Most of our ladies are now towing the line of single parenthood . I mean not given a hoot to marriage or what ever.
This trend is spreading like wild fire especially here on the island. Could this be the koko now.Really worrisome. T'seems we're fast loosen our African Values.

It is trashy and a big shame.
Terrible for the poor kids who are forced to see several "uncles" come and go.
This is a great tragedy!

Women who insist on fornicating ought at least to prevent bringing innocent babies into it.

If it's Deliberate , then definitely TRASHY ! what the hell is this world becoming 

single parenthood could be as a result of several things:

1. a divorce
2. a relationship gone sour
3. a deliberate choice to just have kids on your own
4. death in a marriage or relationship
5. Adoption

i don't see it as either trendy or trashy ,my take is : if you insist on being a single parent or find your self in that position be ready to give your all(sacrifices) into raising your child/children well, show some responsibility at any time "T "

what is Trashy about it? hypocrites.

lol

@topic
no matter what, i don't think it is a thing of choice on the part of mothers to be single parents, sometimes relationships don't work. Now it can bother on plain irresponsible when they make the mistake not once, but twice and three times, no excuse for having a series of babies with different dads.

Women who insist on fornicating ought at least to prevent bringing innocent babies into it.

as for the fornication aspect of things. ,not every one shares the christian view . quite frankly those in side church do far worse as we speak. Atleast the children are being taken care of. What about those who o to church day in day out yet flushing babies down drains? Lets just leave religion out.

still single mothers are trying it can not be easy.

what if she is a widow, osisi?

we're talking 'bout cases where ladies just choose not to get married but choose to have kids in name of independence

ikamefa:

single parenthood could be as a result of several things:

1. a divorce
2. a relationship gone sour
3. a deliberate choice to just have kids on your own
4. death in a marriage or relationship
5. Adoption

i don't see it as either trendy or trashy ,my take is : if you insist on being a single parent or find your self in that position be ready to give your all(sacrifices) into raising your child/children well, show some responsibility at any time "T "

what can i say?? you read my mind in and out
It depends on the cause, some didnt choose it and some are doing great about it, that we dont like the idea, doesn't give us the right to live other's lives, some married ladies aren't any better either!!

I think the bigger question here is: what kind of man would father a child and then abandon it? At least the single mum is playing her role as a mother. Where is the father?! From a lot of cases I've seen the biggest reason for single parents is the irresponsibility on the part of the father (I'm referring to those kids who are solely being raised by their mums).

Any grown man having sex should be prepared for the possibility that he might father a child, and it is his responsibility as the father to take care of that child. No one, not even the mother, can legally prevent him from being a part of that child's life.

So the next time you see a single mum solely raising a child, the question to ask is: where is the father who abandoned the child? It's not the single mother who's being irresponsible, it's the father who abandoned the child that is irresponsible.

And again Ladies should not open their leg for any man. Wait, don't let them sweet talk you. Close your leg. For a divorce, from death, it's understandable. At least there was marriage involved. I hate the idea of girls carrying belle for their boyfriends or the man they met out there.

iyken:

we're talking 'bout cases where ladies just choose not to get married but choose to have kids in name of independence

It's good you helped clear things up a bit with this post.

Women who choose not to get married and have kids all in the name of being independent are putting their own interest ahead of their child's.  Anyone with even half a brain knows that a 2-parent household is always better for a child's normal growth than a one parent household.

It is one thing if a woman had been in lots of relationships in which all the men were controlling, cheating, unable to hold a job etc or if all the male role models in her life have all been useless characters. If such woman insists on being a single parent, to me, that is somewhat understandable. Such women just need to seek counseling from a priest to let her know that there are good men out there despite her plight.

But women that have had no problems whatsoever and just choose to be single parents for the sake of being independent are just putting their interest ahead of their child's interest.  I don't know if trashy is the right word to use for such women, but it sure aint trendy.

Ikemefa has listed the common causes for single parenthood.A lot is not by choice but it is ndeed a growing trend.
People see it as trendy especially in the west.A couple of weeks ago a celebrity fell out with her ex husband because he said having kids was too much stress,he said he thought at the time it was like getting a pet dog.
This is the attitude of some very selfish people, they want to have a baby forgetting that for 15yrs or more you have to pick up after it and provide for the child.They just love all the cuddly cute baby stuff.When the child grows into a human with demands in terms of patience , understanding and finance they get pissed off.
I would like to beg all single parents to spare their kids from endless "Aunties" and "Uncles".
You have a right to a love life but please spare a thought for that innocent child whose brain you are messing with.
I saw something very sad last weekend.I went to help out this friend of mine who is a single mother,when she was walking me to the door he started complaining(6yr old boy) ."Mummy don,t leave me alone again,you are going to thats uncles car and after that you'll leave me alone here".
I made a very sharp exit out of embarrassment.
I have a cousin whose daughter has had more uncles to last 3 lifetimes.
Do what you feel you have to but please protect your child from mental trauma

samsillo and gnature what are you guys now saying?

so if a single woman wakes up one day and decides to have a baby on her own she seen as trashy? y'all just can't put a label on this things! ain't we all students of life? nobody knows what is going to happen him or her in the next second!

my philosophy is: you want something go for it ( as long as you are not committing a crime or killing somebody to get it)

now don't get me wrong, i am not in support of those women who have several kid/s by different men or have this kid/s and they're not taking care of em

my take : if you are a single parent ,be ready to pay a price to see that kid/s into adulthood
and be careful /wary how you expose your young rugrats(kids) to various uncles and aunties

ThiefOfHearts:

what if she is a widow, osisi?

Like some later comments,single parenthood by divorce or death is totally different from a woman having babies in an unmarried situation.
I actually have great respect for women who have toiled against these odds to bring up children,they should be commended.
Shacking up with boyfriends or "fiancees" and pumping out offsprings is another issue.

Besides the moral or religious concerns,we have the financial contraints especially on those who choose to do the right thing.
Our taxes go to support this unbecoming behaviour
In America most welfare receipients are single mothers,most male inmates in prson are single mothers.

windywendy:

I think the bigger question here is: what kind of man would father a child and then abandon it? At least the single mum is playing her role as a mother. Where is the father?! From a lot of cases I've seen the biggest reason for single parents is the irresponsibility on the part of the father (I'm referring to those kids who are solely being raised by their mums).

Any grown man having sex should be prepared for the possibility that he might father a child, and it is his responsibility as the father to take care of that child. No one, not even the mother, can legally prevent him from being a part of that child's life.

So the next time you see a single mum solely raising a child, the question to ask is: where is the father who abandoned the child? It's not the single mother who's being irresponsible, it's the father who abandoned the child that is irresponsible.

You rarely say anything I disagree with.

ikamefa:

samsillo and gnature what are you guys now saying?

so if a single woman wakes up one day and decides to have a baby on her own she seen as trashy? y'all just can't put a label on this things! ain't we all students of life? nobody knows what is going to happen him or her in the next second!

my philosophy is: you want something go for it ( as long as you are not committing a crime or killing somebody to get it)

now don't get me wrong, i am not in support of those women who have several kid/s by different men or have this kid/s and they're not taking care of em

my take : if you are a single parent ,be ready to pay a price to see that kid/s into adulthood
and be careful /wary how you expose your young rugrats(kids) to various uncles and aunties

yes that is trashy!
If she wakes up and wants a baby she ought to  first drag that man down the aisle or to Judge Judy!

Besides the trashyness it's also health risk to jump in bed with individuals unprotected .
However,I believe we all make mistakes as humans,I can afford to see how one can make a "mistake" and conceive once but then the subsequent ones cannot be mistakes,it's plain stupidity.
If people must fornicate,they must not risk AIDS in the process.

windywendy:

I think the bigger question here is: what kind of man would father a child and then abandon it? At least the single mum is playing her role as a mother. Where is the father?! From a lot of cases I've seen the biggest reason for single parents is the irresponsibility on the part of the father (I'm referring to those kids who are solely being raised by their mums).

Any grown man having sex should be prepared for the possibility that he might father a child, and it is his responsibility as the father to take care of that child. No one, not even the mother, can legally prevent him from being a part of that child's life.

So the next time you see a single mum solely raising a child, the question to ask is: where is the father who abandoned the child? It's not the single mother who's being irresponsible, it's the father who abandoned the child that is irresponsible.

I beg to differ.
Why didn't she close her legs.
When are we women going to take responsibility?
It has been proven time and time again that in cases where a woman in an unmarried situation decides to conceive,most of the time she is left to bear that burden alone so why do it?

I am not talking about divorced women but unmarried ,never married with no plans at marriage single mothers.
It ought to be discouraged at all levels.
If the woman insists on having kids with a manfriend,she ought to be prepared to raise it alone.
That is just the reality.
We ought to realise that pregnancy cannot tie down a man.

what about babies abandoned by their mothers?

babyosisi:

yes that is trashy!
If she wakes up and wants a baby she ought to first drag that man down the aisle or to Judge Judy!

.

that is your opinion jare , put religion and moral issues aside

babyosisi:


Besides the trashyness it's also health risk to jump in bed with individuals unprotected .
However,I believe we all make mistakes as humans,I can afford to see how one can make a "mistake" and conceive once but then the subsequent ones cannot be mistakes,it's plain stupidity.
If people must fornicate,they must not risk AIDS in the process.

na today? so it only single mums who fornicate?

ikamefa:

what about babies abandoned by their mothers?



that is your opinion jare , put religion and moral issues aside
na today? so it only single mums who fornicate?

I put aside what I choose to put aside.
My opinion ain't it?

what about babies abandoned by their mothers?

don't get that

having a baby on your own doesnt exactly require fornication, osisi

If a barren single woman decides to adopt a kid, then she's raising a kid alone. Has nothing to do with fornication

and as for wendy's comment, her post could also go for women who have a kid and the husband leaves for either anotehr woman or whatever reason thus making her a single mother, or is that their fault as well?

ThiefOfHearts:

having a baby on your own doesnt exactly require fornication, osisi

If a barren single woman decides to adopt a kid, then she's raising a kid alone. Has nothing to do with fornication

and as for wendy's comment, her post could also go for women who have a kid and the husband leaves for either anotehr woman or whatever reason thus making her a single mother, or is that their fault as well?

I said ealier that I don't fault anywoman due to death,divorce or abandonment,it can happen to anyone.
You and I know 99% of singlemotherhood besides the above three reasons would not be due to adoptions,haba

I agree, they are not due to adoptions, would be nice if they were.

babyosisi:

I put aside what I choose to put aside.
My opinion ain't it?

yes its your opinion, no doubt about that!

babyosisi:



don't get that

its not only ladies who are single parents, men too are single parents , are we to label them as fornicators too?

babyosisi:


You and I know 99% of singlemotherhood besides the above three reasons would not be due to adoptions,haba

did you conduct a poll of people to find out the ratio of single-parent who got into this situation through

fornication
adoption
death

to arrive at the above?

ikamefa:



did you conduct a poll of people to find out the ratio of single-parent who got into this situation through

fornication
adoption
death

to arrive at the above?

Is it hard to figure out that single motherhood by adoption is but a negligible number?
How many do you know?

babyosisi:


Is it hard to figure out that single motherhood by adoption is but a negligible number?
How many do you know?

several peeps

ikamefa:

samsillo and gnature what are you guys now saying?

so if a single woman wakes up one day and decides to have a baby on her own she seen as trashy?

ikamefa, I am not saying she is trashy, but she should know that it is in the child's best interest to have his/her father around while growing up. Sometimes we have to put our interest aside so things work out better for our kids. It is part of the sacrifice one gives as a parent.

my philosophy is: you want something go for it ( as long as you are not committing a crime or killing somebody to get it)

I totally disagree with you on this.

my take : if you are a single parent ,be ready to pay a price to see that kid/s into adulthood
and be careful /wary how you expose your young rugrats(kids) to various uncles and aunties

It is very unfortunate that you take this stand. Let me ask you a question, what do you tell a child that becomes of age and starts asking for his father ? He sees all his friend's fathers, but does not have one of his own. Do you realize that a lot of young boys that act out  and get in trouble with the law do so because of the absence of their fathers in their household ?

it really doesnt make a difference anymore if women choose to be single mothers. these days there's a puppet man in the house who really isnt there. the woman makes all the decisions and does all the work in the home while king kong sits and flips channels. she really does do everything.
why add one more child to the ones i already have. i might as well raise the kids myself.(thats the reasoning) and sometimes i cant blame them. its exhausting being superwoman 24/7.

GNature:


I totally disagree with you on this.

aight! but that is what make me who i am : ika6

GNature:

i


It is very unfortunate that you take this stand. Let me ask you a question, what do you tell a child that becomes of age and starts asking for his father ? He sees all his friend's fathers, but does not have one of his own. Do you realize that a lot of young boys that act out and get in trouble with the law do so because of the absence of their fathers in their household ?

you simply tell the child how he came into being , that you are a single parent! if that child was well brought up from the get go well (monitored and cared for ) and the single mum or dad is not always away at work the need to mis-behave would not arise

what about peeps who grew up in a single mum/dads house without getting into any kind of trouble what about those ones?

spoilt:

it really doesnt make a difference anymore if women choose to be single mothers. these days there's a puppet man in the house who really isnt there. t[b]he woman makes all the decisions and does all the work in the home while king kong sits and flips channels. she really does do everything. [/b]

thank you oh

spoilt:

i
why add one more child to the ones i already have. i might as well raise the kids myself.(thats the reasoning) and sometimes i can't blame them. its exhausting being superwoman 24/7.

word!

ikamefa:


you simply tell the child how he came into being , that you are a single parent! if that child was well brought up from the get go well (monitored and cared for ) and the single mum or dad is not always away at work the need to mis-behave would not arise

Who told you the need to misbehave would not arise ? When you don't come up with a vaild excuse as to why everyone has a father and he does not have a father, he could resent you ! and start acting out. You grew up knowing your own father, so it'll be difficult for you to see things from this type of kid's perspective.

what about peeps who grew up in a single mum/dads house without getting into any kind of trouble what about those ones?

When you give a legitimate reason as to why a kid's father is not around, the kid learns to live with it. When you give reasons such as "I am just a single parent" the kid has a hard time living with it and it affects them psychologically. This stuff is well documented, I am not making it up.

There is a reason God gave us two parents. If God had intended us to just have one parent, he would have just created a woman and no man.

But if you folks don't believe in doing things the way God intended, I guess all I can say is more power to you.