Could my wife be possibly dating her 'uncle'?


He trusted his wife because he loved her. He would do anything to keep his family and home intact. But the rumour of his wife's affair with a trusted friend of the family is giving him sleepless nights. He needs your counsel, please, read and help him.
Thanks, Monica Taiwo.

Dear Taiwo,

I need your counsel, and I need it urgently before I go mad or do something drastic. My wife is giving me  sleepless nights,  I haven’t had a good sleep in the past six months and I am beginning to have some problems. My attitude is also affecting people around me and I don’t like myself.

I have been married for over 15 years and our marriage is blessed with three children. To the best of my ability, I take care of my wife and children, but it seems as if my efforts and care are not enough for my wife.

She was the first woman who I had seen who had the audacity of introducing her manfriend to her husband and the most harrowing thing was that I had at many times prostrated to greet this man who my wife introduced to me as her 'uncle'.

The Yoruba would say: oloro a beti didi, everybody around us knew that this man was not my wife’s uncle, but nobody was bold enough to tell me. I had always related to him as my in-law until two months ago when my supposed in-law's wife called to have a private audience with me. I tried to ask her what the matter was, but she would not speak on the telephone. I am sure you would be  wondering how I got to know her, we were as close as a family and this was why I was so confused and I am in a state of shock.

She asked me not to inform my wife of the meeting, this got me more curious and I did not tell my wife I was meeting 'big auntie' as we all call her.

We met at one of the eateries close to my office; I was surprised to see her housemaid with her and after she told me what she wanted to tell me, I understood why she brought her housemaid because she corroborated all what 'big auntie' said.

I knew she was out of the country for some months, she told me that she learnt my wife was a regular visitor in their home when she was away and as if that was not enough; my wife used to sleep in her matrimonial bed with her husband while away.

Her housemaid told her all these, that was why she came with her boss to confirm all she said.
Big auntie told me that she had heard this happening before, but she thought it was just impossible, and since her housemaid told her all that happened in her absence, she decided to inform me and pleaded with me to call my wife to order and that she did not want to see her in her home again.

I didn’t know what to make of all her allegations and all she said, I told her that I would not comment until I spoke with my wife and I was very sure that all she heard were mere rumours. I trusted my wife and knew that she wouldn't do a thing like that.

You would be curious to know if my wife and I do not live together. Well, I am a business man and I travel out of town most of the time, so it was possible that  she was guilty of the allegations that she had gone to sleep with another woman's husband while I was away.

I had my doubts; I really couldn't see my wife doing what she was accused of, why would she?

Anyway,  I got home and told my wife what transpired between big auntie and I, her reaction shocked me. She flared up and began to call me names. She accused me of joining people to slander her. When she said that, I asked her if she had been accused before, she did not answer me. She kept on raining abusive words on me.

At this juncture, I became curious and I told her that her reaction portrayed her as guilty. She called me a lot of names and even accused me of having an affair with 'big auntie' because I went to meet with her behind her. I was shocked and the quarrel went on in our home for over two weeks.

As if that was not enough, two days after big auntie spoke with me, she called back to tell me that 'big uncle'  had sent her packing from her matrimonial home because of my wife’s issue. She wanted to know if I discussed anything with her husband.

Of course, I did not, and that left nobody but my wife. When I asked her, she was so confrontational that I dropped the issue.

Taiwo, what do I do, could my wife possibly be dating this man? I don’t want my home to break, I love my wife. I don’t want to quarrel with her; but this issue has created doubts in my mind coupled with her attitude. Please, help me.

Tade.

Source: Nigerian Tribune.

There are some unanswered questions here. You seem to have confirmed that this man is indeed NOT related to your wife, but you have not enlightened us to how this was done. You say "everybody" around you knew that he was not her uncle? Who are these people who knew? Are they friends? Family members? Have you spoken to your your wife's family to find out if the man is a relation? Did "Big Auntie" confirm that her husband is not related to your wife? Can anyone on your wifes family corroborate this? Please get this out of the way first.

If it turns out that "Big Uncle" is indeed NO relation of your wife, then this begs the question - Why would she lie about such a thing? This would give credence to Big Auntie's claims. More importantly though, for your wife to become abusive to you over such a major allegation; for her to not to answer the question about whether these allegations had been thrown around before; for her to try and hide behind the smokescreen of you having an affair with Big Auntie,; for her NOT to attempt to even try and resolve the issue after 2 weeks of quarreling, or offer an alternative explanation; for her to become confrontational after Big Auntie was sent packing, says only one thing - She is as guilty as hell.

Quite clearly, she has absolutely no respect for you. For a woman to bring out the man she is sleeping with, into the open, under the cover of a relative, all in view of her husband, says an awful lot. She has NOT even offered an alternative explanation. She has been abusive and confrontational over the issue.

I suspect you have been neglecting your home. You say you trust your wife, and your "know" she is incapable of such things, yet you also say you are a business man who is away traveling most of the time. This tells me you have not had much time for your wife, so you really cannot claim to know her. Who do you think has been keeping your wife company all those times you weren't there?

Unfortunately, you are not showing any backbone over this issue. Quite clearly, you do not seem to have control in your own home. You confirm you actually "dropped" the issue when she became confrontational. I mean, who drops an issue like that? Confrontation or no confrontation?
You say you "don't want to quarrel" with your wife, despite her having a serious allegation of infidelity against her. You say you do not want your home to "break"- as if that is down to anyone on this forum.

No one can help you here. You need to be a man in your own home. True or not, your wife's reaction has downright disrespectful. Her refusal to offer an explanation is suspicious, and her attitude highly discourteous, irreverent and insolent,
Truth is, you do not want to believe this may be true. And until you are ready to confront it, you will simple push this under the carpet and pretend that it never happened.

Its simple

Go to the specific people who handed over their daughter to you & ask them if they know who "Big uncle" is? Then take it from there.

what's with all these "my wife of 35 years is cheating on me or remembering her first love from 50 years ago" stories.

abeg make una find other tales.

we all know who gets the gold medal when it comes to marital infidelity regardless the length of the marriage.

Ther is no point in wasting your own time and saying "I do not want to break my home". The truth is your home is boken already and sooner or later it will dawn on you.
Even if the "uncle" is for real, the possibility of him sleeping with your wife is not diminished. Hope you know the true meaning of "no smoke without fire". You claim that "everybody" around believes the man is not your wife's uncle, yet you continue to believe he is. Do you even need anyone to tell you how to know all you wife's uncles? Just as she does not need anyone to tell her how to know all your aunties, so also you do not need to be told.

Sorry to say, the infidelity of your wife has come to your own full glare yet you are not man enough to call her bluff and send her packing.

You also need to do DNA to confirm your parternity of your children. Otherwise you may find out very late that one or two or worst all of them are not yours!
Please take steps required of a real man to tackle the situation head on.

Best of luck.

//

I hate to see how some men are so very wick.