I wonder why some men ask their wives to resign their good jobs after they get married.
So many answers have been given to this question, but do you think it's really worth it ?

Yeah i think it is. A woman in the home for the early years of her children's life would serve the children better rather than both parents working and neglecting their children. I believe the decision should not be forced on the woman but mutually agreed between the two. Children's upbringing would be better than otherwise.

If your boyfriend does not fully support your vocation, don't marry him. Things like this should be decided before marriage. A good husband will not try to force you to do what you don't want to do; he'll want you to be happy.

thanks, seun. personally, i don't like men who do that. I won't go to highschool and college for nothin'. I won't be that stupid to do that after all my education. Most men tell their wives to do that so that they won't be intimidated by their wives. they want to be the bread-winner, which is cool. but that doesn't mean she shouldn't work. she can still work and spend her money while the man still provides for the whole family, right?

I personally can't understand why, but nowadays i don't feel it is that much of a issue.
Yes the woman should ideally make more time for raising the kids but i personally would feel a way if the nanny spends more time with the kids than my wife!

Any Man who asks me to resign my job will be expecting a <<snip>>. Ewu Abuja. i didn't come this far to abandon my dreams. he can stay at home instead or we both take turns at staying at home. We need the income to support our family. I'm not a child to be given pocket money.

My husband would never ask me to be a stay at home Mom because he knows the fullfilment I derive from my job. The Children also need to have a role model, they need to realise that it is right for Mom to go out and make a living. The decision needs to be one for both and not the husband telling the wife to stop working.

I believe this should be discussed before marriage takes place. If you do not agree for desire to stay at home and take care of the children, than you should let him know prior to marriage. If a husband is going to ask a wife to do this, he should provide her with the assurance that he, alone, can financally substain ALL the finances and expenses of that family.

However, if a woman has invested years in earning a degree and does not want to merely dedicate that much time in the home, she should be honest how she feels before she gets married. If a woman will not be happy to simply make her husband and children her world, and put her dreams and desires on the back burner (so to speak), than she is not ready to make that type of commitment.

As a woman, first of all, you should be true to "YOURSELF". If you cannot live like that, than do not get married to a person who demands or expects you to do something that you are not ready to do now in your life.

there's more to life than tackling oily plates at home!

I believe there is usually an ulterior motive for this.The man most probably has an ego problem and wants an excuse to control his wife and make her totally dependent.I know in the west its very difficult for two working parents to supervise the kids properly,but it can be done.
Both my parents got to the top of their professions and I did not suffer from it in any way, rather I am proud of the fact.

I believe both parties should discuss it b4 their marriage and reach an agreement. However i believe it all has to do with the type of job. Usually it's in situations where the wife works in Banks in Nigeria that this kind of thing will usually come up. I have a friend that leaves home as early as 5.00 a.m and sometimes is still in the office by 10.00 p.m and has been known to get home after 12 midnight atimes and to make matters worse, they also practise weekend banking!!!!! which requires going to work every saturday and they also go on Sundays atimes. Now if you were the husband and you had kids wouldn't u rather that she gets a less tedious even if less financially rewarding job than that? Luckily she's yet to get married but i'm very sure when she does this kind of job will be a major source of discontent between the couple. I'm not an advocate of house wives but i think the home shouldn't unnecessarily suffer because of the wife's job.

that man( cos i def won't marry someone who stiffles my dreams) must seriously be joking .
to have come this far ?hell no ! he shuld try doing house-husbanding.
on a second thought, may be i would consider it if he is ready to be giving me blank cheques @ the end of every month

like, honestly, if the guy is ready to shoulder all the financial responsibilities, ha, why not? all i'll do is stay home and take care of our lovely kids, lay on the couch and watch tv all day, maybe clean the house a little, eat up all the food in the house till i get fat and lazy. by the time i add on like 10-20 pounds, start to look unattractive and be forced to start wearing bouh-bouhs (those loose maternity-looking dresses that mothers wear), and my husband sees the effects of staying home, he'll be the one to be begging me to go find a job and make myself useful. no be so?

Some men do it to avoid rubbing shoulders with their wives, to have their wives depend on them totally, to feel like "the man"(be in control),
Some do because that's what they were taught by their fathers, and therefore they have to protect the notion behind it

That ^^ to me is so olden days

Some do it because they want their wives no stress, labour no pain

That ^^ to me is love

but love is also wanting the person's hapiness, if the wife finds it a good idea, why not (one man's meat is another man's poison) but in a situation whereby the wife sees it as a purnishment then please let her do her thing!!

Couples please always have a heart to heart talk on things and all aspects of life before "tying the knot" hmm , know where the other stands, if you're not liking the sound of it, do yourself some favour and let be

any husband who will ask me not to work,HOLY GHO------ST [color=#990000][/color]FIRE!

you are joking
choose husbandless and work
some want u to have more time
for the house and kids while you still do something that u own
ladies just want corporate work cos the other person is there
it`s easier to have a job before marriage than enter one after marriage

It seems all the ladies in da house are all @ daggers drawn against staying at home.Well,in this era of wed 2day divorce 2morrow, there is every reason to get worried,to ask questions,to dig deeper and find the root cause. While not advocating for 100% housewifeship, priorities should be set right.The Kids or the Money?. I think its time Mothers sorry Wives play a more enduring role of nurturing the frontiers of familliness by calibrating their time properly @ home then others- office or outfit.?!

1)it is all too easy to take a person who is 100% dependent on you for granted.I may be wrong, but i beleive that a lot of men who marry multiple wives usually have wives who are 100% dependent on them.it is important that your man knows you can survive without him

2) nobody knows what the future holds.what happens if Mr passes on, loses his job, or is in a ghastly motor accident? will madam start selling akara by the roadside?

3)does anyone want a wife who will become a slave of the talking box? no 'honey we did so and so at the office today', but rather 'wow ,did you see oprah ?'your wife sits at home day in, day out, she will rapidly become fat.  .  .  .

4)most guys out there will tell you, in NAIJA, one salary cannot cut it when it comes to supporting a family.

i guess guys who ask their wives to resign are insecure fellas who need wives who cannot do without them.
the problem of course, is the kids, are nigerians ready for a latchkey generation?

i guess guys who ask their wives to resign are insecure fellas who need wives who cannot do without them.
the problem of course, is the kids, are nigerians ready for a latchkey generation?

I think its time we define what a successful marriage is: a 5 wing duplex in Banana Island with 15digit bank account? Why will one use the word insecurity to associate with a decision to save life or marriage. Well which ever way you chose to spell the word REFER it still remains same.What ever decision(s) is/are made to save a marriage and it works, is laudable. One cannot eat ones cake and have it.While some ladies have a tendency to fly if given the wings,some may fair better in same circumstance. Different strokes for different folks guys

Its like we are somehow digressing on this issue, as for me, i think it depends if the two parties are living in different locations and the husband decides that he cannot stay alone, he has every right to tell his wife to resign because the contract they have says " for better for worse till death do them part"

No man is ever in this life going to tell me to resign from my job just because he wants the children to have parental care. After suffering 4yrs to gat a Bachelor Degree and 2 years of my Master, so you want me to stay home oh hell no. I can work and take care of my kids at the same time. My parents didn't waste over $100,000 for me to get a degree why one foolish husband will want me to stay home.

A graduate of the UNILAG medical school recently got married. After marriage, her husband insisted that she must stay at home. I don't really understand it; why marry a doctor when all you want is a nanny and a cook? And what's the deal with not settling the issue before going into slavery marriage? 'Love' is not all that matters, ladies.

samsilo:

I believe there is usually an ulterior motive for this.The man most probably has an ego problem and wants an excuse to control his wife and make her totally dependent.I know in the west its very difficult for two working parents to supervise the kids properly,but it can be done.
Both my parents got to the top of their professions and I did not suffer from it in any way, rather I am proud of the fact.

so true,I'm excited to read this coming from a man.
The word housewife is non existent in my books.
Everywoman that is able bodied ought to earn her own money no matter how small.
No woman should put herself in a position where she has to ask for money to buy underwears and sundry.
This is the singular reason countless women remain in unhealthy,unwholesome,abusive or even polygamous marriages they did not sign up for.
Women ought not to throw away commonsense in the name of love

Funny.

Another friend of mine once dated this guy, who told her that he wouldn't allow his wife to work under any circumstances, until his kids grow up. He cited the fact that his own mum was a housewife, as the reason why he & his siblings grew up well. I laughed.

Guess what? The guy broke up with my friend & married another lady from his area. Less than four months after his new wife gave birth to their kid, she was back at work. I wonder what made him change his mind!

No responsible man will ask his wife to resign her job without a "responsible" reason. A man that is doing that for ego or other ulterior motive is doing that to his disadvantage.

Afterall, which husband will not be happy to have a help meet (that is their primary reason anyway). Somebody to share in the burden of taking care of the family.

However, I will consider it for a good number of reasons and that may either be for her own sake, my sake or the family's.

It must however be with her consent and I will have no excuse not taking care of her responsibilities.

There are two possible solutions to this problem:
1. either the man must run around naked on the village square for at least 4 hours, that way his issues will quickly become part of the public discourse
2. or [size=4pt]_{dot dot dot}[/size] the other solution is actually only a variation on the first one - only one possible solution

I cannot become HOUSEWIFE OO . I think this should be discussed before going to the alter. You can be working and yet, still be the best mum in the whole world. My certificate is not for decoration. . .it's meant to be utilized

It all depends on the motive. Besides, we should stop making general statements when it comes to issues that affect people such as this. The truth is that no two homes or families or couples are the same.

There are homes:
1. that the woman would have on her own love to stop work due to her difficulties in combining the work and children, but the husband says no, because "we need the money"

2. that out of love for the woman, the man decides to take all the responsiblities until after child bearing so as to reduce reduce stress for the wife.

3. out of priority for good up bringing for the children, some body stops work. (Only the first port of call is the woman).

Personally, I feel that children should not be left for house helps. Parental care and upbringing should be maximized at the early age. I have heard of a home where the man stayed behind for the kids while the wife goes out. The price for good upbring of children cannot be measured in terms carrier and money. Marriage is not an individual thing, hence those calling "Holy Ghost fire" about this matter should be careful. It is more of "our" than "my". Marriage in one way or the other strips both parties some rights and priviledges. Problems start when we stick to our guns and refuse to compromise our positions. Always look at the best for the family and not the best for "me".

Yeah, goog and ideal, for a responsible that will take a very good care of his wife, not the irresponsible one ooo, woman see that ur man is up to the task before you accept such offer, but very good for child upbringing and inculcating discipline in the children.

Well,i think it is in two ways,at times,i think situation demands for this,i still think a woman can quit her job for the sake of her home,because your job can never mend your home if broken and if you loose your home,your job will never bring you so much happiness.
Its worth looking into this critically,women shouldn't just get it into their head that if her husband asked her to resign,they are doing it for ego or one useless reasons,you need to see reasons with them.
It might be for the sake of the kids or any other important reason,you need to sit down and talk about it.No responsible husband will ask his wife to resign without a reason.The most important bit is for you to look before you leap,make sure you're married to a responsible man.

Its alright if the husband is responsible and will take good care of his wife.

However,no husband should force his wife to do that,it should be within the wife's consent but if the woman really needs to resign and she's not ready to,you can always make her see reasons with you or she may learn in a difficult way,

There was this story of a woman who lost her home because fo job.Its no new thing,we've  all heard stoties of husbands impregnating househelps and stuffs,be wise,quitting your job or if you must work,consider a job that gives you time for your home,its important.Or consider a private business.

enough of all the talk of housewives raising children and inculcating values.
I bet Abacha's mother was an illiterate housewife,see how he turned out!!
@ hotchic,a man impregnating his househelp has nothing to do with the wife holding down a job.
It has to do with the man himself.

afterall being a housewife does not mean she has a key to lock and unlock  his "kiniko"
A cheating man will always cheat

I believe there is usually an ulterior motive for this.The man most probably has an ego problem and wants an excuse to control his wife and make her totally dependent.I know in the west its very difficult for two working parents to supervise the kids properly,but it can be done.
Both my parents got to the top  of their professions and I did not suffer from it in any way, rather I am proud of the fact.

It's nice to see that a guy can admit that most of his brethen do this cos of ego problems. Point is couples should discuss these things before they get married.