Zoharariel:


You are full of wisdom!

Yes, I am married, married at 38, my marriage is less than 2yrs. You hardly think of settling down when you have such responsibilities to carry.

Because my marriage is new, I guess my wife is still cool with it.

tobaseye:


From my own perspective, I know Nigerians are not lazy including my siblings, they worked with me before I left Lagos they are not just as rugged, determined and conservative as I am. I am a crazy saver and I re-invested most of my profit. Also, grace differs, I did biz an Igbos dominated market and you have got to be rugged to succeed in such an environment.

The system has turned able men and women to nonentity. I have been opportune to travel outside the country has seen children from rich room on study visa doing menial jobs back to back, you will wonder if children from rich homes can do this how much more children from the less priviledge home.

I am only worried about his type of mentality, I would never rent a room and parlour with such money in my account.

If you have an issue with their mentality then you might have to take some drastic decisions to address that.
I know Nigerians sometimes like to show off which is a terribly flawed mindset.

Its one thing not to make enough money, it is another thing to be living above your means.

If the latter is the case then you should probably let them realise on time you are not a father Christmas.

Logobenz:
It is his brother he is helping,not a stranger.
Your dad made life ok for himself early,so what? .is everyone your dad?Or you just want tell us about your papa?
Do you know how many people that made it later than your dad that he can't measure up to them today?

If you cannot read and understand the point I was trying to make then there is something seriously wrong with your mentality. You are the quintessence of the Nigerian youths of today who find it very difficult to read between lines.

Ishilove:

If you cannot read and understand the point I was trying to make then there is something seriously wrong with your mentality. You are the quintessence of the Nigerian youths of today who find it very difficult to read between lines.

The only point you made was people like your father should be seen as ideal for achieving stability earlier than others.
Keep your sentimental bullshit and you poetry to yourself.
Why would a person have to read between the lines to understand a simple message you put out?
You be Nelson Mandela?
Ide!

calgaryFriend:
@Op I commend you, I see you yourself are a much improved and matured man, I bet life has thought you many lessons.

I know you can see deeper than most of the people on this platform trying to ridicule your brother, life is not easy and fingers are not equal, there are lots of 45 year old men unable to make 20,000ngn in a month in our Naija.
It has nothing to do with them being lazy or stupid Naija is simply a difficult place to live.

Can I ask you one question, are you married yourself ?
If you are, what is the position of your wife on this ?
Secondly, why do people like your brother believe if they dont stay in Lagos they will not make it ?
It is obvious that most people are just in Lagos for the rat race, why did you yourself leave Lagos, why not encourage your brother to look at other options apart from Lagos.
Lastly, you do have to help your brother, dont mind people trying to discourage you, it is what it is just try and let him realise that at that age he cannot depend on you for long.

If the business is not working out for him, with uber he can even make more money or he can just go back to the village and start farming.

Anyway, I wish you and your brother all the best.
Life especially in Nigeria is not a tea party so I pray t hings become better.

When I read your kind of story, it hurts me deeply, the government has stolen Nigerians future, that is why people prefer to be slaves in countries like Ghana and co than stay in Nigeria.

The quality of life of majority of Nigerians is comparable to that of people that their country is at war....

Yes, I am married, my marriage is less than 2yrs though. You hardly think of settling down when you have such responsibilities to carry.
Because my marriage is new, I guess my wife is still cool with it.

Living too far from his biz location too can add another daily burden on his finances. The cost of transportation from Abule-Egba to Oshodi for example if pooled together will be more than the cost of renting two rooms in Oshodi.






(Modify) (Quote) (Report) (Share)

.

Ishilove:

If you cannot read and understand the point I was trying to make then there is something seriously wrong with your mentality. You are the quintessence of the Nigerian youths of today who find it very difficult to read between lines.

Go easy on him. He has discussed his dad on this forum. Apparently the man abandoned the family for some other woman. And his mum had to raise them. May account for some of the more fked up parts of his nature and his strange chauvinist misogyny.

Nigga always has something to prove about money

tobaseye:


Yes, I am married, married at 38, my marriage is less than 2yrs. You hardly think of settling down when you have such responsibilities to carry.

Because my marriage is new, I guess my wife is still cool with it.

Let your brother rent a room self contain and a simple wedding, he cant afford that apartment he wants to rent( at least for now) and thats the fact.


@Bolded when your own responsibilities begin to increase and you cant do much for your siblings again, its your wife they will blame just have that at the back of your mind.

Paying rent for 36 years old, smh










Contact me if you want to study in Cyprus

ornicus:


Go easy on him. He has discussed his dad on this forum. Apparently the man abandoned the family for some other woman. And his mum had to raise them. May account for some of the more fked up parts of his nature and his strange chauvinist misogyny.

Nigga always has something to prove about money

Abajo. His reasoning is strange and unusual, and very fvcked up. He is projecting so much bitterness, anger, self loathing and practically foaming at the mouth.

Now we know why.

Logobenz:
The only point you made was people like your father should be seen as ideal for achieving stability earlier than others.
Keep your sentimental bullshit and you poetry to yourself.
Why would a person have to read between the lines to understand a simple message you put out?
You be Nelson Mandela?
Ide!

Oponu oloriburuku omo ale, we now know you have daddy issues so I will ignore your childish, petulant ranting.

Lol...

Dem Don hijack this thread again, with their collective stupidity.

Dear OP, you're a generous man and it's evident in how you try to empower your siblings. I think we have to define empowerment and entitlement in African families. Your brother seems to be entitled to your money upon being empowered by you. For those saying Ishilove is insensitive, I feel they've haven't made direct sacrifices for family. I sacrificed my career for my mum and only sibling for about 3 years and hence my slow start but this year, I followed my passion and damned the consequences because if I die, they'll find their way. When you continue to spoon feed an adult, he stops to reason critically on how to better his situation. While I'm awake thinking and strategizing, the said sibling is sleeping with peace of mind that at the mention of the word, he'll get the money. I'll eat the fruit of my labour, do exploits and make impacts. When he's gone, the said sibling will come and fight the wife for the remaining properties. The reason I detest Dependants Allowance under PITA. Accountants will understand.

Esthered:
Dear OP, you're a generous man and it's evident in how you try to empower your siblings. I think we have to define empowerment and entitlement in the family. Your brother seems to be entitled to your money upon being empowered by you. For those saying Ishilove is insensitive, I feel they've haven't made direct sacrifices for family. I sacrificed my career for my mum and only sibling for about 3 years and hence my slow start but this year, I followed my passion and damned the consequences because if I die, they'll find their way. When you continue to spoon feed an adult, he stops to reason critically on how to better his situation. While I'm awake thinking and strategizing, the said sibling is sleeping with peace of mind that at the mention of the word, he'll get the money. I'll eat the fruit of my labour, do exploits and make impacts. When he's gone, the said sibling will come and fight the wife for the remaining properties. The reason I detest Dependants Allowance under PITA. Accountants will understand.

You have said it all. Love covers a multitude of sins, many times to our own detriment.

Give him if u can afford it. But sound it to him, in fact let the elements bear u witness that u won't give him shishi again. Sometimes tough love is needed for some people to have sense.

36 is even an adult, abeg free him. All these pull them down family members sef. Very selfish things.

Hi @tobaseye. Sorry for the digression. But if I may ask, what is the nature of your business and does your brother have a different business idea/interest he may want to implement?

Zoharariel:


You are full of wisdom!

Best input here man. Local man salutes you.


To the op you need to go by what this person said. There's a reason fate placed you before them and it's never by chance but by Providence. Do all you can for him but let your attention be on setting him up to stand on his feet and be able to help others too. I've been there really and I know how it was. Two young guys in the university studying law and me myself just came out of school but saw light before I graduated. I do two jobs in the day time and one at night to make sure they don't lack. Before you give him any money for marriage pls know the kind of woman she's marrying and how she can help in the finance of the home. That money for accommodation and marriage should preferably be put into his business so he can grow from there. Look for people that connect Nigerians to go work in Dubai and send your bro out immediately as they pay better there. Who knows, young man may want to travel. A lot of people have discouraged the good thing you are doing and that's why this forum is not a good place to seek advice because of very toxic people. I read one input by ishilove I couldn't believe somebody could think like that.

In all you do for your bro don't forget, he ain't heavy. He is your brother.

More strength big bro.

calgaryFriend:
@Op I commend you, I see you yourself are a much improved and matured man, I bet life has thought you many lessons.

I know you can see deeper than most of the people on this platform trying to ridicule your brother, life is not easy and fingers are not equal, there are lots of 45 year old men unable to make 20,000ngn in a month in our Naija.
It has nothing to do with them being lazy or stupid Naija is simply a difficult place to live.

Can I ask you one question, are you married yourself ?
If you are, what is the position of your wife on this ?
Secondly, why do people like your brother believe if they dont stay in Lagos they will not make it ?
It is obvious that most people are just in Lagos for the rat race, why did you yourself leave Lagos, why not encourage your brother to look at other options apart from Lagos.
Lastly, you do have to help your brother, dont mind people trying to discourage you, it is what it is just try and let him realise that at that age he cannot depend on you for long.

If the business is not working out for him, with uber he can even make more money or he can just go back to the village and start farming.

Anyway, I wish you and your brother all the best.
Life especially in Nigeria is not a tea party so I pray t hings become better.

When I read your kind of story, it hurts me deeply, the government has stolen Nigerians future, that is why people prefer to be slaves in countries like Ghana and co than stay in Nigeria.

The quality of life of majority of Nigerians is comparable to that of people that their country is at war....

Very good....

Your brother seems to be a spender(wasteful), why not start from a cheap self con of 80k? As for marriage, he is old enough but his pocket isnt.

MedicH:



Best input here man. Local man salutes you.


To the op you need to go by what this person said. There's a reason fate placed you before them and it's never by chance but by Providence. Do all you can for him but let your attention be on setting him up to stand on his feet and be able to help others too. I've been there really and I know how it was. Two young guys in the university studying law and me myself just came out of school but saw light before I graduated. I do two jobs in the day time and one at night to make sure they don't lack. Before you give him any money for marriage pls know the kind of woman she's marrying and how she can help in the finance of the home. That money for accommodation and marriage should preferably be put into his business so he can grow from there. Look for people that connect Nigerians to go work in Dubai and send your bro out immediately as they pay better there. Who knows, young man may want to travel. A lot of people have discouraged the good thing you are doing and that's why this forum is not a good place to seek advice because of very toxic people. I read one input by ishilove I couldn't believe somebody could think like that.

In all you do for your bro don't forget, he ain't heavy. He is your brother.

More strength big bro.

I don't have a problem helping him, but he has to help himself. I wouldn't be in his situation and rented a two-room apartment. you cannot have 295k as a biz man and be shopping for a house of 430k, for him to have come up with such, speaks volume about the way he thinks. He will not move into the house empty. He will finish the 295k even before the wedding and have nothing left for himself and his wife.

I lived in a room apartment for years even when I could afford a flat because I wanted to grow my biz; It's my biz first. That is the way I want him to think.

Tobaseye ...

You have to help him to help himself. He can't keep overdepending on you. If not, like others say... Your wife and even yourself will become his enemy later if he asks and you can't provide for him.
Help but help with wisdom. Reduce your siblings entitlement mentality. So that problems won't arise later. You have done plenty for them.

Also, get yourself a car and build yourself a house plus investments while you can. If God forbid your fortunes decline, your brother and family will ask what you did with your money when you had money. You think anybody will buy the excuse that you were only busy taking care of your siblings? Even the siblings will look at you like a foolish big brother who wasted his resources. Continue helping in the way you can, but help yourself too. Set your wife up. Put things in place. Set things in place for your coming kids. Help ooo but remember to help yourself too because nobody or very few will help you if things turn.

Gloriousheart:
Tobaseye ...

You have to help him to help himself. He can't keep overdepending on you. If not, like others say... Your wife and even yourself will become his enemy later if he asks and you can't provide for him.
Help but help with wisdom. Reduce your siblings entitlement mentality. So that problems won't arise later. You have done plenty for them.

Also, get yourself a car and build yourself a house plus investments while you can. If God forbid your fortunes decline, your brother and family will ask what you did with your money when you had money. You think anybody will buy the excuse that you were only busy taking care of your siblings? Even the siblings will look at you like a foolish big brother who wasted his resources. Continue helping in the way you can, but help yourself too. Set your wife up. Put things in place. Set things in place for your coming kids. Help ooo but remember to help yourself too because nobody or very few will help you if things turn.

Many thanks!

It is only in Nigeria that u will see someone living larger than those who are helping them...I can only ask God to bless u for being a rare one in the family.

U will live long my brother. Tell ur brother to marry someone that will add value to the family. Am also from a very disadvantaged family. But I thank God for what he has done in my family today.
Wish u the best.

tobaseye:
Hi, guys just want your opinion on this as I don't want to sound harsh.
My immediate younger brother is 36 and wants to settle down by next year March. He is a graduate but currently into business as he hasn't been able to secure any job since graduated from University for like 3 to 4 years now. He has been living with me with other younger ones since 2003 in my one-room apartment until I relocated from Lagos and left the room for them while I keep paying the rent till date.

The issue now is that he has been searching for accommodation and he wants me to assist him with it. The first one he got was Two-room self-contain 250k per annual, to pay for 2yrs, Which I said No, because I know considering his present condition he would struggle with the rent after the first 2yrs. Though he said he will be able to pay subsequent rents, I don't deceive myself, I know he can't unless a miracle happens.
He just informed me that he has got another 2 rooms for 150k p/y to pay for 2yrs and agreement and commission going to 400k. He has asked me for 300k to bear the rest himself.

My problem now is that my brother might go bankrupt even before the wedding, judging from the cost ahead of him and his financial capability.

NB.. From 2016 still date I have given my brother more than 300k to support his business, but he seems that he keeps cash instead of using all the money to buy goods and he is not that

This is the same business I did to send him and three others to higher Institution. The same office (Warehouse) I used, so I know the business is lucrative though not as it was in the last ten years.

So, pls what Advice can I give my brother and for how long will I continue to take this hung responsibility of his?

We are seven from our parent, I am the third. Our parents are not active anymore so we are responsible for their upkeep.

I can understand the situation in the country at the moment but these are responsibilities I have taken up since 2001 and want to get them off my neck.

I hustle well but I haven't really enjoyed money myself because of all these responsibilities. Built house for my parents, I haven't even built my own just left it at foundation level, even car I didn't buy but could afford it ever since 2005. I have really seen and experienced poverty while growing up the more reason am not living a flamboyant lifestyle.

Pls, I need advice as I don't want to sound harsh to him because If I were him, I would marry in a room and add the money to my business and when my business grows I will go for a bigger accommodation. But it seems we are not thinking the same way.

Even the room I left is bigger than 12:12 in size and only share toilet, bathroom and kitchen with just one tenant. He currently lives there with our last born (doing great in the same business) and two of their friends. I can ask them to vacant the room for him.

Am sorry to be blunt but take my words

Your brother may rake you down simply because you are doing fine and he is not

Since he wants to marry, bear in mind that you will contribute to his wedding

Be straight with your statement that you don't have money and you took loan for doing all the projects you did, it's now affecting your ability to save, the bank is in your neck

As for the room apartment he is living where you pay the rent, consider your junior brother and didn't ask others to leave the apartment for him

He should be the one to leave the apartment for them

Stop giving him every support he needs, if not you will be the one to cater for his family

As soon as he gets married, start planning yours if not you won't be able to settle down because you are waiting for others to stand well

Let him look for the apartment he can afford to pay the rent without being a burden to you

Learn to be standing on your ground, if yare not serious, he will survive his living in you

Start planning too because if you are down non of them will give you 10% of what you need to stand up

Time waits for no one and there is no time again

calgaryFriend:

Don't mind that clown . @ishilove, try to see life from another perspective.
Nigeria as it is currently is an aberration, so the people that made it are not geniuses, they are just lucky.
The fact someone is able to graduate and have their parents slot them into NNPC despite graduating with a 2:2 does not mean the 1st class roaming about is lazy.

I have seen so much in my life that I know better than to judge others, circumstances are different and most people feeling fly today would probably commit suicide if they dealt with half of what some people have had to deal with.

I'd give a real life situation of what happened to me today going by the bolded. I graduated with a 3rd class in Uni and thankfully, my father was there for me all my life. Luckily I have worked in all sector of the economy and things are looking bright for me after a wasteful period.
So I saw this old classmate today. This guy graduated with a 2nd class but mehnn, he is still struggling. Me self dey struggle o but my own struggle na luxury next to this guy. This guy would kill to have my problems. It don't make him lazy. It's just life.

LyfeJennings:


I'd give a real life situation of what happened to me today going by the bolded. I graduated with a 3rd class in Uni and thankfully, my father was there for me all my life. Luckily I have worked in all sector of the economy and things are looking bright for me after a wasteful period.
So I saw this old classmate today. This guy graduated with a 2nd class but mehnn, he is still struggling. Me self dey struggle o but my own struggle na luxury next to this guy. This guy would kill to have my problems. It don't make him lazy. It's just life.

Congratulations, but I hope you know it is people like you and your dad that has ensured Nigeria is a shithole that it currently is despite its huge resources.

People like you undermine the value of hardwork and sacrifice of others. This makes sure that the right and best people are unable to make it to the critical sectors of the economy effectively ensuring that mediocrity permeates every corner of the country.

I am not raining on your parade , I am just letting you know you are also a part of the problems of our great country.

tobaseye:
Hi, guys just want your opinion on this as I don't want to sound harsh.
My immediate younger brother is 36 and wants to settle down by next year March. He is a graduate but currently into business as he hasn't been able to secure any job since graduated from University for like 3 to 4 years now. He has been living with me with other younger ones since 2003 in my one-room apartment until I relocated from Lagos and left the room for them while I keep paying the rent till date.

The issue now is that he has been searching for accommodation and he wants me to assist him with it. The first one he got was Two-room self-contain 250k per annual, to pay for 2yrs, Which I said No, because I know considering his present condition he would struggle with the rent after the first 2yrs. Though he said he will be able to pay subsequent rents, I don't deceive myself, I know he can't unless a miracle happens.
He just informed me that he has got another 2 rooms for 150k p/y to pay for 2yrs and agreement and commission going to 400k. He has asked me for 300k to bear the rest himself.

My problem now is that my brother might go bankrupt even before the wedding, judging from the cost ahead of him and his financial capability.

NB.. From 2016 still date I have given my brother more than 300k to support his business, but he seems that he keeps cash instead of using all the money to buy goods and he is not that

This is the same business I did to send him and three others to higher Institution. The same office (Warehouse) I used, so I know the business is lucrative though not as it was in the last ten years.

So, pls what Advice can I give my brother and for how long will I continue to take this hung responsibility of his?

We are seven from our parent, I am the third. Our parents are not active anymore so we are responsible for their upkeep.

I can understand the situation in the country at the moment but these are responsibilities I have taken up since 2001 and want to get them off my neck.

I hustle well but I haven't really enjoyed money myself because of all these responsibilities. Built house for my parents, I haven't even built my own just left it at foundation level, even car I didn't buy but could afford it ever since 2005. I have really seen and experienced poverty while growing up the more reason am not living a flamboyant lifestyle.

Pls, I need advice as I don't want to sound harsh to him because If I were him, I would marry in a room and add the money to my business and when my business grows I will go for a bigger accommodation. But it seems we are not thinking the same way.

Even the room I left is bigger than 12:12 in size and only share toilet, bathroom and kitchen with just one tenant. He currently lives there with our last born (doing great in the same business) and two of their friends. I can ask them to vacant the room for him.

Let him into the wild and pull back, he will sit, he will crawl, he will stand, he will fall, but he will walk , then finally run. Let him into the wild.

O.p please take care of yourself , you bro is not considerate of you. It’s just after what you give him.

calgaryFriend:

Congratulations, but I hope you know it is people like you and your dad that has ensured Nigeria is a shithole that it currently is despite its huge resources.

People like you undermine the value of hardwork and sacrifice of others. This makes sure that the right and best people are unable to make it to the critical sectors of the economy effectively ensuring that mediocrity permeates every corner of the country.

I am not raining on your parade , I am just letting you know you are also a part of the problems of our great country.

Why do U think like an idiot.
My pops is a very hardworking man with interest in all sector of the economy. He has NEVER taken any dime from anyone. Not a penny from anyone. He himself was a poor kid who rose to success and lives way below his means. He is Not a politician neither does he do any illegal work so how are we part of the problem of the country. Weyrey wa Lori e gannnnn. U just sat behind Ur keyboard and type shit about people. I wasn't even bragging , we just sharing real life experiences here. Do U know how many billionaires are on this forum. Do U know how many successful people are here. Na because of ediots like U they won't share their success story. Every job I have done, I have excelled well and I deserve the promotion.

I work extra hard.. I didn't even start as a boss, I rose thru the ranks. I started as a cleaner in my father's company till I became a logistics manager after 5years. Even when I got in the bank, I worked extra hard. U very stewpid bruh.... Swearugad, how did U just conclude that.
So na every rich man dey spoil him pickin? Or na every rich man steal money? Smh!!!