rain21:
how come that your sister that duped you of your money didn't make you have suicidal thoughts,is rather your wife's actions that is making you suicidal. your sister duped you knowing fully well you have three kids to take of under this harsh economy
you comfortably skipped the way your sister's actions caused you a lot of pain and rather focused on your wife's shortcomings knowing fully well she was not aware you no longer have a job and you kept on deceiving her to make her think otherwise
there's no way she can turn your kids against you in such a short period of time.be sincere to yourself you were not close to your kids from the onset.

channel your anger to your sister biko or you go get another job

You are pathetic

KevinDein:

In all honesty it appears every day that men are the more loyal and selfless gender. By some distance.

Exactly

Notasaints:
You are pathetic

don't tell me that drop your own opinion and move on

Bros this your mess-up is very difficult to forgive oo, even if na me be your wife.
if na me, I go send you commot for that house, make you go meet that your sister wey give you Belle.

Kindly know that she isn't acting the way she is because you failed to preempt her on things as regards the fund and job. If it happened exactly the way you said it did, I agree that you did that out of good intentions. And she ought to do that too.

Well, to me that's hee true colors . You have been the one protecting her but it is her turn to protect you and she is failing.

Sometimes we face adversities so that our eyes can be opened to the reality of life and also to know who deserves our love.

Ginaruby:
Women can never seize to amaze me.

cease
not seize.

because words sound similar does not mean they mean the same thing.

rain21:
how come that your sister that duped you of your money didn't make you have suicidal thoughts,is rather your wife's actions that is making you suicidal. your sister duped you knowing fully well you have three kids to take of under this harsh economy
you comfortably skipped the way your sister's actions caused you a lot of pain and rather focused on your wife's shortcomings knowing fully well she was not aware you no longer have a job and you kept on deceiving her to make her think otherwise
there's no way she can turn your kids against you in such a short period of time.be sincere to yourself you were not close to your kids from the onset.

channel your anger to your sister biko or you go get another job

Poster read this ☝�

I don't understand why your wife is the one to be blamed, your useless good for nothing sister duped you, she even has a kid with you and she didn't consider that?

As for your kids insulting you, easy man, how did you treat them when things were good for you? If you ever had any cordial relationship with your kids, they will never turn against you overnight.

You lost your self respect the moment you trusted your sister over your wife. We know your type, awon team family over wife, as if your wife and mother of your kids is not your family.

How was your relationship with your wife before now? Answer that in your heart and give judgement by yourself.

donstan18:
If an average Nigerian non-virgin lady can comfortably choose a rich Chimpanzee over her father because of money, who are you not to get insulted because of your broke state?

You fvcked up by not letting your wife know that you've stopped working. It made no sense, but still, that shouldn't warrant such behavior from someone who you call a "WIFE".

-Your sister duped you.
-Your kids don't respect you[Possibly, their minds have been poisoned by their mother]
-Your wife insults you and doesn't respect you.

Nwanne, if you don't take time, you'll wake one day and see yourself chilling with your ancestors, as a result of being dead.

I'll advise you to travel. Travel from that hell of a house straight to your mum, explain everything and stay with her a bit to sketch out your plans. He's the only woman on earth right now who can accept you the way you are.

You aren't traveling because you are a coward or because you don't love your family, but because you need PEACE. All you need now is peace, not unnecessarily pressure, before thinking straight on how and what to do to salvage this your horrible state of financial quagmire.

Thanks bro for your words of encouragement, you are very right ,I need peace not pressure and I believe that staying away from her will help me getting back on my feet again. Right now the pressure and insults is too much on me and she keeps reminding me about the money calling me stupid in the presence of my children , it hurt so bad

Johnnyjohnnyman:


Thanks bro for your words of encouragement, you are very right ,I need peace not pressure and I believe that staying away from her will help me getting back on my feet again. Right now the pressure and insults is too much on me and she keeps reminding me about the money calling me stupid in the presence of my children , it hurt so bad

My brother the only way to know d true colour of a woman is when u go broke,,,just leave house go restrategize

donstan18:
If an average Nigerian non-virgin lady can comfortably choose a rich Chimpanzee over her father because of money, who are you not to get insulted because of your broke state?

You fvcked up by not letting your wife know that you've stopped working. It made no sense, but still, that shouldn't warrant such behavior from someone who you call a "WIFE".

-Your sister duped you.
-Your kids don't respect you[Possibly, their minds have been poisoned by their mother]
-Your wife insults you and doesn't respect you.

Nwanne, if you don't take time, you'll wake one day and see yourself chilling with your ancestors, as a result of being dead.

I'll advise you to travel. Travel from that hell of a house straight to your mum, explain everything and stay with her a bit to sketch out your plans. He's the only woman on earth right now who can accept you the way you are.

You aren't traveling because you are a coward or because you don't love your family, but because you need PEACE. All you need now is peace, not unnecessarily pressure, before thinking straight on how and what to do to salvage this your horrible state of financial quagmire.

stop this blame game mr man!and i guess u arent married anyways.. this guy is already in pains and he doesn't need any of your useless talks.. Just becos u are opportuned in life doesnt give u the audacity to make another man less of a man... He need kind words and encouragement now... I believe mr op is just passing through a rough phase which will fade away as soon as he can lay his hands on another opportunity.. I hope he gets help soonest...

Mariangeles:
He's seeking advice, not blame people!
You don't kick a man when he's down.

Yes dear, in my country we don't kick a man when he's down, we bury him

rain21:
how come that your sister that duped you of your money didn't make you have suicidal thoughts,is rather your wife's actions that is making you suicidal. your sister duped you knowing fully well you have three kids to take of under this harsh economy
you comfortably skipped the way your sister's actions caused you a lot of pain and rather focused on your wife's shortcomings knowing fully well she was not aware you no longer have a job and you kept on deceiving her to make her think otherwise
there's no way she can turn your kids against you in such a short period of time.be sincere to yourself you were not close to your kids from the onset.

channel your anger to your sister biko or you go get another job

madam what are you talking about. in all the op wrote down , u can see how terrible the woman treatment has been towards her husband. you neglect that and focus on her sister. am very sure you as a woman will do worst than the said wife with the way you spill your trash.

drmikeadams:



My brother the only way to know d true colour of a woman is when u go broke,,,just leave house go restrategize

And the only way to know the true color of a man is when he has money to throw around.

We4all:


And the only way to know the true color of a man is when he has money to throw around.

na so. My brother. If only we carry these things for our mind ,we no go dey shocked on some certain human behavior

eyinjuege:
She is supposed to applaud you for receiving compensation after the termination of your job and not telling her at all about the job loss and compensation.
She should also applaud you for taking that important decision of starting a new business, sending the money to your devil sister and then only informing her after you've been duped
Well done mister

You know you can kill her sha, with the way you keep secrets.

There’s no need to be overly dramatic. He does not intend to kill her, if he did he would have told her about the problem when he lost his job. If anything he wanted to shield her from the shock of his job loss, too bad his sister did him dirty.

If she really was a good person, she would understand the reason he did what he did. The only problem here is that his plan didn’t work. If it did and he started making money from clothes sales, would his wife be such a bîtch?

Let's hear the wife's side of the story first.
I remember one thread where an eight month pregnant woman came to complain that her husband is mistreating her and not giving her any money for sustenance, people were asking for the husband side of the story

For all we know OP came to paint his wife black, maybe he was treating her like crap when he still had a job, maybe despite the fact that his wife is supporting the family he still doesn't show appreciation or disrespects her or cheats on her. There are two sides to every story.

Belafonte:


There’s no need to be overly dramatic. He does not intend to kill her, if he did he would have told her about the problem when he lost his job. If anything he wanted to shield her from the shock of his job loss, too bad his sister did him dirty.

If she really was a good person, she would understand the reason he did what he did. The only problem here is that his plan didn’t work. If it did and he started making money from clothes sales, would his wife be such a bîtch?

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Losing a job isn't something you keep from your wife. If she's so "shockable ", he shouldn't have told her till now and should have sorted things out without involving her.
You can make all the excuses in the world for him about lying to his wife regarding his job loss and his severance pay (but I'm sure he didn't tell her because he thought she might collect out of that money from him, and definitely not for any alteusitic reasons. He chose blood is thicker than water, and had been bitten in the arse before remembering the wife and expecting her sympathy). What I'm sure the wife found more painful is the OP informing his sister about such a life changing event like a job loss and not informing her who is most affected. They have children together, and are raising a family together. If anything happens to the wife's job, her husband should be the first to know as it affects him directly too.
Such a husband is one of those that will build a house and not let his wife know. His wife will not be his next of kin in any official capacity and he would comfortably use the same sister as next of kin. Wife will only will be next of kin in hospital matters when it's time to look after him if he gets sick.
The woman has seen the handwriting on the wall, and has decided to give the OP the same regard OP has for her.
If OPs plans had worked, his wife wouldn't still be pleased about being kept in the dark. She just wouldn't have any basis to mock him, but she would definitely read the signal loud and clear that they are not on the same page.

It is a normal thing. Even if you get your job back, she had lost some respect for you. You will never get the respect back.

Johnnyjohnnyman:
I’m 34 years old married with 3 kids, I’m an SSCE holder. I used to work as a chauffeur for this wealthy family for 8 years have been with this family and we become like a family , unfortunately my job ended last year July when my boss relocated his family to Canada because he is a kind hearted man and he compensated me with 300k to start up biz. I did not want my wife to know that my job has ended so I spoke with my elder sister , who is a business woman, she lives in Benin republic to help me with ideas of a profitable biz that will help me to still be able to foot in the bills , she suggested clothing biz and requested 200k for the goods , I sent her the money the next day and she promised me that I will be receiving the goods in a month. I was relieved that soon I will start up something to still be of taking care of my family. My wife knew nothing about it because I did not want her to start worrying about taking all the responsibilities by her own because she developed blood pressure when she had our last child , telling her about my job would have affected her health . I taught when I receive the goods by then she will not feel bad. I kept leaving the house as usual in the morning, just like I was going to work for my wife not to suspect anything. To cut the long story short my sister duped and blocked me , haven’t heard from her since and my wife came to know about everything , she sent my niece (my sister daughter )out of our house and she has been making life miserable for me. She doesn’t respect me ,even my children have no single respect for me. I know that I have wronged her by not informing her about the money but it was a mistake which I’m regretting till now , I can’t forgive myself but the pain and the insults I receive from her every single day , it’s unbearable. I cry every day with no hope , I go out every day searching for jobs and coming back late in the evening when she is already in bed to avoid being insulted by her and I leave early morning before she wakes up, I sleep in the parlour , she gives me food whenever she want , sometimes she only prepare for just her and the kids. Our rent expired on December I suggested that she shouldn’t renewed it , so she can use the money for the kids school fees meanwhile we can move back to my mother house till I can get back on my feet , she insults me including my poor mother, just because I’m poor and she foot all the bills , she doesn’t want to respect me anymore. I was thinking about moving back to my mother house until I get a job then I can move back with her again because living in the same house with her is leading me to suicide . I kindly seek for your advice

SSCE and your write so well.Please consider further studies

donstan18:
If an average Nigerian non-virgin lady can comfortably choose a rich Chimpanzee over her father because of money, who are you not to get insulted because of your broke state?

You fvcked up by not letting your wife know that you've stopped working. It made no sense, but still, that shouldn't warrant such behavior from someone who you call a "WIFE".

-Your sister duped you.
-Your kids don't respect you[Possibly, their minds have been poisoned by their mother]
-Your wife insults you and doesn't respect you.

Nwanne, if you don't take time, you'll wake one day and see yourself chilling with your ancestors, as a result of being dead.

I'll advise you to travel. Travel from that hell of a house straight to your mum, explain everything and stay with her a bit to sketch out your plans. He's the only woman on earth right now who can accept you the way you are.

You aren't traveling because you are a coward or because you don't love your family, but because you need PEACE. All you need now is peace, not unnecessarily pressure, before thinking straight on how and what to do to salvage this your horrible state of financial quagmire.

;

...Nwanne, if you don't take time, you'll wake one day and see yourself chilling with your ancestors, as a result of being dead. evil

Winneygirl:
So, the remaining 100k, were you using it to transport yourself daily to your fake job after your former boss compensated you?
.

damnnnn you guys are something else. So in all these it is EFCC work you can contribute?. Nigerians sha

Johnnyjohnnyman:


Thanks bro for your words of encouragement, you are very right ,I need peace not pressure and I believe that staying away from her will help me getting back on my feet again. Right now the pressure and insults is too much on me and she keeps reminding me about the money calling me stupid in the presence of my children , it hurt so bad

Actually life is teaching you some lesson and revealing to you the reality of life.

You acted foolishly in releasing money to your sister. You were not money wise.
So learn that important lesson.

Secondly it's not a must to look for job, you can learn other kinds of skills that can be giving you money to keep on living

Thirdly you must be strong and tough as a man. You sounded like a sucker/a weak man in women matters that's why you feel the way you are from your wife's treatment. Man be strong. Life is toughning you up.

You have to pick up yourself, get much wiser in life. Be strong. Toughen up Things will definitely turn around. Because only the strong will survive at the end of the struggle. So dont be a wimpy chicken, get up, pick up yourself, it will only get better.

eyinjuege:


For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Losing a job isn't something you keep from your wife. If she's so "shockable ", he shouldn't have told her till now and should have sorted things out without involving her.
You can make all the excuses in the world for him about lying to his wife regarding his job loss and his severance pay (but I'm sure he didn't tell her because he thought she might collect out of that money from him, and definitely not for any alteusitic reasons. He chose blood is thicker than water, and had been bitten in the arse before remembering the wife and expecting her sympathy). What I'm sure the wife found more painful is the OP informing his sister about such a life changing event like a job loss and not informing her who is most affected. They have children together, and are raising a family together. If anything happens to the wife's job, her husband should be the first to know as it affects him directly too.
Such a husband is one of those that will build a house and not let his wife know. His wife will not be his next of kin in any official capacity and he would comfortably use the same sister as next of kin. Wife will only will be next of kin in hospital matters when it's time to look after him if he gets sick.
The woman has seen the handwriting on the wall, and has decided to give the OP the same regard OP has for her.
If OPs plans had worked, his wife wouldn't still be pleased about being kept in the dark. She just wouldn't have any basis to mock him, but she would definitely read the signal loud and clear that they are not on the same page.

I think you are being overly emotional in your analysis of this story.

Did he make a mistake? Absolutely.

Is the mistake worth the blatant disrespect from his wife and children? Absolutely not.

Yes, actions birth reactions; and ideally reactions should be equal to the actions that spurred them, but when human emotions are involved equality of actions and reactions are usually impossible. And in this case, her reactions are far from equal to his loving-but-wrong actions.

Madam Wife is justified to be angry at her husband for his indiscretion, but it’s obvious she’s taking things a little too far.

Remember his mistake was made from a place of good intentions, misguided as they may be. That alone should temper her wrath. Her bitterness and belligerence do nothing to improve the home situation, in fact, it exacerbates it. Apparently, the man is so troubled he can no longer think straight. This man did not lavish the money o, he lost it on a scheme he thought would be a worthy solution to his sudden joblessness.

Like you said, actions beget reactions. Her reactions have caused the man to be supremely uncomfortable to the point he’s now seeking refuge on the internet. Some have asked him to leave the home, even if for a short time. Advice that I think is justified as he is being abused by his wife and kids.

After her considering her response to this matter, I am convinced the man had legitimate fears in not informing her about his sudden joblessness. Obviously, she’s a woman who dwells on issues for too long.

Was husband wrong? Yes.

Is wifey overreacting? Yes.

PS: They are still not on the same page. The house is on fire and she is blaming the man instead of helping him put out the fire. Let us not forget this man could have been paid nothing when his boss relocated. If she feels nagging and belittling her husband perpetually is the way forward, good for her.

If she wants her husband to be able to continue to provide, her support is needed at this time. If she wants to divorce him, she should also speak up and get it over and done with. Truth is her current approach does nothing but worsen an already terrible situation.

I think people aren’t seeing the part where OP says his wife insults him and his mother. . Maybe na mama tell her daughter make she defraud them.

But it clear the woman is troublesome that’s why he didn’t want to inform her initially of the true state of things. OP, I blame you because I think you’re scared of your wife or, at least, her wahala. You no dey behave like man. You have given her too much leeway to belittle you and I suspect she has always been this way even before you lost your job.

.

Belafonte,
OP can choose to abandon his children for his wife, and move in to his mother's house. They can chop sand for all he cares, afterall he has a mother to look after him and they have theirs too I guess. That still won't endear him to them.
I wonder what his mother has to say about his sister duping him of his money

Asquare84:
why are women are like this, in my own case i am a graduate and working comfortable and i married secondary school leaver, as i am typing this she nag a lot over unnecessary things, she told me her money is only meant for her personal use and not for me. my neighbor frequently report her to me of gossip, i strongly believe her level of education is affecting her. my people i am too young to face any high B.P because of wife

Nagging has nothing to do with your wife's level of education.
It is just who she is -a nag. Plus, a gossip and a trouble maker.

kapelvej:
It is a normal thing. Even if you get your job back, she had lost some respect for you. You will never get the respect back.

Some women have a way of shamelessly turning around, that you'd doubt that there was ever a time she disrespected her husband and called him names. Even if you witnessed it.

eyinjuege:
Belafonte,
OP can choose to abandon his children for his wife, and move in to his mother's house. They can chop sand for all he cares, afterall he has a mother to look after him and they have theirs too I guess. That still won't endear him to them.
I wonder what his mother has to say about his sister duping him of his money

Edit: He has suggested they (the entire family), move to his mom’s place so they can use the house rent money for children’s fees.

I don’t know where you’re getting the info he doesn’t care about his family, but your responses do seem like you know more about this story than OP has written in this thread. Your comments and the OP lack correlation.

We4all:


And the only way to know the true color of a man is when he has money to throw around.

Touché

OP you lied about the reason you hid your plans from your wife unfortunately she knows you and the real reason better, now you are paying for it.

You can decide to still lie to strangers for sympathy but just tell yourself the truth for once, pick the lessons from your issue and mend your ways.