What Bethel Did to My Faith
As told by Paul Grundy, Original Article found in https://jwfacts.com/watchtower/experiences/paul-grundy-bethel-experience.php

The most well know books and websites about J Ws are by former Bethelites.[1] How do people with the conviction to devote their lives to working as volunteers at Watchtower headquarters end up so actively opposed to the religion? This is my experience.

I grew up in Tasmania, an island state of Australia, far from the Australian Bethel Branch. I was in awe of Bethel, the name given to the Watchtower headquarters and its branches. Whilst I appreciated that J Ws are not perfect, I accepted that the leadership operate directly under the influence of Jehovah's spirit, enabling things to happen that no worldly corporation or religious group can emulate.

Under Jehovah’s direction, J Ws were able to build kingdom halls in 2 days, known as the quick build arrangement.[2] Jehovah had directed his people to develop MEPS[3], a world leading system for translating his publications into hundreds of languages to assist the global preaching work in fulfilment of Matthew 24:14. When it pertained to his organization, and finding true followers in this final part of the last days, Jehovah’s spirit continued to do miracles. Or so I had been raised to believe.

I remember the surreal feeling when a sister from my congregation was called in from Hobart to the Sydney Bethel to help with some project for a week. This was the ultimate privilege, and at each year's District Convention I would attend the lunchtime meeting for potential Bethelites.

In 1990, my parents were asked to move to Sydney to serve where the need was great. I was 20 at the time and moved with them to Parramatta congregation. Parramatta was 25 kilometres from the Watchtower headquarters in Ingleburn, just within the zone of congregations that Bethelites would be assigned to, and I came to know a number personally. Though I became more realistic that Bethel inhabitants were normal people, I still longed to go and serve at the hub of Jehovah’s organization. No where else was it possible to be so close to the heart of Jehovah’s organisation and Jehovah's spirit.

One time, Bethel called regular pioneers from our congregation to work in the kitchen and I worked there for a few days. I found it a really difficult time. Despite the Australian headquarter being located on a large farm with beautifully manicured gardens, the “Stepford Wife” superficiality enveloped me with sadness. I knew it was not the place I should be, yet I continued to aspire to life in Bethel. I had always had difficulties with faith, something I constantly prayed to Jehovah to provide. If I was to survive Armageddon, then Bethel was my best chance of growing in faith and being the spiritual man Jehovah expected me to be.

Whilst pioneering, I was attending university. This led to a fair deal of criticism, as at the time higher education was condemned for J Ws. (After a brief period of reprieve in the 1900’s, higher education is once again discouraged.) Upon graduation, I continued to pioneer, began working part-time as a cleaner, and applied to Bethel. I had been a student for as long as I could remember and with my studies over, spare cash in my pocket, and summer in Sydney, life could not have been better.



Within little over a month, I received an acceptance letter from Bethel, greeting it with a degree of remorse, having just entered the best time of my life. I moved into the "House of God" at the beginning of 1991.

There a two primary Bethel forms. The application form contains a long list of questions. I have always been exceedingly honest, and struggled on a couple of questions, due to some prior experiences in my life. That said, I entered Bethel very naive, and most certainly a virgin.

The second form is the "Vow of Poverty," which was renamed in 2002 to the "Vow Of Obedience and Poverty to the Order of Special Full-time Servants of J Ws." The Vow is accompanied by a letter explaining the purpose is that “It documents the understanding through which each member of the Order provides his services, something that assists governmental agencies to understand better the self-sacrificing rather than pecuniar motivation of those who serve in special full-time service.” Included in the Vow of Poverty (2002) is;

- To abstain from secular employment without permission from the Order;
- To turn over to the local organization of the Order all income received from any work or personal efforts in excess of my necessary living expenses, unless released from this vow by the Order;
- To accept such provisions for members of the Order (be they meals, lodging, expense reimbursements, or others) as are made in the country where I serve. regardless of the level of my responsibility or the value of my services;
- To be content and satisfied with the modest support that I receive from the Order as long as I am privileged to serve in the Order and not to expect any further remuneration should I choose to leave the Order or should the Order determine that I no longer qualify to serve in the Order



I cannot understand how this is legal. Why is it that employees of Australian companies are protected by strict and fair legal rights, but a young, indoctrinated religious follower can sign these away, because “A religious order is an arrangement to accomplish a common religious, rather than profit-motivated, goal.” Australia has strict legislation to protect employees through provision of a minimum wage, sick leave, annual holiday leave, and contribution to superannuation (a retirement fund.) By signing the Vow of Poverty, a Bethelite is forced to claim that as willing volunteer they need not be protected by Australian workplace laws.

I may have volunteered, but most certainly had become a full-time employee for Watchtower, obliged to work a minimum of 44 hours over a five and a half day week, with strict hours and job description. The monthly allowance was just $95, with an $80 monthly travel allowance if you owned a car, and $400 annual bonus. The annual amount of less than $2,500 may seem impossible to live off, when the average wage at the time was around $40,000, but Bethel provide a free shared room, food, laundry services, and second hand clothes through “grab.” I learnt to be frugal, to the point of budgeting the number of chewing gum pieces I could afford a week.

I applied for my first credit card whilst at Bethel, and was provided with the a letter from the Accounting Department verifying my income.

With great difficulty I persuaded the bank to provide the credit card account, and was given the lowest credit limit I have ever heard of - $500.

I graduated university with a Bachelor of Commerce and hoped to assist at Bethel in the accounting department. I was told instead that Bethel is a place to learn humility. My first assignment was as factory cleaner. For my first eighteen months I cleaned over 20 toilet bowls daily and untold numbers of windows and floors.

Bethelites share a room, and my first roommate, Shane, had been in Bethel a couple of years before I arrived. He warned me to be careful, as a person can be kicked out for “wearing the wrong colour socks.” Later I found out that he had been publicly reproved in Bethel shortly before I arrived. Two other Bethelites, himself and a newly interested Bible study drove a V8 Ford Falcon to Kings Cross, Sydney’s notorious red-light district. They pulled over and spoke to a streetwalker. She asked if she could join them, and one of the Bethelites told the prostitute how beautiful she was, and how much he would love to have sex with her, but he couldn’t because he was a J Ws. On the highway back to Bethel they sped at speeds of over 200 kilometers an hour. The Bible Study was deeply offended and told his Study conductor, who spoke to the Bethel elders. Two Bethelites were expelled from Bethel, but my flat mate was publicly reproved instead, as he had been an unwilling accomplice is the back seat of the car.

The first month at Bethel is hard on most people for three key reasons:

- Regulation
- Loneliness
- Missing the preaching work

Bethel life comes as a shock, as it is highly regulated life. When I was at Bethel, there were bells for when to wake up, when to have breakfast, when to start work, for lunch and finally finish work.

For most young men, Bethel is their first time away from home and it is a struggle missing family and friends. (It is rare for single sisters to be invited in, unless as part of the infirmary. Couples no doubt experience their own set of issues.) When I arrived at Bethel, I remained in Parramatta congregation and did not suffer the loneliness to the extent others did.

To be invited to Bethel, an important requirement is to be a regular pioneer. Some exceptions are made for certain skill sets, and for when there is a need for construction projects, but in general most people at Bethel have pioneered, devoted many hours to preaching each week. Once in Bethel, I was doing less spiritual activities. More than everything else, the difficult part for me was coming to the realisation this was not a place of holy spirit, but just a factory.

Within the first two months I had my first experience to prove Bethelites were no different than the worldly people I had worked or schooled with. An elder in his late thirties was walking down a stair case towards me as I was walking up it. I said “Hello Spansey”, greeting him by the nickname that I had heard others refer to by. He turned on me, grabbed me by the neck, threw me against the staircase wall and threatened “If you ever call me that again I will kill you, my name is Brother Spans-Marrae.”

I had never been the subject of such violence before and was physically shaken. J Ws are instructed to report the wrongdoing of others,[4] and whilst I was ashamed and embarrassed, I felt I should discuss what happened with my overseer. I spoke to Winston Paine, and he advised I forget about it, as Brother Spans-Marrae had come from a difficult background and already made tremendous changes in his life. I moved on, though admit eventually had some satisfaction at Alan’s expense. My graduation certificate arrived, and I made a few changes and anonymously left a copy on his desk.



I tried to make the best out of factory cleaning. A brother my age, Stephen Mann was assigned to work with me and we spent each day working on projects together, laughing and having a good time. The most enjoyable job was cleaning the pool. We would turn on the radio and it was great to be outside. One day the home overseer, Greg Frank, came down to the pool to check on us. He was furious, as listening to the radio was forbidden during work hours at Bethel. Shortly after, I was called to his office and told that I was not to work with Stephen, as it had been noticed that we spent too much time talking as we worked. I found the next period very difficult, and was not equipped to cope spending hours a day in quiet, with just the thoughts that circled endlessly in my head.

I had many friends in Parramatta congregation. I would leave Bethel after dinner to visit them, often arriving back at Bethel around midnight. My sister lived in Parramatta, and on weekends I would sleep at her apartment. Once a year on Saturday, Bethel held a “family night,” a fun gala night where Bethelites could entertain others with their talents. I was on saxophone as part of a make shift band, playing the song Brazil. After it ended, and everything was packed up I left Bethel and drove to my sisters.

Shortly after family night, I was called to a meeting with Brother Hamnet, one of the Branch committee. He told me that I had been seen regularly coming home after 11pm, and even on one occasion “night watch” had observed me heading out after midnight. Furthermore, I my car had been seen parked outside a nightclub near Bethel, which was untrue. He wanted an explanation, as nothing good happens after midnight. I explained that I had never been at that nightclub, that I had been heading to my sister, and that I often came home late from friends, as my room mates went to sleep at 8pm and I could not sleep before 11pm. (By this time Bethel had expanded to the extent that three people would share a small room designed for two. I was unlucky enough to share with two physical brothers, Michael and David Van Brugh, and assigned a corner the size of my single bed.)

Soon after, I was called to see Brother Hamnet again. For a period of time the main gate, which opened automatically with a swipe card, was being worked on. To enter Bethel at night meant going to the next gate, getting out, unlocking the padlock, driving through and then re-padlocking it. I found a short cut. There was an automatic gate at the adjoining kingdom hall, and between the hall and Bethel was a footpath the exact width of my car that I could drive in through instead. Unfortunately, the evening security guards, referred to as night watch, consisted of three humourless brothers. They had seen my inventive form of entrance and submitted a formal written complaint. Due to my indiscretion, the footpath came to be known as Grundy lane amongst some of the young brothers.

When I was at Bethel, it was customary for brothers to wear white shirts. I have always enjoyed a degree of flamboyance with my clothing, and preferred colourful, patterned shirts. The laundry department would joke at how easy it was to identify my clothes rack. Over time, more and more brothers started to expand their choice of colourful clothing.

At this stage, I was still working in the cleaning department and reporting to Greg Frank. I was called again to see Brother Frank. He said that he felt that I was not suited to Bethel and asked if I would consider leaving. In a stupid act of stubbornness, I told him that I felt that Bethel was good for me and would stay. I knew I was not suited to Bethel life, but to be asked to leave was to mean I had failed, and I wanted to leave on my own accord.

The following week, Brother Franz reassigned me to the kitchen washing dishes, as he felt it would be beneficial for me to have supervision. I enjoyed the kitchen, with people to talk to and have fun with, and some great people, such as Colin and Joe. Lance was head of the kitchen, and one day he proudly told me how he had managed to cut to average cost per meal from something like $1.08 to $1.06. I have heard that after I left this changed, as there were too many people taking sick leave, and a nutritionist was consulted to ensure the meals provided a correct daily balance of nutrients.

Not long after arriving in the kitchen I was assigned as a waiter. This was the ideal job for me. I loved serving people, talking to them and meeting new people. I became head waiter, meeting and seating tours groups from nearby congregations. I met many nice young witnesses who invited me to parties around Sydney, and also was asked to waiter for a wedding at the lakeside suburb of Toronto north of Sydney.

As head waiter, I met and seated a number of Watchtower “celebrities.” The most highly rated were travelling Governing Body members, such as William Lloyd Barry, and Frederick William Franz. Franz is particularly important to Watchtower history. Born in 1893, he spent most of his 99 years in Bethel, was Watchtower’s leading scholar instrumental in much eschatological doctrine and fourth Watchtower President. I was told that he liked to be seated with blonde sisters, and we arranged to for Rochelle, one of the nurses to accompany him at the head table.

The other brush with fame I had was seating singer George Benson. He arrived at Bethel in a limousine and his security guard waited outside whilst George ate at the head table. Many years later I made a youtube video with short clips of famous J Ws that has had over 1 millions views, including a few seconds of a George Benson song. Whilst I don’t believe I have violated copyright, the music label lodged a claim with google, and now ads are played during my video, with the processes going to Benson, and hence I continue to serve him.

With Bethel outgrowing itself, a construction project commenced, and I was moved into a temporary dormitory, back with my original room mate and a constructionite by the name of Sven. Shane had by now spent several years at Bethel and I had noticed that he would regularly make aggressive comments against homosexuals. In the words of Shakespeare, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” One question on the Bethel Application was, “Have you ever had a homosexual relationship?”

One night, Shane was telling us his life story, and admitted to having experimented sexually with men prior to coming to being Baptised and so had to lie on his Bethel application, and how he felt guilty about lying. Shane had never made me feel uncomfortable, so I didn't mind, but Sven was upset at having learning he was sharing with someone claiming to be a “former” homosexual.

As waiter, I used to start work early to set up the kitchen and hence finish earlier than most of the Bethel family. I had grown up enjoying windsurfing, and so one day decided to windsurf on the Bethel lake. I may not have been the last to windsurf on it, but I was definitely the first.



Somehow I got the reputation as being rebellious, though a better term may be non-conformist; either way it is not a good trait for a member at the headquarters of a high control religious organization.

Each morning, all Bethel members take place at their assigned seat in the dining room for breakfast and morning worship. Under the table was a ledge to store the daily text book. One morning, Rochelle, the single nurse reached under the table for her book, only to wrap her fingers around a condom. Once again, I was in the spot light, truthfully protesting my innocence.

My constant appearance in the spotlight led the Bethel elders to decide I should be moved to a new congregation, where I would be away from the comfort of my family and friends and closer to Bethel. I was reassigned to Bradbury congregation, a poor area with many in the congregation half-hearted towards meetings. I could not stop thinking that the brothers and sisters were not that different from the few worldly people I had been at school or worked with. As a whole, I did not find them particularly kind or friendly, or anymore sincere or genuine than worldly people I had met. Why should God kill all the worldly people that had touched my life and save those in this congregation? The same applied to the Bethelites. Though there were many nice people, there were also the arrogant and haughty, the self assuming and unloving.

I had been a Ministerial Servant in Parramatta Congregation. After moving congregation you are not automatically still a Ministerial Servant, and need to be reappointed. I was asked if there was any reason I should not be reassigned. One of the struggles I had as a Jehovah’s Witness was with masturbation, which led to a tremendous burden of guilt. As “Keep Yourselves in God’s Love” states:

“A spiritually unhealthy habit, masturbation instills attitudes that foster self-centeredness and corrupt the mind. … Of course, you need to take positive steps in harmony with your prayers. For example, you would strive to avoid all forms of pornography as well as bad associates. If your problem with masturbation persists, please speak about the matter with a Christian parent or a spiritually mature and caring friend.”

I felt obligated to confess that I had did not have full control over masturbation, and as such was not appointed as a Ministerial Servant. In order to assist, I had to meet weekly with a Bethel Elder, Jack Porter, to discuss if had done anything that week.

During one such session I asked Jack why J Ws could not have MouthAction. Being pre-internet, I wasn’t particularly sure what MouthAction even was. Jack aggressively asked how I knew about MouthAction and if I had been looking at pornographic magazines. I said I hadn’t but I remember reading about it in a Watchtower. He calmed down, and told me if was a filthy and unhygienic practice of homosexuals.

Jack asked me a question that came as a shock - "Have you been with a prostitute whilst at Bethel." How could someone devoted enough to put a normal life on hold and come to Bethel, with the expectation that Armageddon would be "any time now," waste all that effort by committing fornication with a prostitute, or anyone else for that matter? Jack said it was an issue that young Bethel brothers could get lonely and end up with up a prostitute. I couldn't comprehend such a thing, but there were a number that would stand on the Hume Highway on the way to Bethel, and maybe it was a spur of the moment decision. Leaving Bethel and returning to your old congregation under such shameful circumstances would be impossible to ever live down.

I was still a virgin throughout my time at Bethel, yet instead of being proud of my self-control, felt fear and shame for hiding sin. Growing up as a Witness, I always suffered tremendously from guilt and was worried that I was worthy of destruction at Armageddon. On top of masturbation, I had engaged in “uncleanness,” things that amounted to little more than heavy petting. During a session with Jack Porter, I recalled how I had kissed a pioneer sister and felt her breasts on more than one occasion. Jack did not feel it was something to worry about as it had been some years previous, and since we were both still in full time service God had not removed his blessing. I was not aware at the time, but the Kingdom Ministry 1972 p.8 outlined that a confession for something that happened 3 or more years in the past, "have evidently been forgiven by Jehovah and are not practiced now."

A more difficult subject to broach was in regards to an older male Witness. Whilst in my teens this brother fondled me whilst I was attempting to sleep. Rather than stop him immediately, I initially froze. For several years I had suffered extreme guilt, not knowing whether God thought I was somehow at fault. Jack felt this was a serious matter that required a meeting with 2 elders, though for some reason not including him. In absolute shame, I had to retell the situation again. Brother Colin Lanman asked it I had enjoyed the advances of the brother, and warned me to take care not to allow this experience to blossom into homosexuality. Rather than having had the burden of guilt lifted, confession made me more confused. Yet again, the elders decided nothing further needed to be done.

I was now under the scrutiny of Jack Porter. One day I arrived at lunch with a fresh haircut. Jack called me to his table wanting to know which hairdresser I had gone to, as the style was inappropriate for Bethel. I had come straight from the Bethel Salon.

I used to be in charge of a cleaning team at the District Convention, and on the day prior to the convention, the team will arrive in the afternoon to thoroughly clean a section of the seating. At the time, the Convention was held at Warwick Farm Racecourse. I was expected to arrive mid-afternoon to help organise my team. I asked George Hamnet if I could start work 2 hours early, and leave two hours early, so as to help arrange cleaning for the convention. He said, “No.” I was in shock, and didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t asked for time off work, but rather to start earlier, and what I was doing was still part of Jehovah’s Service. A few years earlier I had a similar conversation with a “worldly” boss about needing to start early so I could attend a convention and he was fine with it. I asked again, and George point blank refused. My team had to start without me. My Bethel boss was more unreasonable than a worldly person, and prevented my from doing more work for Jehovah’s arrangement. Bethel was not a place shrouded in Jehovah’s Spirit, it was where megalomaniacs headed to control sincere and gullible sheeplike ones.

Whilst I was at Bethel, most of my childhood friends were disfellowshipped, or became inactive. Two Witness friends from Hobart, a Witness from Sydney and one from Cairns, committed suicide. Then one of my closest friends attempted suicide and ended up in hospital. He had recently been disfellowshipped. I was well aware that I was to shun him, but I could not abandon him. I kept in touch, calling him from Bethel, using the phone in the cleaning room next to the room where I lived.

I started to question my faith in the Watchtower. I called various Bible study organizations, and had a number of packages posted from various religions, including from the Baha’i and a Muslim Study course. It was noticed that I was having packages delivered from various religious groups. Don Mclean, one of the Branch Committee members, spoke to me about it. He was a caring brother that was the celebrant for my sisters wedding. I asked if it was ok to research other religions, as we expect other groups to be open to our literature. He said it was fine, but to be careful and make sure I devoted my time mostly to the information provided by the Watchtower.

I spoke to Vincent Toole about my doubts. I had known and admired Vin for almost as long as I could remember. Vin had been a sheep shearer in Australia before he converted in his twenties. He and his wife Sue went on circuit work, and his first circuit was in Tasmania. Vin and Sue where remarkably charismatic. One evening whilst my father and Vin were at an elders meeting, my mother, Sue and I stripped to our underwear, and swam at Sandy Bay beach. I was maybe 11. Sue was an avid bushwalker, and on an uncharacteristically hot Hobart summer day, we walked up Mount Wellington together. The Tooles were called in to Bethel, where Vin was put through university to become a lawyer. He has a sweet tooth, so on his graduation I bought him three Toblerone, tying them together in a larger pyramid shape.