I like relationships and being in love.But i also like being single. You have to embrace all those different things - Dominic Monaghan

Each time someone comes up to me to ask when i will be getting married, i always have one response which is,

'when i meet the right person'

And they go, you must be very selective, you should not be too picky, you know a woman is like a flower, she blooms in the morning and withers at night. The older you get, the lesser your choices. Lol. If i had a nickel for the number of times i have been told that.

Here is my response to them,

First of all, marrriage is a lifetime institution, i need to take my time in making a choice so as not to jump in and jump out. Yes, I desire to fall in love and be married but i am not in a hurry. I don't need surface relationships, I crave depth, the deepest of connection.

2. I am still growing.

There are things i know i need to learn before hooking up with a man in order to be the best version of myself. I am learning who i am, my likes and dislikes, the good, bad and ugly, my strengths and weaknesses, insecurities. It does not necessarily mean i have to be perfect before marriage but to smoothen out rough edges and become the woman i truly need to be.

This is important as many potentially great relationships have broken down because we carry unresolved baggages into new beginnings. Cleaning out my closet will enable me make better decisions.

3. My being too picky does not border on superficial things but important character i cannot compromise on. I want the full package. I desire stability, commitment over potentials and action over words, kindness and empathy, compatibility and compromises.

4. I am working on my visions and goals. I know the kind of life i crave and i am pouring all my energy in order to make it happen.

So yes, being single is not a disease. I know the pressure from mothers, fathers, aunties, uncles, friends and even strangers can be overwhelming and might even cause you to lower your standards but don't.

I know there are the lonely nights, wistful looks when you see couples who look happy together but more than anything, this should strengthen your resolve to wait for the most suitable partner as the worst form of loneliness is to share a bed with someone whose heart is not with you totally. Marriage also does not cure loneliness, That is your battle to conquer.

The people pressuring you will not be there when misery comes knocking from marrying the wrong person. You are responsible for your happiness, you alone. Nobody or no factor should determine that for you.

Unhappy relationship is the cause of many mental health issues we have today.
Never love anyone who treats you like you are ordinary - Oscar Wilde.

Don't let 'you are not getting younger' push you into settling for just anybody. Every one reserves the right to know when they desire to settle down, who they need and to wait till it comes their way. The fear of being alone has pushed a lot of people into not -so- ideal relationships or to remain with someone who makes their lives a living hell.

Contrary to what is being drummed into your ears, you will not end up alone. There is someone for everyone.

In the case you want to be single, it is also not a bad thing. Learn to enjoy your singleness. There is beauty and flavour in every season. You can be happily single.

Your life should not be put on hold because you are waiting for the right one to come along. Enjoy every single day. It is your right.

Happiness is not a destination but an attitude.

One song which comes to mind writing this is;

I hope you dance - Lee Ann Womack.

I really do hope you dance.

It is really about, what do you want? Do you believe?

What are the struggles you are going through and who do you think needs to read this?

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https://musingsandroses./2019/03/12/why-am-i-still-single/