pleasing our parents.
Its just up to you to do your thing - I say pray about the whole thing and do whatever brings you peace.

In this kinda situation, you both need to be very focused and be willing to make this work.

well, i always say this love of a thing is not easy at all and before you enter into a marriage, please make sure all other things apart from love is in the relationship.

Cos when the love starts fading away, then you need things like understanding, compartibilty, oneness, endurance, humility, patience, and lot more to make it through

its so easy to just say, "if you love him/her, go for it jare" forgetting every other things that follows, we have to think some years from now, what happens??

Adeboo, i like your thought were you talked about that film , people will say, afterall its just a film but 85% of what these films portray really does happen, amybe not around us, but they do and we might be the ones that'll have to go through the situation eventually

@ poster, now you said something about everybody being against you, you can try talking some sense of welcome into them, make them understand where you're coming from

at the end of the day, if they still would not give you guys their blessing, then you might want to make a list of priority, ask yourself:

do you love this guy enough to forsake some friends. family and others?
is he worth the strive?
will the family you guys create be able to survivie the discrimination?
5yrs down the road will you still be as eager to be with him as you are now? (well you can''t read the future but just give it some thought)
do you guys have that "thing" it takes to make it through with nobody but yourselves?

Sometimes we damn families and run into decisions, later to find out we need them more than we thought because when the going gets stuff they're the only ones to turn to. Some families are civilized enough to avoid the "i told you so", buit some arn't

if yours is one of the latter, will you regret the decision you're about to take??

Dear after comsidering all that and you still feel your hapiness lies with him, and that you guys got what it takes, then go for it honey. Who knows they might change their opinions along the road
And when the time comes, be sure to forgive them because they had your best interest at heart, even though atimes its selfish, and other time sit ends up not being the best afterall.

No matter what you decide to do finally, i wish you luck both options require a lot of courage

its still ur world against theirs. .

wat do u mean by outcast ?

omogenaija:

what do u mean by outcast ?

like someone explained, igbos say "osu"

can't really explain it traditionally since i'm not 100% aware of the meaning, but i just know they're discriminated by the society around

i wished all these beliefs of our ancestors and olden days would be left to lie

omogenaija:

what do u mean by outcast ?

An outcast is someone that maybe due to a crime he/ she commited was removed or chased out of that community/village.
Then they are called outcasts - all that is theirs, their children to the whatever generation are reffered to as outcasts and they are restricted from participating in any village affair.

Its a very lonely life and its also an abomination to marry an 'outcast'.

Thank you guyz. When I was told that his one, :' I felt bad I told him that I quiting the relationship. He almost kill himself. I have to see my Pastor and he encourage me to marry him.

I think you should stop seeing or talking about him as an "outcast" if you want to have a happy marriage.
Thing of him as an exotic guy. A unique species. Think of him as an imported and special guy.

i tot the issue of osu has been banished to history. in my honest opinion any person or group of persons that still hold this barbaric views about others in this age should themselves be considered as outcasts

I have never met anyone who has OSU written on their forehead or wearing it. If you think he will make a good husband and father to your kids, dont let the sins of his fathers, father, father get in the way. I am can assure you that whatever the sins were, it has been paid long ago.

Madam make i tell u true ur pastor fit advice you anything but be careful because he will only tell you what the bible says but not what he will do if he were in your position, I heard of a pastor who was preaching against the discrimination the OSU people face in fact he was in the frontline of the activists who were preaching against the OSU caste system until his son fell in love with an OSU girl only then did he reconsider his stand on the OSU caste system and opposed his son marrying an OSU girl.My advice for you is be very sure you love this guy and he loves you in return because study has shown that marriage becomes a thing of endurance as the years go bye and if the love wasnt solid regret sets in and hatred and you will leave your remaining years in misery.
One luv

The race is for the sure and not the strong,its not just love now,its the will power in you that is able to tell you what to do.We can advise but cant implement the advise for you.Marriage is a single decision one takes that can make or mare him or her.Do ask urselfthe following questions:

   1.Are u really sure of what u re going into ?
    2.Will u be able to stand oppositions from all corners?
    3.Are u really ready for him ?

   Please  know what you want my girl,

This is a very serious issue. Osu is a very big stigma. The stigma of osu in some places is more than that of HIV. For those that don't know Osu are those who were kidnapped, bought, or enslaves to serve deity (gods). In those days, during war, when a community conquer the other community they take some people to come and serve them.


It is too unfortunate, but there is nothing w can do. There is a case were an osu man married a woman, after about twenty years they divorced. The woman still carry the stigma of osu. Even though she is not osu. None of the children is being married and these girls can win miss world, but nobody is interest in marrying them.

Personally I will not marry an osu. I won't even think of it. It will affect my children. they will find it difficult to get married. I have many friend that are osu and I know they are finding it very very difficult to marry. I pity them but I can not help.

Forsake your archaic tradition that has no relevance in today's society and marry the guy. Love conquers all.

Our fathers and fore fathers out of their barbarism believed in this Osu thing.
It is now up to us the modern people to discard this meaningless and unhelpful discrimination.
If our generation do not fight  this, who will?
I advice you to go ahead with him if you really love him.

guys pls wats osu. i think i've heard it once but i don't really understand wat it means, and how does it affect u from getting married to someone.

I am amazed at some of the responses I'm seeing on this post. How can somebody, in the 21st century, still be counting something like the "Osu" caste system as something to consider? It doesn't make sense and we all know it. Are we not the ones that yelled about the inhumanity of white men enslaving Africans? So when it comes to us other rules apply abi? Abeg marry the guy, anybody wey no like make e go jump for water.

All you should do is make sure, with everything within, you that you are successful. If it were somebody as rich as Adenuga that is Osu, you think people will remember. Or the people will say they will not take his job because of that?

Rubbish!!

just be very careful girl
can't discourage you if u love this guy
but make sure u r at peace with your family as well
I know a man of God who married an osu against his family's wish
They lived 4 15 years without an heir and then the woman died of mysterious sickness
Just be sure of what you do

hey folks is it that this thing only affects the igbo tribe of nigeria and not other tribes or something??

I am surprised to see that in this day and age people judge other people based on their background or roots. You dated him for 3 years and couldn't figure out if you wanted to be with him or not.

It's sad to see that your parents will have to make you choose between them or him, and as always you will choose them because you want their blessings. Think about it carefully, because they wouldn't marry you.

i find it very hard to understand how we Africans complain about how whites discriminate against us and yet we do not see anything wrong in discriminating against our fellow Africans.
In this day and age, with all the 'progress' we have made, some people still consider their own brothers to be inferior to them? its so very sad.

saintchux:

It is too unfortunate, but there is nothing w can do.

This makes no sense. if we, in our generation, say there is nothing we can do and just continue to perpetuate this evil of discrimination, when will the much needed change come about.

@poster, if you actually see your husband-to-be as an outcast, then there is a problem and i find it hard to see how that marriage can work. you yourself need to have a change of heart and realize that we are all equal and see him as you see any other human being before you can go ahead to convince your family that its wrong to discriminate.

i really wonder when we'll throw away all these barbaric traditions and notions.

Good luck to you!

Osu is a rubbish idea. He is human just like everyone else. He is not a lesser human because dumb set of people have labelled him an Osu.

To hell with them.

See its just pure rubbish to call someone an outcast in this new age. I only read about this in historical books. So is that what you call a problem?

Though its not easy when parents dont like ur partner. But how did they know he's an outcast?

just go ahead and marry him. If you do, i will really send you a wedding gift.

My dear I feel For You. I beleive you are a Christian and so please take this from a christian point of view. In the eyes of God, there is neither Jew nor Gentile, Bond or free, slave or king, we are all equal and precious in his eyes and so is your fiance. I know it's going be a very difficult decision to make but commit it to the Lord in prayer. There is nothing impossible for Him to do, He can change the hearts of your folks, and who knows you might be the one God will use to break this terrible custom in your community.