Saintmary:

When it comes to the choice of marriage, a typical man will try to seek for maximization of his own benefits usually at the expense of the woman's desires, they expect her to be satisfied with their average of 25000 Naira gold plated wedding band. They can't stand the sight of women who actually want to make enough money to be able to afford ten of those. They call them "feminists". There is more to life than breeding kids and putting up a show of conjugal bliss.

OP sounds really sensible and fair. He doesn't come across as that kind of man.

Imagine calling me a feminist for suggesting they find a way around it without her resigning. As if a man would ever be stupid enough to lose his source of income.

yanabasee:



And your IQ is miles below the weakest erection any man has ever gotten.... Including your slowpoke boyfriend!

Mine is low?

Well, yours is non-existent.

What is your beef with my bf? You gay?

Saintmary:

When it comes to the choice of marriage, a typical man will try to seek for maximization of his own benefits usually at the expense of the woman's desires, they expect her to be satisfied with their average of 25000 Naira gold plated wedding band. They can't stand the sight of women who actually want to make enough money to be able to afford ten of those. They call them "feminists". There is more to life than breeding kids and putting up a show of conjugal bliss.

not in Nigeria
in this country every woman has to be and desire the same lifestyle

pocohantas:


Mine is low?

Well, yours is non-existent.

What is your beef with my bf? You gay?

silence is golden. just ignore him

@SaithMary I really want a happy family, i have no issue with my partner having a good job, i also have a better job and earn 2 times of her salary.
My concern was about having both partners together and raising kids together rather than been seen as uncle by your own kids. With the distance the kids from 0-5 years will eventfully be with their mom. A man can't nurse kids of that age. I also thought of when the the intended kids get to years i move them to my location. I cant have both kids and wife away.

I thought of if she works for a year or two, we setup a pharmacy in Benin city so we can be together. But you know ladies who want to get into man's house we try to please at first or agree with you but once they are in fully it becomes thug of war and issues start surfacing.

You guys have really done well for your input.

The part in bold

pocohantas:
You travel for your own work, no problem.
She travels for her own work, plenty problem.

Well, your concerns are valid. However, what is in Benin City for her? Would she resign to come stay jobless in Benin? Some women have done it and it only leads to resentment and anger when they get nothing doing there. Especially "career" women.

If she resigns the job her father pressed buttons to get, to come stay with you. You have bought her father's market o. Not like you will be taking care of her family without nagging.

I don't even envy your situation. Talk to her about it. I will suggest you move to her location (if it is developed), since your own job is a traveling one. Couples need to be together in the early stage. When they are tired of each other, they can start their long-distance-marriage.

Or just find a girl in Benin City ehn.

pocohantas:
Lol@ set up chemist/pharmarcy.

Thegamingorca, are nurses allowed to run the above?

Not unless they are licensed pharmacists. But you know we like to do things differently in naija

You fiancée /girlfriend is the person who frankly needs more advice than you do at this point
No one here will ask you to resign or do anything that will not be to your own benefit.
Your fiancée on the other hand is about to start facing pressure from all angles once talk about marriage is openly discussed between your families.

I hope she has someone in her life who will guide her to make the right decision for her future.

If she quits, she’s going to be a lazy housewife (at best). Of course that situation can get so much worse.

If she sticks to her guns, she will be a frustrated and bitter feminist who put career before family.

She will need to be supported at this time to make the hard choice (whichever it is she chooses).

pocohantas:
Lol@ set up chemist/pharmarcy.

Thegamingorca, are nurses allowed to run the above?

Anybody dey open patent medicine store these days but it's not legal

desvi:


not in Nigeria
in this country every woman has to be and desire the same lifestyle

You see, not every woman is desperate enough to jump into marriage with just any available man, some have enough sense to choose carefully.

pocohantas:


OP sounds really sensible and fair. He doesn't come across as that kind of man.

Imagine calling me a feminist for suggesting they find a way around it without her resigning. As if a man would ever be stupid enough to lose his source of income.

I hope the fiancee applies wisdom

Dear OP, your concerns are valid but there's also economic realities. How secure is your job in the long run let alone the short run? I'm in a distant marriage (Lagos and Benin.....few days old) and have never visited my hubby from my courting days. We've had issues about who should relocate, visit..... I hope you work things out as it's just for a short time I'm sure. Selah.

pocohantas:

Mine is low?
Well, yours is non-existent.
What is your beef with my bf? You gay?

So, if a guy beefs a guy, then he's gay.... right?

You're the dumbest feminist I've ever seen....

naijafinder:
I am planing on getting married to my Fiancee Ishan Girl, we have dated for more than 2 years. And we have done introduction and planing to get married. I am really worried about getting married to this lady because after our marriage she will be in another city and can only visit my house (Matrimonial home) only for two days during weekend because of her newly secured job in Irrua as a Nurse.

She is an Ishan (Esan) Lady and i am from Delta state but reside in Benin City.

She stays in Irrua Edo state and i reside in Benin City, we are both two hours apart. Her family house is just 45 mins away in Irrua from her place of work in Ishan (Esan).

My major concern is, i will prefer us as partners to be together with our future kids. As it's now if we eventfully get married the kids we certainly be in the lady home town with her family while i am in Benin City expecting to see my wife only at weekend when she is off duty And seeing her doesn't mean i will be able to see my kids often since they will be taken care off or being breastfeed by her or being going to school there.

Note: Her government Job was secured by her Father which am not against. And Beside i have a good Job as an Engineer who travels for work once in a while.

[b]Guys please i really need your advice on this issue. [/b]Should i proceed to marry a lady that will distance away from me for more than 20 years due to her job, because transfer is not guarantee and it could take 4-6 years to work out.

My major concern, its best couples brings up a child to together instead of just the mother. I dont want my kids to see me as their uncle.

If you continue this way, every time you have marital problem you will come back to Nairaland forum to ask questions. Think! do you love her? why is it now that you're having cold feet? is it now that you intend to dump her, after many years? think!

Saintmary:

You see, not every woman is desperate enough to jump into marriage with just any available man, some have enough sense to choose carefully.

but they must choose sooner than later
because marriage and vagínas are all that occupies the average Nigerian

desvi:


but they must choose sooner than later
because marriage and vagínas are all that occupies the average Nigerian

That is the problem of the average Nigerian. Not everyone wants to end up like them.

Why is that people actually cause troubles for themselves,man you are very silly.you walked up to this lady and toss her and she told you where she lives and work which you know it will not be easy for her to relocate and you went on dating her! When she started having feelings for you hoping on settling down with you, thats when out of your selfish reasons came to nairaland to seek advice,what stops you from leaving at first tym, nonsense.Abeg no go carry your wahala go disturb that lady, better leave her alone,AlmightyGod will later provide best husband for her if it is that she is destined to marry, go and find yamayama girl that live in your location.nonsense,!

Thegamingorca:



Anybody dey open patent medicine store these days but it's not legal

Thought as much. I find it interesting the way Naija men easily talk about stopping their wives careers and opening some shop for them. May God take such men away from me.

Christine Lagarde and Ibukun Awosika na person wife.

cococandy:


Not unless they are licensed pharmacists. But you know we like to do things differently in naija

Lol. We always do. Somehow we blame the government for every bad in this nation.

some of the medicine stores are legal if only you open under the coverage of another person who is licensed. Like a licensed pharmacist.

But then you have to pass state inspection and there are certain drugs you can’t sell. Any medicine that needs prescription from a doctor must be off limits from your store. But over-the-counter medications that don’t need prescription you can sell as an ordinary person or as a nurse.

But of course most drug stores flout this rule that’s why they keep running helter skelter when it’s inspection time. Not to mention the inspectors take bribes and look the other way. Or even when you’re doing the right thing, they still want you to bribe them or they lie against you. Nigeria

pocohantas:


Thought as much. I find it interesting the way Naija men easily talk about stopping their wives career and opening some shop for her. May God take such men away from me.

Christine Lagarde and Ibukun Awosika na person wife.



Lol. We always do. Somehow we blame the government for every bad in this nation.

naijafinder:
I am planing on getting married to my Fiancee Ishan Girl, we have dated for more than 2 years. And we have done introduction and planing to get married. I am really worried about getting married to this lady because after our marriage she will be in another city and can only visit my house (Matrimonial home) only for two days during weekend because of her newly secured job in Irrua as a Nurse.

She is an Ishan (Esan) Lady and i am from Delta state but reside in Benin City.

She stays in Irrua Edo state and i reside in Benin City, we are both two hours apart. Her family house is just 45 mins away in Irrua from her place of work in Ishan (Esan).

My major concern is, i will prefer us as partners to be together with our future kids. As it's now if we eventfully get married the kids we certainly be in the lady home town with her family while i am in Benin City expecting to see my wife only at weekend when she is off duty And seeing her doesn't mean i will be able to see my kids often since they will be taken care off or being breastfeed by her or being going to school there.

Note: Her government Job was secured by her Father which am not against. And Beside i have a good Job as an Engineer who travels for work once in a while.

[b]Guys please i really need your advice on this issue. [/b]Should i proceed to marry a lady that will distance away from me for more than 20 years due to her job, because transfer is not guarantee and it could take 4-6 years to work out.

My major concern, its best couples brings up a child to together instead of just the mother. I dont want my kids to see me as their uncle.

Left for me, I don't see why you are bothering your self

She got a job and resides in her state

If you think you can handle the family alone, ask her to resign and move in with you after marriage but don't complain of her not being helpful in supporting the family financially

Some married couples are living 8 hrs far from each other and yet they made it

My advice, get an accommodation and for now settle where she works, weekends go to her and on Mondays leave early to work Fridays get back to her

But bear in mind if you want full control of your marriage and a firm grip,

Pay the house rent she is living

Provide as expected of a married man

Make that house your home and get a room in your own area where you can stay from Monday to Thursday night

With this, you are still in charge and that solves the problem

Just two hours apart is not an issue

You can even be going to work from there as the case maybe

Most of us in lagos stays 2hrs on the road to get to office

So it makes no difference

kodix:
Why is that people actually cause troubles for themselves,man you are very silly.you walked up to this lady and toss her and she told you where she lives and work which you know it will not be easy for her to relocate and you went on dating her! When she started having feelings for you hoping on settling down with you, thats when out of your selfish reasons came to nairaland to seek advice,what stops you from leaving at first tym, nonsense.Abeg no go carry your wahala go disturb that lady, better leave her alone,AlmightyGod will later provide best husband for her if it is that she is destined to marry, go and find yamayama girl that live in your location.nonsense,!

Exactly!