‘‘It is a taboo to eat the meat of the vulture, for the vulture is an evil bird.’’
— Igbo proverb.

★★★ ‡‡‡ ★★★

‘‘TODAY, you sleep with Nkechi! Tomorrow, you sleep with Victoria! The next, you sleep with Obiageli! What exactly are you looking for?’’ The voice of the morning crier boomed and resonated in the tranquility of the morning.

Obika turned repeatedly in his sleep, his whole being struggling between dreamland and the physical realm. The morning crier’s voice was persistent and seemed to hold a spell that made his senses twirl with discomfort.

‘‘Are you not tired of your sins?’’ the voice continued. ‘‘One day, you will definitely get what you’re looking for! A man who always looks for ‘God-knows-what’ in a pot will definitely get that one day! Repent!’’ His voice bellowed. ‘‘Repent before it’s too late!’’

Obika turned again and again, unable to rise, as if nightmare were sitting on him and controlling his senses!

Then, his eyes fluttered open. Beads of sweat had dotted his face, and his body soaked with perspiration despite the cool breeze of the Panasonic air conditioner in his room.

‘‘So, your wealth is mainly to change women like clothes? Have you ever supported the work of God, or helped the needy? I don’t even want to talk about the illegitimate means through which people make their wealth these days…’’

Obika turned and looked at the woman lying beside him on the bed and snoring peacefully in her sleep, oblivious of the ‘terror’ assailing her beau. He would have ordinarily shoved her to stop the snoring, but his state of mind now prevented him from doing so.

Instead, he pulled off the duvet and climbed out of the bed. The light from the Plasma TV opposite the giant white refrigerator struck his eyes without apology. A white woman was giving a black, muscular man a Mouth Action. It dawned on him that he and his nymph had dozed off in their act of deliberate imitation of the X-rated movie, while it played on. Obika had this incorrigible habit of luring his bevy of lovers to bed with porn movies.

He turned off the TV and switched on the light.

The floodlight revealed her lover still cuddled in her sleep, like a baby, with no clothing or undies on. Her snoring had reached its unpardonable peak. This was what Obika would never contend with. A woman who ate like a lion and snored like a pig! Her beauty was not enough to make him consider her a prime candidate for his marital relationship.

He drew the roller blinds apart. The morning crier’s voice was now becoming faint and indistinct, and the headlights of vehicles and motorcycles were flickering indiscriminately, accidentally flashing on window panes and casting shadows on walls.

He released the roller blinds, and went over to the dresser to pick his phone. He had missed the calls of his next prey — the chocolate-skinned, voluptuous girl whose gait could win her a spot in a modelling industry.

He turned and looked at her lover. She was now lying supinely, her full form exposed unabashedly, and her snoring had stopped. Obika always called her a witch in his mind. Why would somebody disturb others in their sleep, but remained calm once day broke? Was that not an act of deliberate mischief?

He looked at the clock and prayed that day break so that his next ‘candidate’ would come in for ‘interview.’

★★

Obika was worried. Last night, he had dreamt where a group of women, all in red costumes, were chanting: ‘‘It is a taboo to eat the meat of the vulture, for the vulture is an evil bird.’’

He could not make a head nor a tail out of the mantra. The dream came a day after the morning crier’s message.

His next ‘candidate,’ Diamond, aggravated his melancholy by blowing him out. Obika could tolerate anything from a woman but not keeping him waiting or failing to turn up after they fixed an appointment. It is said that a man who is expecting his lover can even hear the footsteps of spirits. Chai!

He reached for his phone and dialled his best friend’s number. Ekene was the only one who understood him, and could give him the best advice. But he forgot something: his incorrigible lust! Yes, he respected his friend, but would his sexual urge allow him to heed to any advice his friend might proffer? The death that kills a dog does not allow it to perceive the stench of dungs.

‘‘Hello, Ekene,’’ he whimpered into the phone. ‘‘Please, I need us to see.’’

‘‘Today?’’

‘‘Yes.’’

‘‘No. I have a tight schedule today…’’

‘‘Please, please,’’ he pleaded. ‘‘It’s very urgent and important. You’re the only one who can help me out now.’’

‘‘Have you got yourself into trouble with one of your mischiefs again?’’ His friend’s voice was both stern and mocking. ‘‘Whenever you sound this way, I know you’ve got yourself into trouble. When a fowl commits mischief, the Earth will be after him.’’

‘‘Ekene, please, this is not the time for proverbs, neither is it the time for rebuke. You don’t even know why I need us to see.’’

‘‘Alright, where are we meeting?’’

‘‘At our usual joint, nah.’’

★★★

After narrating the dream to his friend, the latter, too, could not decipher what it meant. He only repeated the mantra, ‘‘It is a taboo to eat the meat of the vulture, for the vulture is an evil bird,’’ thoughtfully, as if he had heard it before.

‘‘Well, I don’t want to believe that those you defraud of their hard-earned money are after you.’’

‘‘Far from it.’’ Obika waved his hand dismissively. ‘‘They even can’t do anything. Am I duping the poor? I defraud the rich because they embezzle our money. In fact, God will even be happy that I get what belongs to me smartly. Timid and dull people suffer the most in this world.’’

Ekene already knew his friend. Always argumentative. So, he changed the topic. ‘‘How is Mma?’’

‘‘That girl?’’ Obika’s face twisted in disgust. ‘‘That one that eats like tomorrow no dey and snores like a pig.”

Ekene shook his head. ‘‘You know your problem? Always judgmental. Must you sleep with all the women in the world before you find your wife? Today, Oby, tomorrow Chinata. You are looking for a perfect woman. Are you perfect? Look at Mma, very good at heart. I don’t know what is even wrong with you.’’

Ekene’s words reminded him of the morning crier’s message. An eerie sensation gnawed at his whole being, and he shuddered.

Just then, his phone beeped. It was a text message from Diamond telling him that she was outside the gate of his compound.

‘‘I have to get going now,’’ he abruptly announced to his friend.

‘‘Hmm.’’ Ekene shook his head thoughtfully. ‘‘I know it’s one of your bevy of lovers. Be careful, my brother. These women will expose you o. Smart men do this yahoo stuff without women on their mind. When they’re sure that they have hit the jackpot, they invest it and settle down. The way you’re going about this thing is creating unnecessary awarenesses. Be careful. I’ve said my own.’’He rose to leave, not looking at his friend with his car keys dangling in his hand.

★★★

Diamond moved back as Obika’s new Landcruiser pulled up. She sashayed close to the car, and her dazzling looks took his breath away.

Chai! I go enjoy well well this night, he said within himself, as he stretched his hand to open the door for his new catch.

Diamond climbed in and perched on the seat. The cool breeze from the air conditioner and the air freshener’s fragrance joined hands and hit her nostrils.

‘‘You’ve got a nice car,’’ she remarked.

Obika smiled, his side vision devouring his new lover’s exposed lap: chocolate, smooth and fresh like a new born baby’s. His John Thomas bulged.

The gates clanked open and exposed the magnificence of Obika’s mansion. White with ornate design, lush flowers, fleet of cars and an interlock that bore Obika’s nickname: EZEKUDENE 1 OF UMUIGBO. His house is every woman’s dream.

‘‘Wow!’’Diamond exclaimed. ‘‘Just wow!’’ She threw her arms around him and kissed his cheek. ‘‘I’m very lucky to have you all to myself.’’

Obika smiled and replied within himself: The same way I’ll have you all to myself tonight.

★★★

Obika groped for his lover’s soft body, but his hand only felt the roughness of his duvet. He fluttered his eyes open and sprang up as though a giant scorpion had stung him. Diamond was no where to be found.

‘‘Baby,’’ he called softly. ‘‘It’s too early to be playing hide and seek.’’

No answer.

He scurried to the rest room. No sight of the chocolate-skinned lady nor a trace of her belongings.

Something quickly flashed across his mind. His travel documents and the $50, 000 he kept in his drawer.

He hurried over to the drawer and prayed a silent prayer before opening it. Alas! The girl left with everything in the drawer, including his toothpicks!

A noise downstairs prompted him to rush to the window to peep. Perhaps, the girl might still be downstairs and his gateman preventing her from absconding.

Pushing aside the roller blinds, he looked down and his heart immediately started pounding against his chest. The men from EFCC had surrounded his entire compound!

‘‘Chei!’’ he cried. ‘‘That girl nah bad luck o!’’

He was right. Diamond, unlike the other women he had crossed their paths, was from the marine world. Being the wife of the Prince of the Seas, she was cursed to bring bad luck to any mortal man who had an affair with her.

Definitely, Obika’s game was over.

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