LilMissFavvy:
How would you have felt if it was your wife who hanged out with her friends and came back by 2am? Any married man or woman who does things without considering the other partner is immature or simply wicked. Your wife's brother should have slapped you back, or is he a weak man? He should have slapped you ensuring that you bleed from your mouth and nose. As for your wife, continue to call her, send messages, give her more time, she will heal and return to you. It's very shameful that her brother was there and did not defend her, by slapping the st-pi---y outta your brains.

Your post was a mixture of sense and senselessness. So make her brother hit am because of say e hear say e hit e sister? No wonder many guys dey kill their fellow guys on top woman matter. Lubbish and Buhari.

daddytime:
No matter wetin you do brother, this marriage na manage e no go last. Sorry, but this is the honest truth.

A precedent has been set, so, at the slightest provocation, your in law's will March down to move their pikin.

Get smart...

If na me, na dem go beg me to come carry my wife back....

As in ehn....

How old is this wife by the way?

Its not a matter of age o! What u don't have, u don't have! A 70yr old mathematics professor will be lost in d committee of carpenters o.
The action of the mother in law has shown DT she (d mama) herself is #damaged_goods, and does a fruit fall far from d tree?

My brother, if you have been fucking your wife VERY WELL, then, you have nothing to fear. If you hav ebeen giving her ORGASM, you need not worry rara. I mean that back breaking, earth shattering, nerve wrecking SEX. Because after TWO WEEKS when she begin miss her INJECTIONS, even if her mama say make she no return, she go run komot for house come back home. Your wife no act mature, sha. her mama sef no try. Instead of to come broker peace, she came no evacuate. If you have not been fucking her well, you shuld be worried baje baje.

Ekene161829:
I did something I really regret. My wife and I have an amazing marriage, 2 years of marriage and we are blessed with a 7-month-old baby girl.

She is 28 and I almost 33. Last Saturday I got invited to go out by some of my work friends , I got home late 2am, so madam wasn't happy. She was yelling at me, throwing hands and screaming at me. I ignored her and left the room to the living room but she followed me and I asked her to leave me alone but she kept going which made me angry.

I took the back of my hand and gave her a slap on the mouth. She cried out and held her face and started crying and her lips was bleeding. I didn't intentionally hurt her, I just wanted to calm her down since ignoring her was not working. I said sorry, and I was literally on my knees begging her. I tried to hold her but she refused.
The rest of the night was me repeating apology or i didn't mean to hurt you. She ignored me . She went into our room and locked the door.

She was in there for a long time and the next morning, her mother and older brother was at the house and she came out of the room with her and our baby stuff and she said she was leaving me for good. I told her how sorry I was but her mother told me to get out of their faces and they left the house.

I feel so ashamed and I've never done anything like this before and I never thought I would. I don't want to loose my wife and baby. I need both of them back. Should I attempt to contact her?

What do I do?

luminouz:


I think he should withdraw and let elders from his side contact his wife's people. I think emotions are still running high so he should stop his personal begging. Let the elders take over and negotiate.
They will blame both sides and tell them what to do to forestall future occurrences of such.

good call.

Pack your load and go to your inlaw house too. Tell them you came for vacation too after all her mother is now your mother and her brother is your brother.

Ekene161829:
I did something I really regret. My wife and I have an amazing marriage, 2 years of marriage and we are blessed with a 7-month-old baby girl.

She is 28 and I almost 33. Last Saturday I got invited to go out by some of my work friends , I got home late 2am, so madam wasn't happy. She was yelling at me, throwing hands and screaming at me. I ignored her and left the room to the living room but she followed me and I asked her to leave me alone but she kept going which made me angry.

I took the back of my hand and gave her a slap on the mouth. She cried out and held her face and started crying and her lips was bleeding. I didn't intentionally hurt her, I just wanted to calm her down since ignoring her was not working. I said sorry, and I was literally on my knees begging her. I tried to hold her but she refused.
The rest of the night was me repeating apology or i didn't mean to hurt you. She ignored me . She went into our room and locked the door.

She was in there for a long time and the next morning, her mother and older brother was at the house and she came out of the room with her and our baby stuff and she said she was leaving me for good. I told her how sorry I was but her mother told me to get out of their faces and they left the house.

I feel so ashamed and I've never done anything like this before and I never thought I would. I don't want to loose my wife and baby. I need both of them back. Should I attempt to contact her?

What do I do?

niaralandtopuser:
since it is his first time, a better approach will be to open the door , ignore him and discuss things with him when he is okay

how you sure its his first time tho? A person who is not a night crawler will not be that comfortable staying out that late without updating his wife about the development. There is alot of the little details the op seem to have left out .


Anyway ,all that being said, what would you advice the op does now to salvage his marriage?

2chukwu:
This reminds me of the day our eldest sister came home in the middle of the night crying that her husband beat the hell out of her...my mum woke me and my younger brother up and was like how could you guys be here and your elder sister will be going through such inhumane treatment.
So my younger brother flared up and I followed suit just to play down the rising tension.
I took the lead and drove straight to the husband house but while In the car I asked my brother
Me: Bros
Him: abeg abeg
Me: what if this marriage scatter now who will marry this our sister with kids and besides we have not heard from the husband. I want you to do me a big favor
Him: what's it
Me: I want you to act on my directives ok pretend from now that nothing happens,let's take this to another level ok.
Him: just make sure you know what you are doing.
Me: sure I got this
So when I got to the house I went in and we both greeted and I told him am not happy with him but we should go out and talk. So we drove to a nearby joint we sat down and talked and he explained everything,the only part I faulted him was raising his arms, which he apologized deeply and promised to make amends which he did.
Today they're with 4th kid
Moral of the story,help your sister in her marriage!!

Guy, if I get the money, I go buy brewery say make them just dey supply u anytime u want. U be man.

babestell:
Pack your load and go to your inlaw house too. Tell them you came for vacation too after all her mother is now your mother and her brother is your brother.

lol funny but i know someone who can do this .

madridguy:
She went into our room and locked the door , she was in there for a long time and the next morning , her mother and older brother was at the house and she came out of the room with her and our baby stuff and she said she was leaving me for good. I told her how sorry I was but her mother told me to get out of their faces and they left the house.

Bros, this may sound somehow but you never get wife.

F- that bruh!!!
The OP failed it by hitting her in the first place. I'm sure that a part of the marriage agreement was certainly not to hit their daughter at will...and thats why the mom showed up immediately to send a clear message.
Op I suggest you calm down, sleep over the whole incident, send her a Text message of your apology, give her a day or two and call her. Then maybe get a trusted friend to accompany you to their place. By then she would have calmed down. But if she insists she isn't coming back, well, you can let her be for now till further notice.

LilMissFavvy:
How would you have felt if it was your wife who hanged out with her friends and came back by 2am? Any married man or woman who does things without considering the other partner is immature or simply wicked. Your wife's brother should have slapped you back, or is he a weak man? He should have slapped you ensuring that you bleed from your mouth and nose. As for your wife, continue to call her, send messages, give her more time, she will heal and return to you. It's very shameful that her brother was there and did not defend her, by slapping the st-pi---y outta your brains.

Whoever marries this one has married trouble.

Be careful if you must go there lest you look like this

Yonce:


That third party was her mother.
A woman who carried her daughter for 9 months and took care of her for 26 years.

Op went to her mother to ask for her hand in marriage, the woman handed her daughter over to him and barely two years later he hit her to the extent that she bled all because she demanded to know his whereabouts.

No mother wants to see her baby treated less than a princess, she's justified for taking her daughter away from a toxic, hostile environment.

u didn't get the point. on a good day a good mother should react. but the daughter inviting her mum immediately is uncalled for. , meanwhile that was the First time even after so much apology. hmm

Sandypearl:
what is this girl saying.Marry first then you will understand what marriage is all about,cos I am sure you are very much single

Thank you for your opinion sir

LilMissFavvy:
How would you have felt if it was your wife who hanged out with her friends and came back by 2am? Any married man or woman who does things without considering the other partner is immature or simply wicked. Your wife's brother should have slapped you back, or is he a weak man? He should have slapped you ensuring that you bleed from your mouth and nose. As for your wife, continue to call her, send messages, give her more time, she will heal and return to you. It's very shameful that her brother was there and did not defend her, by slapping the st-pi---y outta your brains.

just read all what you typed again and tell me how far.

Dupalmer:

Cant you air your views without insulting people?

dont mind these people giving out anyhow advice because they are not the one, i bet you some of these guys will even act worse. for the fact that the girls family came and carry her without asking questions shows something is fishy

You can't keep apologising forever until she and her family turn you into a fool.

At the first sign of trouble which she instigated by pushing you to the wall, she invites her family to insult her husband and desecrate your marital home.

Imagine if you were abroad, this your wife will call the police to jail you FOR 8 years at the slightest provocation or she can even accuse you of rape which means you go to jail for 8 years and lose your job and can not get a good job for 5 years after they release you from jail.

Borrow your self some brain. Your wife is already tired of you and the marriage and she wants out. Her mother advised her not to marry you.

ugofulfilled:


Really? Is this the best you can think? well I wasn't disappointed.

let's assume you're the wife in the above narrative, you will feel defended and happy seeing your brother slap your HUSBAND?

with this hand, we shall read about your home someday on this forum.

dont mind her

Anextin:
I bet you didn't call to tell her where u were, or the stupid invitation. The problem with abusers like you is that, it always starts with a first slap, followed with repeated apology, then the torrents of beatings sets in. Except she does something drastic n deep, You will continue. Its in you man. The only solution is for her to take you to army guys for proper beatings n flogging. That way, any day you want to raise your stupid hand, you will recall d beating n hold back!!!!

and I hope she ll keep loving and marrying herself after the army beating.

Most of these comments are so heartbreaking, seeing also that some of these guys talking are not yet married, I feel so so sorry. Most people think the woman's action of calling her mom and brother was too far, chai, really so she should wait till from a slap it gets to punches and then one day you will beat her blue black till she dies or becomes deformed and then you see her unpresentable as a wife abi.....so her calling her family was too much but your own slap was not too much..... Thank God you said you have a female child imagine her married and her getting a slap from her husband how will you feel

So she was shouting and yelling so that justifies your actions?

you said that was the first time you came back late so I believe she had never seen you coming back that late and you don't think she must have been sick and worried about you with the security issues especially in this festive season?

You were not drunk so where you were with your friends you didn't bother about her maybe to give her a call, you didn't consider her feelings at all?

If she was the one who came back late I am sure that house would have been hot for her, I am sure you would have been soooooo angry infact even if it was just dinner she didn't prepare it wouldn't have been condoned Come to talk more of coming back late I am not judgemental here but I think a slap was too fast


And all majority of the guys here can say is that she shouldn't have yelled or she should have left you in the room or maybe she should have said "bravo my husband for coming back late" and most guys are saying you should leave her alone fine you have done a mistake continue tendering your apologies she will definitely come back that's after you've signed an undertaking never to do such again

but I shake my head for most guys
#egocentric
#violent

soon all of them will say they don't support domestic
violence

Mtcheew

crackhaus:

Yes of course, I just needed you to type this yourself so it could reveal exactly what goes on in the minds of women like you who think it is perfectly okay to shout, yell, and raise their voices to show displeasure - anyway, borderline psychotic people don't know any other way to show displeasure, so I can't really blame you or your sisters here.

However, this is this exact behaviour that makes/will make some of you continue to get slapped by your husbands when he has gotten his earful of your vituperations. If you can't raise your voice to a random stranger on the street whom you have no regard for, what on God's earth makes you think it's somehow okay to do so with a husband you love, respect, and regard?
Are you seriously saying that a grown person like you knows no other way to make her displeasure known without getting in the face of another person, yelling, screaming?

Anyhow, just in case you didn't know, provocation is a good defense in law - not a legal defense though, but a defense that can give a lesser sentence. English law calls it loss of control.
If you're going to act like a crazy person, then you cannot control the response you receive in return.

No grown person likes being yelled or shouted at, not even you given the worst of situations...so I really don't know what you or anyone here (assuming you all were completely sane), are trying to make sense of.

Now i just like intellectually sound people like this.A bottle of cold Heineken for you..I believe strongly in marriage honestly ..But, I see comments from some girls here! and i am like ha ha !! that's the reason most guys are scared to get married nowadays..If 9 out of 10 thinks like this...Then lets just live with it or just be single forever.Marriage is not by force.For me personally,I have zero tolerance for violent people either physically or emotionally..I can't even marry a woman that is too confrontational,yell or nag...Hell No, you are not gon turn me to what i am not...I have a family member i grew up with..He is such a mild person and i have never known him to be violent in any way for the 20 years we have been friends together..Guess what!! My guy slap the wife on top nag oh ! His story is quite similar to this ...God help us ..

Baller45653:
you didn't marry from a good family to be honest with you, I'm very in my late 20's 27 to be precise, a BSC holder and my wife is just 21 her father a retired policeman and a pastor at the moment, I had a heated argument with my wife few months ago, I had to beat her to correct her even though she is pregnant but I have my reasons, I have never hit my girlfriend before not to talk of my pregnant wife, but she has hit me several times ,I know shes loving but that kind of stubborn girl but I can bet with my life she loves me and shes loyal, but she was seeing an ex and I was against it,the first time we talked about it she slapped me and I warned her , she apologized, the second time she raised her hand but I cautioned her the third time I beat the hell outter her , mainly slaps and I sent her packing, I told her brother what happened and I said I dont want to marry again and she should terminate the pregnancy, the brother talked to me man to man, and said I should tell her mom what I just explained, mind you I didn't tell them I beat her , so her mom was scolding her and the tried to defend herself by saying I beat her, then her mom called me to apologize on her behalf and she only said I should not put fear in my mind that she shouldn't be beaten, my point for beating her was that she don't try it no more...mind you I wouldn't have hit her, I did so because she hit me in public in the presence of my aunt,and my uncle wife and ever since then she always behave herself, she even went as far as making a convenant with me in the presence of my family God that she will never cheat on me, it's been a bumpy ride but a joyful one, I take care of her, spend on her like no other , our traditional wedding is 26 of this month and our house warming is 30th of this month... dear OP, your wife is not your slave but you are the master , she is like a cabin crew of your ship while you are the captain....a few words is enough for the wise..

Your entire story is quite fuzzy: a little bit on point in some context and a lot more off point in others

It is poor understanding of the concept of marriage and the roles and functions of the two individuals involved that usually leads to all manner of interpretations and, as a result, all forms of abuse that follow

True, the wife is not your slave but neither is the husband her master. He is only the coordinating center of the marriage, like the captain of an Aircraft, not captain of a ship. The captain of an aircraft works hand in hand with a copilot, in this case, the wife: she's not a mere cabin crew. You can't say the man is the master without inferring that the wife is a slave or servant cos only slaves and servants have masters and only masters are justified to beat their slaves because they are their slaves

If a husband has to beat his wife in order to contain her excesses then he either got into marriage with the wrong information or he's married to the wrong woman

Submission of the wife in marriage, must not, at anytime, come at that expense of physical or emotional violence. If you have to hit her to contain her then you've got your marriage wired wrongly

Submission here does not mean submission to him being Lord and master but rather, that he coordinates, as far their marriage is concerned. It is not submission to his whims and caprices or inordinate demands which can all get muddled up in the idea of submission in marriage

It is part of the husband's role to lead and for the wife to submit to that leadership in order for their marriage to work but that doesn't make him king or lord or master. The husband leading effectively allows the wife to carry out her own roles and functions effectively, so it is to her benefit that she submits to his leading. The fact that she has to submit to the husband coordinating does not make her inferior. Her individual personality, capacity and prospects must not be subsumed in the process

The husband is not superior to the wife and neither is the wife inferior to the husband and vice versa. They're not equal either cos the roles they're meant to play in the marriage are not exactly the same. In the real concept of marriage there is nothing like equality or inequality: there are just roles and functions

The problem most men have is the misconception of the idea of "headship" in marriage, a lot of it due to cultural misdirection. It is totally misunderstood. The headship in marriage is in reference to the head in a living organism, not the head, like a king, in a kingdom. The head in an organism is the coordinating center hence all other parts submit to its coordinating role

This is not to condemn you or whatever has been working for you but to correct the notion that others might pick from it that the husband is the master of the wife or that hitting your wife, for whatever reason, is at anytime ok.

For those who are Christians, the scriptures never indicated it was ok to beat your wife in order to correct her or that the man is master. It only referenced that the man is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the Church: not in reference to the context of Christ being Lord and King of all, rather in the context of Christ being the head and Church the body - same goes for marriage

Blessings!

Marriage wahala sef. E no dey finish, new dimension of wahala everyday.

Hmmm OP I am not a judge. I am sure you both are Christians and if yes, the bible will ever remain the manual. Neglect it at your own peril. The rules are simple but very, very difficult for us to abide with. I will just quote some for us:

1. Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

2. Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." If you do why should you be coming that late without pre-informing her.

3. Romans 12:10 "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves."

4. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 A man should fulfill his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other’s needs. A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is.

5. Ephesians 5:21-25 Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband has authority over his wife just as Christ has authority over the church; and Christ is himself the Savior of the church, his body. And so wives must submit themselves completely to their husbands just as the church submits itself to Christ. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it

6. Colossians 3:18-19 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, for that is what you should do as Christians. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them

7. Ephesians 4:32 Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ

8. 1 Peter 4:8 Above everything, love one another earnestly, because love covers over many sins

9. 1 Corinthians 11:11 In our life in the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.

10. 1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (NIV)

The above doesn't mean there will not be times of misunderstanding, quarrels etc. They will because you both are from different backgrounds and have different upbringing. Once you both have a deep (and spiritual) knowledge of what you guys have signed into it is easier. If only one partner knows, the struggling will be there. If both don't know, what you described above happens.

There are plenty of advise already given. I will add mine by saying, continue to plead with her. Of all the bible passage wey dey up there, if you no fear anyone, make you fear the last one - it says if you do not treat your wife well with respect, your prayers no go pass ceiling. That is the word of God, no be me talk am.

xendra:
SMH

2am? when it's not business?
she sabi shout, person like me wey no fit shout I no go open door atall. you wee sleep there.

anyway give it time and go back to begging her she would have calmed down and thought about her life, she will come back. unless she is convinced living without you is what's best for her.

you won't open door to your house àbi... Seems you watch zee world alot

AwkaetitiBabe:
I need Facebook account for ads pls. 2k available if you wanna sell.

Can you pay 4k?

Simple drama would have saved you lots of headache.



when we tell you guys to come learn some basic survival instinct when it comes to women ,you won't listen.

Anextin:
I bet you didn't call to tell her where u were, or the stupid invitation. The problem with abusers like you is that, it always starts with a first slap, followed with repeated apology, then the torrents of beatings sets in. Except she does something drastic n deep, You will continue. Its in you man. The only solution is for her to take you to army guys for proper beatings n flogging. That way, any day you want to raise your stupid hand, you will recall d beating n hold back!!!!

Its better she leave my house, Than letting her whine mouth on threats and abuses because she gat an army, or maybe, the army should marry her.

babestell:
Pack your load and go to your inlaw house too. Tell them you came for vacation too after all her mother is now your mother and her brother is your brother.

They will sharpally arrange family meeting

Ekene161829:
I ust want to socialize with my friends outside of work even just 2-3 times a year but when I do it brings my wife to yell at me, tears of frustration and accusations that I dont love her.i have compromises to include her by bringing my friends to the house but she rejected it. Am I wrong from wanting some social time outside of of my family ? Does being married with a child mean having no friends at all?

When a wife wants to deal with a man, they isolate you from your friends and family or anyone who can give you good advise

You married a child who is being controlled by her mother who did and still does not like you and feels you are not good enough for her daughter.

BE A MAN AND CALL THEIR BLUFF.

NEVER beg her to return. NEVER send anyone to beg her and if she comes back begging, make her sign an undertaking to abide by your list of written down rules which must include keeping her mum and her family out of your affairs. And you can police whether or not she is gossiping / bad mouthing you to her family by installing a voice recorder in your house or even tracking her phone.

Since she can go to the extreme of inviting her mother to disrespect you in your house then, the gloves are off and any way to knock sense back into her disobedient head is a way.

madridguy:
She went into our room and locked the door , she was in there for a long time and the next morning , her mother and older brother was at the house and she came out of the room with her and our baby stuff and she said she was leaving me for good. I told her how sorry I was but her mother told me to get out of their faces and they left the house.

Bros, this may sound somehow but you never get wife.

Exactly.


Maybe she feels, she's till young and guys will still be rushing her even if she's divorced.
At least there are lots of babymamas out there with lovers.

So she feel, another man will quickly rush her like hot cake. Lol

She never know anything yet.. She's still a kid.

Anyways Op, don't beg her again. Let her stay with her parents for a long time. Later only she go call your number when her mom is tired of buying baby food and pampers including feeding her join.. In fact her elder brother will be the first to mock her, and go back to you.

It's simple logic.

Most People even families don't like extra mouths to feed and cloth.




When I hear wives locking their husbands outside because he comes home late, such stories infuriates me. And I'm like really? She get mind o

When I hear ladies nag and nag and nag until the husband either slaps her or box her to keep quiet, I sigh and I'm like the wife doesn't value her face or body. Personally I hate nagging.

Silent treatment is how I handle things . I hate noise

xendra:
I'm not surprised to see men saying she should have kept this within the family. na from clap dem dey enter dance. a man that can come home 2am and slap the wife that same night deserves no sympathy. na so she go keep quiet till it gets worse and he kills her.

naija men, Una try o

At some point, it takes great self control not to slap a woman. The man has obviously done something wrong. There are ways to scold him without entering into a tirade of insults. Even when the man retreated, she persisted. Such action would usually end in a slap

Oga don't take all the advice hear.
Use your head. what you did was absolutely wrong. Go and get your wife back and do not let such repeat itself. You don't blame her o. Na from slap e dey start.
Give her time to heal too.

The mistake has occurred.
1.Go with your parent to beg
2. If you a Christian. Go and meet ur pastor to follow you to beg /same if u a Muslim
3. Beg and beg till you forgiven. And don’t ever hit your woman again.