I give my mother monthly allowance, she also works, anytime she requests for extra money, I try my best to make sure I give it to her, the problem is she keeps asking for money from others, and when they ask of me, she tells them that I rarely give her money

My uncle and aunt had called me to enquire, why i don't take care of her, i had to print my statement of account, for them to see,
Meanwhile I asked my mother, she denied it

She doesn't seem to stop, I don't want it to look that I am neglecting her, I have other dependants also.

PLEASE HOW DO I HANDLE THIS SITUATION WITHOUT CAUSING PROBLEMS

Tell her to stop doing that or you will actually stop giving her money.

TUANKU:
Tell her to stop doing that or you will actually stop giving her money.

I don't have the mind to stop

Oga, since it's ur mother just tell her you don't like the fact that she tells others you don't take good care of her. I will say even as it is don't stop taking good care of her in anyway you can. Also take care of yourself.

chiemmanuel:
I don't have the mind to stop

It's more of a subtle threat.

TUANKU:

It's more of a subtle threat.

I will use your method and see if it works

meum:
Oga, who is "her"? Wife or fiancee? Mk the job easier
I guess the "her" is your mother. If it's ur mother just tell her you don't like the fact that she tells others you don't take good care of her. I will say even as it is don't stop taking good care of her in every way you can but don't deny yourself.

mother

Poor you. I pity you and I pity your wife in advance

Prettiedame:
Poor you. I pity you and I pity your wife in advance

how, kindly explain

Zombie, now its mum bashing time so of course you bash away

You have to sit your mother down and have a heart to heart talk with her. What she's doing is really damaging your reputation.

But don't stop giving her money. Instead let people know when you give her money and show proof so she can't deny it.

Her beggy beggy go stop by force

Prettiedame:
Poor you. I pity you and I pity your wife in advance

I really do.

bukatyne:


I really do.

thanks for the concern, what I need is advise

ValCon888:
You have to sit your mother down and have a heart to heart talk to her. What she's doing is really damaging your reputation.

But don't stop giving her money. Instead let people know when you give her money and show proof so she can't deny it.

Her beggy beggy go stop by force

thanks

chiemmanuel:
thanks for the concern, what I need is advise

What about your dad?
Are you the only child? If no, does she do same thing to other siblings?
Does she acknowledge or appreciate when you give her anything?

bukatyne:


What about your dad?
Are you the only child? If no, does she do same thing to other siblings?
Does she acknowledge or appreciate when you give her anything?

N/A
No/yes
Yes

chiemmanuel:
how, kindly explain

Another Meghan/Harry situation loading. Use a trusted party to start giving her

Play your part and let her be

chiemmanuel:

N/A
No/yes
Yes

In that case manage mama like that, but let her know she is embarrassing you, and that if she persists in her bambi ala ways then you will truly stop giving her money (all na mouth but you sha get the point).

She can not change at this stage of her life. She can only be managed.

chiemmanuel:
I give my mother monthly allowance, she also works, anytime she requests for extra money, I try my best to make sure I give it to her, the problem is she keeps asking for money from others, and when they ask of me, she tells them that I rarely give her money

My uncle and aunt had called me to enquire, why i don't take care of her, i had to print my statement of account, for them to see,
Meanwhile I asked my mother, she denied it

She doesn't seem to stop, I don't want it to look that I am neglecting her, I have other dependants also.

PLEASE HOW DO I HANDLE THIS SITUATION WITHOUT CAUSING PROBLEMS

Giving to our parents is a responsibility that we owe to them, either they have or not notwithstanding. In fact, GOD commands it. And the blessings knows no boundaries.

1 Timothy 5:4

but if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family and to make some return to their parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God.


It's good you're responsible.
The only reason your mum tells those people you're not giving her isn't to paint you black, it could be cos some of those people expects from her or she tries to avoid some relatives bills, so, she thinks telling them she doesn't have enough, and her son doesn't give her will exonorate her. I'm sure if you ask her, she'd give you her reason. It could be one of the right things our parents do wrongly.

If there's anyone we need to proof to that we give to our parents, it's the one who commands it. Don't be bothered by relatives accusations. Keep giving her, you're sowing seeds into your future, you'd reap it.

chiemmanuel:
I give my mother monthly allowance, she also works, anytime she requests for extra money, I try my best to make sure I give it to her, the problem is she keeps asking for money from others, and when they ask of me, she tells them that I rarely give her money

My uncle and aunt had called me to enquire, why i don't take care of her, i had to print my statement of account, for them to see,
Meanwhile I asked my mother, she denied it

She doesn't seem to stop, I don't want it to look that I am neglecting her, I have other dependants also.

PLEASE HOW DO I HANDLE THIS SITUATION WITHOUT CAUSING PROBLEMS

She is old. Old people sometimes behave strangely. Protect her honour as she would have protected yours; you don't need to lift your ego up ahead of hers. If she tells people that you don't give her money and they challenge you, just nod your head and promise to do more. You don't have to tell them that she's lying.

RisenPhoenix:


She is old. Old people sometimes behave strangely. Protect her honour as she would have protected yours; you don't need to lift your ego up ahead of hers. If she tells people that you don't give her money and they challenge you, just nod your head and promise to do more. You don't have to tell them that she's lying.

Now, that's wha I'm talking bout bro!

RisenPhoenix:


She is old. Old people sometimes behave strangely. Protect her honour as she would have protected yours; you don't need to lift your ego up ahead of hers. If she tells people that you don't give her money and they challenge you, just nod your head and promise to do more. You don't have to tell them that she's lying.

Wise words

RisenPhoenix:


She is old. Old people sometimes behave strangely. Protect her honour as she would have protected yours; you don't need to lift your ego up ahead of hers. If she tells people that you don't give her money and they challenge you, just nod your head and promise to do more. You don't have to tell them that she's lying.

if she wanted to protect my honor, she should also nod her head, when she is being asked
She does it all the time, for how long will people believe the nod of the head
These people are her siblings

Its her requests, not theirs

GRACEGLORY:




Giving to our parents is a responsibility that we owe to them, either they have or not notwithstanding. In fact, GOD commands it. And the blessings knows no boundaries.

1 Timothy 5:4

but if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family and to make some return to their parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God.


It's good you're responsible.
The only reason your mum tells those people you're not giving her isn't to paint you black, it could be cos some of those people expects from her or she tries to avoid some relatives bills, so, she thinks telling them she doesn't have enough, and her son doesn't give her will exonorate her. I'm sure if you ask her, she'd give you her reason. It could be one of the right things our parents do wrongly.

If there's anyone we need to proof to that we give to our parents, it's the one who commands it. Don't be bothered by relatives accusations. Keep giving her, you're sowing seeds into your future, you'd reap it.

chiemmanuel:
I give my mother monthly allowance, she also works, anytime she requests for extra money, I try my best to make sure I give it to her, the problem is she keeps asking for money from others, and when they ask of me, she tells them that I rarely give her money

My uncle and aunt had called me to enquire, why i don't take care of her, i had to print my statement of account, for them to see,
Meanwhile I asked my mother, she denied it

She doesn't seem to stop, I don't want it to look that I am neglecting her, I have other dependants also.

PLEASE HOW DO I HANDLE THIS SITUATION WITHOUT CAUSING PROBLEMS

Thanks for sharing

Fact is: you cannot change anyone.

Make up your mind on why you are giving, and ignore any side comments about your supposed "neglect". You are never going to satisfy everyone so don't stress yourself even trying.

Seriously, what are your uncle and aunt hoping to achieve by asking you such questions?

There was absolutely no need for you to show your statement of account.

So what if someone claims you don't have any underwear on? Are you going to strip to "prove" that you are wearing one?

Be satisfied that you are doing the right thing for your mum and not trying to win some social awards.

Cheers and GOD bless

alignacademy:


Thanks for sharing

Fact is: you cannot change anyone.

Make up your mind on why you are giving, and ignore any side comments about your supposed "neglect". You are never going to satisfy everyone so don't stress yourself even trying.

Seriously, what are your uncle and aunt hoping to achieve by asking you such questions?

There was absolutely no need for you to show your statement of account.

So what if someone claims you don't have any underwear on? Are you going to strip to "prove" that you are wearing one?

Be satisfied that you are doing the right thing and not trying to win some social awards.

Cheers and GOD bless

it's a family organization, and I am expected to use the proceeds to take care of my side of the family

chiemmanuel:
if she wanted to protect my honor, she should also nod her head, when she is being asked
She does it all the time, for how long will people believe the nod of the head
These people are her siblings

At this point, she's an elderly person and is not reasoning like you are. Swallow it the way she must have swallowed a lot of your shame when you were small.

But it is just an advice. I will not debate it further. If you like, go around calling your mother a senile liar and be showing evidence to protect your own ego. It's no skin off my back.

RisenPhoenix:


At this point, she's an elderly person and is not reasoning like you are. Swallow it the way she must have swallowed a lot of your shame when you were small.

But it is just an advice. I will not debate it further. If you like, go around calling your mother a senile liar and be showing evidence to protect your own ego. It's no skin off my back.

it's like a family business and I was giving the position to assist the family
Its like I failed my responsibilities

RisenPhoenix:


At this point, she's an elderly person and is not reasoning like you are. Swallow it the way she must have swallowed a lot of your shame when you were small.

But it is just an advice. I will not debate it further. If you like, go around calling your mother a senile liar and be showing evidence to protect your own ego. It's no skin off my back.

Thanks for sharing

@chiemmanuel:

From your responses on this thread, it seems your mind is already made up on what you want to do.

(By the way, this is a classic example why consultants actually CHARGE for their advice. A lot of people who claim to want advice are not really ready to change; they are just looking for someone to pat them on the back or agree with their opinion)

How you treat this issue will either help you grow mentally and emotionally OR keep you childish and immature

The choice is yours

Cheers!

Oh boy,I got nothing to say