oh please! That's one thing with you Anambra men. You lots like marrying only from your state, demand respect even when you don't deserve it, have superiority complex, too domineering and feels no other person's opinion matters. If you check well all the above is the case. You don't want to marry her because she's not from your state and her aggressiveness is because you try to belittle and make her feel she's not enough .

Some of you men treat women like inanimate objects. How would you feel if someone who claims to love your sister knocks her up and abandons her? She shouldn't have opened legs for you though. I'm sure you were giving her false hope of a future together until she got pregnant. Now you want her child but doesn't want her. She's hurt. that's all.

I can deduce your kind of person from your narration.

islandmoon:
Op, you have seriously messed up , imagine your daughter seening this post, how will she feel about you? you need to start making up for your misdeed now
you didn't even tell us if you are now married since this happened 6 years ago

don't make mistake of going to court

these are steps you should take

1. start making effort to see you daughter by visiting either they welcome you or not,
you are doing it for you daughter.

2. start sending money for her upkeep either she send it back or not

3. be on standby waiting for her to request for your assistance, its a good chance to mend the fence, by the way, you are owing them 1m

4.whenever she's rude to you, just over look it and continue your good deed, she will soon stop

5. try and get close to your father in law

6. give her Davido - Chioma treatment

7. if she still acting up , just endures because you have made her suffered so much in the past.

you have seriously messed up oo!

I don't know why you are so wicked
God will guide you

I don't know why you are so wicked
God will guide you
� � � Lol
With everything you wrote you just had to end it this way

chrisj2:
Ok o. You win! LOL.

* BTW, the woman moving on just like that without the man can also have repercussions for the child especially a female child in Nja.

I think you women should also keep the man on side because you never know when you will need them.

Fast forward to a new relationship - many questions about where the dad of a her child is, who is going to give consent for this and that. You might need to prove full parental responsibility and so on.

Everything in a relationship takes two

Yeah. I hope the lady can see the light, forgive herself, let go of the past and do what's in the child's best interest. The innocent child deserves a home, that is, love, protection and care from both parents. The lady has a lot to heal from. If she doesn't give herself the required healing she'd end up raising a potentially needy and insecure child as a result of her own bitterness and resentment. I hope she can see the bigger picture and let her daughter have a right to her father. That is not to say he deserves it.

Ultimately, I would wish for her to meet a man who'll love, care, marry and raise her child as his own.

Melian:


Nope. I don't see marriage as an achievement if I did I'd have been married a long time. That said, whether or not it's an achievement, men should learn to zip up or use protection.

It was a mutual sex .
The man didn’t force himself on her ,two consenting adults .

The lady had the option of telling him to use protection but she didn’t

joyousever:
I disagree with your view point. Were you had out of wedlock? If no,then why will u subscribe to that? If yes, then it's not too late to change your mind set & accept God's standard of producing children,which is in holy matrimony. Thank u!

You lack wisdom

But some people get mind o. You impregnate somebody's daughter out of wedlock and you are still demanding respect on top of it.
You should be happy, if it is all this my village mothers they will just pursue their daughter to your house with beating and insult and you are married even if you like it or not.

Melian:


Yeah. I hope the lady can see the light, forgive herself, let go of the past and do what's in the child's best interest. The innocent child deserves a home, that is, love, protection and care from both parents. The lady has a lot to heal from. If she doesn't give herself the required healing she'd end up raising a potentially needy and insecure child as a result of her own bitterness and resentment. I hope she can see the bigger picture and let her daughter have a right to her father. That is not to say he deserves it.

Ultimately, I would wish for her to meet a man who'll love, care, marry and raise her child as his own.

That is better. Raising another man's child is not easy - believe me; it is even harder when the child does not have any contact with her biological father, that question tends to come up time and time again. Being divorced and being a single-mother is not always idea but one can still do it without too much enmity. Children should not be used as a weapon.

I send that lack of wisdom back to you,cos it has no bearing on me. Now run along. Bye!

Elder0001:



You lack wisdom

Elder0001:



It was a mutual sex .
The man didn’t force himself on her ,two consenting adults .

The lady had the option of telling him to use protection but she didn’t

That's right.

chrisj2:


That is better. Raising another man's child is not easy - believe me; it is even harder when the child does not have any contact with her biological father, that question tends to come up time and time again. Being divorced and being a single-mother is not always idea but one can still do it without too much enmity. Children should not be used as a weapon.

Difficult, perhaps, but not impossible.

faithfull18:

I don't argue with stupid teenagers who don't know their left from right.

I repeat, he most likely won't get custody.

Get that into your fogged head with no brain.

teenager Me?? Emi naa. lol... You're seriously mistaken.

I know what's right and wrong and I know it's wrong to keep a man from seeing his child!!!!!... I'm not saying he's right for leaving her.. we do not know what happened between them.. it's his private life and that's not the matter he tabled to us. Get it??

and look. I'm sorry for the insults... i wasnt in the best of moods.

yawehoverall:


You would have honestly made your points like she did, without insulting her, in as much as NL is a faceless forum doesn't give us the impetus to haul insults at the first chance we get... Thanks

If you check my over 2yrs history on Nl with this account .. you'd realize I do not insult or jab until someone does to me first... but this case is different... why should you castigate a man based on assumptions.. no one knows if the man or the woman was the reason they didn't marry.. OP didnt state.. so why the hell should one digress from the main matter and jump on an accusation based on assumptions.

Melian:


You will do nothing!!! You didn't carry the pregnancy for nine months so you know nothing about having a child. You immature men want to eat your cake and have it. You want the baby but not the woman. Selfish lot.

I sure did supply the sperm that was part of the creation of the baby.... The law recognizes biological parenthood!!!! Op wants to be in his Child's life... I'm very sure he would not kick if he was allowed to be in his girls life. He has stated he was considering marrying her but her rude attitude cost her the marriage... Did you not read that?

I know nothing about birthing a child but I do know a lot about taking responsibility for someone and providing.

You two bleep,she got pregnant,lost her job,was admitted for 32day more likely a risky pregnancy,hospital bills paid by mostly her parents,christening and dedication and birthday you are an attendee, you kept distance, buying irrelevant things instead of basic needs. My Anambra brother something is wrong. A baby need both parents so I don't support your baby mama but bro try abeg. Ndi be anyi anaghi echu afa. It's not in our blood.

Amhappy:
You two bleep,she got pregnant,lost her job,was admitted for 32day more likely a risky pregnancy,hospital bills paid by mostly her parents,christening and dedication and birthday you are an attendee, you kept distance, buying irrelevant things instead of basic needs. My Anambra brother something is wrong. A baby need both parents so I don't support your baby mama but bro try abeg. Ndi be anyi anaghi echu afa. It's not in our blood.

I dey shame sef. I feel like whooping his ass. What nonsense His audacity is mindboggling.

He expected them to treat him with respect after nearly[b] killing their daughter and forcing them to spend ONE MILLION on hospital bill[/b] Maybe he was not raised in the east where peeps that committed this type of traditional sin of unwanted pregnancy are treated like pariah both male and female. And you have the got to go to thier house DEMANDING RESPECT AFTER IMPREGNATING THEIR DAUGHTER OUT OF WEDLOCK. YOU ARE LUCKY THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN THE EAST EVEN YOUR KINSMEN WILL BARF ON YOUR BEHALF..........

Wait your turn when the girl is 18 years and by then she may have forgotten who you are. Or you hit jackpot......maybe you can then debate in the court but still no court will give you custody but visitation right of a few hours in a week.

Lemme remind you that you disgraced us by your "irresponsible actions" it is totally abominable cos we are known to take care of our own even though we maybe accused of being domineering.

faithfull18:

And you with no brain, what should amadioha do?

Last time I checked, one of my rights was freedom of speech.

Ghettochild or whatever, take several seats down since you don't have anything reasonable to say.

You can't even quote a post successfully, painment everywhere.

OK Continue with ur painment o

check

If you child’s grand parent should cloth, feed, pay school fees and all your child, you have lost your respect as a father. Let alone a distant father that disappears and appear.


Pls thread carefully before they throw your destiny inside 3rd mainland bridge.

@op,
Your story is very similar to my case .
I got married to this urhobo lady( a devorcee ) with a male child for her former husband. She narrated how the guy treated her bad and I had sympathy for her and married her.
Prior to the marriage her anger is dangerous for any human being to handle,infact she was angry one day and almost stabbed me.
To cut it short we got married legally thinking I will manage it but her madness intensified.she tears money,destroy phones and other properties in the house.
To scamper for my life I ran away for this lady and when I came back some months to check her,she has packed all my properties and disappeared with my boy.
I kept on looking for the boy but she vowed I will not see him again in my life and her mother is support despite reporting her to mother several times.
I have left everything to God and am optimistic my child will locate me in the future.
@op Delta ladies are very dangerous,she can kill you because your appearance will keep hurting her,so for now leave the child and move on with your life your daughter will come to look for you in the future.

Op you have ego problem. Life is give and take, everything can not be done the way we deem fit, it takes two to tango and lastly this is Nigeria where anytime a child is conceived out of wedlock it becos a short cut to marriage.
The lady in question must have been really pained and frustrated hence she has no option than to frustrate and counter your every move.
That said, I think all of you lashing the op and calling him all sorts of unprintable names should tone it down. It seems to me many of you didn't even ready or digest the op's write up judging by the way some people have been attacking him for not showing up at the hospital and offsetting the hospital bill even when he clearly stated that he paid a substantial part of that money but many of you guys chose to ignore that.
It is better if you can schedule a private meet with her without thee knowledge of MIL to avoid 3rd party opinions and mischief markers.

faithfull18:
Why do you men always do this, you think the woman isn't good enough for you to marry but she is always good for you to have sex with.


Even if you start a court process, I doubt you will win the case.

From all indications, she can duly take care of the child without your input.

I don't know how to advise you because I don't even support premarital sex to start with.

1.....Sex is sweeter than honey
2....And who the hell told you that he can't win the case
3....Lie that you didn't have sex this last weekend

Lexusgs430:
Not all fathers are daddy's ...... You contributed 0 to her hospital bills, and you are claiming rights ? Be prepared for a long battle, which would involve lots of solicitors feeding large ........

You did not contribute school fees, but you provide biscuit and ribena ? Did you actually say this ? You also attended the christening and birthday celebrations ? Did you actually say this ?

When it gets to big expense, you seem to either want to run or have it your way ..... Your way or the highway ........

You are now claiming rights ?

You should be more sober and put your ego to one side ...... It's the child that is the important factor here ..............

you just penned down my thoughts.

I know a guy in the same shoes as the OP, he would always avoid paying major bills. has never contributed a dime in paying the child"s school fees because he says he doesn't have money. On 2 occasions the child was admitted in the hospital, he was informed but no one saw his breaklight. Few weeks after they were discharged from the hospital, the man showed up with this same 'Ribena and Biscuit' when they told him to go and distribute the ribena to his street people , he went to the police station shamelessly, to make a case about denying him access to his child.
funny enough, he paid some cool cash to the police people. the same cash he couldn't bring out for his child"s welfare.
some people just like to make trouble.
I have seen more than enough to just believe anything i read online.

Wetlink:


you just penned down my thoughts.

I know a guy in the same shoes as the OP, he would always avoid paying major bills. has never contributed a dime in paying the child"s school fees because he says he doesn't have money. On 2 occasions the child was admitted in the hospital, he was informed but no one saw his breaklight. Few weeks after they were discharged from the hospital, the man showed up with this same 'Ribena and Biscuit' when they told him to go and distribute the ribena to his street people , he went to the police station shamelessly, to make a case about denying him access to his child.
funny enough, he paid some cool cash to the police people. the same cash he couldn't bring out for his child"s welfare.
some people just like to make trouble.
I have seen more than enough to just believe anything i read online.

Simply because our opinion, is the best route.........

Dshocker:


1.....Sex is sweeter than honey
2....And who the hell told you that he can't win the case
3....Lie that you didn't have sex this last weekend

1. Yes but it should be done within the confines of marriage, If the OP was married, the situation would have been different.
2. He can't win the case to get full custody of the child because:

i. She is underage, She needs the full care of her mother.
ii. He won't be able to prove irresponsibility on the part of the mother.
iii. His babymama isn't mentally disturbed, she is also financially able to match him wit for wit.

3. Oh, I had it with you, how could you have forgotten so soon

@OP, why disturb your life. Marry and raise another child. Whenever the baby grows and decide to know the father, she will locate you. Let go so long they are taking good care of her

I wouldn't have supported you to put the lady in a family way, since you were not prepared to marry her, you should have avoided sleeping with her, I guess why she's behaving that way is because of the way you took advantage of her, well it's either you decide to marry her since you have a baby for her, for you going to court, it was not the court that told you to impregnate her.

faithfull18:
Why do you men always do this, you think the woman isn't good enough for you to marry but she is always good for you to have sex with.


Even if you start a court process, I doubt you will win the case.

From all indications, she can duly take care of the child without your input.

I don't know how to advise you because I don't even support premarital sex to start with.

So why comment.....?