HI
   
please wat advice can i give her because she is gettin fed up and bored, and as a christain she has never cheated and never want to cheat becos of his incapabilities.

I pity the poor guy, stuffs like that can lead to infidility. I'll just wait for Inked Nerd to come and give her professional advice.

Good to know she has no intention of cheating.There are more than 15 million couples in Nigeria going thru the same issue .Majority prefer to die in silence, others cheat and move on with thr lives.

The Honest truth is , both partners can still enjoy thr sex life comfortably till death do them part.Thanks for breakthroughs.

Explore this site

use google : Zee Virtual Media .Its a Nigerian site that deals on issues like this .Advise her to call the MD or she can choose to explore the site .There are condoms that can delay ejaculation.The husband lacks enough nitrite oxide which is responsible for turgid erection.You can get more on the site


I use to be a victim , but i so loved my wife that i didnt want go astray .I tried it out .
I am a Super Hero now , enjoying my marital life


Good luck

@op. This is a serious one but not unique. Its difficult 2 yoke two different oxen of diffrnt degree of willingness together.
I think will b addressed beta in d family section of Nl. However i think d lady should b very bold to discuss it with her hubby.
Se.x is a major issue/part of marriage. The odds exist that d man may b quite shy or traditional when it comes to se.x depending on his background/antecedents.

If she is a christian, then she need to pray and ask for direction from the Most high,

She also need to write a letter to her husband detailing her exact feelings and offer seperation, not divorce so that she can fast and work on self while she is seeking direction,

Seperation isn't always bad and does not always lead to divorce but sometimes when things aren't going in circles, you may need to step out and see what you are not getting,

If the husband is not for the seperation, then you will need to get the help of a sex therapist who can assistance in both of you communicating the sexual issues or desires. IF your HUSBAND love you, he will want to work it out,

GOOD LUCK,

This kinda issue should remain within the bedroom of the partners involved .Inviting a pastor,spiritual adviser will only debase the guys ego.Its in every man to protect his ego at all times no matter what is @stake,

My dear dont ever try it , sought it out with ur hubby.you re not the first and you will definitely find a solution

Still try ZEE VIRTUAL MEDIA

I doesnt cost much to surf the site or visit there office


They will help you out
It just deficiency of nitrite oxide when you get aroused.

A man that knows the importance of marriage and reverences the institution, would realize the grave consequence(s) the situation is capable of producing and as such, would try his best to prevent it, now that he can.

Understood - People do not have the same level of sexual . . .[insert right word here  ] but a  little adjustment, in order to make things better for both parties wouldn't hurt.
Today, we'D do it my way and tomorrow, your way - Compromise. Simple!

If only I had someone that will go twice a week, I for happy. Less stress kidding

@Topic

you said shes tried talking to him, hiow? what method of communication was used?where did the communication take place?how was the case presented? what was your body language?

Once again SEPERATION does not lead to divorce,

Many failing marriages survive when couples took time to see what is going wrong, IF YOU ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A WAR with blinders on how can you see where the opponents are?

I didn't say that she should go and DIVORCE her husband, I will never even suggest no chit like that because it not my place to say however seperation have bad image because often time people seperate and divorce SIMPLY because they CHOOSES TO, not because they seperated,

Seperate means to ajar from temporarily,

I will not advice her to get a third party involve be him pastor, priest etc. Personally I will still not advice you to use drugs in what ever form or way.

What you need is patience and some form of communication( sexually) without making the man feel inadequate.

Let me explain more here. If the husband don't last long, then the lady will ensure that the husband arouse her very well before the act. May be by telling the husband nicely and wonderfully "Honey pls kiss me more and equally show him that u'r enjoying the kiss, Pls touch my this, kiss my that, suck my ----- whatever that turns her on. And she need to let the husband know that she is enjoying it so much, by telling him wonderfully what a wonderful husband that he is in doing those things that she likes, or by making that sexy noise that everyone know( whatever massages the man ego, S_x is 80% metal simulation and 10% physical, make him feel like a stud and he becomes one) and when your ready and about to ---- you can gently guide him inside for the final ,

Please the result will not be immediate but it will gradually improves. Every Guy fantasy is to satisfy his woman.

All the best( And Pls tell her not to try outside, nothing breaks marriage more than infidelity, especially from the woman)

I do not see sense in the concept of 'Separation'. Which kain separation?
Moving outta the house for a period of time. Where to? Are you both supposed to act single within that period? What if there are kids involved, what happens to them?
Nah, there have to be other options. In my book, Separation =/leads to Divorce.

Uhmmm

If the man is A MINUTE man no amount of OOOH BABY THIS is going to help him, see the problem with people is just because you know where to put the diccck in does not mean you know to fucck or please the woman,

There is nothing wrong with getting a sex therapist to TEACH different ways, APPARENTLY THE WAY THEY ARE GOING IS NOT WORKING, and NEITHER OF them can communicate SEXUALLY,

If the man that damn scared to talk to a sex therapist then GRAB A BOOK, sometimes OUTSIDE HELP is needed in order for the marriage to work, I didn't say go outside and get a TYRONE, I said seek PROFESSIONAL SEX THERAPIST who can help both,

The wife need to be please just as well as the husband, if the letter writing does not work, SEEK HELP and everybody do not need to know the business,

what the hell the pastor going to do?

Join in?

If the person can't afford to seperate then go ahead and be miserable together,

That will surely NOT AFFECT THE CHILDREN if there is any,

queeneve:

If the person can't afford to seperate then go ahead and be miserable together,

Being separated does not exclude mysery emotionally. She is going to continue remaining miserable and will only stop being miserable under two conditions

1)every iota of love she has for the man is erased completely off her system

2) the man turns around and becomes a better lover

That will surely NOT AFFECT THE CHILDREN if there is any,

Nope, not true. A child who is used to a mother and father figure all night/day will definitely get a break down psychologically if she/he sees only the mother figure around her/him

Children are smarter than we give them credit for and children knows when something is not right,

A person who is not happy with their marriage is going to behave such, NO ONE CAN FAKE A REAL EMOTION,

I work with children as well and the parents are surprised what the children reveal that they ASSUMED the kids didn't know because they thought they HID IT WELL,

Anyway,

I wish you the best poster,

^^ Exactly kids are smart,they know things are not right and they wonder or rather ask themselves what is going on?, mama and papa used to be so happy togeda but these days they r like strangers? this puts their mind in a spinning situation. The environment becomes less condusive for them, they dont play with mama and papa the way they used to, the communication gap increases, they lose interest at school or end up goind down in school. Nothing interests them anymore, coming home becomes sthg they dread so much cos they lack peace there

queeneve:

Children are smarter than we give them credit for and children knows when something is not right,

Agreed - Children may have a clue when something isn't right.
The Important question is - Is their awareness of the present situation enough to prevent them from being affected by the decisions I, as a parent, take?
Your guess is as good as mine - No.

Why does she allow him to get his jollies and she gets nothing from it?

If she's not not getting sexually satisfied then he should be compensating

her in other ways: new car,shopping spree ,some nice jewelry, etc

@minute- yes he gives her money and gifts but she is a workin class lady and have more than enough for her self. she doesnt care about the money or gifts.
@queeneve and @ Plutarch - yes the guy is a little traditional about talkin over things.
@missy b- yes i feel he should know d important of this but upon d talk there are no improvements

she has tried to talk to him sweetly and quietly and ve seem to hear her for a short while but there are no improvements.

@minute - she allows him enjoy it because she feels it would make him more sexaully aroused and to know how fun it could be if he also reciprocates. she also felt by doin these he can be aware of how romantic and submissive she can be.
and this lady is quite young,attractive,very neat and beautiful. she can actually get any guy outside but her strict and mindset wount make her think of goin out. but i can also feel if she doesnt get a solution soon she might fall.

queeneve:

If she is a christian, then she need to pray and ask for direction from the Most high,

She also need to write a letter to her husband detailing her exact feelings and offer seperation, not divorce so that she can fast and work on self while she is seeking direction,

Seperation isn't always bad and does not always lead to divorce but sometimes when things aren't going in circles, you may need to step out and see what you are not getting,

If the husband is not for the seperation, then you will need to get the help of a sex therapist who can assistance in both of you communicating the sexual issues or desires. IF your HUSBAND love you, he will want to work it out,

GOOD LUCK,

rofl
abeg which section was this thread moved from?

^^^ Romance oh!

That's what we see there everyday!

@poster
whatever the hubby does, he shouldnt try to take any drug or potion because the problem is NOT in his body but in his mind. taking any drug or magic potion would ONLY make the matter worse!

the problem could be anything like:
- lack of se-xual desire. if/when the husband isnt turned on or attracted by the wifeys physique any longer thus wanting to get it over with as fast as possible. since this has been happening from day-one, this has to be ruled out UNLESS they got married for the wrong reasons.
- lack of energy. its ok to want a man to go for 3/4rounds (or more) but if he is not in shape physically then that will be almost impossible. . . . . . . . also, if he already went 2/3 rounds with his secretary that same day then he would have very little energy to go another few rounds with wifey. also a hardworking stressed out guy could be lacking due to his physically demanding job.
- lack of drive. if they have being doing the same old routine, day in- day out for the last yr then its understandable how someone would be tired of it but whats disturbing is why hasnt she complained about it earlier?!

unfortunately this husband view sex as something completely different than what the wifey expects. satisfaction is a two way street and this husband gets what he is after.
wifey simply needs to communicate openly about her needs in the bedroom, believe me it will give him a serious (ego) boost if he CARES and KNOWS that she aint getting it right (important word here is CARE/KNOW).

also the wifey can take this matter into her own hands:
- what stops her from changing position into one that she would prefer?!
- what stops her from asking the hubby to go softer, gentler or to ask him to do stuff that she wants? (and not taking NO for an answer)
- she should ask her hubby to voice it when he is ready to come, when he is, then she should pull away (that would make the act last longer).
- she should educate her hubby into what she needs in the bedroom and be serious about it.
- she should spice their bedroom activities by buying sexy lingerie, role play etc. if he doesnt like it then she should tell him that she doesnt like what he does either but goes along with it. they should then come to a compromise that one day she will do whatever he wants in the bedroom (3mins sex etc) but that the next time around HE should do whatever SHE wants. et voila!

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
whatever the hubby does, he shouldnt try to take any drug or potion because the problem is NOT in his body but in his mind. taking any drug or magic potion would ONLY make the matter worse!

the problem could be anything like:
- lack of se-xual desire. if/when the husband isnt turned on or attracted by the wifeys physique any longer thus wanting to get it over with as fast as possible. since this has been happening from day-one, this has to be ruled out UNLESS they got married for the wrong reasons.
- lack of energy. its ok to want a man to go for 3/4rounds (or more) but if he is not in shape physically then that will be almost impossible. . . . . . . . also, if he already went 2/3 rounds with his secretary that same day then he would have very little energy to go another few rounds with wifey. also a hardworking stressed out guy could be lacking due to his physically demanding job.
- lack of drive. if they have being doing the same old routine, day in- day out for the last yr then its understandable how someone would be tired of it but whats disturbing is why hasnt she complained about it earlier?!

unfortunately this husband view sex as something completely different than what the wifey expects. satisfaction is a two way street and this husband gets what he is after.
wifey simply needs to communicate openly about her needs in the bedroom, believe me it will give him a serious (ego) boost if he CARES and KNOWS that she aint getting it right (important word here is CARE/KNOW).

also the wifey can take this matter into her own hands:
- what stops her from changing position into one that she would prefer?!
- what stops her from asking the hubby to go softer, gentler or to ask him to do stuff that she wants? (and not taking NO for an answer)
- she should ask her hubby to voice it when he is ready to come, when he is, then she should pull away (that would make the act last longer).
- she should educate her hubby into what she needs in the bedroom and be serious about it.
- she should spice their bedroom activities by buying sexy lingerie, role play etc. if he doesnt like it then she should tell him that she doesnt like what he does either but goes along with it. they should then come to a compromise that one day she will do whatever he wants in the bedroom (3mins sex etc) but that the next time around HE should do whatever SHE wants. et voila!

@MRbrownJAY - i ve taken notice of ur advice.
i think lack of energy contributes, and moreover she is adventurous as in diff styles but once she proposes he is usually not interested.
and this has been goin on since they got married she is just been hoping its get better.

candyshore:

@MRbrownJAY - i ve taken notice of your advice.
i think lack of energy contributes, and moreover she is adventurous as in diff styles but once she proposes he is usually not interested.
and this has been goin on since they got married she is just been hoping its get better.

Sorry, but are you sure you're not that 'friend' you talk about here. You seem to know so much about her.
Anyway, it doesn't matter, what matters is getting the advise. By the way, a lot of people now say 'my friend', 'my brother/sister', 'my neighbour' etc