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Living In The Uk-life Of An Immigrant (part 3) / Living In The USA - Life Of An Immigrant Part 1 / Living In The Uk-life Of An Immigrant (part 2) (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by Nobody: 4:32pm On Jun 30, 2020 |
This table we are all shaking!!!! That video salford shared encapsulates it all....if the relationship is genuine and loving, conflict will happen but the "home staying, school run doing, human hair wearing, gucci bag carrying party" (the lady) will be happy to adjust if needed; get a job and be a financial contributor. Similarly, the "suit wearing, come back from work at midnight and do nothing else in the house party" (the gentleman) will also be happy to adjust if needed; by doing house chores and being more involved in childcare. They will talk about it, quarrel a bit, but eventually work it out. I suspect, the people who drag each other to court when they get to Canny probably already had major undelrlying issues (even if they were unspoken) and were already full of resentment and bitterness. The change of location was just an excellent opportunity to kuku get their pound of flesh. 29 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by Claire40: 5:14pm On Jun 30, 2020 |
In awarding child custody, they will usually look at things like who is the primary carer of the child. The person with custody is the person that would typically be entitled to child support. It very simple logic. A child remains the responsibility of both parents and so both parents should contribute towards the child's upbringing. That is why men and women can be ordered to pay child and spousal support depending on who earns more and how custody is shared. Upon divorce, except where there is a prenup ,whatever financial gain made during the marriage subject to few exceptions are divided equally between the parties. So one party rarely ends up wealthier than another. Read about the principle of equalization of net family property just in case you are interested in knowing more. What needs to be done is to return to the drawing board. You will need to negotiate on the roles you play in the family going forward and see if your visions for the future will align with the realities in Canada so that no one feels cheated and starts acting up. Meanwhile if before marriage, you were forming "I am a traditional man, my wife cannot work" and she was forming " I am a traditional woman, my place is in the kitchen" and based on that premise, you guys got married. It would be unfair to unilaterally change that contract. The traditional model still work for some families here, since childcare is quite expensive. Personally I think going to work is easier than child care and housework, and there is an opportunity cost that the stay-at-home spouse pays. That is, the loss of opportunity to grow their career. I think it is wrong to look down on stay at home parents or classify them as lazy people. For those of you considering getting a prenup, please remember to do it right. Use a lawyer(yes, they are expensive, but it's better to do it right) . Then your fiance/fiancee should also seek independent legal advice so that the chances of issues arising as to the validity of your prenup will be minimized. 20 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by Naijaforeigner: 5:32pm On Jun 30, 2020 |
Alero3Arubi: The bolded, word!!! Dre's wife just filed for divorce after 24 years of marriage. A good person has nothing to fear, yes that's true, if we were living in another planet, maybe Pluto. Good people now get hurt. We can only hope for the best. Lets all keep on doing good as humans (whether married or single) and at the same time prepare for anything because in this life, nothing, absolutely is guaranteed. I rest my case on this issue. 14 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by SixSigma1(m): 5:45pm On Jun 30, 2020 |
19CannyMum: With regards to the part in bold: Many people do not know that the law here is that who ever makes more (man or woman) supports the other person if they have to divorce. The reason we hear more of the stories of men supporting the women are twofold. First, men on the average make more money than the women and second, due to men ego (black or white), we tend not to pursue our wifes for spousal support after divorce in cases where they are making more than us. As for how it works in the US, while I don’t live in the US, I do know that it works the same way in some states in the US (and I guess it will probably the same all over the US). There was a situation in one of the US states that I watched on the TV about 10 years ago where the ex-wife (an African American) sued her ex-husband (also an African American) for spousal support after divorce. However, instead of getting the support she sued for, she was the one that was ordered to be paying the ex-husband spousal support because she was now making way more money than the ex-husband. The full story was that, the ex-husband was self-employed, and business was doing so well. He married the ex-wife who was from a poor background and sent her to school to study nursing. When the ex-wife finished nursing school and started working her ex-husband did not allow her to contribute to the family expenses because his business was doing so well. So, she was just spending her money on luxury items on herself only while the ex-husband continued to spoil her with money. As time went by, the ex-husband business collapsed, and she had to be the breadwinner. Things became so difficult for them that they eventually divorced. Out of ignorance, she sued the husband for spousal support claiming that she could not sustain her life style with her current income only (forgetting that she now has more money than the husband). Long story short, she was the one that was eventually ordered to be paying spousal support to the husband. Good thing was they had no kids. Here in Canada, there is another case of a very close female friend of mine who divorced her husband and currently paying spousal support to the husband. She has custody of the kids as well and taking care of them alone. This friend of mine and her husband were originally from Jamaica. 23 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by nitrogen(m): 5:45pm On Jun 30, 2020 |
Well, it's not too late for the married ones. Postnup is permitted in Canada. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by SixSigma1(m): 6:07pm On Jun 30, 2020 |
Claire40: @Claire40: Everything you said here is so on point. I particularly like the part in bold and I think it is worthwhile to make those parts stand out so as to educate some of us here who do not understand (or misunderstand as the case may be) the fair and just system we have here in Canada when it comes to handling marital issues. 9 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by salford1: 8:55pm On Jun 30, 2020 |
Claire40:Your post is very good. The couple have to establish a common ground that works for them. What works for couple A might not work for couple B. What would break the union of couple B might be what will make the union of couple A stronger. A good example is that of one of my neighbors here. I met them when I moved to the small city I currently live in. They both decided to move to their current location, so that the wife can practice as a Specialist Physician. She was a family doctor in the big city before they moved. The husband was employed in the big city and had a steady income stream. Now that they moved here, the wife would have likely doubled her wage while the husband has moved into self-employment in a different field and spends a lot of time as a stay at home spouse with the kids. Interestingly, the husband also sacrificed his own career when they left Nigeria some 19-20 years ago. Husband was a special adviser to a governor while wife worked at a private hospital. Looking at them now, they seem to be doing very okay and wife has her own clinic too. There would be sacrifices for sure. Most importantly, there is the need for couples to be flexible and have a good talk with themselves on what their goals are. Canada will test their love and bond. 21 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by salford1: 9:23pm On Jun 30, 2020 |
Mamaroon:Gucci wearing. Is she hushpuppy Table don break a long time ago. True though. My case mirrors the video shared by Marina. I have seen atleast 3 Nigerian homes disintegrate since I moved to Canada a few years ago, and I wasn't going to let mine go the same way. I had to adjust, but it was tough. The changes did not come easy, and my wife had to force it. Before we moved to Canada, the only thing I was good at was washing plates (two of us) and cooking white rice or making Eba (only when I was hungry and wife was not at home). I was also the custodian of the remote control with legs raised up on a footstool with toothpick in my mouth. Now I can cook almost all Nigerian food. Infact cooking is now one of my good hobbies. Thanks to Sisi yemmi and other Instagrams foodies. I can do almost anything a woman can do. Hence, house chores are shared equally. When I agreed to take some of the chores, I also ensured that bills were now going to be split in equal halves. We reached an agreement on that, so more money in my pocket too. I know some Nigerian men might call me sisi or whatever name. I don't mind, I would rather have my family together than let ego split the family. A family achieves more when they are together than doing it alone. The kids would be better for it too. 81 Likes 10 Shares |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by Nobody: 11:23pm On Jun 30, 2020 |
e author=salford1 post=91246970]You're lucky she agrees to go Dutch with you. Some folks aren't. You pick up her traditional roles and keep all your traditional roles. Mehn! Na death or split be the case. 4 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by MayorOfEdmonton: 11:59pm On Jun 30, 2020 |
I was also the custodian of the remote control with legs raised up on a footstool with toothpick in my mouth. Lol...Chairman I know some Nigerian men might call me sisi or whatever name. I don't mind, I would rather have my family together than let ego split the family. A family achieves more when they are together than doing it alone. The kids would be better for it too.[/quote] I appreciate this point u made bros, definitely something has got to give from both party to sustain a marriage bond. 8 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by 19CannyMum: 12:48am On Jul 01, 2020 |
21 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by capsule(m): 3:09am On Jul 01, 2020 |
nitrogen: How do you intend to raise this discussion post marriage? If it ever gets to the point, the union is gone already. 5 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by Christian22aa(m): 4:02am On Jul 01, 2020 |
Happy Canada day 2020 enjoy and stay safe all 12 Likes 2 Shares
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Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by salford1: 5:03am On Jul 01, 2020 |
MayorOfEdmonton:Absolutely. |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by salford1: 5:05am On Jul 01, 2020 |
Happy Canada Day Nairaland family. 10 Likes
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Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by GozyNA: 7:36am On Jul 01, 2020 |
St. Patrick’s Island 7 Likes
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Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by GozyNA: 7:37am On Jul 01, 2020 |
Harvie Passage 6 Likes
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Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by GozyNA: 7:40am On Jul 01, 2020 |
Our magnificent central library. 9 Likes
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Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by GozyNA: 7:40am On Jul 01, 2020 |
8 Likes
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Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by GozyNA: 7:42am On Jul 01, 2020 |
Harvie Passage! 4 Likes
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Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by GozyNA: 7:44am On Jul 01, 2020 |
Happy Canada �� Day from Calgary, Alberta 9 Likes 2 Shares
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Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by jamesbellu: 11:30am On Jul 01, 2020 |
Please i am interested Deniceone: |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by lolaluuv: 12:26pm On Jul 01, 2020 |
Hi @kraits03. I’m interested in a chartered flight to Canada. Kindly advise the process of joining the WhatsApp group. Thanks |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by lolaluuv: 12:34pm On Jul 01, 2020 |
Hi @ednut. I’m interested in a chartered flight to Canada. Kindly advise the process of joining the WhatsApp group. Thanks |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by lastborn111(m): 1:38pm On Jul 01, 2020 |
Hello Everyone, Any Nigerian staying in Meadow Lake Saskatchewan. Kindly contact me. Plssss Regards |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by einsteino(m): 3:40pm On Jul 01, 2020 |
19CannyMum: I wish I could like this a thousand times. 2 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by einsteino(m): 4:25pm On Jul 01, 2020 |
listowell: Well, there are quite a number of ladies among our kind that live off men. However, I don't think there are enough to make that the narrative of Nigerian ladies. I don't have any Nigerian female friend here that I know to be lazy. I would think after Asian ladies, Nigerian ladies are the next on most industrious here or maybe I haven't been paying attention. I get that people pretend but times, we also open eyed walk into marriages with people who are nothing but trouble waiting to happen. So, maybe we should also learn to be a bit more cautious and stop worrying about Trophies. This thing is a two way street sha, women suffer at the hands of men too. Talking about forsaking family, women are still learning in that dept, inshort they would never win men in that one lol. I personally know of a lady back in Nigeria who borrowed money and sold properties to help her hubby travel to Canada many years ago. Oga got to Canada, remarried and cut off ties with his wife and kids back home. It is over a decade now, oga has not even bothered to get in touch with his kids. I have also met someone here in Canada who has a family here, but secretly went back home to marry someone else. Inshort, when I was growing up, it was quite common during burials for people to learn that their deceased Dad secretly had a family with another woman. If you hear women talk about their experience with men, you'd be scared for your daughters and sisters. There are terrible men as there are women. Men are only at the receiving end now because the system in attempting to protect women from a history of terrible/abusive men, have made it possible for even good men to suffer for no fault of theirs. So, I'd say we all just chill, and make a risk management plan that looks out for ourselves. Hopefully, people would start to speak out and someday the these laws would be revised. 30 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by Nobody: 5:27pm On Jul 01, 2020 |
einsteino:It is the same thing. I hate it when folks think once it comes to cheating, beating, manipulation, taking advantage and ill-treatments only men do those. I never wanted a trophy wife and won't get one. Nothing is gender-restrictive. Work things out with your partner,spouse, quit or never get married. You know people change but above all let's be alive! 2 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by einsteino(m): 7:05pm On Jul 01, 2020 |
listowell: mehn in the bolded is one of my biggest fears lol. marriage is like shooting at a moving target. One has to choose to marry someone based on their now and pray the person doesnt drift too far from their kernel. lol infact it is a miracle that people can even be together for long because we all change over time. 5 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by einsteino(m): 7:32pm On Jul 01, 2020 |
SixSigma1: I think it is the same in the U.S because a friend in the U.S was able to get his wife to sign a post-nup. The wife earns more than him right now, so it made sense for her to sign. |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by einsteino(m): 7:35pm On Jul 01, 2020 |
flyingpig: ah from your mouth to God. iseee o! lol 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 by einsteino(m): 7:46pm On Jul 01, 2020 |
capsule: There is a guy on Qoura who few years to his retirement got into a divorce, now he has to work even after retiring because he has lost his all. Dr Dre's wife is filing for a divorce after 24years of marriage. Mehn she doesn't even need to be treated badly to wake up and say she wants out. it is easy to want out if you are going to get paid heavily for leaving lol. lots of folks in this country are tied down with Alimony and child support payments. It's weird why people don't get a prenup, too many over optimistic men out there. 4 Likes 2 Shares |
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