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Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? - Culture - Nairaland

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Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by britgirlee(f): 8:23pm On Oct 29, 2007
I t is common knowledge that the Nigerian man likes to be the king and master over his kingdom apart from a small minority. Any woman who dares to make a success of her life own her own house car and business or at the top of the league of her career become untouchable or labelled wrongly as 'high maintainece'.

In most case's these women are often single and happy but often sneered at by others and comments made such as 'look at her still single at 30, ish or look at her 'has every thing but no man'

Why because she is independent has her own voice and successful career or is it because the Nigerian man cannot compete or is afraid of her and dreads to be challenged? or accused of not being a Man?

Is it always going to be "I have my wife at home" but again in most cases is out with the mistress or several woman living the so called single life.

And the wife is at home in 90% of cases knowing what her so called husband is up to but 'puts up and shuts up' as she is married and has a 'husband' who pays the bills and is in control of her and the family and what little input she has mounts to nothing.

It is very hard to find both equal independent couples you will search far and wide as i stated earlier a 'small minority

This is the new millennium lets make the changes.
I'm sure this debate will have both positive and negative views
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Ocean2(m): 10:20pm On Oct 29, 2007
@ britgirl that's a important topic u brought up. I just arrived the Uk about a month ago on post grad study, i dont agree with ur sweeping remarks that nigerian men dont like or are afraid of succefull women. Who wouldnt be proud to have Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala or that NAFDAc woman as a wife. People at least of my generation have moved on, and are looking on to working class ladies not the ones that would seat at home like "mother hen"!!
I agree that to some certain extent a very independent woman can pose a challenge to men especially african nay nigerian men. but i think a sensible woman would always know her place, dont mean to sound derogatory. a woman shoudl alawys look at herself as teh neck not the head of teh house, funnily the neck controls teh head!!!
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Ocean2(m): 10:23pm On Oct 29, 2007
R single women really happy? we all need someone to call our own, someone we can trust and talk to and vice versa. I respect women for who they are. somehow i feel everyone needs someone whether a 40ish umarried sucessful man or a 30ish sucessful high flying woman
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Ndipe(m): 11:41pm On Oct 29, 2007
Strong independent black woman is an accronym quite common in the African American community, owing to the educational schism between black males (due to incarceration) and black women, who have forged ahead in the society, sometimes as a result of affirmative action. I was not aware of such a complex in the Nigerian community, but if there is, then I think, it could also be the woman's fault. Men are the head of the household, as dictated in the Holy Bible, and sometimes they may feel their status is threatened when they are outearned by their wife.

But come-o, I still maintain that one's paycheck does not dictate (someone disagreed with me though) the status of one's place in the household. Whether a man chooses to be a stay at home dad, while the wife earns millions at home, at the end of the day, her husband is the HEAD of the household!
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by britgirlee(f): 2:48am On Oct 30, 2007
Ocean 2
Firstly thankyou for your reply and welcome t the UK , you do give contradictory remarks to the question posted ie who wouldn't be proud to have ngozi or the naftac woman as a wife(unsure of who they are?) but i am very sure they wouldn't agree to your comment 'as knowing their place in the home and what exactly is that place??
You say your generation has moved on but contradict yourself by saying the man is the head of the house hold what man wouldn't want to be as long as he is in a more influencing position then his wife its all very well but i can bet my last pound he wouldn't want to be in competition with his wife especially if she is more successful then him , confidence are knocked egos bruised cracks will always show INTIMIDATION is bound to arise.

to your first point it is up to the individual if they are happy staying single I'm sure its always by choice and yet again I raise my point a successful confident woman will not settle for a Nigerian man who always controls does not like to be questioned on his whereabouts etc and blows hot air to cover up his own insecurities he would rather have the stay at home or less successful woman then him at home.
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by britgirlee(f): 2:57am On Oct 30, 2007
Nidipe
hummmm not sure if i agree with your point or any woman in a position to stand on her own two feet shocked
of course a man is the head of his house hold if he is qualified to own that status being a stay at home man doing nothing and your partner wife out building your house hold does not qualify any man let alone a Nigerian man to have such a status THERE WILL ALWAYS BE CONFLITS, i can think of s thousand and one other titles to call him though, wink
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Ndipe(m): 3:03am On Oct 30, 2007
Well, a stay at home dad, meaning that he takes care of the kids, while his wife brings home the bacon. Is there anything wrong with that, particularly if the wife's salary (in the first place) outpaced the man's take home pay?
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by britgirlee(f): 3:33am On Oct 30, 2007
I never said there was anything wrong with the'house husband' looking after the children whilst his wife is out at work due to financial reasons i stated a man who stays at home "doing nothing"

But again conflits will arise as the roles are reversed and the woman does become the head of the house hold in her own right and again I'm sure arguments will arise.

But Nidpe that's whole new debate, let me start that thread wink
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Ocean2(m): 11:08pm On Oct 31, 2007
britgirlee:

Ocean 2
who wouldn't be proud to have ngozi or the naftac woman as a wife(unsure of who they are?) but i am very sure they wouldn't agree to your comment 'as knowing their place in the home and what exactly is that place??

Both women are examples of what Nigerian women can do if given the chance, Ngozi was nigeria's finance minister and she helped negoiate our debt and teh NAFDAC woman is Dora she runs teh food and drug regulatory body
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Ocean2(m): 11:16pm On Oct 31, 2007
I have to go to bed now but let me just chip in a bit. i dont think i contradicted myself when i said teh man is teh head of teh home and that my generation has moved on. what i meant was that guys are a lot more liberal now, however we want to put it a woman would want a guy who she is secured with in all ramifications.
you say individuals that stay single are nearly alwasy by choice, i dont have my statics but i doubt that. u say again that a succefful woman wouldnt marry a nigerian man, i beg to disagree ma! there are many sucessful women happily married to nigerian men. like i mentioned earlier Ngozi and Dora stay out, they are married to nigerian men! i think we have to understand what marriage is all about, which in my view is give and take! maybe u are looking at this thing from a westernised POV, if u say can do nigerian men get intimidated by a Nigerian woman born and bred (no offence menat to thos of u born outside) in nigeria then the complexity of the argumnet changes
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by britgirlee(f): 11:39pm On Oct 31, 2007
ocean2

AGAIN , i stand to correct you, I didnt say that a sucessful nigerian woman would not like to be married to a nigerian man , quote"what nigerian woman would settle for a nigerian man who does not want to be questioned on his where abouts who is a controller and blows hot air

Also i bet my bottom pound that ngozi and dora are married to sucessful nigerian men who are independant etc etc

also forgive me are you indirectly saying that it is the norm for nigerian bred men to have mistress al over cheat on there wives and the so call wives shut up and put up!!! so western born nigerians ie british american etc are not acceptable of this well thank God , angry undecided wink
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Ocean2(m): 7:55pm On Nov 01, 2007
britgirlee:

ocean2

also forgive me are you indirectly saying that it is the norm for nigerian bred men to have mistress al over cheat on there wives and the so call wives shut up and put up!!! so western born nigerians ie british american etc are not acceptable of this well thank God , angry undecided wink

I NEVER said or implied that is a norm for nigerian men to have mistresses or cheat on their wives!! shocked
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Ocean2(m): 8:02pm On Nov 01, 2007
Your question was "why are nigerian men intimidated by strong black women" now u are making exception with "successful" nigerian men! well, if what you meant by strong , independent women was a woman who would be overtly controlling i.e. would also want to question the man, i am sure not many men whether black or white would be too comfy with that. let's get something straight every man has his ego and NOONE whatever that color would like that ego bruised. maybe the black man can sometimes be overtly egoistic but sista every man worth his salt IS.
I still stand by my word that Ngozi and Dora's husband are clear exampel that Nigerian men can handle sucessful independent woman. again like every other thing environment matters, the guy brought up in a liberal cosmopolitan city would behave different from one brought up in more conservative background. just like u wouldnt expaqct a kid here in newcastle to be as open minded as one borught up in london which is culturally more diverse
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by britgirlee(f): 8:14pm On Nov 01, 2007
hi again ocean 2
ag
again i represent my argument pls excuse the slight diviation from sucessful/independant,

a sucessful strong independent man can hold his own against the sucessful independent woman

a bog standard normal guy who is working on a lower wage and not career orintated or motivated does not have a chance, he will ALWAYS be fighting his corner,

and also i dont think ones enviroment has anything to do with how they behavr or proceed in their career its the individual

and YES NIGERIAN MEN ARE NOTORIOUS for having extra material affairs when there married undecided

im sure you know im right mr , but i must say i admire yr attempt to stand strong for the brothers tongue
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by kilasos(f): 12:49pm On Nov 02, 2007
I do not think nigerian men or men in general are afraid of strong independent black women.
The problem however comes from the fact that if a man show an interest in a strong independent woman,she is sometimes very snubbish or thinks high of herself too much for the man to come any closer.
Dont get me wrong,I believe the man will always be the head of the house but if he is not matured enough to deal with a strong woman then there would be disagreement.

PS-I know a couple the man is a security officer and the wife a finance director but they still respect each other regardless of their occupation.
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by britgirlee(f): 1:32pm On Nov 02, 2007
kilasos
i agree, its about respect and trust, thanku for yr input
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by chuckdee4(m): 1:46pm On Nov 02, 2007
@ topic
Yes most Nigerian men are weary of a successful woman but i feel its a tradition that is gradually changing, when u live in a country like the UK u'll learn to appreciate a succesful woman, especially if ur married to one and she' helping out financially.

I think most educated Nigerian men would appreciate a succesful Nigerian woman, however what they won't take is a successful woman who keeps rubbing her success in ur face (Now thats something i won't tolerate), no matter how successful a woman gets she should always be submissive to her husband
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by londoner: 2:04pm On Nov 02, 2007
I think you'll find that in general, the male species is uncomfortable with a woman being more successful than them in any arena. Why? Because they are born into a world which feeds them with the idea that they are the head/above/stronger etc, why wouldn't they feel upset when that belief is challenged? I for one will never teach any son of mine that he is above any other human being, by virtue of sex. If you look at cultures that perpetuate this inequality very heavily, you see that they are countries which operate  far below their potential. 

The family unit does not belong to any one individual, it is created and sustained BY ALL within it, FOR ALL within it.

So called strong independent Black women need to understand that too, if you are contributing to the family unit, its not a cause to gloat or disrespect someone else's contribution. The common ground is the good of the family.
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by britgirlee(f): 9:28pm On Nov 02, 2007
what controversel replies but on both sides of the fence the argument could be won, however on the flip side a man be it nigerian or not can be snubbish if he is the main income earner of the hosehold however it is allowed for the women to be submissive,,,,,and 'obey'

a man will 99% of the time look for the less challenging woman to protect his male self esteem
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by pilgrim1(f): 10:12pm On Nov 02, 2007
Hi @britgirlee,

britgirlee:

a man will 99% of the time look for the less challenging woman to protect his male self esteem

I don't know how true that could be said to come close to 'fairly accurate' - but it is far from reality.

We could say that some men look for less challenging women. But the philosophical idea that such a phenomenon is still in vogue is far from reality. Most men today who are done with the playboy script of their lives are out looking for very successful women! wink

But as you said: 'on both sides of the fence the argument could be won'.
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Arnold1(m): 4:29am On Nov 03, 2007
@britgirlee

Don't worry about what others perceive about you. Be a strong independent woman; stay in your 30s, 40s, 50s or forever without a
man, but with a great job, car and standard of living.

Who says you need a man afterall ?  As long as you are content with all you have, that's all that matters.  wink
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Nobody: 4:47am On Nov 03, 2007
The idea of the strong independent black woman" is actually a misnomer. It is simply a cover up for loud, abrasive, headstrong and abusive woman.
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by britgirlee(f): 5:04am On Nov 03, 2007
Davidylan,,,,
thankyou for your reply but i have to ask have you been with a strong independent woman to give such a reply??
obviously that is yr view but i dont agree with your answer it kinda high lights my debate men do feel intimidated as you have shown.

if you are sucessful in your own right are you loud abbrassive etc? its questionable

never the less thankyou for yr reply feel free to dicuss further
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Nobody: 5:08am On Nov 03, 2007
britgirlee:

Davidylan,,,,
thankyou for your reply but i have to ask have you been with a strong independent woman to give such a reply??

No i havent and i never wish to be with one.

britgirlee:

obviously that is yr view but i don't agree with your answer it kind of high lights my debate men do feel intimidated as you have shown.

I doubt if its because men feel "intimidated" by "strong black women", its just that several of us would choose to spend the rest of our lives with women who didnt constantly push us to the edge with their over-riding ego, abrasive attitude and belligerence.

britgirlee:

if you are sucessful in your own right are you loud abbrassive etc? its questionable

It is wrong to tie a "strong black independent woman" to being successful. There are tons of successful women who dont feel the need to wear their success on their sleeves.
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by britgirlee(f): 5:09am On Nov 03, 2007
Arnald 1
Thankyou for your reply your right if your happy who cares, but trust me these women do  have men in their life it might just not ne from their own cultures i'e African/Nigerian  but tht is a whole new debate cheesy cheesy
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by debosky(m): 5:11am On Nov 03, 2007
I don't know what 'strong' means in this instance

If it means being intransigent, pig-headed, supercilious and dominating, then its not intimidation, its a big turn off/undesirable set of traits

Women can be successful without thinking they now have the right to be 'equal' with the man or 'take charge' - money and achievement still do not subtract from the basic roles of men and women and the way they interact.

Unless you are otherwise persuaded, a man should be head of the home, if a 'strong independent' woman feels she cannot submit to that, good luck to her, or if in a marriage she refuses to submit and the man does not accept that, you can label it intimidation, but its simply a rejection of an abnormal usurping of roles.

many women own cars, expensive businesses and what not, they may not be classified as being 'strong independent' but they live happy lives with their husbands, with full expression of their talents and abilities, without the need to 'prove' their superiority. . .ditto with men
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by britgirlee(f): 5:16am On Nov 03, 2007
Davidy

I think you have missed the argument a little bit it was not suggested that independent strong black women are abrassive etc and basically saying they go around throwing it in mens faces shocked

that was your perception the thread is why are nigerian men independent s black women .?? read what i wrote

but you have yr views and its respected however if its questionable undecided
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Nobody: 5:16am On Nov 03, 2007
Success is relative. A lot of women arrogantly assume that they are "successful" as long as they can afford a mortgage on a house and car while running 3 jobs to make ends meet. Surprisingly the REAL SUCCESSFUL women are a lot more down to earth than the vast majority of those who cry so loudly about being "strong independent black" women.

Real strong women take their cue from the woman in Proverbs 31. Those who feel they now have the right to put down their husbands simply because they now earn a pay check can enjoy their foreign men. We are frankly not bothered.
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Nobody: 5:18am On Nov 03, 2007
@ britgirlee . . . i thot i followed the question from the title of the thread. Maybe you can break it down for me . . . what is your point?
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by britgirlee(f): 5:26am On Nov 03, 2007
hi debosky

I had a large group of friends round the other day and this discussion came up funnily enough the gentleman with us came up with a similar definition of the word 'strong' however i am aware you highlighted 'if' the word 'strong ' means

If it means being intransigent, pig-headed, supercilious  and dominating, then its not intimidation, its a big turn off/undesirable set of traits

I didnt write this debate with the view to labelling women such,  Question would you percieve the same if if was a Man?
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by Arnold1(m): 5:28am On Nov 03, 2007
debosky:


I don't know what 'strong' means in this instance


Good question debosky. I think she is taking being able to take care of herself from a financial stand point as being strong. There are one million
and one stay at home moms that are 10 times stronger than these so called "career women".

I consider a woman who is happily married and taking care of her family waaayyy more successful than these so-called
"strong independent black women".

Financials is never the sole determinant of being strong or successful.
Re: Why Are Nigerian Men Intimidated By The Strong Independent Black Woman? by debosky(m): 5:34am On Nov 03, 2007
would I perceive the same? Well if those are the signals she is giving off, then yes I would

I for one am very attracted to intelligent and successful women, people who can challenge me intellectually and otherwise

I have nothing against women succeeding, rather I'm all for that, but not so that they feel that success gives them the right to usurp and reverse the naturally ordained roles in a family setting.

If a woman thinks simply because she is successful and well off financially that she can boss me around, then I have no taste or patience for that, I also do not think 'career women' who put work/achievement above all else would make a suitable partner for me, but I begrudge no one - to each his/her own choice. If they expect to be somehow congratulated or rewarded for not falling into the 'trap' of becoming someones wife, then I won't do that.

Some people recently quantified the value of work done by 'housewives' and it compares favorably with the corporate salaries some big shots earn, being financially stable and deciding to be on your own is nothing bad, but with the whole section of womanhood - living in a loving and caring marriage relationship with children being absent, I don't see much to envy about them.

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