Hi everyone, I’m Richard and I’m going to share my experience on how I was nearly pushed over the edge by the fear of failure.

It was a week to Christmas and the Harmattan season was in full swing. Hot and dusty afternoon and I was alone in the house. I had just completed a diploma in a University which was expected to grant me direct entry into the University depending on the outcome of my result. I had my friends on campus who would help me check and I was waiting for their feedback.

I know I hadn’t done badly in the exams, but I knew I could have done better, so I needed all the luck I could get. I was a nervous wreck when the call finally came in, and for an instant, I felt mocked by my friends at the other side of the call. Well, I was told my name wasn’t on the list. Yeah! In clearer terms, I had failed the exams and wasn’t going to be admitted by the University.

Instantly, I felt weightless and heavy at the same time. I couldn’t do anything other than to lie down. One thing was clear to me though, I COULD NOT FAIL! The fear of failure had so many consequences I was never going to be able to face

I was roughly 16 years old when I was admitted into the diploma programme offered by the University. I had just completed my secondary school education but didn’t secure admission for a degree programme in a University, so I was going to find an alternative. The diploma programme would run for a year, with the lectures being held in the University campus. But as we weren’t fully recognized students, living on campus wasn’t a part of the deal. So my 1 year precarious admission into the University started out with me living off campus.

You see, it was a non-guaranteed admission, but i never really considered that, and in my defense, I don’t think others in the programme did anyway. It was a total package living away from home in your own apartment, having lectures only thrice in a week and surrounded by young minds looking to explore. Those were fun days!
I made lots of friends, engaged in all manner of discussions, had sleepovers, and well, I even got myself a girlfriend. The icing on the cake, right? Young me, pretty girlfriend, spending my parent’s money, freedom of movement, what was there not to enjoy?

One year went by pretty quickly and I was confronted with the reality that my admission was not guaranteed. I’m sure you must have realized why failure wasn’t an option for me? How do I move on from the year I just had? How do I move on from a year of fun to whatever I’m about to experience? The University and where I lived with my parents where in different cities, so how do I keep up with my new girlfriend? If maybe I had kept a decent and low profile, I wouldn’t have had these thoughts, but this was my reality. How about my friends? I had just taken a step forward and three steps backwards. The shame was unimaginable. Up until now, I never pondered on the consequences of failing, but now, the fear of failure had become my reality. How about my parents? Christmas was a week away, how do I live in the same house with my parents and siblings knowing I failed? I was broken! I wasn’t sure I wanted to live and experience the shame. I just lay down, thinking of the best ways to not experience shame.

My elder brother returned home and walked into the room. “What’s going on?” he asked. “Why are you lying down all covered up in this hot weather?” I broke the news to him, and as though an angel had heard my thoughts and knew what I had in mind to do to myself, my brother spoke bullish words of encouragement. I wasn’t relieved and my shame didn’t go away, but I saw things a bit differently. Differently not in terms of avoiding the shame, but differently in terms of approaching the shame with a tough mindset.

He ensured I stood up and he took me out to get burgers. Later in the day, I found the courage to tell my parents the sad news, how I had wasted a whole year. They weren’t as mad I anticipated which surprised me a lot. Well, after a week, I traveled down to the University to check the list for myself and it turned out my name was on it. How my friends missed it still baffles me, I’m only thankful to this day that my brother walked into the room and spoke the right words to me. I don’t even want to imagine my reaction if he had condemned me.

Visit www.tenderjunkie.com

Jesus nipples !

TheSourcerer:
Jesus nipples !

Don't get

tenderjunkie:

Don't get

nipples belonging to Jesus Christ

TheSourcerer:
nipples belonging to Jesus Christ

Abeg try dy comot the seed next time

tenderjunkie:

Abeg try dy comot the seed next time

yes sir

TheSourcerer:
yes sir

Any comment on the post?

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Whatever you're going through suicide is never an option.

For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope: for a living dog is better than a dead lion.--Ecclesiastics 9:4

Abcruz:
Whatever you're going through suicide is never an option.

For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope: for a living dog is better than a dead lion.--Ecclesiastics 9:4

Thanks for your nice words.

It was an experience that happened in the past, and I decided to share it for my blog

I know a 3rd class student cashing out. I never understood why people would kill themselves over grades when there is business that requires not too much formal education.

You write well OP

Imagine!!.. Suicide is never an option.... May the lord comfort those that are depressed... Op I'm really happy that you never committed suicide...

pcguru1:
I know a 3rd class student cashing out. I never understood why people would kill themselves over grades when there is business that requires not too much formal education.

Very true

iamharkinwaley:
You write well OP

Thanks

Lamanii22:
Imagine!!.. Suicide is never an option.... May the lord comfort those that are depressed... Op I'm really happy that you never committed suicide...

Amen. And I'm glad I didn't aswell