₦airaland Forum

Your mum was right by asking ur girlfriend to go. But may be she was too harsh. but its still the right thing to do.

@OP. Be a man and stop whining about being all grown up when you practically acted like a kid when your mum showed up. Firstly since you guys ain't married, your gf has no business spending the night at your place with your mother around. Even if your mother was not the 'deeper life' type, your gf should have shown her respect by checking out upon her arrival or at least the next morning BTW your gf already spent some days with you b4 mom's visit. For Christ sake we might be in the technology age but we are still Africans.

-give the old lady a break
peace

Are you sure your mother was not informed about your gf's visit and she decided to pay you an unscheduled visit?

@poster Hmmm, Some people's skulls are jxt 2thick. They will neva understand no matter how hard u try. So dnt bother explaining. Jxt go sort ursef,mum&gf out. I rest my case.

Ask your GF that if it was her own mom that met her in your house what would have happened.

She said her own parents were more relaxed about religion then why didnt she tell her own folks that she was camping at your house.

She couldn't tell her own mom but she expects your own mom to "understand"

This shitt happened to me when i was 17+, hae to get my own apartment, after i did popsi and momsi cam visiting and continued the embarrassment, i stood up for what i wanted and they were forced to accept the relationship and the girl and she cooks for them when they come, insort she was living with me permanently lol,  But the sad news was that the girl was a perfect cheat, slept with cousin, was sleeping around,  We dated for close to 5 years.

Let me cut the bullshitt, my advise is oga,  stand up for what you want, with time they will have no other option but to accept the girl and the relationship. Are you mature enough for marriage bro?

Tell mama to shut the hell up it's your life!

Take care.

Your see your life, My people said that "a fly that does not heed advice follows corpse to the grave" Your folks warned you but u refused, why the bad news, She is no cheat, but she is just sampling your cousin and everyone around.

How old are u now, because you still sound 17+ to me.

'@ poster u said it all when you said your mum is the deeper life kind of person.that makes what she did right.she was standing by her faith and believe irrespective of who is involved and as much as a lot of us spend wkend wt unmarried partners it does not make it right.momsie was rt on this

Then again when momsie showed up girlie should have checked out.Again momsie was rt even if you have the best of intentions.

Is the poster still there?


Ok, take this one from me to you, your momma is right. You should not have allowed her to be staying at your place, ofcourse I understand we guys, but thats not the way to do it. There are better ways and im sure you know it.

@sisi kill, sasha, gestapo, ifyalways (page5), God bless you for your wisdom

@ego law, you are obviously a lwayer, you cannot do simple arithmetic, d guy is 33 and his gf is 24, so, pls use d calc function on ur fone if u avn't got one

@ Apocalypses, it is very possible to be in a relationship n not have intercourse as u said. Since ur brain was on sabbatical n decided nt 2 ask ur gf to take her leave, ur Mom as ur Mother decided to lend u hers, I still maintain no ryt-thinking, well-cultured young lady would still pass the night in a house with her prospective MIL (afterall, u guys weren't having a party and people couldn't help but pass the night.

Can i also take u back to where you said ur Mom was domineering and mean, but you admitted that somewhat made you and your brother meek and mild, helllooooo, naturally, meanness would bring about rebellion, but goes to prove that your is a good mother, who wants the best for her son and family,

Different strokes for different folks, mothers are different.
My fiance stays in the same flat with his mum and I spend most of my weekends in his place. Any weekend I decide to stay in my own house, the mother will be so worried, she will even be asking my fiance if he has offended me in any way or if we are fighting. My fiance is the first child of the family and hence, he is the bread winner, reason for his late marriage, his two younger siblings, a lady and a guy are already married. I am the first lady he has ever taken to his house
Before we met, the mother has always been pressurizing him on the issue of marriage and women but he told her that the fvery irst lady that comes into the house with him is his wife, he doesnt want to bring in any lady and later begin to tell stories. He will be moving to his own flat next month, point is, she can never walk me out of his flat even she comes visiting cos my fiance is matured enough and shows every sign of seriousness.

@poster, it's either your mum doesn't see you as someone that is ready to settle down or she doesn't really like the girl or she is just a disciplinary, either ways, you need to reassure your girlfriend and tell any of your older siblings to talk to mum, because no matter what, if you guys eventually ends up in marriage, your wife may not find it easy forgetting what happened that day,especially if she is the type that believe in forgive but not forget.
It's ur marriage but ur parents wedding

if you guys eventually ends up in marriage, your wife may not find it easy forgetting what happened that day,especially if she is the type that believe in forgive but not forget.

not a problem, imo.

Apocalype,

You should be ashamed of yourself.It amazes me that you could be bold enough to announce here that you were camping a girl in your house and obviously sleeping with her when you have not paid her bride price.
Shame on you 100 times !! What happens to our sense of decency?

Before we met, the mother has always been pressurizing him on the issue of marriage and women but he told her that the fvery irst lady that comes into the house with him is his wife, he doesnt want to bring in any lady and later begin to tell stories. He will be moving to his own flat next month, point is, she can never walk me out of his flat even she comes visiting cos my fiance is matured enough and shows every sign of seriousness.

What did u expect the mother will be happy, Thank God my son is not , (don't ask me fill it in). The mother will even want to make sure that u'r doing it.

Thank Your God that your mother is saving the two of you from incuring God's wrath on FORNICATORS

What kind of girl feels comfartable living in sin with a guy with the mum around

Children of nowadays sef!

I'm sorry poster, but your girl needs to be taught some manners!

I didn't even see where they said the girl was 24. She's even old sef. Even the poster is an old man . . And they are acting like kids.

from this thread i now finally say that a lot of nigerians are high level hypocrites.

Apocalypse if at your age your mum is still drawing your ear when she is not happy with you then i can tell that you have a far bigger problem that i thought.Look better try to start drawing the line now and try and assert yourself otherwise you might end up a very bitter man against your mum.

oh wow, lots of bad blood in that family

Bawomolo that family is a classic case of why severe stictness application all round can be counter productive.

You do not apply the same strictness to a 17 or early 20s year old person with a guy in his late twenties and thirties.

the onus is on the girl to make a good impression on the mother, not the other way round.

the girl, not the guy's mum, is the one looking for husband, lover, boyfriend or whatever.


she can start doing shakara after they put a ring on her finger, not before.

with the way asha 80 is going, i suppose you'd encourage your girlfriend to beat up your mother if she [your mum] steps out of line.

assuming you were male?

tpiah:
the onus is on the girl to make a good impression on the mother, not the other way round.

the girl, not the guy's mum, is the one looking for husband, lover, boyfriend or whatever.


she can start doing shakara after they put a ring on her finger, not before.

with the way asha 80 is going, i suppose you'd encourage your girlfriend to beat up your mother if she [your mum] steps out of line.

assuming you were male?

What makes you think i support the girlfriend staying in the house at the time the mum was there?

Can't you understand that the issue is how the mum went about it and not about the girlfriend?

Read the poster's posts to understand that there is a bigger issue/problem here where the mum does not even recognise that the son is now grown.

IDK im on the fence with this one

The mum wouldn't have had a chance to act the way she did, if the young lady had respected herself and left the house soon after mum arrived.

''You want to turn someones daughter in a love-peddlers before you marry her? What is she doing in your place for a whole week? Thats what i keep saying all these girls who call themselves students are not actually studying, but going after men, which decent girl will be spending 3 to 7 days with a man that has not married her or even done engagement with her?

When will girls learns that as soon as a man enjoyed them regularly he loses taste in them and goes for another woman? Ladies hold yourselves together till after marriage stop giving this nation a bad name making it hard for serious and innocent ladies to find a husband''


Occultist you are very correct there - Me thinks WHY BUY THE COW WHEN U CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE.

@ OP

Throw my mum out and tell her not to return until I have a child!!  (talk about cock blocking)

Your mother did right o! and its for your girlfriend's good. Girls of nowadays don spoil, if you give a guy everything wey wife suppose give am, why would he wants to marry? If a man can get all that sex, food and house upkeep without the hassle and commitment of marriage why would you think he would marry you? once he gets tired, out you go!!!!!!

@Samtoye u ave a point.I will not bother to marry when i have all what a married person has

@poster- I do not see anything bad in ur gf visit,u need to let ur mom understand that there's nothing bad wit wat ur gf do by coming to spend days.
I am currently living in a 3 bedroom flat and my mom and my kid lives wit me,my gf do come from school and spend weeks wit me sometimes.To b honest wit u,my mom do complain b4 bt i made her understand dat if she really want me to marry d right woman,she need to let me do what i think its best for me,by spending time with her together to see if she is a house wife material. You can't get to know a woman pretty well if u don't spend enough days wit her under one roof.
Tell mum in a polite way dat we are in new school say her time na old school.

I hope my comment make sense small sha.

I would give my mum a big hug and take her out to chinese.

@Poster,
[others in similar mess can take note too]
two wrong things happened.
You must tread carefully else you'll make the
third and most fatal mistake.

First, change your paradigm.
If you remain with your current thought pattern,
you'll get things wrong.
I will offer therapy to the two problems in three dimensions.

The Problem:
1. Accept that you were wrong by inviting
you girlfriend to your house.
2. Your mother was also wrong
by exercising direct authority over your girlfriend.
(Maybe she thought she had no other option since
you were away when she found saw her).

The Implication:
1. Premarital sex has exposed your relationship
with the girl to much danger
(you should understand what I mean).
2. If you marry this girl,
you Mom can be very overbearing on her.
There will be a feud between Mom and wife.
The foundation of their relationship has been marred.

The Solution:
1. But with a change of approach and mindset,
you can resolve problem 1.
If you have cleaned up your relationship with the girl
and you really wish to marry her, you must proceed to Solution 2.
2. [b[b]]Convene a meeting with you Mom and fiancee
prove to your Mom that you have gone through Solution1
(that's all that's in her mind).
Then boldly make her know that you will not tolerate
her direct confrontation with your fiancee
now and in the years to come.[/[/b]b]She must understand that you are in charge of you household
(she may get emotional with this
but that's the only way you can secure your wife
she needs you to be her sure security).

Give it a try
and tell me what you think


MrStrategy, Are you for real? you really want him to convene a meeting with his girlfriend amd mum present and then have him tongue lash his mum infront of the chic? What kind of solution is that?

Enough has been said about the poster.
A comprehensive solution will have to
protect the girl from future threats.
There has to be a middle ground.

The young man in question
is obviously having problems with his Mom.
He must address them squarely
else she will ruin his marriage.
It sounds hard but its true.

Notice that from my tone,
I advocate going through all the steps amicably.

Sorry but your tone wasn't amicable at all.