₦airaland Forum

Yes I agree the mother was out of line. It was not her place to walk the girl out like she did.

--

@op

What did you say to your gf when she told you your mum sent her out of the house?

I think your GF should thank your mom profusely

1) She is in school and should be more focused on her studies than any BF issue for now

2) She should realise that your mom did it out of love and concern for her future.

I believe your mom would have done worse if she finds out that her own daughter(your sister) still in School was spending 5 days at a Boyfriends house.

Do the girls parent know she was sleeping at your place for 5 days

In that situation, Your GF should have left the moment your mom came and cut her stay short.

Do you want your mom to be hearing moans while you are humping at night?

A deaconess for that matter who probably brought you up with a No sex before marriage principle,

@Op, If you have a daughter in school and you find out she is spending 5 days with a working BF ho has his own career. Or you find your son camping a girl at home for 5 days.  How would you react?

.

apocalypse:
@ chaircover :
I thank you so much for all you have said. I'd never talk back to my mum rudely even if I were insane , I can only try to explain to her how I feel about her approach and if she fails to see reason I'll just have to live with it.
I know mum wants the best for me and I appreciate her concern but I'd be happier if she can direct all the rebuke to me , I have lived with her all my life and I can tolerate her. It's quite differend for someone coming from a softer background. Like I said my girlfriend is afraid my mum might still want to dictate what goes on in the home after we are married

One advise for you: Never make your wife feel your mum isn't important in your life. A time will come when she will tell you to chose between your mum and herself.

2ndly, if my daughter was in a man's house without my consent, God help me I will chase her out of the house even if we have to walk back home with her ghana must go bag on her head.

3rdly, tell your "wife to be" to put her mind to rest and watch what you say to her about your mother at this time. If she feels your mum is going to dictate what goes on in your house, then let her go look for someone else.

Do not let your mum come btw urself and your gf and do not allow your gf make you limit your mother's visits to your house. If your mum is a good woman she will know when to visit and when not to when u get married, she will even inform you before coming.

Lastly, your gf has got some nerves to seriously stay in dat house with your mum when she knows your nigerian mothers are a but traditional and do not want/allow that. What she would have done is go elsehwere and come back when your mum leaves. Staying in dat house with your mum was more like breaking through (negatively)the moral ground your mother obviously stands on

All the best

If at this stage in this your relationship,your girlfriend is still yet to know and accept your mums direct approach to life and issues,then just prepare and make up your mind on who to throw out of your life. . your mum or your wife?
For Gods sake,whats hard to accept  Your GF shld by now have known and mastered mama's way of life rather than sulking and expecting mama to change cos of her,mama wont change.
I dont think mama is the controlling type,from everything u said here,she does not appear so,shes just one of those few blunt ppl who expects chastity and moderation from everyone at all time.IMO

My observation,

This thread shows the difference between females on the family section vs female on the romance section.

Family section female usually more matured sided the mother on this one but post this topic in romance section and see how those adolescent would support you and your GF

Before everyone waxes lyrical on how wise and foresighted the mother was recall that the said girlfriend came to visit (albeit for a few days) its not like they were a live-in couple. The manner in which the mother chose to "correct" the situation was far from the best. None of the parties involved are infants, a talk about the whole thing would have been better.

By the way I think people should reread the original post again so they can get the story straight.

i am surprised no one asked a very important question:
WHO IS PAYING FOR THE DAMN FLAT?!
if your mother/parents pay the rent then she has ALL THE RIGHTS to dictate who can and cannot sleepover because, if anything happens (unwanted pregnancy etc) during these "weekly bedroom acrobatic showdown", your mother will be the one undirectly blamed.

..

^^I don't think you need advise, seeing that your mind is made up.

Go and live with your wife as live in lovers please don't mention couple.

.

.

If you visit your son in his own house he pays for and realise he has been camping a girl at home while the girl is supposed to be in school.

The girls parents dont know, You mom would ask you what if something happens to the girl while she is with you, What explanation would be offered her parent?

If you find out that your daughter instead of being in school is camped with her working class bf what would be your reaction.

The answers to these questions would make you understand your mothers position on this issue

^^^^^you made a great point but dont you think that mum should have talked to the son rather than doing the "cleaning" herself. it makes the son looks and shows how she has no faith in whatever he decides to do.

apocalypse:
@MRBrownjay
The flat is 100% my property. I've been living on my own for the past five years

then IMHO your mother had NO jurisdiction over who can and cannot come and sleepover (as long as they aint criminal). she should have let you know how she felt about the whole arrangement and let YOU get rid of her.

you are definitely an adult and should probably ask your parents to cut the umbilical cord (as hard as it may be) and let you live your life the best YOU see fit.
obviously your mother thinks you are still her "baby"who she needs to look after in every aspects. parents sometimes forget that the care they gave us at 10/15 changes when we become independent.

@apocalypse

From all your responses it looks like you can't confront your mum or you have not yet confronted her concerning this issue.

agreed your mum could have danced around the issue and not spoken to the girl directly, but what's done is done. She's still your mother.

next time, whenever your mother visits, try to arrange things so there's no clash. Be wise, and your sweetheart should do the same.

your girlfriend shouldnt stay over [come on, arifin ni yen nah] especially if she knows your mum is there.

if you must get yourselves pregnant or get your funk on, why should it be in your mum's presence. Moreso you know how she feels about shacking up.

i cant imagine someone wanting to spend quality time with her unmarried son and some girl is there interrupting that.

apocalypse:
@ Bawss1
Exactly my point , she doesn't live with me and she comes around like once in two months. She still stays with her parents and the only time we have together are times when she's about to school or when she comes back from school. Fine her parents don't know she spends time with me but we need to spend time together as a couple.

how are you a couple?

i think you mean an item.

.

Apocalyse: Talk to your mum first. That way you know what kind of discussion to have with your girl. Don't feel bad. Telling your mom that you would have appreciated her telling you in advance how she felt before taking action (while you were at work) isn't being desrespectful, but being up front and honest. Bring flowers

I guess you and your girlfriend have very different upbringing. I personally would have left if I realized that my man's mother was staying. I blame you here. You know your mom and you should have known that it would have been an issue. You should have together with her come up with a quick escape route. You are to blame. Don't blame mom. I am not saying your mom was right but you did not handle your business either

apocalypse:
Thanks to everyone who contributed to this thread , your contributions made me see the light.
I love my mother so much and no one can take her place. I would never disrespect her in anyway.

From most responses on this thread , I think it is I who needs to change his approach. I'll talk to my girl and try to convince her that mother was only acting for our own good.

It was never an issue and I'm sorry I even suggested the things I did.

Correct guy. Next time rent a house that has a back door that ur babe can escape thru when momma comes.

dayokanu:
My observation,

This thread shows the difference between females on the family section vs female on the romance section.

Family section female usually more matured sided the mother on this one but post this topic in romance section and see how those adolescent would support you and your GF

Truer words have never been spoken

.

@ apocalypse
Thank God you have seen a way out.
You know one day you are going to make that mom the happiest woman with :
mom I want to get married and mom my wife is pregnant.
I am sure your kids will benefit allot from Grandmas words of advice.
I still profit so much from my Grandmas words even though we did not spend much time together.

OK. End of thread.

thank God you remembered all what the poor woman want through , so nothing like stoping her from coming to your place.

Ur moma is ryt cos trust me if i were d 1 in ur moms shoes il do worse.i'l embaras both u n d gal by flingin out al ha stufs in ur presence n if u dare say anytin i'l slap u ryt in ha presence.com 2 tink of it i presume d gal must b btw 18-19 cos she's in 2oolevl n i wonder wot a 2oolevl gal is lukin 4 a guy 4 at ha age cos trust me wen d heart ache dat coms wit both of u guys foolish action com.u wount b able 2 handle it alone.as a mata of fact it wil afect d gal dan u n i dnt even c any likelihood of getin marid.cos mariage goes byond gud luks n sex.i had a bro of ur gal friends agn who was always calin my bro ova d fone.av bin hopin 2 c ha in persn.unfortunatly 4 ha she came wen i was at home n i tongue lashed both of dem( my bro n his teen gal friend) i told my bro wot work he has or how much salary he is getin dat he wants 2 start raisin kids (cos u r already headin 4 misery).and dats d same tin il say 2 u if u were my bro.of cos i presume u must b im skul 4 u 2 date a 2oolevl growin gal.dis is a tym 4 u 2 focus mor on ur studies n av gals as mere friends.dats as far as it can go.at my age i can aford 2 liv wit my boyfriend cos if by chance am pregy.i av al it takes 2 mother a child n so does my boyfriend cos i av stable job n he does as wel,apart frm d physical,social n spiritual maturity it takes 4 bin a wife 1st n a moda 2nd

^^ The Poster is not in school, he is working

Den he shud date marriagable gals n not skul gals who r inexperience in marital isues n dnt av anytin it takes 4 bin a wife.n i dnt suport liv in lovers.read proverbs wot solomn says bout moda 2 sön relatnshp.he says sons listen n obey ur modas 4 it wud b lyk jewel on ur neck n ur days wud b longer n if u dnt u wud b destroyd widout remedy.am a xtian mysef n il do anytin it takes 2 rescue my son frm foolishnes even if it mins embarasin him in d presence of whoeva.i wud scream,yel,nag til he gets it ryt.even if he were in his 3os il stil c him as a child.y do u tink old modas til want 2 care 4 dia adult kid lyk dey were 1o yr old.stop felin ovagrown n obey ur moms instructn.it wud do u a lota gud

.