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This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life - Family - Nairaland

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This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by smartolala(m): 6:49pm On Dec 10, 2019
My parents hired a maid to look after me and my immediate younger sister when we were 7 and 4 years old respectively.Because both of them were early riser and kind of busy people.

Me and my sister got attached to the maid within some days and fell for her affection toward us.she was great in her job and cooked really good food and provide the nurture teenagers like us deserves.

My mom used to take feedback from me and my sister of her work.I used to praise her a lot .I was even insinuating that she was better than my mother.

One day we were on our dinning table of six sitting capacity. My mom asked the maid to seat on the floor and eat because she normally eat after we finished our dinner.

I asked my mom why can't she sit with us and have her dinner? She is a great maid and take care of me and my sister.

My mom replied son,you don't know the social customs. Eat your food.We will discuss it later.

I started arguing with my mom.

My father said just shut up your mouth and eat.Don't talk while eating.within me I was thinking that my parents are cruel by their actions.

The following day when me and my sister came back from school,during lunch,I asked the maid to come and sit with us on the dinning table and have food.

She refused first,but I insisted because I thought she deserved some respect from me.

After 2 months she started gossip about my mom behind her.

She used to tell me how cruel my mom is to her.Initially I was supporting her because of my attachment to her.

Then,she took it to another level and started gossiping with other maids in the neighborhood.

Not long,she started commanding me and my sister for many things ,Do that,Do this.Her behaviour started changing slowly.

She started cooking bad food during launch time as per her own taste.I don't like spicy food.Still she commanded me to eat like that.

One day my mom came home early from market and met her shouting at us.My mom asked her,Take your salary and get out from my house.I told my mom the whole story,I requested her not to tell my father.

My mom promised not tell my father,but remember son,always keep the person where he/she belongs.

That day I realized that our parents might not be always there for us,but they will never harm us and always protect us.

No body can replace your real mother.Though my mom is late,till now the advice is evergreen.

Thanks for reading.

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Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Oblongata: 7:06pm On Dec 10, 2019
smartolala:
My parents hired a maid to look after me and my immediate younger sister when we were 7 and 4 years old respectively.Because both of them were early riser and kind of busy people.

Me and my sister got attached to the maid within some days and fell for her affection toward us.she was great in her job and cooked really good food and provide the nurture teenagers like us deserves.

My mom used to take feedback from me and my sister of her work.I used to praise her a lot .I was even insinuating that she was better than my mother.

One day we were on our dinning table of six sitting capacity. My mom asked the maid to seat on the floor and eat because she normally eat after we finished our dinner.

I asked my mom why can't she sit with us and have her dinner? She is a great maid and take care of me and my sister.

My mom replied son,you don't know the social customs. Eat your food.We will discuss it later.

I started arguing with my mom.

My father said just shut up your mouth and eat.Don't talk while eating.within me I was thinking that my parents are cruel by their actions.

The following day when me and my sister came back from school,during lunch,I asked the maid to come and sit with us on the dinning table and have food.

She refused first,but I insisted because I thought she deserved some respect from me.

After 2 months she started gossip about my mom behind her.

She used to tell me how cruel my mom is to her.Initially I was supporting her because of my attachment to her.

Then,she took it to another level and started gossiping with other maids in the neighborhood.

Not long,she started commanding me and my sister for many things ,Do that,Do this.Her behaviour started changing slowly.

She started cooking bad food during launch time as per her own taste.I don't like spicy food.Still she commanded me to eat like that.

One day my mom came home early from market and met her shouting at us.My mom asked her,Take your salary and get out from my house.I told my mom the whole story,I requested her not to tell my father.

My mom promised not tell my father,but remember son,always keep the person where he/she belongs.

That day I realized that our parents might not be always there for us,but they will never harm us and always protect us.

No body can replace your real mother.Though my mom is late,till now the advice is evergreen.

Thanks for reading.
Great stuff

I currently went through almost same thing, I recently lost my mum, and out of pity I decided that her maid come to work with us as we just sacked our maid due to petty lies and stealing.
My wife decided to treat this ‘new maid’ very well, bought her clothes, even brought 2 of her children to be staying with us. Her kids are similar age to mine...

My wife treated her like a sister which I was overtly against; not that I hate anyone, but I am just a staunch believer of placing people.

Few weeks later her children waged war on mine, I got home seeing new marks on my ‘ajebo’ Children...

The lady goes out at will and comes back anytime, she sometime says she is tired hence no work from her that day, it was like we were working for her... meanwhile I was busy enjoying everything happening because I wanted my wife to learn from it.

I later chased her away before she chased us away grin

Don’t be wicked to your maids but always place them else they will see your spouse, you or your children as threats

9 Likes

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by NGRsenate: 7:07pm On Dec 10, 2019
I don’t get.

Did the maid change her good ways because you were nice to her by allowing her sit on the dining table or what?

Why did she start gossiping and what was she gossiping about?

7 Likes

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by DanDeeBoss: 7:36pm On Dec 10, 2019
Mom was even against the idea of getting a maid.....
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Fountainofyouth(f): 7:38pm On Dec 10, 2019
NGRsenate:
I don’t get.

Did the maid change her good ways because you were nice to her by allowing her sit on the dining table or what?

Why did she start gossiping and what was she gossiping about?


Yes the Op clearly stated she changed becos of their niceness, don't you know people tend to cross their boundary when they see that one is too nice, they tend to take advantage of that fact,

I don't get, you want Op to tell you every little detail of the gossip? Would you be able to read it all if it takes up the whole first page? Why are you not satisfied with the summary? Or you want to shift blame?

7 Likes

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Fountainofyouth(f): 7:39pm On Dec 10, 2019
I've been thinking of ways one can avoid getting a maid when the time comes, to avoid stories that touch.....

2 Likes

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by emeijeh(m): 7:40pm On Dec 10, 2019
You go fear Maid in Manhattan cheesy
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by nlPoster: 8:03pm On Dec 10, 2019
It seems there's a lot you're not saying. @ op.

1 Like

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by smartolala(m): 8:30pm On Dec 10, 2019
Yes,she was too comfortable hence she started taking things for granted.Gossips about? Very many,up to the extent of damaging our family reputations,I just summarized everything,I am not a good storyteller@NGR Senate
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by smartolala(m): 8:36pm On Dec 10, 2019
Fountainofyouth:
I've been thinking of ways one can avoid getting a maid when the time comes, to avoid stories that touch.....
most times it is inevitable, especially if both parents go out often to earn a living
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by smartolala(m): 8:37pm On Dec 10, 2019
nlPoster:
It seems there's a lot you're not saying. @ op.
what do you what to know again?

1 Like

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by nnamdibig(m): 8:59pm On Dec 10, 2019
The maid did not change because she ate on the dinning with you. Your mum just got a wicked person that pretended for a very long time.

It's generally risky to have a total stranger look after your kids. I prefer relative from my wife or my side, anything shut of that, will not work for me.

2 Likes

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by sholay2011(m): 9:22pm On Dec 10, 2019
Hmm...interesting story. I understand where OP might be heading to with the story (putting people in their place) but why will your mum ask a human being (even if she was a maid) to sit on the floor while you people have dinner? Doesn't the maid have her own room? Why should she eat AFTER you have all eaten? And these questions are just from the little information you provided. It looks dehumanising to me (no matter how much 'shebi other people do it" it is). Whether the maid turned evil or not might be independent of how your mum treated her....or not

And I am in no way defending the maid but calling out the way she was treated. We also had maids growing up and they were treated very well. Some misbehave, some don't.

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Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by nlPoster: 9:24pm On Dec 10, 2019
smartolala:
what do you what to know again?

The story just feels incomplete somehow. I didn't say I want to know anything else.

But I think there were other factors involved, I could be wrong.

For example, you insinuated to your mum the maid was better than her? And after that the maid was told to sit on the floor? And you also criticized your mum to the maid?

2 Likes

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Nobody: 9:47pm On Dec 10, 2019
Maid, Maid, Maid........ Some are good, many are bad.
A lot of things are just involved in keeping one.
Las las na prayer sure pass because anything is possible.
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Nobody: 10:15pm On Dec 10, 2019
Fountainofyouth:
I've been thinking of ways one can avoid getting a maid when the time comes, to avoid stories that touch.....
Hire butler na.
That is,if you go fit pay.... cheesy
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by sinaj(f): 10:16pm On Dec 10, 2019
NGRsenate:
I don’t get.

Did the maid change her good ways because you were nice to her by allowing her sit on the dining table or what?

Why did she start gossiping and what was she gossiping about?

She became too comfortable and crossed her boundaries I guess.

This attitude isnt peculiar to just maid tho.

2 Likes

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by cococandy(f): 10:31pm On Dec 10, 2019
I feel like this post is just advocating treating maids like trash.
Sit on the floor to eat while others eat on the table? That’s not normal in any world but you know your world best.

Anyone who’s nasty will sooner than later show you their true colors no matter how well you treat them.
Just be professional in your dealings with employees. No unnecessary boundaries being crossed and you will most likely be fine. If not, terminate the work relationship ASAP.

But don’t use subhuman treatment as a tool to keep employees in check.

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Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Nobody: 10:51pm On Dec 10, 2019
Who determines where the 'place' of a maid is? Why does it have to be the floor and why does her life have to be subhuman? Why do you have to mention any 'good' you do her as if she wasn't 'worthy'.

If you want to assist another human being don't 'enslave' them. If your kids matter to you more than your jobs then show it. No one can show your kids the love, attention and care you can. Who has bewitched the nations of the world into a fruitless endless chase of money?...

2 Likes

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by culf: 11:05pm On Dec 10, 2019
people are different, a reasonable maid will not change because she is being treated nice.
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Geminita1(f): 11:09pm On Dec 10, 2019
True. That's why i don't give people credit more than they deserve, sooner or later they would try to walk right on top of you.

Be good and keep boundaries and you'll be fine.

2 Likes

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by smartolala(m): 11:29pm On Dec 10, 2019
sholay2011:
Hmm...interesting story. I understand where OP might be heading to with the story (putting people in their place) but why will your mum ask a human being (even if she was a maid) to sit on the floor while you people have dinner? Doesn't the maid have her own room? Why should she eat AFTER you have all eaten? And these questions are just from the little information you provided. It looks dehumanising to me (no matter how much 'shebi other people do it" it is). Whether the maid turned evil or not might be independent of how your mum treated her....or not

And I am in no way defending the maid but calling out the way she was treated. We also had maids growing up and they were treated very well. Some misbehave, some don't.
some years later when I was discussing with my father,he told me that in his presence the maid told my mom she will prefer eating alone in her room,but my mom declined,so that she won't feel isolated.when she came to sitting room,she refused to seat on the chair,that food digest easily whenever she sit on the floor while eating.

1 Like

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by smartolala(m): 11:35pm On Dec 10, 2019
nlPoster:


The story just feels incomplete somehow. I didn't say I want to know anything else.

But I think there were other factors involved, I could be wrong.

For example, you insinuated to your mum the maid was better than her? And after that the maid was told to sit on the floor? And you also criticized your mum to the maid?
yes I was insinuating that she is better,because we spent most of the time her and she was caring then.As for the eating on the floor,I later found out she made the choice by herself.
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by smartolala(m): 11:40pm On Dec 10, 2019
Dignity5:
Who determines where the 'place' of a maid is? Why does it have to be the floor and why does her life have to be subhuman? Why do you have to mention any 'good' you do her as if she wasn't 'worthy'.

If you want to assist another human being don't 'enslave' them. If your kids matter to you more than your jobs then show it. No one can show your kids the love, attention and care you can. Who has bewitched the nations of the world into a fruitless endless chase of money?...
I was just trying to pass a message without demonizing her,that is why l left many things that happened out.As for the eating on the floor,I later found out she made that option herself
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by smartolala(m): 11:41pm On Dec 10, 2019
Geminita1:
True. That's why i don't give people credit more than they deserve, sooner or later they would try to walk right on top of you.

Be good and keep boundaries and you'll be fine.
You get it,that is the just message I am trying to pass.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by smartolala(m): 11:46pm On Dec 10, 2019
cococandy:
I feel like this post is just advocating treating maids like trash.
Sit on the floor to eat while others eat on the table? That’s not normal in any world but you know your world best.

Anyone who’s nasty will sooner than later show you their true colors no matter how well you treat them.
Just be professional in your dealings with employees. No unnecessary boundaries being crossed and you will most likely be fine. If not, terminate the work relationship ASAP.

But don’t use subhuman treatment as a tool to keep employees in check.
I got your opinion, eating on the floor was her choice,after my mom refused to let her eat in her room,to avoid being isolated from everyone.
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by smartolala(m): 11:51pm On Dec 10, 2019
sholay2011:
Hmm...interesting story. I understand where OP might be heading to with the story (putting people in their place) but why will your mum ask a human being (even if she was a maid) to sit on the floor while you people have dinner? Doesn't the maid have her own room? Why should she eat AFTER you have all eaten? And these questions are just from the little information you provided. It looks dehumanising to me (no matter how much 'shebi other people do it" it is). Whether the maid turned evil or not might be independent of how your mum treated her....or not

And I am in no way defending the maid but calling out the way she was treated. We also had maids growing up and they were treated very well. Some misbehave, some don't.
I tried to summarized the whole thing not to paint her too black because we are all humans no matter what,the choice of eating on floor was hers,i found out some years later.
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by cococandy(f): 12:01am On Dec 11, 2019
Okay
smartolala:
I got your opinion, eating on the floor was her choice,after my mom refused to let her eat in her room,to avoid being isolated from everyone.
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by smartolala(m): 12:09am On Dec 11, 2019
Oblongata:
Great stuff

I currently went through almost same thing, I recently lost my mum, and out of pity I decided that her maid come to work with us as we just sacked our maid due to petty lies and stealing.
My wife decided to treat this ‘new maid’ very well, bought her clothes, even brought 2 of her children to be staying with us. Her kids are similar age to mine...

My wife treated her like a sister which I was overtly against; not that I hate anyone, but I am just a staunch believer of placing people.

Few weeks later her children waged war on mine, I got home seeing new marks on my ‘ajebo’ Children...

The lady goes out at will and comes back anytime, she sometime says she is tired hence no work from her that day, it was like we were working for her... meanwhile I was busy enjoying everything happening because I wanted my wife to learn from it.

I later chased her away before she chased us away grin

Don’t be wicked to your maids but always place them else they will see your spouse, you or your children as threats
I tried to summarized everything without saying all for not be as if I am demonizing my fellow human. Your story is similar to mine because my Dad told me later that he kept many things to his chest because he want my mom to learn some lessons....since the maid was recommended by her trusted friend.
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by sholay2011(m): 12:22am On Dec 11, 2019
smartolala:
some years later when I was discussing with my father,he told me that in his presence the maid told my mom she will prefer eating alone in her room,but my mom declined,so that she won't feel isolated.when she came to sitting room,she refused to seat on the chair,that food digest easily whenever she sit on the floor while eating.
Oh okay then. Apologies I drew the previous conclusion but I always look at things from all perspectives...or I think I do.
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by mumumugu(m): 12:25am On Dec 11, 2019
summary.: Never be too nice to anyone or they become too comfortable antbtake you for granted
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by chival(f): 12:29am On Dec 11, 2019
I am a firm believer in treating hired help with respect and I'd never ask anyone to eat on the floor. That said, I do understand the poster's point. I once had a live in help who came straight from the village and did not understand a word of English. Her elder brother was an office assistant in my office, and I'd just had a baby so needed help. Anyway, I took it upon myself to start teaching this girl to read and write every day when I got home from work.
To my shock though, a neighbour came to visit and told me how my girl had regaled her with stories of my wickedness and how she was made to sleep in a hot room without a fan. I had to take the neighbour into the girl's room to show her the fan there and how comfortable the room was. She couldn't speak a word of English but she managed to communicate her lies just fine. The neighbour she spoke to doesn't speak her language by the way.

Anyway, fast forward almost a year later. I had to let the girl go. Less than a month after I did, I got a call from a lady who claimed to be the girl's new employer. The girl's brother had given her my number as the girl's last employer who would vouch for the her integrity and good work ethics. The lady complained and went on and on about how the girl couldn't perform simple tasks, and to top it all couldn't communicate effectively. How did you manage? She asked me. I explained I was teaching the girl to speak and write English and suggested she do the same. The woman reacted as if I told her to do a strip tease at Ikeja Mall. Anyway, she said she just had to let the girl go as she didn't have energy for wahala.

In essence my take is this, treat domestic staff with respect, but be wary. Be very wary and be vigilant.

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