I am having some pressure from family to settle down. I will be 34 soon. But sincerely speaking the only thing that is standing as a barrier now is finance. This I have explained to my family, but they keep insisting I must settle down this year no matter what.

I am the only son in the family and the last born. I have three elder sisters, and the pressure of late is just unbearable.I work with a construction company a contract job off and on and for about five months now I have been jobless still searching for a better job, but my family don't just want to see reasons with me. I have a serious girlfriend whom I intend settling with, but I can't do that without a steady source of income and my family just can't see things from my perspective.

Please is it advisable to solicit for funds to settle down while I keep searching for a better job or wait till I get a better job? A friend advice me that I should settle down and expect the best and made a scriptural reference that "he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" meaning when I settle down different doors will just start opening that his elder brother did same thing and things are working out fine for him now. Please dear Nairalanders is this step advisable.

Bro you better chill o. Forget what your friend said. Not every good thing is a 'good' thing. Don't soicit for funds to marry because once you get married, youll have to think of paying back the funds plus the children will start coming in and yet you still have no stable source of income.
I'll advice you to get a steady job first.
If your serious babe is understanding, please explain to her. Forget family pressure before you commit suicide in the name of marriage.

Please don't let them push you while you are not ready. Put your foot down and tell your family tht you are not ready at the moment.

If you go and borrow money to wed, your family will not help you pay back. They will enjoy the wedding and later condemn you for borrowing.

Don't put yourself inside problem

Don't marry without a financial plan, it is not luck a good wife brings it is financial planning.

A good wife who brings an income and has economic literacy will sit with you track expenses and have a family budget, she will also help you start a savings interest scheme for projects like houses etc.

However, you cannot marry without an income or plan just hoping a wife will bring you luck

ValCon888:
Bro you better chill o. Forget what your friend said. Not every good thing is a 'good' thing. Don't soicit for funds to marry because once you get married, youll have to think of paying back the funds plus the children will start coming in and yet you still have no stable source of income.
I'll advice you to get a steady job first.
If your serious babe is understanding, please explain to her. Forget family pressure before you commit suicide in the name of marriage.

Bro God bless u, my babe is very understanding.

destiny4luv:



Bro God bless u, my babe is very understanding.

guy doble ur hussle u aint getting younger.is bad when ur mate have granbaby u are still struggling paying ur children weac fees. Am talking to u am talking to myself. Am 36 And the pressure to i s much. I wish I marry at 28 not my son will be 8years I dont belive in DAT talk of wanting to get money before u marry u will wait a long time. Economy is bad is ur girl working.sit her down tell her u want to marry her but DAT she understand its not a big wedding. Let her bring money too see did u know DAT marriage and born baby is a spiritual thing I know a guy and his wife in pains of poverty as dey born a baby did u know dia level change. Dey name d baby korede. If I were u I will marry her as u married pple will give gifts also pray to God and use bible of marry to pray. Things will change. I did my intro last year and I pray between April to July I will marry. Be a man and dont be afraid

At 34, u are still searching for work of which u may not be too sure u won't be sacked soon going by the situation of things on ground in Nigeria.

Why not learn handiwork?

34 yrs is indeed old and yes, they all have the right to be worried.

If u desire trading, u can go and learn and they can help you raise the capital. If you know your onions and the lady u want to marry isn't doing any tangible thing, the two of you can combine and run the biz.

And u don't have to borrow to marry.
Who does that?
It tells a lot about ur character and I will be worried if I'm the said lady.

jakandeola:
guy doble ur hussle u aint getting younger.is bad when ur mate have granbaby u are still struggling paying ur children weac fees. Am talking to u am talking to myself. Am 36 And the pressure to i s much. I wish I marry at 28 not my son will be 8years I dont belive in DAT talk of wanting to get money before u marry u will wait a long time. Economy is bad is ur girl working.sit her down tell her u want to marry her but DAT she understand its not a big wedding. Let her bring money too see did u know DAT marriage and born baby is a spiritual thing I know a guy and his wife in pains of poverty as dey born a baby did u know dia level change. Dey name d baby korede. If I were u I will marry her as u married pple will give gifts also pray to God and use bible of marry to pray. Things will change. I did my intro last year and I pray between April to July I will marry. Be a man and dont be afraid

Bro I appreciate, God bless.

ImaIma1:
Please don't let them push you while you are not ready. Put your foot down and tell your family tht you are not ready at the moment.

If you go and borrow money to wed, your family will not help you pay back. They will enjoy the wedding and later condemn you for borrowing.

Don't put yourself inside problem

Exactly my point to my family, but they wont just see reasons with me. Thank u for u contribution.

destiny4luv:


Exactly my point to my family, but they wont just see reasons with me. Thank u for u contribution.

They cannot make decisions for you. They can suggest but the final decision lies with you...well except your family still influences your decisions.

I am a lady and the last child out of 6 but if I take a decision, my older ones know that they cannot change it. I just listen to them and keep mum on the issue. They get the message and back off. After all, I am an adult and old enough to make my own decisions.

Here is my take and it may be different.

If your girlfriend is understanding as you claim and you both love each other enough to commit into marriage, then marry her according to your pocket. You don't have to do anything extraordinary to the point of borrowing money. If your family and her family understand your financial situation then they would be supportive considering they want their child and brother in other instances to get married. Don't get it twisted, your family wants the best for you in the instance, the problem may be their approach. Except you don't want to ever get married, then at 34 you should be making honest and concrete plans to settle down especially since you have a good woman.

It would be unfair to keep the lady waiting with hopes that you "hammer" while she continues to age. She may meet someone who is ready, not necessarily financially buoyant and move on from you and she would be justified in my opinion. If you don't know when or are unsure, please let the lady go, na somebody sister be that and body counts no dey fair for woman body, in comparison to men. You have a job and I hope she has a job, gather your finances, keep it very simple and plan your future together before and after marriage.

Part of being a man is making difficult decisions.

May God guide you and give you the wisdom to navigate this situation.

I will like to say do not allow anyone,family or friends pressurise you into marriage, because at the end of the day none of them will be there to face the consequences for u. However, marriage is a good thing and it actually comes with a lot of blessings but you cannot plan marrying someone without any source of income.
my advice will be for you to double your hustle, start a job no matter how small, teaching, hotels,private hospitals etc. when you are sure something comes in every month, you can sit your woman down and discuss with her, work out a plan and do a low key ceremony maybe with just your families, no point spending so much on ceremony when you don't even have, life after wedding na him be koko.
Also, does your woman work? if she does,makes things easier,but if she does not, let her also get something doing as soon as possible.
sometimes you never can tell, marriage may open doors but don't bank on that and not make your own preparations.
I wish u best of luck

mumdd:
I will like to say do not allow anyone,family or friends pressurise you into marriage, because at the end of the day none of them will be there to face the consequences for u. However, marriage is a good thing and it actually comes with a lot of blessings but you cannot plan marrying someone without any source of income.
my advice will be for you to double your hustle, start a job no matter how small, teaching, hotels,private hospitals etc. when you are sure something comes in every month, you can sit your woman down and discuss with her, work out a plan and do a low key ceremony maybe with just your families, no point spending so much on ceremony when you don't even have, life after wedding na him be koko.
Also, does your woman work? if she does,makes things easier,but if she does not, let her also get something doing as soon as possible.
sometimes you never can tell, marriage may open doors but don't bank on that and not make your own preparations.
I wish u best of luck

God bless ma. My woman don't work for now, she is still searching for a job. But she is very understanding. Thanks for the advice.

destiny4luv:
I am having some pressure from family to settle down. I will be 34 soon. But sincerely speaking the only thing that is standing as a barrier now is finance. This I have explained to my family, but they keep insisting I must settle down this year no matter what.

I am the only son in the family and the last born. I have three elder sisters, and the pressure of late is just unbearable.I work with a construction company a contract job off and on and for about five months now I have been jobless still searching for a better job, but my family don't just want to see reasons with me. I have a serious girlfriend whom I intend settling with, but I can't do that without a steady source of income and my family just can't see things from my perspective.

Please is it advisable to solicit for funds to settle down while I keep searching for a better job or wait till I get a better job? A friend advice me that I should settle down and expect the best and made a scriptural reference that "he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" meaning when I settle down different doors will just start opening that his elder brother did same thing and things are working out fine for him now. Please dear Nairalanders is this step advisable.

PLEASE take it easy.
We are here to help.

1. WHAT DOES your GIRL do for a Living and where is she based on earth....??
2. If she does not have a JOB, please for how long...??
3. If she is Jobless.., can you leave her for someone that has got something meaningful doing.......??
4. What did you study.....in your A’Level....??
My FINAL RESPONSE to you will depend strongly on the answers you will give me now...

Allow me to quote a Yoruba proverb "a ko ni ni 'jo, ki nfun ni l' ese ijo" which means "a dance instructor never gives/lends you legs to dance". Don't get married because you are pressured cos you would be left to run your race. If they truly love you and want the best for you, they should pray for you in your closet to God to grant the desires of your heart and take away every obstacles hindering you from marriage. Trust me, no one can love you more than you love yourself so don't live to please others. The concluding part of the proverb states "to ba wi ko jo bayi, yio fi o sile ku iwa re, yio ku iwo nikan lo ju agbo" which translates to "if he teaches you the moves to make, he later leaves you on the stage for your performance". Do what seems best to you since you bear the gains or pains from your action.

EVILFOREST:

PLEASE take it easy.
We are here to help.

1. WHAT DOES your GIRL do for a Living and where is she based on earth....??
2. If she does not have a JOB, please for how long...??
3. If she is Jobless.., can you leave her for someone that has got something meaningful doing.......??
4. What did you study.....in your A’Level....??
My FINAL RESPONSE to you will depend strongly on the answers you will give me now...

My girlfriend has no job for now, she is based in Bayelsa and I am based in Delta State. I studied Business Administration. And please I can't leave my girlfriend because she is jobless. Thanks for your advice.

I can’t seem to wrap my head around this. They are not putting pressure on you to start earning a living, instead they decide to mount pressure on two broke & unemployed people to get married?

How do they intend both of you rent a house and feed?

I’m not good with giving advice but why not turn the table around and turn the heat on everybody that you need to settle down. Start disturbing all of them for money to settle down. Once you see them, start singing of how you need money to settle down. Disturb all of them very well, make sure they don’t have any peace.
Maybe, just maybe, the message will dawn on them that you need a job first.

Expectedly, watch them start avoiding the subject. In turn, the pressure may subside.

For each person telling you “probably” doors will open after wedding citing examples, remember they’re “probably” a thousand others with opposing stories to tell.

stag:
I can’t seem to wrap my head around this. They are not putting pressure on you to start earning a living, instead they decide to mount pressure on two broke & unemployed people to get married?

How do they intend both of you rent a house and feed?

I’m not good with giving advice but why not turn the table around and turn the heat on everybody that you need to settle down. Start disturbing all of them for money to settle down. Once you see them, start singing of how you need money to settle down. Maybe, just maybe, the message will dawn on them that you need a job first.

Expectedly, watch them start avoiding the subject. In turn, the pressure may subside.

For each person telling you “probably” doors will open after wedding citing examples, remember they’re “probably” a thousand others with opposing stories to tell.

Thanks

If your faith can't carry it, don't do it. Personally I know people who that scripture Ur friends quoted worked in their lives.

Also add this scripture, he that considers the weather will never sow.

Ecc 11:4

"Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest."

quote author=destiny4luv post=75302002]I am having some pressure from family to settle down. I will be 34 soon. But sincerely speaking the only thing that is standing as a barrier now is finance. This I have explained to my family, but they keep insisting I must settle down this year no matter what.

I am the only son in the family and the last born. I have three elder sisters, and the pressure of late is just unbearable.I work with a construction company a contract job off and on and for about five months now I have been jobless still searching for a better job, but my family don't just want to see reasons with me. I have a serious girlfriend whom I intend settling with, but I can't do that without a steady source of income and my family just can't see things from my perspective.

Please is it advisable to solicit for funds to settle down while I keep searching for a better job or wait till I get a better job? A friend advice me that I should settle down and expect the best and made a scriptural reference that "he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" meaning when I settle down different doors will just start opening that his elder brother did same thing and things are working out fine for him now. Please dear Nairalanders is this step advisable. [/quote]

Only son and you are 34 and unmarred jeez

Only sons don't get pass 25 yrs unmarried though majority were married with someone else as sponsor.

Try and explain things to them that u will be willing to accept help if any

yvelchstores:
Also add this scripture, he that considers the weather will never sow.

Ecc 11:4

"Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest."

Hmmm so deep. Thanks

Are you still living with your family at 34? Or is the pressure coming from phone calls?

Katier00:
Are you still living with your family at 34? Or is the pressure coming from phone calls?

I live alone, the pressure comes from phone calls, SMS and family meetings. My family thinks I have money and I just don't want to settle down now, all because I don't ask anything from them. I just try my best to do any side hustle to make hands meet. But they just won't see reason with me.

Judge yourself, what if you turn 55 with no "stable" finance/income, what would you do?

yvelchstores:
Also add this scripture, he that considers the weather will never sow.

Ecc 11:4

"Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest."

I'm not familiar with this part of scripture. Really deep.

destiny4luv:


I live alone, the pressure comes from phone calls, SMS and family meetings. My family thinks I have money and I just don't want to settle down now, all because I don't ask anything from them. I just try my best to do any side hustle to make hands meet. But they just won't see reason with me.

I understand dear but it's time to start ignoring those calls and messages. Heaven won't fall. Don't let anyone pressure you even your wife to be will frustrate you when you don't have money to provide for her basic needs. You can't enjoy marriage without money

Katier00:
I understand dear but it's time to start ignoring those calls and messages. Heaven won't fall. Don't let anyone pressure you even your wife to be will frustrate you when you don't have money to provide for her basic needs. You can't enjoy marriage without money

Exactly my point. Thank God they are people who sees things from my point of view. God bless u ma'am.

sassysure:
At 34, u are still searching for work of which u may not be too sure u won't be sacked soon going by the situation of things on ground in Nigeria.

Why not learn handiwork?

34 yrs is indeed old and yes, they all have the right to be worried.

If u desire trading, u can go and learn and they can help you raise the capital. If you know your onions and the lady u want to marry isn't doing any tangible thing, the two of you can combine and run the biz.

And u don't have to borrow to marry.
Who does that?
It tells a lot about ur character and I will be worried if I'm the said lady.

I appreciate your advice, but let me correct some wrong impressions. I am a graduate, I have 3 different skills and is those skills I am using to earn a living today. I have not worked with my certificate not once. Is just that I have not gotten that dream/stable job yet, which I believe God I will soon. Na Nigeria we dey, make we nor dey devieve our selves.

You can only be pressured into marriage if you allow yourself to be pressured.

Quote me anywhere

Roland17:
Here is my take and it may be different.

If your girlfriend is understanding as you claim and you both love each other enough to commit into marriage, then marry her according to your pocket. You don't have to do anything extraordinary to the point of borrowing money. If your family and her family understand your financial situation then they would be supportive considering they want their child and brother in other instances to get married. Don't get it twisted, your family wants the best for you in the instance, the problem may be their approach. Except you don't want to ever get married, then at 34 you should be making honest and concrete plans to settle down especially since you have a good woman.

It would be unfair to keep the lady waiting with hopes that you "hammer" while she continues to age. She may meet someone who is ready, not necessarily financially buoyant and move on from you and she would be justified in my opinion. If you don't know when or are unsure, please let the lady go, na somebody sister be that and body counts no dey fair for woman body, in comparison to men. You have a job and I hope she has a job, gather your finances, keep it very simple and plan your future together before and after marriage.

Part of being a man is making difficult decisions.

May God guide you and give you the wisdom to navigate this situation.

God bless u sir

destiny4luv:
I am having some pressure from family to settle down. I will be 34 soon. But sincerely speaking the only thing that is standing as a barrier now is finance. This I have explained to my family, but they keep insisting I must settle down this year no matter what.

I am the only son in the family and the last born. I have three elder sisters, and the pressure of late is just unbearable.I work with a construction company a contract job off and on and for about five months now I have been jobless still searching for a better job, but my family don't just want to see reasons with me. I have a serious girlfriend whom I intend settling with, but I can't do that without a steady source of income and my family just can't see things from my perspective.

Please is it advisable to solicit for funds to settle down while I keep searching for a better job or wait till I get a better job? A friend advice me that I should settle down and expect the best and made a scriptural reference that "he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtain favour from the Lord" meaning when I settle down different doors will just start opening that his elder brother did same thing and things are working out fine for him now. Please dear Nairalanders is this step advisable.

Let me help you with your finances. Its possible for you to settle down this year if actually your only inhibition is finance. Follow my thread on business section. You should be grateful for Katier cos I followed her posts. All things are possible to him that believes, act now.