babyosisi:

enough of all the talk of housewives raising children and inculcating values.
I bet Abacha's mother was an illiterate housewife,see how he turned out!!
@ hotchic,a man impregnating his househelp has nothing to do with the wife holding down a job.
It has to do with the man himself.

afterall being a housewife does not mean she has a key to lock and unlock his "kiniko"
A cheating man will always cheat

Nothing else to add.

people forget that women have dreams and aspirations too, aside from becoming mothers. we also dream about becoming successful, being recognized in the community, having a name, becoming leaders, going places in life. it has always been about men and what they want. i think women should be given a break too. haba.
my parents are both successful, both highly educated and it makes me want to achieve the same as well. parents shoud be trying to set good examples to their kids. how would you like it if your daughter isn't motivated to become somebody in life, aside from getting married, when she sees you doing nothing?

reminds me of bianca onoh( i think) in an interview, she said something to the effect her dream/highest goal was 'to be a mother, listening to the patter of tiny feet. .'. . .I asked myself 'what? so after you get married and have kids, you have no reason for being in the world again?'

i think Seun has hit the nail on the head with this one;

"THESE ARE THINGS YOU SHOULD DISCUSS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED"

i am sorry but i am very worried about people that have all the time to bind and cast out every known demon in hell about their partners yet, they do not bother to research things that affect the daily side of marriage like sex, children, careers, location etc.

if her work schedule will not give her much time to take care of the kids,stopping her from work won't solve the issue,i could as well open a business for her (boutique,supermart) or whatever intrests her,with these she has ALL the time to monitor the kids and be home on time whenever she wants.

I don't know about others but i have been at home for about a year doing nothing but babysitting my cousins kids, and to tell you what, its damn boring ! Its fun for a while when they are running about and you are chasing and cleaning up after them, but it gets tiring and boring after a while.

I'll rather support leaving your work to care for them when they are yet to start school, when they are in the school age, you return to work and reschedule your working hours to give you enough time with your kids.

But left to me, i'll go to work after at most 6months of delivery, and joggle work and motherhood. Would take my baby to a creche and if needed reduce my hours of work(like a part time thing)

Gheorghe:

if her work schedule will not give her much time to take care of the kids,stopping her from work won't solve the issue,i could as well open a business for her (boutique,supermart) or whatever intrests her,with these she has ALL the time to monitor the kids and be home on time whenever she wants.

Yes Im sure her parents spent so much on her education just so she can do a job that any illiterate can partake in.

Plus not everyone wants to run a boutique, shop or wot wot. . . I personally don't like it one bit.

I didn't want to make any reply to this post but changed my mind
because i was involved in a case where we had to counsel  a wife
to resign from her work. The husband claimed that their marriage
will collapse and infact was ready to divorse his wife because their
children are not getting enough attention.

He also claimed that his wife does not give him attention.

3rdly, he claimed that his wife's job is not making her more intelligent
enough because she does routine work.

The man violently insisted that she must resign from the job lest he
would file for divorce and he was dead serious about it.

Personally, i was shocked to my marrow as regards the above reasons
and i think it is more than that. I suspect another woman is turning his
head because you guys need to see his wife, very beautiful young woman.
She cried throughout the meeting and my wife even joined her to cry.

The man was just too hard. My wife and i really sympatised with the lady
but what else could we have done but to give some sort of solution that
will appeal to the two

In order to keep their marriage, the lady had to agree to the husband's terms.
We had to request that he allow 2months for disengagement from the job.

I doff my hat for the lady and pray that God will turn the situation for her good.

The simple truth is that her family/marriage is superior to her job

Friends, there are many reasons that can make a husband to ask his wife to resign from
her job. Some are selfish reasons, another might be for health reasons and
some might be or family reasons.

What will you do if you find yourself in that position? May God help you take the right
decision in Jesus name.

Olu Abuja:

I didn't want to make any reply to this post but changed my mind
because i was involved in a case where we had to counsel a wife
to resign from her work. The husband claimed that their marriage
will collapse and infact was ready to divorse his wife because their
children are not getting enough attention.

He also claimed that his wife does not give him attention.

3rdly, he claimed that his wife's job is not making her more intelligent
enough because she does routine work.

The man violently insisted that she must resign from the job lest he
would file for divorce and he was dead serious about it.

Personally, i was shocked to my marrow as regards the above reasons
and i think it is more than that. I suspect another woman is turning his
head because you guys need to see his wife, very beautiful young woman.
She cried throughout the meeting and my wife even joined her to cry.

The man was just too hard. My wife and i really sympatised with the lady
but what else could we have done but to give some sort of solution that
will appeal to the two

In order to keep their marriage, the lady had to agree to the husband's terms.
We had to request that he allow 2months for disengagement from the job.

I doff my hat for the lady and pray that God will turn the situation for her good.

The simple truth is that her family/marriage is superior to her job

Friends, there are many reasons that can make a husband to ask his wife to resign from
her job. Some are selfish reasons, another might be for health reasons and
some might be or family reasons.

What will you do if you find yourself in that position? May God help you take the right
decision in Jesus name.

Amen.
Family is important and I'm all for it but when a man threatens to divorce his wife if she doesn't quit her job,it is called intimidation.
Intimidation is not love.
Can she make the same demands of him.

Assuming he actually did divorce her,how then does he benefit the children that he claims to love?
What happened to a husband and his wife coming to an amicable compromise without one threatening the other.
How about the happiness and well being of this wife,aren't they of any regard?
Does he want a miserable stay at home mother and wife or she is supposed to have no feeling or input in a matter concerning her?

What is the guarantee that a man who has threatened divorce once to get his way will not do it again and again
and this time,the lady is stuck because she has no income of her own.

I would hate to be in her position but I wish her well.

to me i don't think there is any thing wrong with being a house wife though it shd be on mutual agreement and provided the guy can foot the bills. but there days the women folk want to be self reliant i dont blame them it is allowed

[/quote][quote author=Olu Abuja link=topic=53208.msg1117749#msg1117749 date=1179237718]
I didn't want to make any reply to this post but changed my mind
because i was involved in a case where we had to counsel  a wife
to resign from her work. The husband claimed that their marriage
will collapse and infact was ready to divorse his wife because their
children are not getting enough attention.

He also claimed that his wife does not give him attention.

3rdly, he claimed that his wife's job is not making her more intelligent
enough because she does routine work.

The man violently insisted that she must resign from the job lest he
would file for divorce and he was dead serious about it.

Personally, i was shocked to my marrow as regards the above reasons
and i think it is more than that. I suspect another woman is turning his
head because you guys need to see his wife, very beautiful young woman.
She cried throughout the meeting and my wife even joined her to cry.

The man was just too hard. My wife and i really sympatised with the lady
but what else could we have done but to give some sort of solution that
will appeal to the two

In order to keep their marriage, the lady had to agree to the husband's terms.
We had to request that he allow 2months for disengagement from the job.

I doff my hat for the lady and pray that God will turn the situation for her good.

The simple truth is that her family/marriage is superior to her job

Friends, there are many reasons that can make a husband to ask his wife to resign from
her job. Some are selfish reasons, another might be for health reasons and
some might be or family reasons.

What will you do if you find yourself in that position? May God help you take the right
decision in Jesus name.

@ Olu Abuja, Your friend is being selfish and inconsiderate. The decision he took was definately out of place. If he knows that the woman's job is taking too much of her time. He should have told her to take up another job or betterstill open a supermarket/shop for her. What happens when he gets broke and the woman needs money? Or what if he loses his job,or his salary is being delayed, or betterstill he dies? He didn't really think deep about this matter. I pity the woman. She will have to depend on her husband totally. To make her hair, to buy dresses etc.An idle hand they say "is the devil's workshop" what does he expect the woman to do? Watch T.V all day? . . . :oAlthough, the decision she took was right but I think this issue needs to be talked over again  and the man should get a clearer picture of what he's about to get himself into.

The decision's the couple's not the husband's nor the wife's. I'm getting married to an electrical/electronics engineer (_{soon i might add}), so the issue of her not working does not even arise.(_{Of course she'll practically murder me if i suggested it}) but I really would not want my wife to work for anybody. I'd rather she owns her business. That way she can mange her time, work as much as she wants as well as have time for the kids.
how does this sound??

i was involved in a case where we had to counsel a wife
to resign from her work.

,

The simple truth is that her family/marriage is superior to her job

The simpler truth is that she didn't choose her husband wisely. Serves her right for marrying a "hard" man.

phrankie:

The decision's the couple's not the husband's nor the wife's. I'm getting married to an electrical/electronics engineer (_{soon i might add}), so the issue of her not working does not even arise.(_{Of course she'll practically murder me if i suggested it}) but I really would not want my wife to work for anybody. I'd rather she owns her business. That way she can mange her time, work as much as she wants as well as have time for the kids.
how does this sound??

sounds like bull to me.

What is with you guys? Do you know the time and money it takes to study engineering in school? Did you even read anything as grueling as engineering yourself? How can someone go through all that for over 5 years I might add just so you can suggest something as mediocre as "opening a shop". What kind of foolish shop is that?

I swear I don't understand these girls infact. They all go to school for years, going through strikes, provisions and all that nonsense just to become a layabout. What is the logic behind that kind of thinking? I don't get it. No parent should pay a dime for their kid's education just to become nothing. shio.

phrankie:

The decision's the couple's not the husband's nor the wife's. I'm getting married to an electrical/electronics engineer (_{soon i might add}), so the issue of her not working does not even arise.(_{Of course she'll practically murder me if i suggested it}) but I really would not want my wife to work for anybody. I'd rather she owns her business. That way she can mange her time, work as much as she wants as well as have time for the kids.
how does this sound??

Sounds like wishing for the moon. Infact having and running her own business will be more demanding than doing a regular 9 to 5 job.

The truth is that no one person who holds down a full time job that's demanding will have time enough for most other things, including kids. And that's why you as the husband are there. Raising kids involves TWO people, not just the wife. Just as I wouldn't like to take on a job that takes me out of the house at 5am when the kids are asleep and brings me back at midnight when they're again asleep, I won't find it funny with my husband if he took on such a job either. I want my kids' father to be involved in their up-bringing, and I definitely want to spend quality time with both my husband and kids.

With two people (husband and wife) actively involved in making time for the kids, the responsibility is shared and both can handle their jobs reasonably well.

Olu Abuja:

I didn't want to make any reply to this post but changed my mind
because i was involved in a case where we had to counsel a wife
to resign from her work. The husband claimed that their marriage
will collapse and infact was ready to divorse his wife because their
children are not getting enough attention.

He also claimed that his wife does not give him attention.

3rdly, he claimed that his wife's job is not making her more intelligent
enough because she does routine work.

The man violently insisted that she must resign from the job lest he
would file for divorce and he was dead serious about it.

Personally, i was shocked to my marrow as regards the above reasons
and i think it is more than that. I suspect another woman is turning his
head because you guys need to see his wife, very beautiful young woman.
She cried throughout the meeting and my wife even joined her to cry.

The man was just too hard. My wife and i really sympatised with the lady
but what else could we have done but to give some sort of solution that
will appeal to the two

In order to keep their marriage, the lady had to agree to the husband's terms.
We had to request that he allow 2months for disengagement from the job.

I doff my hat for the lady and pray that God will turn the situation for her good.

The simple truth is that her family/marriage is superior to her job

Friends, there are many reasons that can make a husband to ask his wife to resign from
her job. Some are selfish reasons, another might be for health reasons and
some might be or family reasons.

What will you do if you find yourself in that position? May God help you take the right
decision in Jesus name.

I'm sorry for the man in question because whether he realizes it or not, he has just signed up for a miserable life. You can't just suddenly turn a woman who's used to the corporate world and enjoys her work into a housewife against her will and expect her to be happy. Her unhappiness will in turn spill over to the kids and might impact negatively on their upbringing. There's a huge difference between kids being raised by a happy and satisfied mother and those being raised by an unhappy and frustrated mother. And I would think that the man in question would be smart enough to realize that. Of what use is it staying with someone and making them unhappy? What satisfaction is he going to derive from coming home everyday to a dull and depressed home? The guy just made a stupid decision, and he doesn't even know it

yup. he just got himself a dose of woes upon woes. by the time the wife's depression from not being able to work starts to affect the whole family, he'll be the one begging her to go back to work. nonsense. why are men so selfish sef? everything has to be about them. haba, a woman is also a human being with needs, wants, dreams and aspirations too. she's not a donkey that should be tied down and forced to do something.
men, please, please, if you want to live long and peacefully, communicate with your wives. that is not to say that every woman wants to be rebellious and work by force, the way you approach the matter is very important. don't force your wishes down her throat.
besides, why aren't men staying home with the kids too? abi don't kids need their fathers attention as well? just because the kids popped out of their mother doesn't make her solely responsible for them. as a father, your contribution financialy is not all it takes o. gotta spend quality time with them, not just providing a roof over their heads and clothes on their back. right?

windywendy:

The truth is that no one person who holds down a full time job that's demanding will have time enough for most other things, including kids. And that's why you as the husband are there. Raising kids involves TWO people, not just the wife.
With two people (husband and wife) actively involved in making time for the kids, the responsibility is shared and both can handle their jobs reasonably well.

Most Nigerian men tend to forget this. It's quite pitiful.

Olu Abuja:

I didn't want to make any reply to this post but changed my mind
because i was involved in a case where we had to counsel a wife
to resign from her work. The husband claimed that their marriage
will collapse and infact was ready to divorse his wife because their
children are not getting enough attention.

He also claimed that his wife does not give him attention.

3rdly, he claimed that his wife's job is not making her more intelligent
enough because she does routine work.

The man violently insisted that she must resign from the job lest he
would file for divorce and he was dead serious about it.

Personally, i was shocked to my marrow as regards the above reasons
and i think it is more than that. I suspect another woman is turning his
head because you guys need to see his wife, very beautiful young woman.
She cried throughout the meeting and my wife even joined her to cry.

The man was just too hard. My wife and i really sympatised with the lady
but what else could we have done but to give some sort of solution that
will appeal to the two

In order to keep their marriage, the lady had to agree to the husband's terms.
We had to request that he allow 2months for disengagement from the job.

I doff my hat for the lady and pray that God will turn the situation for her good.

The simple truth is that her family/marriage is superior to her job

Friends, there are many reasons that can make a husband to ask his wife to resign from
her job. Some are selfish reasons, another might be for health reasons and
some might be or family reasons.

What will you do if you find yourself in that position? May God help you take the right
decision in Jesus name.

why does it always be the woman who resigns? cant the man resign and watch the kids? will heaven fall if he does?
i dont believe a woman should have to let her dreams go just because her husband cant compromise. shame on him!

an idle man is the devil's workshop, when the kids are at school,husband at work,the house clean , what would the woman be doing, gossip, an affair, e.t.c
anyway personally i can't sit at home after all those years of burning the candle and a woman should be of support to the husband esp. in this modern world

I think the problem here is that there is a lot of misunderstanding from both modern day men and women on what marriage is all about.

Personally, I don't think it is proper for a man to ask his wife to stay at home, especially if she is a graduate. Most times, the over-riding factor here is more of financial insecurity, not necessarily the interest of the children in their formative years.

On the other hand, I also do not see the wisdom in a woman keeping a job that effectively makes her an alien to her children. It is simply not on.

You see, that's why I call courtship a "simulation of marriage". Courtship is not just about going to suya and ice cream joints. Courtship is when such issues should be thrashed out.

My parents both worked, but my mum got a job that gave her time for her kids. Besides, who says that we cannot create the kind of jobs we do? Everybody cannot be an employee.

It's all about couples deciding ahead of time how they will live and the necessary adjustments they will make in the interest of their family unit.

enolase:

It's all about couples deciding ahead of time how they will live and the necessary adjustments they will make in the interest of their family unit.

Indeed, but that investment is just as much the man's as the woman's to make. If the woman has better career prospects, it's the man that should adapt.

enolase:

I think the problem here is that there is a lot of misunderstanding from both modern day men and women on what marriage is all about.

Personally, I don't think it is proper for a man to ask his wife to stay at home, especially if she is a graduate. Most times, the over-riding factor here is more of financial insecurity, not necessarily the interest of the children in their formative years.

On the other hand, I also do not see the wisdom in a woman keeping a job that effectively makes her an alien to her children. It is simply not on.

You see, that's why I call courtship a "simulation of marriage". Courtship is not just about going to suya and ice cream joints. Courtship is when such issues should be thrashed out.

My parents both worked, but my mum got a job that gave her time for her kids. Besides, who says that we cannot create the kind of jobs we do? Everybody cannot be an employee.

It's all about couples deciding ahead of time how they will live and the necessary adjustments they will make in the interest of their family unit.

Preach it, brotha! Pree-eaa-ach it!! 

That was deep & straight to the point! Well said.

nferyn:

Indeed, but that investment is just as much the man's as the woman's to make. If the woman has better career prospects, it's the man that should adapt.

tell them nferyn! tell them!

Let me add a new dimension to this issue.

I have personally observed that IBO guys get threatened in marriage
when their wives are earning some good salary and thereby use their
Manliness (whatever) to command that their wives should stay at home.

In the case of my above instance, the guy is IBO and very unsecure. He just
wanted to prove that he is a man and i told him that a man does not cage his
wife on flimsy excuses. Can you image that the two of them actually went to
the same University, graduated the same year and served (NYSC) in the
same year.

The lady also told me that the guy actually toated her throughout their university
days but she refused his advances until their NYSC days when she succumbed

Na wa 4 IBO guys.

If you think this is not prevalent with IBO guys then prove me wrong.

@olu abuja

Fa fa fa foul. I am an Igbo, married to Igbo and my husband has never felt threatened by my job neither do I feel threatened by his. Methink, it has to do with understanding. Can two work together, except they agree?

Well, If I have to stay at home. Cool for me, I will wake up by 7 am and prepare the kids for school and do the normal runs. I will however, ensure that I get the best of everything for me and my kids, no in-law staying with us and no management at all. I must eat English breakfast everyday and thick egusi soup with pounded yam every time. Use assorted meat and fishes etc for cooking. I no wan hear say, salary never enter account.

And of course, my threadmill and other gym eqmts must be handy. No wahala, just carry go. Wetin concern vulture with barber.

Olu Abuja:

Let me add a new dimension to this issue.

I have personally observed that IBO guys get threatened in marriage
when their wives are earning some good salary and thereby use their
Manliness (whatever) to command that their wives should stay at home.

Nah! It doesn't hold true for Igbo guys. I know several Igbo males who are high-achieving professionals, in various fields. Their wives work & even hold down high-flying jobs.

Only a few ones with ego problems, a primitive mind-set & self-esteem issues, behave in the way you just described. But this kind of behaviour cuts across men from all ethnic groups. It is not restricted to Igbo men or any particular tribe.

Go to the far north (not the middle-belt), for example. In some areas, it is extremely rare to see Northern women working or earning an income. Especially if she is in purdah. I have seen cases where a man marries 4 wives, and yet none of them is allowed to earn her own living. What do you make of that?

Olu Abuja:

Let me add a new dimension to this issue.

I have personally observed that IBO guys get threatened in marriage
when their wives are earning some good salary and thereby use their
Manliness (whatever) to command that their wives should stay at home.

In the case of my above instance, the guy is IBO and very unsecure. He just
wanted to prove that he is a man and i told him that a man does not cage his
wife on flimsy excuses. Can you image that the two of them actually went to
the same University, graduated the same year and served (NYSC) in the
same year.

The lady also told me that the guy actually toated her throughout their university
days but she refused his advances until their NYSC days when she succumbed

Na wa 4 IBO guys.

If you think this is not prevalent with IBO guys then prove me wrong.

now we see the real reason you decided to break your silence and speak out.
It is now the sole problem of Igbo men.
Wish I could lay my bare hands on that tolotolo neck of yours
ewu awusa

this problem cuts across tribe. it may not be due to insecurity all the time because a lot of these women being asked to resign dont even earn close to what their husbands make.
men just want them to be home with the kids.

Haba babyosisi, you no dey fear o . Me wey be 6.1feet tall na im
you wan break im neck. I pity you. Anyway, i pray you don't find
yourself in that situation when your husband will demand that
you resign from your job.

Laudate, thanks for pointing out that it is just a few Ibo guys
that engage in this kind of primitive and selfish acts.

Moreso, you drew my attention to the situations in the North.
Yeah, you are really correct. The Northerners are more guilty. Can
we way that their reason for imposing this backward unwritten law
is religious or cultural

Hi Spoilt, i do agree with  you  that some men just want their wives
to stay at home with the kids. My question is for how long will the wife
remain idle?