My wife graduated 8 years ago and was working while an undergraduate,hence she has experience.After graduation,she worked in some places but not steady jobs as most of them did not last long and a times she was out of job in many instances thereby taking care of our children.Recently she got a job of N50k monthly salary,no other allowances or incentives attached.I objected it and prefer we keep on looking for alternative after the analysis below:

First,it means i have to look for a house help that will stay with us and place the house help on a salary of N15k monthly minimum,take care of the house help(Feeding,etc),because as far as i am concerned even though i will be paying the house help, the way i take care of my children will be same i will be treating the house help as well,which means monthly maintenance of house help with salary runs atleast N35K-40k minimum if not more than. Wife's monthly transport fare to work alone runs between N15k-N18k and her feeding/lunch is not inclusive.
Now combining her transport fare alone with the house help expenses, it runs about : N50k-N58k monthly, which is already equal to or greater than her monthly salary.Cross examination,i jokingly told her that even the house help is earning more than her- House help is not paying for house rent,no transport fare,free feeding,free maintenance etc and she will be earning minimum of 15k

Now what about Wife's maintenance - Wears,feeding,hair do,cosmetics,recharge cards,pocket money,family support expenses contribution etc, the salary cannot even solve any of the mentioned.Above all,the work entails 6 days in a week in which she will leave house at 5.20am-5.30am and come back around 8pm or after.

While it is clear that she is not doing anything before the job offer and still making efforts to find business for her to start doing if better job is not forth coming,at the same time,i have told her that i have not seen any benefit of her accepting this current job offer as critical analysis of the job shows that apart from the stress involvement (5.30am-8pm(back home)/6 days in a week, financially,there is no gain as well,that it has even increased my monthly financial burden instead of reducing it and i objected it,but she said she will continue with the job.

Please is this not more of a slavery job?,Yes, we know that job is scarce but Is there any need/benefit for her to continue with such a job with this kind of meagre salary that cannot sort out anything but rather adding more financial burden into family expenses let alone stress involvement as well as leaving everything home almost in the hands of the house help. Please advise.

Bros see you have said it all you have to seat her down that this her work will not favour the family and secondly will all this it calculations you are very right let her know if she can agree with you that is going to affect the the love she have for the family is more better she get a work that very close to house that will earn her 30k and will close on time and leave home around 8am even if is sales job because family is more than any work because anything she's doing is because of her kids so what will u gain if u have all and the kids did not enjoy ur present or u can also make the sacrifice by promise her salary and fulfill it but u will have to work very hard or do extra work apart from ur normal job that my own opinion

From your analysis, the job is more of a burden than a blessing. No sane married woman should take that kind of job, no matter how desperate.
Besides, I do not believe she can ever find a better job if her time is fully occupied with a 5.30am - 8pm job. Either she waits a bit for something better or you get a loan to set up a small scale business for her.

What makes her return so late, is it traffic? I would have advised you to give her a time frame of six months on the job to boost her CV but if you feel that your family won't cope with it then speak to her about it and let her continue looking, she will surely find one

Graduateacher:
What makes her return so late, is it traffic? I would have advised you to give her a time frame of six months on the job to boost her CV but if you feel that your family won't cope with it then speak to her about it and let her continue looking, she will surely find one

Coming back late is because of traffic. Office opens and closes at 7.30am and 5.30pm respectively

Indeed the figures don’t add up but I’d presume your Mrs is fed up of being a stay at home mum.

Why not find a means to again emphasize to her that you appreciate the sacrifice she’s made so far for the family and offer to increase her upkeep/allowance even if by N5000 to make her feel better
It’s easy for men to generally throw this “sacrifice for the well being of the family” to the wife but sometimes it also entails the Mrs sacrificing her happiness and entire career!

The job is not worth the hassles. But some women get restless being home-makers and will do anything to get out of the house. If she chooses to work, let her be responsible for the extra costs.
If you can help, fine. If not, fine too.

I can feel your madams need to get out of the house, most times it's caused by you men when you don't support her with enough money at home. I'm sure she might be going through some financial challenges unknown to you and probably she is going ahead with the job just to pass a message to you. So beg her, increase her house keep money, appreciate her because even mua had to do the same despite the salary been meagre but the joy of having my own money and all the financial burden I need to sort out amongst my siblings coupled with my parents I need to bless every month, I just had to work.

zangodangolo:


Coming back late is because of traffic. Office opens and closes at 7.30am and 5.30pm respectively

Okay, 5:30pm is not bad but the traffic is the main issue here. What you can do is to increase the upkeep you're giving to her, look for a shop around you and rent it for her to start any business you can afford. If you tell her to give up the job without doing these things, she will not like it. Many women will prefer to have their own money than to be disturbing their husband for cash everyday especially when the man is also complaining.

@
Zango please try calculating using joint income method - maybe her monthly pay will make some sense.
Like poster above said, increase the money and have something in place of her quitting her job.

5am ke! I simply don't know how lagosians cope o.





I don't think the job is worth it. A better one will come along.

AwkaetitiBabe:
5am ke! I simply don't know how lagosians cope o.





I don't think the job is worth it. A better one will come along.

if the average life expectancy of Nigerians is 47 years, the average life expectancy of a lagosian is 32 years,..the only reason I went to Lagos was because I needed to travel outside Nigeria....Lagos is a slum shithole.. The only main Nigerian city is Abuja whether people agree to this or not it doesn't change this fact

NNEWIsuper:

if the average life expectancy of Nigerians is 47 years, the average life expectancy of a lagosian is 32 years,..the only reason I went to Lagos was because I needed to travel outside Nigeria....Lagos is a slum shithole.. The only main Nigerian city is Abuja whether people agree to this or not it doesn't change this fact

The stress there is something else. Yea Abuja is quite serene. Very lovely city to behold.

I think I understand you completely. I was in such mess last year. Mine was worst cuz I never had a maid. The truth is every woman now wants to work and earn money which is very important considering the economy of our country. Even when hobby was begging me to resign I refused that I don't want to be a house wife. And I can tell you that there are lots of women in that category too. The impression people have about you seeing you are a house wife is enough for you to get a job just to leave the house(Lol). Please talk to her let her see reasons with you.

This is what most men need to understand. You just nailed it.

ststyreal:
I can feel your madams need to get out of the house, most times it's caused by you men when you don't support her with enough money at home. I'm sure she might be going through some financial challenges unknown to you and probably she is going ahead with the job just to pass a message to you. So beg her, increase her house keep money, appreciate her because even mua had to do the same despite the salary been meagre but the joy of having my own money and all the financial burden I need to sort out amongst my siblings coupled with my parents I need to bless every month, I just had to work.

How will the current job she has now look on her CV regardless of the pay?
People do volunteer work with no pay at all. If it will help her career growth, please let her continue. It's just like getting work as a marketer in an established insurance company with no pay aside commissions you bring in. You might not know it, but that on your CV can help you with future prospective jobs. Better that than having her CV empty for those times she will be out of a job.
If however she has no plans of entering the job market and you guys agree she should be a housewife, then so be it.

I can give anything not to be a stay at home mum, i get your wife. Most men believe that a woman's job is to take care of the home. It can be overwhelming and depressing to just sit at home and your greatest achievement in life will be going for school runs. We have dreams and aspirations. Life passes so quickly that before you realize it, you are already old. Allow her to work for some time while you get her something else to do. Appreciate her the more. I love women like her, that goes out of their way to become relevant in the society

If it's me, I don't mind the time o, it's better than house wife. Oga find a cretch and place your kids there for now, if you return earlier than her then pick them up, I don't believe she'll be late everyday. Consider moving closer to her office or getting a better job, closer to your house

Op, you need to sit your wife down and have this conversation with her, presenting the figures as they are.
The proposed salary for the job is too small compared to the extra financial cost of getting a house help who would be filling in for her while she is at work.
The job is too far from her vicinity biko. 2hrs to work and 2½ hrs from work.
My advise is for her to get a job with same salary scale of 50k and above, that is closer to home. That way she can get the kids ready for school, drop them off on her way to work and pick them up when she closes from work at 5pm. Many schools now stay up to 6-7pm because of working moms, you guys will only have to pay a little extra lesson fees.
Op, I hope you are including her in your own finances and financial plans to an extent. Set up a joint account that she an have access to should she be in dire need of fund.
If Madam feels Oga is hoarding his money and only dropping housekeeping money that is not even enough, she will even be ready to do a 30k job provided it will give her some money at the end of the month, anyhow oga wishes to pay for house help is oga's problem.

It is financial illiteracy to take a job of 50k and place a househelp on 15k/month salary (with feeding, accomodation, clothing and other utilities).

Unless the job is directly and positively impacting her career path, then I would advise an immediate exit.

Many families are making this mistake, and most of the time, the woman is just working for NOTHING. How can you commute 4-5 hours per day for a 50k (6am-8pm), and pay around 100k or more on kindagarteen school fees babysitting a toddler, and 20k on househelp. Is this what it means to be a working class? Please advise your wife o, many working class in this awa Lagos are working corpses.

If your toddler's terminal fees is more than your one month salary, please sit your a$$ in your house and home school your ward. This should be a norm when the husband is willing to give his spouse an unrestricted access to the family's income.

All comments are well appreciated

Don't listen to the advice of the females here .. most nairaland females do not think in a practical and logical way. Tell your wife to put her emotions aside and be grateful you are out there busting your a** to provide for the family.

Acidosis has made the most sense so far, but I must add that "job" will bring nothing but misery to your marriage. Let me spell out why:

1. As you have calculated, it will actually cost you an additional £8000 (approx.) for her to take that job. Money that can be put into better use.

2. She will spend an average of 15hrs each day away from home, leaving a house help to resume the role of a mother to your children.

2. None of the money she makes will be a tangible contribution to the household - she will probably use her chicken chomp salary for her own upkeep and her family.. while you are expected to continue carrying all the financial burdens alone.

3. God forbid with all these sacrifices you make to accomodate her desire to be "independent". She starts cheating on you with a colleague like a lot of these lagos married women do - especially when they start feeling like they are too big to be just a "housewife".

4. Even if she doesn't cheat, she will still become unavailable to you due to exhaustion and stress. Working long hours for little pay will not give her the fulfillment she's looking for.

If you have parents that can come and help with the kids, then please beg them to come. Also you can contribute to taking care of the kids that way the problem is half solved.

I don’t think paying a house help is feasible based on 50k but is it feasible based on your own income? You didn’t tell us that part. It’s easy for your fellow men to tell you to ask her to forfeit the job but same men will also say she never contributed anything to then home and this deserves to be thrown out at any slightest issue.

Your wife wants this job not just for the money but also to the sense of accomplishment it will bring her.
That’s a logical thing. Your concern about money is also logical. It’s not only logical when it’s coming from your side.

I bet you would take a job of 50k if you had no job even do she was making a lot of money. Why do you think that need to earn income of your own isn’t something she feels as well?

I believe you guys can work it out if you are willing to.

No woman here made a logical comment yet you went ahead to post a very biased and misogynistic response to OP’s post. Very practical and logical.

genq:
Don't listen to the advice of the females here .. most nairaland females do not think in a practical and logical way. Tell your wife to put her emotions aside and be grateful you are out there busting your a** to provide for the family.

Acidosis has made the most sense so far, but I must add that "job" will bring nothing but misery to your marriage. Let me spell out why:

1. As you have calculated, it will actually cost you an additional £8000 (approx.) for her to take that job. Money that can be put into better use.

2. She will spend an average of 15hrs each day away from home, leaving a house help to resume the role of a mother to your children.

2. None of the money she makes will be a tangible contribution to the household - she will probably use her chicken chomp salary for her own upkeep and her family.. while you are expected to continue carrying all the financial burdens alone.

3. God forbid with all these sacrifices you make to accomodate her desire to be "independent". She starts cheating on you with a colleague like a lot of these lagos married women do - especially when they start feeling like they are too big to be just a "housewife".

4. Even if she doesn't cheat, she will still become unavailable to you due to exhaustion and stress. Working long hours for little pay will not give her the fulfillment she's looking for.

cococandy:
No woman here made a logical comment yet you went ahead to post a very biased and misogynistic response to OP’s post. Very practical and logical.

Spare me that "misogyny" bullcraap!
I have raised valid points and anyone with a brain can see that.

genq:


Spare me that "misogyny" bullcraap!
I have raised valid points and anyone with a brain can see that.

1) Your ‘valid’ points are that women can’t think in a practical and logical way.
2) she won’t make a tangible contribution in the family.
3) she will cheat on him because she goes to work and is now too big to be a housewife (conforming your misogyny and the trick men like you who use house wife role to limit women).
4) she will only help her family and herself.
5) your sure the job will only bring nothing but misery.

All of these are based on “facts” right?

So logical

cococandy:


1) Your ‘valid’ points are that women can’t think in a practical and logical way.
2) she won’t make a tangible contribution in the family.
3) she will cheat on him because she goes to work and is now too big to be a housewife (conforming your misogyny and the trick men like you who use house wife role to limit women).
4) she will only help her family and herself.
5) your sure the job will only bring nothing but misery.

All of these are based on “facts” right?

So logical

Ok woman, you have won the debate. You happy now?!

@OP as you can see, these female creatures cannot be reasoned with... you are free to take the advice of NL feminists at your own peril.

Condescending too. Congratulations you ticked all the boxes

genq:


Ok woman, you have won the debate. You happy now?!

@OP as you can see, these female creatures cannot be reasoned with... you are free to take the advice of NL feminists at your own peril.

Mr genq, I swear down you just wrote what is on my mind.

Leaving your house for a peanut salary job thinking it's better than staying at home is a result of someone who doesn't have work experience enough in Lagos to know your hustling & buzzling doesn't translate to wealth, especially in Lagos.

It's better to stay at home & think of Work-from-home jobs & make 25k half of that salary, you have your time + money. Now if you can also learn more skills even while staying at home or hiring a private tutor. She can prepare for Certification courses & learn more.

It's not like OP is poor or making her wife suffer before giving her money, even so. The money which she's looking for would be never be found by doing this 50k job.

She should join Norland.
Ask Me How!!!

cococandy:


1) Your ‘valid’ points are that women can’t think in a practical and logical way.
2) she won’t make a tangible contribution in the family.
3) she will cheat on him because she goes to work and is now too big to be a housewife (conforming your misogyny and the trick men like you who use house wife role to limit women).
4) she will only help her family and herself.
5) your sure the job will only bring nothing but misery.

All of these are based on “facts” right?

So logical

Obviously you aren't thinking in a practical & logical way, you women always have an issue with people speaking out the realities that surround your daily life that can actually help you in a long run. You want Princes & Castles story, a horse riding Prince coming to pick you up with your gold shoes.

A woman working for the sake of working just to show her husband that she can, is a NO NO to me. How can you be doing a job of 50k with an expenses of 58k. At the end, every single numbered point you mentioned there MIGHT happen. OP can invest in other ways to train his wife for better jobs, companies want people with rare skills & not hiring by emotions.

Let her work and earn some money too n build her self esteem too. I see housewives as lazy women no matter how hard they work at home.

The excuses u gave are quite flimsy, there must be ways to handle the challenges her work will bring.

She may resign on her own after 6 months due to stress so no need to force anything, experience is the best teacher.