Who agrees with me that the way we go about relationships these days is wrong?

Ideally, this is how the progression should be

Dating◇Courtship◇Marriage.

Dating: This should be the period where you meet someone, you feel like you'd like to know them more, so you agree on a time and place to meet and discuss. You can do this as many times as you want... and with as many persons as you take interest in. This period should be devoid of sex and overt intimacies. This period should primarily be about learning more about the other person...their goals...vision...values...character...likes, dislikes, preferences...upbringing...family background...faith, etc. If all of these things tick and are in resonance with what you represent, and feelings develop, then you proceed to courtship.
N.B Persons who aren't looking at getting married in the nearest future should not bother about the dating phase. It is pointless. For how many years would you continue to have meetings and discuss with someone? This is where trouble and confusion begins. Don't ask to meet a person regularly if you're not looking at something purposeful... This dating period should be from 3 to 6 months max.

Courtship: So from all the persons you've been going on dates with, you may have found one who is most compatible with you...and who you've developed feelings for. This is the point where you can now state your intentions clearly and demand committment. This is when a proper relationship begins. It is purposeful. You have both agreed to marry each other. During this period you consolidate your plans. You reach agreements as to the number of kids you wish to have... you plan about finances, you decide on where you'd live...are you starting out with getting a house on mortgage? You'll start getting to know and build a relationship with the family of the other person... you learn even more about yourselves. You discuss self-development goals...long term family plans...you pray more...read more books on how to build a home and have a fulfilling marriage. You begin to save more towards marriage. At this stage, full commitment is required. It is no longer proper or acceptable for any party to entertain dates or advances from members of the opposite sex. You can discuss your sexual preferences. Co-habiting shouldn't be also. Sex is still not allowed at this point... overt intimacies should still not be. Little acts of fondness are allowed. Between the both of you, decide on the kind of marriage ceremony you want to have... then fix a date... after which you proceed to getting the rest of the family and church involved. Personally, I think it's foolhardy to plan a lucrative wedding when you don't have surplus money. You're just about starting a family... you'd need all the financial resources you can get. Don't spend it all on a wedding and start living from paycheque to paycheque. This period should last between 6 to 18 months.

Marriage Staying faithful to your vows... learning more about your partner...building the family.

I believe if we all stick to this order, we'd have less relationship problems and better marriages. I've come to realise that it's not ideal asking a person to stay committed to you when marriage isn't in view...or perhaps when one person has a different plan. ("Can two walk except they agree?"

* You're asking a person to be committed to you alone and you don't want them feeling entitled.

*You're asking a person to be committed to you
before you both have had the chance to know yourselves well enough. And then you start doing the bf/gf thing only to realise the other person has issues... and you want out, but you can't just do it because it's too early and you know you'll be hurting their feelings.

*You want a person to be committed to you alone and you haven't categorically stated what the end point is. What is the relationship supposed to be all about then? For lack of direction and purpose, y'all end up having sex...until you get tired of each other. That's why you see people in relationships having plan A, B, C.

There's so much to be said... if you do things the right way, you won't feel like you're having sex for free, nobody enters into an accidental marriage because someone got pregnant, she won't ask you for money, you owe her nothing...y'all are seeing other people, too. Nobody would feel short-changed...nobody would wonder if his/her time is being wasted. You'd choose better partners. The first form of any kind of "obligations" begin in courtship.

But you see, we conform a lot... we change and follow trends... it seems like nobody's willing to do things right, so you go with what's obtainable.

I haven't always done it right either. But think about it. We'd all be better off if we do things right... not all these perversions we've come to accept as norms...even when the consequences are staring at us right in the face.

Happy Sunday.

.

True

Why dating, Courting and marriage go dey organize like Meeting agenda...Nawa oh..

If one practice this,,,expect a boring union!

Tundexxy:
Why dating, Courting and marriage go dey organize like Meeting agenda...Nawa oh..

If one practice this,,,expect a boring union!

It's in the name of "interesting/fun" that y'all end up wailing all the time... and always hitting the rocks.

PrimadonnaO:


It's in the name of "interesting/fun" that y'all end up wailing all the time... and always hitting the rocks.

So going for a boring marriage is okay?

YES,
Meet -----> Date -----> Courtship -----> Marriage -----> Sex -----> Baby
IS THE RIGHT WAY.

But unfortunately, folks are dating upside down these days. It's not up to me to tell people what's right for them, though. As long as you're an adult, you've the agency to make your own choices.

Tundexxy:


So going for a boring marriage is okay?

I don't see the relationship between the topic and boring marriage.

henryhemon:

I don't see the relationship between the topic and boring marriage.

Okay......i responded to a quote not topic nah

PrimadonnaO:
Who agrees with me that the way we go about relationships these days is wrong?

Ideally, this is how the progression should be

Dating◇Courtship◇Marriage.

Dating: This should be the period where you meet someone, you feel like you'd like to know them more, so you agree on a time and place to meet and discuss. You can do this as many times as you want... and with as many persons as you take interest in. This period should be devoid of sex and overt intimacies. This period should primarily be about learning more about the other person...their goals...vision...values...character...likes, dislikes, preferences...upbringing...family background...faith, etc. If all of these things tick and are in resonance with what you represent, and feelings develop, then you proceed to courtship.
N.B Persons who aren't looking at getting married in the nearest future should not bother about the dating phase. It is pointless. For how many years would you continue to have meetings and discuss with someone? This is where trouble and confusion begins. Don't ask to meet a person regularly if you're not looking at something purposeful... This dating period should be from 3 to 6 months max.

Courtship: So from all the persons you've been going on dates with, you may have found one who is most compatible with you...and who you've developed feelings for. This is the point where you can now state your intentions clearly and demand committment. This is when a proper relationship begins. It is purposeful. You have both agreed to marry each other. During this period you consolidate your plans. You reach agreements as to the number of kids you wish to have... you plan about finances, you decide on where you'd live...are you starting out with getting a house on mortgage? You'll start getting to know and build a relationship with the family of the other person... you learn even more about yourselves. You discuss self-development goals...long term family plans...you pray more...read more books on how to build a home and have a fulfilling marriage. You begin to save more towards marriage. At this stage, full commitment is required. It is no longer proper or acceptable for any party to entertain dates or advances from members of the opposite sex. You can discuss your sexual preferences. Co-habiting shouldn't be also. Sex is still not allowed at this point... overt intimacies should still not be. Little acts of fondness are allowed. Between the both of you, decide on the kind of marriage ceremony you want to have... then fix a date... after which you proceed to getting the rest of the family and church involved. Personally, I think it's foolhardy to plan a lucrative wedding when you don't have surplus money. You're just about starting a family... you'd need all the financial resources you can get. Don't spend it all on a wedding and start living from paycheque to paycheque. This period should last between 6 to 8 months.

Marriage Staying faithful to your vows... learning more about your partner...building the family.

I believe if we all stick to this order, we'd have less relationship problems and better marriages. I've come to realise that it's not ideal asking a person to stay committed to you when marriage isn't in view...or perhaps when one person has a different plan. ("Can two walk except they agree?"

* You're asking a person to be committed to you alone and you don't want them feeling entitled.

*You're asking a person to be committed to you
before you both have had the chance to know yourselves well enough. And then you start doing the bf/gf thing only to realise the other person has issues... and you want out, but you can't just do it because it's too early and you know you'll be hurting their feelings.

*You want a person to be committed to you alone and you haven't categorically stated what the end point is. What is the relationship supposed to be all about then? For lack of direction and purpose, y'all end up having sex...until you get tired of each other. That's why you see people in relationships having plan A, B, C.

There's so much to be said... if you do things the right way, you won't feel like you're having sex for free, nobody enters into an accidental marriage because someone got pregnant, she won't ask you for money, you owe her nothing...y'all are seeing other people, too. Nobody would feel short-changed...nobody would wonder if his/her time is being wasted. You'd choose better partners. The first form of any kind of "obligations" begin in courtship.

But you see, we conform a lot... we change and follow trends... it seems like nobody's willing to do things right, so you go with what's obtainable.

I haven't always done it right either. But think about it. We'd all be better off if we do things right... not all these perversions we've come to accept as norms...even when the consequences are staring at us right in the face.

Happy Sunday.

I pray I meet someone who ll have sense to allow us go this way. the world is overly sexualized that e dey people who want things done the right way

PrimadonnaO:
Who agrees with me that the way we go about relationships these days is wrong?

Ideally, this is how the progression should be

Dating◇Courtship◇Marriage.

Dating: This should be the period where you meet someone, you feel like you'd like to know them more, so you agree on a time and place to meet and discuss. You can do this as many times as you want... and with as many persons as you take interest in. This period should be devoid of sex and overt intimacies. This period should primarily be about learning more about the other person...their goals...vision...values...character...likes, dislikes, preferences...upbringing...family background...faith, etc. If all of these things tick and are in resonance with what you represent, and feelings develop, then you proceed to courtship.
N.B Persons who aren't looking at getting married in the nearest future should not bother about the dating phase. It is pointless. For how many years would you continue to have meetings and discuss with someone? This is where trouble and confusion begins. Don't ask to meet a person regularly if you're not looking at something purposeful... This dating period should be from 3 to 6 months max.

Courtship: So from all the persons you've been going on dates with, you may have found one who is most compatible with you...and who you've developed feelings for. This is the point where you can now state your intentions clearly and demand committment. This is when a proper relationship begins. It is purposeful. You have both agreed to marry each other. During this period you consolidate your plans. You reach agreements as to the number of kids you wish to have... you plan about finances, you decide on where you'd live...are you starting out with getting a house on mortgage? You'll start getting to know and build a relationship with the family of the other person... you learn even more about yourselves. You discuss self-development goals...long term family plans...you pray more...read more books on how to build a home and have a fulfilling marriage. You begin to save more towards marriage. At this stage, full commitment is required. It is no longer proper or acceptable for any party to entertain dates or advances from members of the opposite sex. You can discuss your sexual preferences. Co-habiting shouldn't be also. Sex is still not allowed at this point... overt intimacies should still not be. Little acts of fondness are allowed. Between the both of you, decide on the kind of marriage ceremony you want to have... then fix a date... after which you proceed to getting the rest of the family and church involved. Personally, I think it's foolhardy to plan a lucrative wedding when you don't have surplus money. You're just about starting a family... you'd need all the financial resources you can get. Don't spend it all on a wedding and start living from paycheque to paycheque. This period should last between 6 to 8 months.

Marriage Staying faithful to your vows... learning more about your partner...building the family.

I believe if we all stick to this order, we'd have less relationship problems and better marriages. I've come to realise that it's not ideal asking a person to stay committed to you when marriage isn't in view...or perhaps when one person has a different plan. ("Can two walk except they agree?"

* You're asking a person to be committed to you alone and you don't want them feeling entitled.

*You're asking a person to be committed to you
before you both have had the chance to know yourselves well enough. And then you start doing the bf/gf thing only to realise the other person has issues... and you want out, but you can't just do it because it's too early and you know you'll be hurting their feelings.

*You want a person to be committed to you alone and you haven't categorically stated what the end point is. What is the relationship supposed to be all about then? For lack of direction and purpose, y'all end up having sex...until you get tired of each other. That's why you see people in relationships having plan A, B, C.

There's so much to be said... if you do things the right way, you won't feel like you're having sex for free, nobody enters into an accidental marriage because someone got pregnant, she won't ask you for money, you owe her nothing...y'all are seeing other people, too. Nobody would feel short-changed...nobody would wonder if his/her time is being wasted. You'd choose better partners. The first form of any kind of "obligations" begin in courtship.

But you see, we conform a lot... we change and follow trends... it seems like nobody's willing to do things right, so you go with what's obtainable.

I haven't always done it right either. But think about it. We'd all be better off if we do things right... not all these perversions we've come to accept as norms...even when the consequences are staring at us right in the face.

Happy Sunday.

Without any iota of doubt. This is the most sensible post I have ever read on nairaland.
Did you write this?

dochenaj:

Without any iota of doubt. This is the most sensible post I have ever read on nairaland.
Did you write this?

Yes, I did...

Thanks.

PrimadonnaO:
Yes, I did...
Thanks.

I will love to get a peek into that beautiful brain of yours.

This is how we old school folks do it.

Today, a guy takes a girl out on a date and expects to be compensated with sex because he footed the bill. Why not just go and pay for the services of an ashawo and save yourself time and emotional stress.

PrimadonnaO:
Who agrees with me that the way we go about relationships these days is wrong?

Ideally, this is how the progression should be

Dating◇Courtship◇Marriage.

Dating: This should be the period where you meet someone, you feel like you'd like to know them more, so you agree on a time and place to meet and discuss. You can do this as many times as you want... and with as many persons as you take interest in. This period should be devoid of sex and overt intimacies. This period should primarily be about learning more about the other person...their goals...vision...values...character...likes, dislikes, preferences...upbringing...family background...faith, etc. If all of these things tick and are in resonance with what you represent, and feelings develop, then you proceed to courtship.
N.B Persons who aren't looking at getting married in the nearest future should not bother about the dating phase. It is pointless. For how many years would you continue to have meetings and discuss with someone? This is where trouble and confusion begins. Don't ask to meet a person regularly if you're not looking at something purposeful... This dating period should be from 3 to 6 months max.

Courtship: So from all the persons you've been going on dates with, you may have found one who is most compatible with you...and who you've developed feelings for. This is the point where you can now state your intentions clearly and demand committment. This is when a proper relationship begins. It is purposeful. You have both agreed to marry each other. During this period you consolidate your plans. You reach agreements as to the number of kids you wish to have... you plan about finances, you decide on where you'd live...are you starting out with getting a house on mortgage? You'll start getting to know and build a relationship with the family of the other person... you learn even more about yourselves. You discuss self-development goals...long term family plans...you pray more...read more books on how to build a home and have a fulfilling marriage. You begin to save more towards marriage. At this stage, full commitment is required. It is no longer proper or acceptable for any party to entertain dates or advances from members of the opposite sex. You can discuss your sexual preferences. Co-habiting shouldn't be also. Sex is still not allowed at this point... overt intimacies should still not be. Little acts of fondness are allowed. Between the both of you, decide on the kind of marriage ceremony you want to have... then fix a date... after which you proceed to getting the rest of the family and church involved. Personally, I think it's foolhardy to plan a lucrative wedding when you don't have surplus money. You're just about starting a family... you'd need all the financial resources you can get. Don't spend it all on a wedding and start living from paycheque to paycheque. This period should last between 6 to 8 months.

Marriage Staying faithful to your vows... learning more about your partner...building the family.

I believe if we all stick to this order, we'd have less relationship problems and better marriages. I've come to realise that it's not ideal asking a person to stay committed to you when marriage isn't in view...or perhaps when one person has a different plan. ("Can two walk except they agree?"

* You're asking a person to be committed to you alone and you don't want them feeling entitled.

*You're asking a person to be committed to you
before you both have had the chance to know yourselves well enough. And then you start doing the bf/gf thing only to realise the other person has issues... and you want out, but you can't just do it because it's too early and you know you'll be hurting their feelings.

*You want a person to be committed to you alone and you haven't categorically stated what the end point is. What is the relationship supposed to be all about then? For lack of direction and purpose, y'all end up having sex...until you get tired of each other. That's why you see people in relationships having plan A, B, C.

There's so much to be said... if you do things the right way, you won't feel like you're having sex for free, nobody enters into an accidental marriage because someone got pregnant, she won't ask you for money, you owe her nothing...y'all are seeing other people, too. Nobody would feel short-changed...nobody would wonder if his/her time is being wasted. You'd choose better partners. The first form of any kind of "obligations" begin in courtship.

But you see, we conform a lot... we change and follow trends... it seems like nobody's willing to do things right, so you go with what's obtainable.

I haven't always done it right either. But think about it. We'd all be better off if we do things right... not all these perversions we've come to accept as norms...even when the consequences are staring at us right in the face.

Happy Sunday.

Well your opinion is okay....but imagine meeting a guy and all he does is to fix dates where you guys talk about yourselves for months all in the name of trying to know if you guys fit each other's spec....that would be sooo boorrringg

Samzzy94:



Well your opinion is okay....but imagine meeting a guy and all he does is to fix dates where you guys talk about yourselves for months all in the name of trying to know if you guys fit each other's spec....that would be sooo boorrringg

What do people do in relationships?

PrimadonnaO:

What do people do in relationships?

bang

PrimadonnaO:
Who agrees with me that the way we go about relationships these days is wrong?

Ideally, this is how the progression should be

Dating◇Courtship◇Marriage.

Dating: This should be the period where you meet someone, you feel like you'd like to know them more, so you agree on a time and place to meet and discuss. You can do this as many times as you want... and with as many persons as you take interest in. This period should be devoid of sex and overt intimacies. This period should primarily be about learning more about the other person...their goals...vision...values...character...likes, dislikes, preferences...upbringing...family background...faith, etc. If all of these things tick and are in resonance with what you represent, and feelings develop, then you proceed to courtship.
N.B Persons who aren't looking at getting married in the nearest future should not bother about the dating phase. It is pointless. For how many years would you continue to have meetings and discuss with someone? This is where trouble and confusion begins. Don't ask to meet a person regularly if you're not looking at something purposeful... This dating period should be from 3 to 6 months max.

Courtship: So from all the persons you've been going on dates with, you may have found one who is most compatible with you...and who you've developed feelings for. This is the point where you can now state your intentions clearly and demand committment. This is when a proper relationship begins. It is purposeful. You have both agreed to marry each other. During this period you consolidate your plans. You reach agreements as to the number of kids you wish to have... you plan about finances, you decide on where you'd live...are you starting out with getting a house on mortgage? You'll start getting to know and build a relationship with the family of the other person... you learn even more about yourselves. You discuss self-development goals...long term family plans...you pray more...read more books on how to build a home and have a fulfilling marriage. You begin to save more towards marriage. At this stage, full commitment is required. It is no longer proper or acceptable for any party to entertain dates or advances from members of the opposite sex. You can discuss your sexual preferences. Co-habiting shouldn't be also. Sex is still not allowed at this point... overt intimacies should still not be. Little acts of fondness are allowed. Between the both of you, decide on the kind of marriage ceremony you want to have... then fix a date... after which you proceed to getting the rest of the family and church involved. Personally, I think it's foolhardy to plan a lucrative wedding when you don't have surplus money. You're just about starting a family... you'd need all the financial resources you can get. Don't spend it all on a wedding and start living from paycheque to paycheque. This period should last between 6 to 18 months.

Marriage Staying faithful to your vows... learning more about your partner...building the family.

I believe if we all stick to this order, we'd have less relationship problems and better marriages. I've come to realise that it's not ideal asking a person to stay committed to you when marriage isn't in view...or perhaps when one person has a different plan. ("Can two walk except they agree?"

* You're asking a person to be committed to you alone and you don't want them feeling entitled.

*You're asking a person to be committed to you
before you both have had the chance to know yourselves well enough. And then you start doing the bf/gf thing only to realise the other person has issues... and you want out, but you can't just do it because it's too early and you know you'll be hurting their feelings.

*You want a person to be committed to you alone and you haven't categorically stated what the end point is. What is the relationship supposed to be all about then? For lack of direction and purpose, y'all end up having sex...until you get tired of each other. That's why you see people in relationships having plan A, B, C.

There's so much to be said... if you do things the right way, you won't feel like you're having sex for free, nobody enters into an accidental marriage because someone got pregnant, she won't ask you for money, you owe her nothing...y'all are seeing other people, too. Nobody would feel short-changed...nobody would wonder if his/her time is being wasted. You'd choose better partners. The first form of any kind of "obligations" begin in courtship.

But you see, we conform a lot... we change and follow trends... it seems like nobody's willing to do things right, so you go with what's obtainable.

I haven't always done it right either. But think about it. We'd all be better off if we do things right... not all these perversions we've come to accept as norms...even when the consequences are staring at us right in the face.

Happy Sunday.

Nwanne, what church do you attend?

healthserve:





Nwanne, what church do you attend?

Living Faith.

PrimadonnaO:


Living Faith.

No wonder. I want say which other persons get this same spiritual depth. My sis, you've done well with your spiritual development. You have my respect

PrimadonnaO:


Living Faith.

Close to Mayfair gardens?

healthserve:




Close to Mayfair gardens?

Lmao! You're cunning, man!

healthserve:



No wonder. I want say which other persons get this same spiritual depth. My sis, you've done well with your spiritual development. You have my respect

Thanks.

PrimadonnaO:


Lmao! You're cunning, man!

Sounds too procedural and too official... are we in France?

great write up. I actually enjoy the part where you included the limit for each phase duration, though not only that. But i find in it some indictors of a well directed relationship. Both partners gets aware of the game plan, making them manage emotional situations rationally and with control.
The idea you used in describing the courtship phase is rather resourceful, as it brings alive some elements of cooperation and team spirit, enhancing how one look out for the other, thus uniting them more solidly.

In general, you have just set some vivid road map for youths and searching fellows to journey while they look forward to attaining some happy ending. And most importantly to ward off time and emotional energy waster when ever they come by.

Great

Insightful writeup...

Tbh its damn hard to uphold this standard with just self determination, it takes God's grace to wield off all sorts of temptation lurking around.

God help us to do things right

Na now day break. After you don fúck prick belleful you come remember say the right way de.
Imagine oo, talk about eating your cake and having it.
I'm not even referring to you only, I'm talking about all who are affected.
Leave the right way for virgins

I like this thread I have found someone I really want to spend forever with but I don't know if she feels the same way. I will follow this progression and keep going on more dates.