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In Marriage - Friendship Or Love - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: In Marriage - Friendship Or Love by addictiv(m): 9:17pm On Apr 04, 2020
You are a man, you re attracted primarily by what u see, before any other thing. Everyman has his definition of beauty and yours entails a lady with light skin. Don't let anyone make u feel bad or guilty for wanting a woman with light skin. The bible requires that a man must first love his wife and the fact that u have 40% love for her is a good thing,love is a feeling of deep affection and it can be grown and cultivated but you will have to change your primary attraction to her to include your friendship with her and how she makes you feel. Because all we want as human beings is to feel good and be appreciated by those we care about. Your lady ll never be light skinned... And you ll always admire other women esp light skinned ones if you guys get married and that's ok because that's how your mind defines beauty. You can't control the influx of thoughts into your mind but you are in control and responsible for your actions. You have something rare which is someone who understands you and makes you feel good. Not many men can boast of that, also know that you can leave her today and find someone else that checks all your boxes but something must give. You can't have it all 100%. Take sometime to evaluate your self. Because if you decide to proceed with her, you ll need discipline and commitment. Somedays the love won't be there but you have to love her anyways. Women flourish when they re loved and cared for. Love is also a choice, you can choose to focus on those things u like about her and build on that. However never choose to stay with her out of pity. If you try and it's not working then you have to let her go.. Cheers

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Re: In Marriage - Friendship Or Love by GboyegaD(m): 9:29pm On Apr 04, 2020
I think you need both and you already have a good starting point. The love will grow over time if you are willing to see her as yours and willing to put in your best as every marriage deserves.

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Re: In Marriage - Friendship Or Love by Cara02: 10:11pm On Apr 04, 2020
Fabbyking:
Hi everyone I need advice because am I little confuse

I am in a relationship with a great lady, she loves me and she always have butterflies in her Tommy each time she sees me or hear my voice but I don't feel that way, I see her more as a friend. We can gist d whole day if need be without getting tired or bored, we have complementary goals, we understand each other. I think it's because she is dark skinned n I prefer light skinned ladies. My confusion is that I want to settle down, can I go ahead with her? bearing in mind that inner beauty n character is better than outward beauty. Will it work out? Will the lack of sufficient love from me cause any ripple in future?

Attraction towards her-40%
Love for her-40%
Friendship-90%
Communication-90%
Understanding-90%
Trust-98%


MARRY your Friend dear op.
Please forget about fair skinned ladies,judging from your analysis she is good to go.

What else are you looking for?
Trust that most guys are looking for which is hard to see in this generation of today is what is been offered and you still after fair skinned ladies.

It's seems like you ain't ready for marriage yet,please free the lady let someone who deserves her reciprocates the love.
Her Outward Beauty won't cause any ripple.It all in your subconscious,get rid of that notion out of your head.It's really affecting your love from soaring higher.
Black skinned ladies are super beautiful and gorgeous �

Btw what's the fuss about the fair skinned ladies?(Bleached Ladies no offense).
How will marriage lasts these days when the fundamentals of good marriage is been thrown away into the dust while mere physical beauty is the only yardstick used in judging a succesful marriage.
Re: In Marriage - Friendship Or Love by Fabbyking: 10:59pm On Apr 04, 2020
Savvywriteprene:
OP, this might sound weird and strange but trust me, it works. Starting from when next you see or talk with her, tell her everyday, " Baby, I love you so much, and I'm so attracted to you, your body is so sexy. You're the best thing that has happened to me". Repeat it every single day whenever you see her, via whatsapp, SMS. EVERYDAY, even if it sounds heavy and weird in your mouth. Do this for 4 weeks and re-evaluate how you feel about the love and attraction. Thanks so much for the advice I will apply it immediately

I once dated someone who wasn't my spec at all but he won me over with how nice and attentive he was. I liked how nice he was to me but wasn't proud to seen with him. I had to do something about it. I already knew how powerful words are so I started telling him how handsome he was and how much I loved him ( I didn't feel an iota of love at this point) but I kept saying it to him. He enjoyed hearing it because he will always smile. From there I started noticing that he had a nice smile,
small kissable lips, small dimples that appear when he laughs, cute tiny eyes that crinkles when he laughs, the richness of his laugh etc. I started noticing little details about him that I liked, from there my heart started opening towards him, before you know it, I started liking him more and more, wanting to spend more time with him, before long I fell in love with him. That relationship went on for years before he cheated on me with his ex. If he didn't cheat, we would still been together.

You said she gives you peace and ticks all the other boxes. Do this so you can realize that you actually love her then you guys can get married.

PS- If after 4 weeks you still don't love her or feel attracted to her, please, let her go.
Re: In Marriage - Friendship Or Love by Fabbyking: 11:00pm On Apr 04, 2020
Savvywriteprene:
OP, this might sound weird and strange but trust me, it works. Starting from when next you see or talk with her, tell her everyday, " Baby, I love you so much, and I'm so attracted to you, your body is so sexy. You're the best thing that has happened to me". Repeat it every single day whenever you see her, via whatsapp, SMS. EVERYDAY, even if it sounds heavy and weird in your mouth. Do this for 4 weeks and re-evaluate how you feel about the love and attraction.

I once dated someone who wasn't my spec at all but he won me over with how nice and attentive he was. I liked how nice he was to me but wasn't proud to seen with him. I had to do something about it. I already knew how powerful words are so I started telling him how handsome he was and how much I loved him ( I didn't feel an iota of love at this point) but I kept saying it to him. He enjoyed hearing it because he will always smile. From there I started noticing that he had a nice smile,
small kissable lips, small dimples that appear when he laughs, cute tiny eyes that crinkles when he laughs, the richness of his laugh etc. I started noticing little details about him that I liked, from there my heart started opening towards him, before you know it, I started liking him more and more, wanting to spend more time with him, before long I fell in love with him. That relationship went on for years before he cheated on me with his ex. If he didn't cheat, we would still been together.

You said she gives you peace and ticks all the other boxes. Do this so you can realize that you actually love her then you guys can get married.

PS- If after 4 weeks you still don't love her or feel attracted to her, please, let her go.
thanks so much for the advice I will apply it immediately
Re: In Marriage - Friendship Or Love by zed7: 11:03pm On Apr 04, 2020
We love what we love. If light skinned is your preference please go for it. I must also warn you that a beautiful woman who has a horrible personality will start looking ugly to you.
Your attraction level is a bit low but maybe with time it may improve as you spend more time together and get to know each other better. However, as a person, I will always choose a woman whom I share alot with and gives me peace over one whom I'm madly attracted to but makes life difficult for me.

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