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This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by smartolala(m): 12:35am On Dec 11, 2019
sholay2011:

Oh okay then. Apologies I drew the previous conclusion but I always look at things from all perspectives...or I think I do.
No problem,thanks a bunch
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Vyolet(f): 7:32am On Dec 11, 2019
My mom's last live in maid connived with her boyfriend to steal every useful house appliances, we got back home and met the house empty, she even packed utensils like pots, plates and spoons.

I made up my mind never to get one once I'm on my own.
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Fountainofyouth(f): 8:02am On Dec 11, 2019
Logobenz:
Hire butler na.
That is,if you go fit pay.... cheesy


Where is the correlation here? or do you have comprehension issues

3 Likes

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Kelvin30286063(m): 8:33am On Dec 11, 2019
smartolala:
My parents hired a maid to look after me and my immediate younger sister when we were 7 and 4 years old respectively.Because both of them were early riser and kind of busy people.

Me and my sister got attached to the maid within some days and fell for her affection toward us.she was great in her job and cooked really good food and provide the nurture teenagers like us deserves.

My mom used to take feedback from me and my sister of her work.I used to praise her a lot .I was even insinuating that she was better than my mother.

One day we were on our dinning table of six sitting capacity. My mom asked the maid to seat on the floor and eat because she normally eat after we finished our dinner.

I asked my mom why can't she sit with us and have her dinner? She is a great maid and take care of me and my sister.

My mom replied son,you don't know the social customs. Eat your food.We will discuss it later.

I started arguing with my mom.

My father said just shut up your mouth and eat.Don't talk while eating.within me I was thinking that my parents are cruel by their actions.

The following day when me and my sister came back from school,during lunch,I asked the maid to come and sit with us on the dinning table and have food.

She refused first,but I insisted because I thought she deserved some respect from me.

After 2 months she started gossip about my mom behind her.

She used to tell me how cruel my mom is to her.Initially I was supporting her because of my attachment to her.

Then,she took it to another level and started gossiping with other maids in the neighborhood.

Not long,she started commanding me and my sister for many things ,Do that,Do this.Her behaviour started changing slowly.

She started cooking bad food during launch time as per her own taste.I don't like spicy food.Still she commanded me to eat like that.

One day my mom came home early from market and met her shouting at us.My mom asked her,Take your salary and get out from my house.I told my mom the whole story,I requested her not to tell my father.

My mom promised not tell my father,but remember son,always keep the person where he/she belongs.

That day I realized that our parents might not be always there for us,but they will never harm us and always protect us.

No body can replace your real mother.Though my mom is late,till now the advice is evergreen.

Thanks for reading.
It's stupid to insinuate that she changed because you were nice to her. On the contrary, I think you became your mom at some point. Wicked, mean and insensitive.
Your mom asked your maid to sit on the floor and called it putting her in her place. I lived with maids throughout my childhood days and I never heard my parents telling any of our maids to sit on the floor. Yes they don't eat with us on the dinning but they have stools in the kitchen where they sit and eat.
It's not the maid that changed op, it's you! You started seeing things the way your mom sees it and that opened your eyes to the things your mom hated in her.
And I think it was your mom's resentment and wickedness towards her that changed her to a bitter person. From your own statement, you said she was nice before. That's actually who she is until your mom reset her brain with probably slaps and slave-like maltreatment.
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by smartolala(m): 9:05am On Dec 11, 2019
Kelvin30286063:

It's stupid to insinuate that she changed because you were nice to her. On the contrary, I think you became your mom at some point. Wicked, mean and insensitive.
Your mom asked your maid to sit on the floor and called it putting her in her place. I lived with maids although my childhood and I've never seen my parents telling any of our maids to sat on the floor. Yes they don't eat with us on the dinning but they have stools in the kitchen where they sit and eat.
It's not the maid that changed op, it's you! You started seeing things the way your mom sees it and that opened your eyes to the things your mom hated in her.
I will not reply you with harsh words like stupid,mean,wicked and insensitive that you stated because of my upbringing and the level of my evolvement in life.The sitting on the floor to eat was her choice,after she was stopped from eating alone in her room,I go to know some years later.she did many things bad later but I don't want to say all,because to err is human to forgive is divine.

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Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by nlPoster: 12:05pm On Dec 11, 2019
The family dynamics seem rather weird.

Now, if the maid was hired when you were 7, op, and you also said she nurtured you into your teenage years, where was she eating for the 7+ years prior to this incident?
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by sweetmelanin(f): 12:27pm On Dec 11, 2019
Kelvin30286063:

It's stupid to insinuate that she changed because you were nice to her. On the contrary, I think you became your mom at some point. Wicked, mean and insensitive.
Your mom asked your maid to sit on the floor and called it putting her in her place. I lived with maids although my childhood and I've never seen my parents telling any of our maids to sat on the floor. Yes they don't eat with us on the dinning but they have stools in the kitchen where they sit and eat.
It's not the maid that changed op, it's you! You started seeing things the way your mom sees it and that opened your eyes to the things your mom hated in her.

Your tone is harsh but I sort of agree.. perhaps the maid changed because of resentment that has built up over the years.. Op's mum was a bit unfair to her..

1 Like

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by nlPoster: 12:50pm On Dec 11, 2019
The story is inconclusive. The mum is late and many parts of the picture are unknown so it's difficult to know exactly what the point of the thread is.

Is it to castigate the mum?

Is it class based warfare?

Is it an indictment on the parents?

Is it a criticism of the Nigerian system?

Who is judging here? The maid? The op? The dad? People? Obviously the mom is being judged.

Whose pov is the op espousing? The maid's? The mom's? The dad's? Society? His own? Unnamed? Who is he fighting for?
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by shestrong(f): 1:52pm On Dec 11, 2019
smartolala:
most times it is inevitable, especially if both parents go out often to earn a living
True, inevitable. We call them the necessary evils.
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by shestrong(f): 1:55pm On Dec 11, 2019
mumumugu:
summary.: Never be too nice to anyone or they become too comfortable antbtake you for granted

True words.
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by LewsTherin: 2:01pm On Dec 11, 2019
The maid wasn't a good person. Getting close to her didn't make her that. Your mum asking her tonsit on the floor in a bad thing. Was she a maid or a bought slave?

Many people who let themselves out as maids and house helps do so due to the frustrations of life they experience. Many times they carry that frustration over.

New helps changing over time is no different from anyone learning bad habits over time. From bad friends. From the pople they interact with. From the way they are treated. People change. That's life.

I thoroughly disagree with the original post.
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by LewsTherin: 2:11pm On Dec 11, 2019
I also believe in keeping people in their "place". But that place does not mean "class". It means position of duty.

If the maid's job is to care for the family, I can understand why she should eat after the family has eaten. This is because her job is to serve the family. Seating on the floor, that is in humane. If it was her choice, it is because she knows no better (or she wanted to form eye service). If your help has to eat in the kitchen, make the kitchen good for eating in. Seating is the least that is needed. Anything else is wickedness. Her eating left overs is wickedness. Her portion should be calculated in what is made.

If your children are important to you, and you need help to care for them, why in heaven's name would you want to antagonise the person that cares for your children in your absence? Why antoagonise the person who cooks the food, who serves the food you are going to eat?

If you can't trust the help, why have the flaming help in the first place?

1 Like

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Chacski(m): 2:18pm On Dec 11, 2019
I think this story just illustrates how wicked Nigerians are on average(forget all the church and mosque these people attend). OPs mother asked her follow human being to sit on the floor because she pays her salary? OP can eulogize his mother with all the superlative adjectives in this world but it doesn't change the fact that she was not a very good person. There is no excuse to ask the maid to eat after the family has eaten(probably scrapping the bottom of the pot) and to sit on the floor(maybe to eat the crumbs from the masters table?). These should give any reasonable person insights to just how bad the maid was being treated(Nigerians on average are not reasonable and would try to defend this family because their own families did worse things to their maid)

3 Likes

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Ryan03(m): 2:37pm On Dec 11, 2019
nnamdibig:
The maid did not change because she ate on the dinning with you. Your mum just got a wicked person that pretended for a very long time.

It's generally risky to have a total stranger look after your kids. I prefer relative from my wife or my side, anything shut of that, will not work for me.
I laugh you in ijaw, my sister thought same and took in a cousin of mine. I warned her but she wouldn't listen, my cousin us about 21. She started stealing from the house, graduated to her shop (she shares the shop with someone) was stealing from my sister and the other lady sharing the shop with her. Not long, she claimed my sisters husband is sleeping with her and she is pregnant for him, thankfully, she wasn't pregnant when test was conducted. It was a total disaster
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Nobody: 2:47pm On Dec 11, 2019
Ryan03:
I laugh you in ijaw, my sister thought same and took in a cousin of mine. I warned her but she wouldn't listen, my cousin us about 21. She started stealing from the house, graduated to her shop (she shares the shop with someone) was stealing from my sister and the other lady sharing the shop with her. Not long, she claimed my sisters husband is sleeping with her and she is pregnant for him, thankfully, she wasn't pregnant when test was conducted. It was a total disaster
Just know that your sister husband be dey fork am sha.
undecided

1 Like

Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by Ryan03(m): 3:35pm On Dec 11, 2019
Logobenz:
Just know that your sister husband be dey fork am sha.
undecided
I didn't doubt that for a sec grin
Re: This Is An Ugly Truth Of Life by nnamdibig(m): 5:43pm On Dec 11, 2019
Ryan03:
I laugh you in ijaw, my sister thought same and took in a cousin of mine. I warned her but she wouldn't listen, my cousin us about 21. She started stealing from the house, graduated to her shop (she shares the shop with someone) was stealing from my sister and the other lady sharing the shop with her. Not long, she claimed my sisters husband is sleeping with her and she is pregnant for him, thankfully, she wasn't pregnant when test was conducted. It was a total disaster
another terrible experience.
like I said, if not a relative, then nothing. at least relative may have affection more than a total stranger.
The best for me is no househelp at all but if condition requires that I must have one, a relative will be considered first.

Another angle is that most Nigerians will bring in a househelp and not send her/him to school.
If you know you can't treat a house help the way you treat your own children, Don't expect the house help to treat your children as his/her own.
There will always be this feeling that "these people think am their slave"

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