o.k i thought about this and 5-6 years ago it did not bother me but now its getting strange and shameful

My Friend has a Good Professional Job and even does Consulting on the side....

He make good money.....He even travels abroad and i see the Money he makes from Abroad Trips

He is Hard-working has a nice loving wife and 4 kids - Two Girl 15 & 13 years, two youngers one's
girl and boy 5-7 years.

But he still insists on living in a One Bedroom Apartment. He can afford to upgrade to atleast a 3 Bedroom Apartment but refuses to do it

And i can see the annoyance, stress and shame now on the face of his two girls who are now in their teenage years and they are
growing fast. The Two Teenage girls are at least 5 ft 5-6 now and they are very mature and developed for their age.

They often come to my house to play & jist with my daughters as they are friends and are in the same year class but they have been
sleeping over sometimes on friday/saturday which my wife and i dont mind. I notice that they sleep other alot when i am not in town
and my friends daughters seem to respect me more and their faces light up when my wife and i come around but seem to look bored
when they see their dad and seem to have no emotional connection to him.

My Wife is noticing this and is getting worried for them. My Friends wife is evening giving me certain looks to talk to my friend about moving house.

I have talked to him before and he said he would do it but 3-4 years has passed and still no action

I just need some pointers and advise from the Family section house as it like i see the signs of the two teenage girls of my friend having the
itching longing to always be outside the house and its worrying my wifeas they are in our house more often now as we live in a 4 bedroom duplex.

My children dont mind my friends daughters coming over but my wife is noticing that my friends daughters are with style avoiding their
father and just biding their time i.e waiting to finish secondary school to leave the house for University.

In today Nigeria with Social Media and all the distraction and seductions parents have to be watchful of their actions and make sure they
provide the right homely space and environment for their children when they can afford it.

Please can the house give some advise us my friends wife has approached my wife and i in confidence for me to talk to my friend about moving house.

Any Advise will be helpful especially from the Parents that have teenage daughters living in Nigeria as i have to talk to my
friend by New Years about this issue as his tenureship is up for renewal in May 2020 and he has the finances to move to a bigger place
without feeling the pitch..

Please advise Fathers and Mothers in the house

Thank You

Is he building a house somewhere?

He is probably building a duplex somewhere or saving up to buy a house of which he decides to be discreet about.
I can't read any other meanings to this.

Probably erecting a surprise building without the wife's knowledge...if not then it's spiritual. Abi na wetin em cult people tell am?

If only you and your wife can mind your business. As mind readers, you can see and read the shame in the eyes of his teenage daughters.

Perhaps your friend is wise, perhaps he is foolish. You should have asked him directly rather than let the world in on the affair of of another.

Plus, people who live the way he does surely have something big under their sleeves.

You never know, your friend might just surprise you all when he unveils his mansion. He may be the type that believes in delayed gratification.

You can still bring it up with him though. Tease him, 'my man, why are you still in a one bedroom ? You wan carry your money go heaven? Common, give the family some comfort na', something along that line.

At the end of the day, you have to respect whatever decisions he takes. You don't love his family more than he does.

He might move to his own mansion
Better mind your business.

My own is that let his daughters not run into bad boys who will take advantage of this situation

Honestly if his wife can’t talk to him and they both make decisions as a couple, I doubt your input will change his mind.

1. He is building a house somewhere

2. A long term strategy to get his daughters married off as early as possible. Trying not to make the house too comfortable for his daughters.

By coming to a public forum to ask this question, you're not a friend.
When you are a friend you shouldn't mind calling him out for a friendly meet-up one evening and baring your mind about the matter with him without caring whether his emotions are hurt or not.
This tips on how to talk to him is not the main reason you're posting this thing here. Pull it down and engage your friend in discussion. At the end whatever decision he takes, you should respect. As someone pointed out, you do love his family more than him neither are you the person managing his finances for him.
And another point I would like to clarify for you is this, in this life NEVER assume especially when it involves a separ family unit. The wife hasn't come out specifically to tell you that you are to talk to her husband about 'house' it might be something else.

You didn’t even tell us the location.

One bedroom in choice areas of Abuja is over 600k per annum, don’t you want your friend to complete his savings for the bungalow he is building for his family?

What kind of a family man obviously keeps his family in serious discomfort all in the name of maybe building his own mansion without at least letting his wife know why they are living that way even though they could live better...
Please talk to your friend!

He is being very insensitive here. Even if he doesn't value his wife, could he please for the sake of his kids be a little bit reasonable...

Maybe he is an archaic man,


Or the type of lifestyle he is used to.

Talk to him and let him get to understand the negativity except he isnt as rich as you think.

If only you had the ability to mind your business and respect your friends marriage. Things will be better for you. Amebo.

alphaNomega:
1. He is building a house somewhere

2. A long term strategy to get his daughters married off as early as possible. Trying not to make the house too comfortable for his daughters.

That is a savage Dad, no wonder girls are clamoring to get married so they can get away from their own families.

A man who has money but is stingy to his own family, tufiakwa

as usual myopic nigerians. by the time you see his mansion and investments na you go know say minding your business is key.

I think you should mind your business. Both you and your wife.

Have a serious discussion with him again to understand why he's still inconveniencing his family years after your last discussion together and when he has the financial means to move. See what happens next year in May after his tenancy expires. If he still refuses to move his family to another home, then you would just have to myob (I mean that sincerely b|c I can see you're genuinely concerned for his kids and wife).

Wetlink:
What kind of a family man obviously keeps his family in serious discomfort all in the name of maybe building his own mansion without at least letting his wife know why they are living that way even though they could live better...
Please talk to your friend!

He is being very insensitive here. Even if he doesn't value his wife, could he please for the sake of his kids be a little bit reasonable...

Co-sign. If he's indeed building a house for his family like some posters are supposing, it's insensitive of him to be keeping it a secret from them, especially knowing how much distress and discomfort their current home has been/is causing them. The sensible thing would be for him to tell them to keep them in the know and give them something to look forward to. If he doesn't want to tell the kids, he should at least tell the wife and not keep her in the dark.

Sanchez01:
If only you and your wife can mind your business. As mind readers, you can see and read the shame in the eyes of his teenage daughters.

Perhaps your friend is wise, perhaps he is foolish. You should have asked him directly rather than let the world in on the affair of of another.

Plus, people who live the way he does surely have something big under their sleeves.

How can he mind his business when his daughters are sleeping over?

people need to.mind their business!

lilyheaven:


How can he mind his business when his daughters are sleeping over?

and so what?!..he should stop the children sleeping over nah....every mallam with his kettle

Wetlink:
What kind of a family man obviously keeps his family in serious discomfort all in the name of maybe building his own mansion without at least letting his wife know why they are living that way even though they could live better...
Please talk to your friend!

He is being very insensitive here. Even if he doesn't value his wife, could he please for the sake of his kids be a little bit reasonable...

Good question and nice input.

Fountainofyouth:

[s] Good question and nice input.

[/s]

kindly stop the daughter from sleeping over in your place (this how they become covetous) ,they should be okay with whatever provision their parents make for them after all so many people in Nigeria grew up in a single room with their parents and sibling (they did not turn out bad at the end) then on the other hand talk to your friend in a very polite manner and make him see reasons why he needs to change houses my own opinion

lilyheaven:


How can he mind his business when his daughters are sleeping over?

If you take out his so called friend's situation, sleep overs are somewhat common between families in this present age. Whether or not they are constantly sleeping over is often as a result of the relationship between the two families.

If he has issues with his friend's standard of living, they are friends. I see no reason why he shouldn't talk to him rather than coming on cyber space to ask whether or not his friend is stingy. This is nothing but mass media gossip.

Maybe na wetin Baba tell am

If he is not building and he has the means, then it aint cool. I dont believe in extravagant spending in another man's property. Years back, i learnt of someone who rented a house and went ahead to do pop ceiling and screed the walls and used dulux paint with a small tin of paint costing25k( so i was told)
My question then was, if you have all these money, why not build ur house and do all these posh fittings.

You friend should move to a bigger house. The girls are growing and need privacy. If dey don't get it now from their home, they will get it elsewhere