Once he's not beating you, just learn to keep silence when you see an aurgment coming.

You can't do that for 3 month without seeing a positive result.
Don't quit that marriage you are into now ; because you don't know what is outside.

kweenkong:


What sort of marital life are you promoting , its very disheartening considering that marriage is to unite two families ,
1) So a mother bringing food to the childrens house is wrong , waow , you guys need to check your ego and focus on the right thing bring garri, yam, palm oil etc for you daughter and her family is wrong .
3) Giving attention to your husband is wrong , i dont know how to deal with that .

1. Her husband took offensive for that singular act, she is not inder any obligation to bring food stuffs to her Inlaw besidesince the guy is agaisnt it why must she brings it.

2. I said too much attention not attention.
U should understand that there is individual differences.

NB: am married since 2014 without any serious issue, so I knw what am saying

It's well, you need not to retaliate, even if he's cheating on you, that does not also give you the freedom to cheat, what if you did it and it results to pregnancy, that will be a shame to you, just keep calm don't talk back at him when he's talking harshly to you, and be prayerful.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

Please send me the food stuff
Dude has mental issue
Get him HELP

Skmoda360:

didn't she notice all this during courtship, he has anger issue

This is more than anger issues..am sure he didn't even love her to start with

Pavarottii:

I know ur type, is either the type that kicks ur husbands foot or will die singl3...

I don't get

midnighter:


You thought what too?

How did you get that she tied him down with pregnancy from my post? I'm curious to know

Nah, I didn't say I got that from your post, you said he seems to be harbouring some resentment about something, that's what I thought too....

Frequently asked questions about marriages like this are... What was the foundation of this marriage? Was it borne out of lust or physical looks? Did u seek the face of God diligently before u said yes to him?do u guys worship in same church? Do u guys even share same faith? Anyway those questions are immaterial now... As it is now.. He seems not to value u at all anymore.. My advice is.. Seek help from God about him.. This is your second year for goodness sake

olabrinks:
The man is the head of the home. The leader, the example setter and the main component that keeps the house together. Once the man fails to excel in his responsibility as the head, the foundation becomes extremely faulty and the union begins to crumble. Women submit to responsible men. A Woman cannot build a home on sand. I think some men really need some marriage counselling because most of you are so unaware and lost. And before you quote me, I am not single, miserable or bitter. Thanks in advance.

I love your comment. Am guilty of not exhibiting a lot of control in my marriage as the head, that's the reason for separation with my legally married wife currently. Am really regretting, and have been working on my verbal abusive nature while trying to appease my wife.

Lionpikin:
Nah, I didn't say I got that from your post, you said he seems to be harbouring some resentment about something, that's what I thought too....

Ok I understand you now

patitobeeb:
5 times already � I don't care about the details. if you are a Muslim, by the third count it automatically means a divorce no argument

That's the reason christianity is a religion of forgiveness. I don't care about other religions who don't forgive.

OILOFGLADNESS:




VERY KEY TOO, IF ANY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY IS WISE AND MATURED WITH GOOD UNDERSTANDING, MAKE THE PERSON THE 3RD PARTY..

THIS IS THE ROLE I PLAY FOR MY BROTHER AND THE WIFE, THOUGH MY BROTHER IS VERY RESPECTFUL BUT WHEN HE PROVES DIFFICULT IN CERTAIN AREAS LIKE THE WIFE PREFERS A MORE RELIABLE HOSPITAL FOR CHILD BIRTH BUT MY BROTHER PREFERS ANOTHER ... JUST ONE CALL TO MY BROTHER, I WILL EVEN TELL HIM IF ITS OS OF THE COST I WILL ASSIST WITH THE BILL, IN FACT MY BROTHER NEVER ARGUED MY ADVISE COS HE KNOWS ALL I WANT IS HIS OWN PEACE!!!

You're absolutely correct..
Family issues should be kept within reasonable family members.

Your husband has anger and pride issues, his type is usually angel outside but devil at home, you are lucky he does not beat you. You just have to study his mood respond only when it's necessary do not speak when he is angry. The same thing happens to my colleague but her saving grace was the intervention of their neighbor(her husband previously gossiped about him) so he was ashamed and that stopped the constant quarrel, beating and pack your things and leave.
So if someone he wouldn't like to know about his bad manners intervenes he will stop.

yeyeosoronga:
Time to re-evaluate your marriage and life
If you're so unhappy in the marriage, perhaps a separation will help clear your head?
The times you have no arguments, are you happy with him? I'm sure you guys don't argue 24/7. But if you do, that marriage is almost completely dead.

If you can still manage him, avoiding arguments as much as possible then do so. If however you are so unhappy, as some relationships can drain the life out of you that you feel committing suicide might even be a better option, then go for a separation to clear your head. A separation might be the time to decide if it's worth going back or moving on finally.

i only read your comment then am forced to say something because i never wanted to quote any of the reply here.
I can only talk here when i hear the husband side cos emotionally i can never conclude my words on what one persons narrate here.

are you saying they didn't court at all,she never saw any of red flags in the man,does she continually do something that irritate the man,does she boast about her wealth to the man,and precise she sounds like an authoritarian that want to eat her cake and have it also wanna keep it in freezers.

There is definitely room for maturity on both sides - it will come with time as you work through the issues. Its not unique to your home, most new marriages go through a similar phase to varying degrees. Seek the help of counsellors to fast track the maturity process or to learn skills and methods that will help. You have to keep forgiving each other endlessly, or you will not have a marriage for much longer. Talk less to external parties about your issues especially family members - as they wont be able to forgive your spouses lapses even after you have forgiven and let go. my 2 cents after 13 years in the game

Well, I am just wording nonsense, hoping there will be sense in them...

Sayings goes:

No be who first call police, wins case...

It's always good to hear from the other side...

Most couple's quarrels are best settled by themselves, no 3rd party...

Then, I will say this as well,

My wife once asked me to help talk to her colleague, who has "an abusive" husband, who always ask her to leave the house, or he will leave... (amongst many other complains)

Well, I hesitated before offering to talk to her, (as I knew her and not the husband)... A date was fixed and since we were far apart, we decided to talk on phone. She narrated how her husband was so bad to her, and not seeing anything good in her, etc etc...

I sensed she had dropped off so many details, I had to let her know that it would be of no good for me to advise, when I didn't know the whole detail(this was me hoping to get any info that might represent a small percentage of the man's side of the story, as I can't go to him)


Long story cut short, I realised there were these glaring issue (just from my few minutes of discussion o)

- Inferiority complex (due to the fact that the man earns only about 2/5 of the woman's earning...and that she didn't help it by flaunting it, either intentionally or unintentionally...)

- ego from both sides, as they fail to really understand there place in the home and the willingness to "submit" to create avenue for calm discussion, rather than heated argument...

These amongst other little things...

I tried to communicate this to her and it was very obvious that she felt that having work to provide more, the husband should understand and let go of some other things she "couldn't" do...

So, my long story is summarize in this form...

Each party should understand their place in a home(not house o), try to watch and understand each other's anger-triggered point and know how and when to reach across for meaningful discussion(with promises to actively adjust)

There is very few men or women that are wicked... Something always led to something...

Madam, just try and watch out for the best time to approach your husband with discussion and "pretend" if you can't completely submit to him... I am sure everything would be better(note,i didn't say fine, as that would be a lie)

Remember, while it is a duty for both of you to raise that home, it is believed to be yours, as a woman to keep it,(as far as no violence is involved) ...

Best of luck...

Modified (seek counseling, but don't try to apply everything, directly into your home, yours is unique to you guys o... Lol) cheers

LOMBARDY:

This is more than anger issues..am sure he didn't even love her to start with

You are not far from the truth....

omonikiba:


Human beings unfold daily. Marriage is continous learning and the discovery of each other is daily.

Imagine, your hubby eat beans every other week, and then one day you cook beans and he's like 'don't we have food in this house?', and so many other funny attitudes. You can't know him in all areas during courtship. Whoever tells you you should know everything about him during courtship is not a realist.

Forget all these sweet mouth marriage seminars we attend oo. When you enter, you learn with real marriage experience.

If we know it all, no need to build after marriage. The bible says, only a wise woman build her home

The poster will learn so many things from the man and she will begin to overcome those things that triggers argument with time. And the husband too will grow older to learn to stop reacting rudely to trivial things.

The rate at which marriages break nowadays, the best advise to give any young couple is just patience patience patience not reacting back in the same gesture.

Very brilliant comment coming from a female I guess. Though am separated with my wife, I for marry you for this brilliant comment. Very intelligent I had to read over and over again. God bless u

beeijeoma:
Op truly your hubby has been disrespectful to you but all marriages go through teething problems . Mindset is very important in marriage and you need to decide from the beginning if you want in or out. 2 years in marriage is still early days and you guys are trying to understand each other and establish your boundaries. Words hurt but after a while you just shrug it off . If I go down memory lane and think of some of the names my hubby has called me I would have left him a long time ago. We have been together for 10 years now and I am enjoying my marriage like mad. If you and your hubby are talking and he starts getting upset keep quiet and say nothing. The day you know he is calm and okay go and talk to him and air your grievances. . Fighting and arguing does not help issues will only escalate. My husband is always worried when he gets annoyed and I don't talk he prefers arguments but I am now an expert in keeping mute. The only thing I cannot take is beating any other thing I just ignore. Just like you are a professional and well travelled are so many other women who are dealing with marital issues. If he says leave ignore him, if he leaves ignore him. If you ask him to do something for you and he forgets ignore and do it yourself. Don't let anger rule your heart choose to apply wisdom .

God bless u dear

ahahnow:



None of this is correct. My life is good and so is my family. You have failed here. I hope this does not reflect your reality. Now move along and have a nice day

But this did not reflect in your comment that I first quoted.

But all the same, I wish you all the best.

H

lollybizzu:


But this did not reflect in your comment that I first quoted.

But all the same, I wish you all the best.

I wasn't talking about myself or my family in my initial comment. I was giving advice...which, the op asked for. I wasnt even speaking from a place of ill intent. You can in out of no where and began ranting. I'm already having a nice day so I don't need your well wishes. Thanks

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

Your husband has a maiden

LOMBARDY:

Pls Goan sit down...I know someone will come here and blame the lady!
Is she not human? Why must the husband be treating her like garbage if he doesn't f*ck outside?
This is the 5th time she left and returned..that shows she is trying to make it work despite zero efforts from the husband.
Nigerian husband's like feeling like a god at the time

How can he leave the house by 12pm without quantitative explanation to his together forever whilst she is still struggling to feed the baby?

two wrong don't make a right... the husband has his issues obviously but she saying she has started looking outside burst the bubble. in the case of the baby food, it is clear that when the man came back without buying the baby food, the lady started venting on him which he retaliated with those his usual words. he may be going through some hard times if she care about him that much she know but all she says is he insult me this or that. she surely disregard her husband as well and the man knows but she won't tell us that here. she is not telling the full story i bet you.

Her mother buying them stuff... very good and nothing wrong with it at all and he should be thankful. but then again comes the woman , it is possible that she has being telling her mother that he does not take care of her and the mother being caring decided to send little thing she can which the husband find out and kicked against resulting to the argument.

Finally nothing should justify cheating please... no need of her looking outside.... If she can't cope and make things work with her husband, she should leave the marriage and go outside fully make herself happy. because cheating would negate everything she said she won't what her child to experience.

stop assuming your husband his cheating, if you find him doing such.... the decision is yours 100%, but on assumption and you have started looking outside... it shows even you too did not really love him from inception.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

two wrong don't make a right... the husband has his issues obviously but she saying she has started looking outside burst the bubble. in the case of the baby food, it is clear that when the man came back without buying the baby food, the lady started venting on him which he retaliated with those his usual words. he may be going through some hard times if she care about him that much she know but all she says is he insult me this or that. she surely disregard her husband as well and the man knows but she won't tell us that here. she is not telling the full story i bet you.

Her mother buying them stuff... very good and nothing wrong with it at all and he should be thankful. but then again comes the woman , it is possible that she has being telling her mother that he does not take care of her and the mother being caring decided to send little thing she can which the husband find out and kicked against resulting to the argument.

Finally nothing should justify cheating please... no need of her looking outside.... If she can't cope and make things work with her husband, she should leave the marriage and go outside fully make herself happy. because cheating would negate everything she said she won't what her child to experience.

stop assuming your husband his cheating, if you find him doing such.... the decision is yours 100%, but on assumption and you have started looking outside... it shows even you too did not really love him from inception.

greatsodade:


two wrong don't make a right... the husband has his issues obviously but she saying she has started looking outside burst the bubble. in the case of the baby food, it is clear that when the man came back without buying the baby food, the lady started venting on him which he retaliated with those his usual words. he may be going through some hard times if she care about him that much she know but all she says is he insult me this or that. she surely disregard her husband as well and the man knows but she won't tell us that here. she is not telling the full story i bet you.

Her mother buying them stuff... very good and nothing wrong with it at all and he should be thankful. but then again comes the woman , it is possible that she has being telling her mother that he does not take care of her and the mother being caring decided to send little thing she can which the husband find out and kicked against resulting to the argument.

Finally nothing should justify cheating please... no need of her looking outside.... If she can't cope and make things work with her husband, she should leave the marriage and go outside fully make herself happy. because cheating would negate everything she said she won't what her child to experience.

stop assuming your husband his cheating, if you find him doing such.... the decision is yours 100%, but on assumption and you have started looking outside... it shows even you too did not really love him from inception.

Two wrongs don't make a right but 5 does abi? Until he starts getting physical with her then you guys will start saying why she didn't leave earlier

donprinyo:
Sorry sis, dis always happens when ur partner wants to get out of an unhappy relationship. Probably, he was manipulated into marrying u. If so, its not gonna end well except divorcing him immediately.

You can do better than this

With my level of maturity and ability to decipher what I want now,I know I don't want to walk in the shoes of bad marriages. Bad relationships drains. Imagine what bad marriages could do

Why would married people bring their marriage issues where waecites, jambites, postumites...undergraduates, artisans, politicians etc spend their time?

You will get both the good and crazy advises that at the end of the day you are more confused and full of anger than before?

GogobiriLalas:
You should prove your value; most women nowadays bring nothing to the table except their kpekus; the truth is no kpekus dey sweet pass 2yrs

Wicked guy

midnighter:


Lol I don confuse... She said in the post that she and her husband both work and are comfortable. What, for goodness sake, are you writing

Guy no read post well

Rubbiish:

Lock which door?
She should lock the man out of his house?
Your head is truly blank!
Empty head

Rubbish and thrash. How will anything good come out of rubbish like you. Mumu. Abi the poster looks like the liability you kept in your house.