Why in d world are some pple so difficult to live or work with? In this case i'm not talking about strangers but siblings. I'm presently staying with a sibling who seems to see no good in all that i do. She keeps finding fault in all my actions even though i go out of my way to please her. Please, don't conclude that i'm d one at fault, no, she has problems with whoever stay with her except her kids.

What I dont really understand is that she actually wants pple around her but ones u'r with her, d unpleasant attitude starts. When I was younger (15 yrs ago)she pleaded with my dad to allow my sister to stay with her (elder sister). On her return after spending abt 2 yrs with her, she has almost turned to a vegetable. She told us what she went through and aw she maltreated. The same thing happened to a cousin of ours after she lobbied for her to stay with her. All these happened years ago and we all assumed that she has changed.

Now coming to me, she has always been accusing me of not coming to see or pay her a visit. After my NYSC , she was quick to assist in my getting employment in her state of residence. Being that i hadn't any alternative, i accepted the offer cos it was a good one. I wanted to get a place of my own but i was advised against it by other family members because they all tot she has changed and moreso I'm a grown up and employed. I kno she helped cos she actually wanted a companion and someone she can open up to. Don't get me wrong,I kno within her she's good but she cant help being nasty ones she keeps seeing u around.

I really pity her cos I'm realy fed up. I'll be moving out soon but i wonder for aw long she'll be like ds. She longs for pple to be with her but she's damn too sensitve and she reads meaning to all ur actions and speech. She's self employed and nobody has been able to work with her at lenght because of her behaviour. I can't understand it cos i kno she's a good person.

Its not as if your sister is wicked, contrary to dat,she loves you all and wants to be with you,just that she is temperamental and doesn't know how to control it. You guys should try to undestand her and not judge her by so doing you will knw how to relate with her better. I'm really waiting for other people's response cos i happen to be someone like that.

^^
stay away from her if she cannot learn to control it, after all she's not a kid! I relate with people like that a lot (thankfully in the work environment) and I currently work with one. She makes life HELL for no reason, it's just terrible. At times when I wake up in the morning and I remember another 14 hours working with the b**** is here, I find it hard getting out of bed.

Taymi:

Its not as if your sister is wicked, contrary to dat,she loves you all and wants to be with you,just that she is temperamental and doesn't know how to control it. You guys should try to undestand her and not judge her by so doing you will knw how to relate with her better. I'm really waiting for other people's response cos i happen to be someone like that.

Better work on your personality and change for the better. People will be avoiding you. Only people that ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO BE in your company will come around you (e.g. work relationship, spouse & kids) and you might ultimately end up alone. Even the spouse might leave if the wahala is too much, when the kids grow they also stay away. I know what am saying because my late Dad was like that. When we grew up, myself & my siblings (unconsciously) structured our lives to keep contact with him to a minimum.

Thanks Ziddy,i'm really working on my personality, i'm just letting the poster know that the mind of her sister, that she doesn't mean to hurt them. Its just her personality,which i agree its not good atall.

Tanks so much 4 ur responses.

@iice
We've all tried talking to her, at least I tried in my own little way. Though when i did, i was watching my utterances cos u av to rehearse ur speech otherwise she'll attach anoda meaning to it. My sister got her a book on "why u act d way u do" but she read anoda meaning to it.

@Taymi
I kno she loves us that was why i risked living wit her in d first place. I didnt want to hurt her feeling by refusing to stay with her but i guess i'm no saint. There's a limit to human endurance.

@Ziddy
Guy, u realy spoke my mind. U talked about having sinking feeling each morning because ou ur boss, mine is the other way round. Each morning i feel so happy that i'm getting away from the tensed up environment. On closing, i tell u, na wahala. My colleagues might think i'm so hardworking and dedicated cos i dont close on time. I'll always av something to occupy me just because i dread going home. There was actually a day i got home and wen i realized she was in, i started strolling around for d next one hour just because i was buying time and brazing myself up to face her.

Family members avoid her especially the younger ones but she doesnt understand why or maybe she refuses to acknowledge that fact. D oda day she accused me of not being free wit her, dat i prefer going to places where i'll be celebrated. It's a pity i couldn't talk back or explain to her d reasons i culd not be at ease wit her. D problem is, say a word and she'll quote u 4 life. So i guess keeping quiet helps a little. Hmm, i'n not ready to loose my mind.

I knw exactly where you are coming from my elder sis used to be like that she likes pple ard her but she has a nasty attitude.evrybody walked on eggshell ard her so as nt to offend her even her hubby but like u said there is a limit to human endurance.we all ran away frm her and at a point we didnt even bother to mask our feelings we let her have it the way it is.
Her hubby equally gave it to her like it is so she came running home thinking we were going to tell her he is a bad man but evryone including my parents let her knw the truth she had no choice but work on her self and she is today a better and more tolerant person.
I think the probs here is that no one wnts to offend her cos of her temperament until you tell it to her as it is she wnt get it.she may not even talk to you for even a year but if am guessing she is like my sis she will come ard eventually so dnt sugarcoat the talk anymore just let her have it no matter how tough it may be on you.

Andromida is right.

If you don't tell her how you really feel about the way she is and acts, how would she know she has a problem?

She probably feels she is right and everyone else has a problem.

It's better you have all the unpleasantness now and she'll be better off for it in the future (hopefully!). She is your family and you can't all run away from her.

All the best!

O God, help me cos i really need to clear my head and think about the best way out.

I would appreciate ur advice on this nairalandres!!!

Still on my sister o. I told her yesterday night that i would be going to Lagos today from work. ( I resolved 2 weeks ago to traveling on friday from work to lagos and come back to Ibadan on Monday to resume 2. Ds is to relieve myself from d week's tension and a way to avoid havin clashes with her over d weekend). Her response was that if i travel, i should not bother coming back to her place. She stressed it that it means i have severed the relationship btw us.

I'm confused. For my peace and stability of mind, I want to ignore her statement and travel. Not lodging at her place is no problem at all cos i av alternatives. To put it candidly, I can do without her problems.

On the other hand, I dont want to leave on the wrong note. I know she will hold on to it 4 life and others might blame me cos i'm d youger one.

Hmmm, I have limited time to decide what to do.

The choice is yours. Remeber your scale of preference: Prioritize what u want.

"Tick say the clock, tick tick. What u av to do, do quick!"

hmm u and your sis.stamp your feet down and do what is right it isnt always about your sis you need to get over the need to baby her and play victim.pls let your sis grow up to facts of life.

@ OP, I have a feeling her temperament is more or a spiritiual and psychological problem.
I have a family member that behaves just like her. I understand what you are going through.
Sometimes, these things run in the family and is hereditary.
My advice is:
1. To be very patient with her because you understand her shortcomings, but she does not understand.
2. To use wisdom when dealing with her in all situations and circumstances.
3. Be strong and just to keep praying about the situation.
Do not allow her to ruin or run your life, DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO WITH YOURSELF.
Get a life, have fun with friends. Engage your mind and spend your time on other fulifilling things.

For sure she should not expect you to be stuck with her for ever.
Very soon you will get married and move on with your life.

Abeg ooooo, she needs deliverance done by Jesus himself. I can not stand such a person. I can't even mistakenly accomodate her. She is an adult n she has to have manner to be sensible adult. Surely I'd talk to her n after doing so, I'd tell her straight I can not tolerate ur excesses anymore n for that reason I have to leave. Will she shoot me. She no fit. Nonsense

mission08:

O God, help me cos i really need to clear my head and think about the best way out.

I would appreciate your advice on this nairalandres!!!

Still on my sister o. I told her yesterday night that i would be going to Lagos today from work. ( I resolved 2 weeks ago to traveling on friday from work to lagos and come back to Ibadan on Monday to resume 2. Ds is to relieve myself from d week's tension and a way to avoid havin clashes with her over d weekend). Her response was that if i travel, i should not bother coming back to her place. She stressed it that it means i have severed the relationship btw us.

I'm confused. For my peace and stability of mind, I want to ignore her statement and travel. Not lodging at her place is no problem at all cos i av alternatives. To put it candidly, I can do without her problems.

On the other hand, I dont want to leave on the wrong note. I know she will hold on to it 4 life and others might blame me cos i'm d youger one.

Hmmm, I have limited time to decide what to do.

You need to travel. It's about time someone tells her the truth. Go ahead and do your travel and when you come back, move out. Whenever you get a chance afterwards, tell her the truth in the most diplomatic way you can. Life is short. You can't continue to compromise your happiness. Why in the world does she feel she can control your life and prevent you from travelling from work? If you give in to her, you are only encouraging her more. Be strong, and do what you have to do.

I guess she mourns the loss of her companion or 'baby' daddy. Most women become extremely diffibult to deal with when their husbands have 'taken off' for greener pastures. The bitterness and biatchiness knows no end when the congo has not been shined for ages!
Lack of constant 'sess' can cause these kinds of frustrations too.

She needs some 'touching'. . . 

You are not her boyfriend. . .please move out as soon as possible, so she can find better means of coping.

Many undiagnosed cases of varying psychoses are left unaddressed too in Africa especially. It could be a of result 'chemical' or 'hormonal' imbalance too. . . who knows?
I hope the children are not affected by her behaviour in the future?

You have your own life to live. . .time to leave her with her 'issues', before they become yours.

Most of the time people that have contempt for others usually have a greater level of contempt for themselves. Be greatful that you are not her. Respectfully tell her that you are thankful for the time that she allowed you to stay and that you are moving on.
After all, if you don't love yourself you can't care about anyone else. It's sad but she is just a miserable person. No matter how respectful, kind, considerate, and helpful you are, she will always treat you badly. Subconsciously she is pushing people away to avoid being pushed away. When u leave she will play the victim to all who will listen.

Maybe the woman is bi-polar; split personality.