Electricboy:
I remade one of your stories..hope you like it

*I can vividly recall my experience in the Iraq war as a colonel , as I was on a super jet from Leptis Magna to Baghdad during the operation ivy lightening....*

*As a colonel , I had the fancy of cheap whores in my cabin which had the sole purpose of satisfying my luscious wants during the air flight, after my business ,in an attempt to stretch my legs and work that waist of mine , I stood up and stood just at the entrance of my cabin with my towel on my Waist* ...I noticed , I didn't see any of my men on the jet....while shocked to see men dressed like arabs on board with hideous faces looking with faint smirks.....

Where were the rest of my men ,I thought ?��...
Oh shit....��� my jet had been hijacked, my men don't keep daggers , neither do they wear silk linings.......I quickly noticed one of them trying to remove something from his pocket..at that moment I knew what was up , ���

...within split seconds , I dived Backwards a little bit , I quickly unholstered my 2 Berretta .24 pistols, one in each hand
I said my last prayers and stood up, guns a-blazing....
Of course, the terrorists were taken by surprise and a shout of "ALLAHU ........" the "AKBAR" died in their throats.
I dove like Superman, bullets spraying everywhere. I was so pumped with adrenaline,
i didn't even realize i was screaming as i was pulling the trigger. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Because the pistols were automatics i rapidly finished the magazine and CLICK ! CLICK!
It was when i almost reached the cockpit that i realized that my bullets went everywhere but INTO THE TERRORISTS....

Dead bodies were around me , with some dripping blood still sitted in their chairs like nothing happened....still trying to discern what just happened...the cockpit suddenly burst open..with guns almost pointing my way...
I couldnt die like a coward , I thought.....for I am Ivar the boneless, the great colonel ,the one who single handedly defeated militants in Mali, conquered terrorists in quara tapa.....



To be continued

IvarTheTerrible:


As an undercover officer in the Nigerian Police, i was caught up in a robbery at the neighbourhood grocery store at Umuahia

After buying St Moritz cigarettes, I was window-shopping - things my 75000 naira salary couldn't buy

I was at the perfume section farthest from the entrance when i heard " Make una drop am!!!, biko, biko!!!"

[img]https://media1./images/20f243e697a63f526fc9a81600daed50/tenor.gif?itemid=4885182[/img]

1st lesson of Police training school - assess your surroundings.

I quickly checked the CCTV cameras and i saw 3 fierce looking boys up to no good.


One was guarding the entrance, one robbing customers and the last one was stationed on the girl at the counter. Division of labour at its best.


Back to my story, where was I?


I silently said my last prayers under my breath unlike the those screaming "Amadioha, Jesus and Allah" at the top of their lungs.

I drew my service pistol silently and inched forward slowly in combat stance, sweating furiously even under the A.C.

BANG! I plugged the Mr. Customer Service. His blood splashed on one fat Deeper Life looking woman.


" BLOOOOOOODDDDD OFFFFFFF JESSSSSSUSSSS !!!!!!!" She screamed. How she knew his name, i know not


The gunshots were loud and deafening.

Mr. Doorman was trying to run away, fumbling with the lock. I shot him in the back.

Lesson Number 2 : Use maximum deadly force if belligerents are armed. 2 down out of 3.

I turned to face the last one at the counter.

All i saw was the frightened face of the cashier


Lesson Number 3 : How could i forget ? DON'T BE OUTFLANKED. DON'T BE OUTFLANKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Several things happened in the next 5 nerve-wracking seconds......



I looked at the girl's face.... her eyes went behind me AND..........



I looked at the CCTV AND...................................................



My eyes saw a running movement in the cameras AND................


I heard movement behind me


A split second before my eyes + brain + feet + ears combined as ONE!!!!!



I was already diving when i felt the impact on my back, the force propelled me against the shelf full of cornflakes.


I was coughing up blood, my knees bent..... gun lost in the dive when he walked up to me


He cocked the sawned off shot -gun to dispatch me to my Maker


Lesson Number 99 : ALWAYS keep a side chick

I had a side piece in my ankle holster.... I pulled it and shot him in his right eye.

Maybe i eventually met my Maker, but he definitely did so before me

The End.

TheFacelessMan:


I still remember vividly the first day i tried African bulletproof.... Made in the land of (Poto)squared.

I was a hitman for the Yoruba militant group , Egbe Oni-sharia Fun Omo Nna. (E.O.F.O.N)

The target was this loudmouthed guy called Shookudee.

He had a crew of 20 hairy apelike warriors who boasted they were the best fighters in the whole of Africa.

I was just 18 years and this was meant to be my 1st mission YET i went alone.

When i was 500 meters away, still yet unseen - i could see them gesticulating about how they would.....

Flatten me....



or cut me to size.....




I called out " MO TI DE" ( I have come) and they all looked at me and themselves and I heard running with the ground shaking, lots of dust….




1 against 20 warriors, 21 actually including my target, I prepared to face their charge, battle ready

azraeljaheel:
Please I need you to do a short story on WHEN GUN FAILS

TheFacelessMan:


How much in dollars ?

azraeljaheel:



Your reward is in heaven

TheFacelessMan:


A goon once tried to strangle me on a military helicopter off the coast of Equatorial Guinea



It was an ECOMOG top secret mission. Recently declassified.

That's why i can tell you the story.

I had been instructed by the dark goggled General to kill Captain Koroma at all cost.

I posed as a UN peacekeeper buying illegal diamonds.


Fat John Koroma was the Head of State. Corrupt as they come.

I got in the chopper with him and a bodyguard.

25,000 feet up, things started to unravel.

The weather that day was particularly hot and my make-up started to melt.... .

As the stern faced guard started drawing his gun and mouthing "IMPOST...."


I opened up the briefcase full of......



In the ensuing chaos of Koroma trying to salvage his pension and his guard trying to ensure i wouldn't need mine....

I managed to grab the pilot by the neck and yank backwards.

He lost control and we all tumbled this way and that way.....


The wind whistling in our ears, money flying everywhere.

I was grabbed by Koroma and he squeezed me like a friendly Santa Claus in his bear like grip.

With that much adrenaline, your heartbeat spikes by 5 times normal rate.

I was fast losing consciousness and Koroma was turning me towards his guard so as to get a clear shot.

"Is this how i was going to die ? "

Koroma alive meant millions more will continue to die in the Civil War.

One last ditch effort and i desperately opened the latch to the door and jumped out.... dragging Koroma with me....

TheFacelessMan:


Years back, i was an infantry man in the Congolese Army.



While on a reconnaissance mission, we got ambushed.

It was an unfair contest, we were outnumbered and outgunned 10 to 1.

Out of nowhere, a small ball came from the sky and i heard "GRENADE"

Seconds before i heard a deafening explosion, felt excruciating pain and DARKNESS.....


I heard grown men screaming, i smelt the coppery scent of fresh blood, my body aching all over and DARKNESS as i fell unconscious again.

I was woken up by the buzzing of millions of flies and a sharp searing pain on my left leg.....

I looked down and i saw i was covered from knee down with.......

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VULTURES!!!!

I was being eaten alive!

They were as startled as i was and they flew off with my blood dripping

from their beaks, strands of meat on their ugly necks.

They flew off just far enough from my reach..... watching me with beady evil eyes.

The scent of the blood pouring from my leg was irresistible and they moved closer and closer....

I shouted and they flew off, they moved closer and i shouted. We repeated this cycle till they realized my shouts were impotent and ....

They became BOLDER, striding forward confident, I was LUNCH and they wouldn't be denied

TheFacelessMan:


Episode 10 - one of my less-liked stories. I was surprised to see 40 likes for it. I am not a big fan.

Was off-genre and not-so-funny to me