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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Disowning Family In Nigeria (4158 Views)
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Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by merieam16(f): 6:48pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Xone3:u got me laughing really, just calm down.On a more serious note, u cant love independence wen ur still under ur parent roof .i guess u got d drift. |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 6:54pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
merieam16:Really, I am not under their roof. I went home because of Covid-19. You get the drift now. I have been living far from their roof for at least 6 years now. 1 Like |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Nobody: 7:04pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Xone3:Then, u can still make up with them. It's lack of understanding and proper communication from both sides. And sometimes it pays to say yes and let peace reign until u are free to be your own person GoodGood luck |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by thorpido(m): 7:05pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Xone3:I really don't know you enough to say this but a part of me thinks this opinion of you by them isn't too far from the truth.I feel you chose to be rebellious for some reason that may be your parents' fault while you were growing up but that has ruined your relationship with them. It's good also you admit being stubborn and hard hearted.Has this nature helped you in your relationships with other people apart from your parents? Why did your relationship with your boyfriend end? I think you can be a better person than you are presently.No one is perfect but I feel you can build better relationships.......with your parents and others. 1 Like |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 7:14pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
thorpido: He cheated a second time and I couldn't take it. I was immature and didn't know what I wanted. We wanted different things especially when it came with finances, raising a family, where to settle down etc. He wasn't ready to settle down with me, I really didn't have a close relationship with anyone especially family and friends. I couldn't build relationships because I didn't trust anyone. I really don't think I am proud, may be hard to deal with, and stubborn. I hardly talk at home but a talkative outside. They believe I snub people but I try to avoid people because I usually go from one wahala to another. From they said, she said, we heard her say to the point where I decide to say only what I can repeat. The fear of being misinterpreted has kept me from building relationships. 1 Like |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 7:19pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
sassysure:I am sure I have a problem with this particular. I don't know how to say yes to allow for peace because I feel I have said too many yes to allow for the cycle to continue. Communication is two sided, two people communicating to come to an agreement of some sort, not one sided where one person does all the talking. I appreciate your input a lot. 1 Like |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by crackland: 7:24pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Xone3:At least you have not gotten pregnant outside wedlock yet, you can't be that bad. People with strong personalities are often made out to be the bad ones because they are intimidating to those around them. I can sense you might have a strong personality and it rubs off on people the wrong way. Try to be more agreeable on the surface even if you know the person is full of shít deep down - it makes people feel less threatened around you. You simply don't need to act disobedient, unruly, or proud all the time. Identify the people in your life who have these impressions of you and actively do things that make them feel more comfortable and in charge even though you know deep in your mind that you are just letting them think they're in charge for peace to reign... trust me it works. You'll be fine. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Ishilove: 7:26pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
successmatters:LMAO! Buhahahahahahahaha!!! |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Ishilove: 7:28pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Xone3:Okay. So this is where the problem is. Endure till the end of lockdown, pack your kaya back to your house and love them from afar. Life is not that hard. 2 Likes |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 7:36pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Ishilove: Enduring is the problem o. It looks like my battery keeps running down and I am wondering if it is the battery or charger. I have been here but suddenly it looks like I dont have the strength anymore with the constant words and talks I am hearing. I am constantly being guilt tripped. |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 7:42pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
crackland:I have never gotten pregnant, reported for immoral conduct, being found doing anything bad but I am always wrong. However, I have been found to be making decisions like a man, be too independent and my wings needing to be cut. 1 Like |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Ishilove: 7:42pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Xone3:Sometimes, we need to examine ourselves. How is your tone of voice? How opinionated are you? You strike me as stubborn. Wisdom is learning how and when to capitulate for peace to reign. If they don't agree with your viewpoint, you will 'kweri no'yibo_ ko na' as they say in my language. Trans- "agree to the white man so he can stop bothering us." In colonial times the white man came with his funny nasal language and just kept bothering us with his strange ideas that just didn't make sense. He kept on saying in that infernal nasal voice "good good, yah yah. You say what? Interpreter, why are they shaking their heads like that? Why are their smiles so fixed?? Do they agree? What are their opinions?" Instead of arguing back and forth with these bothersome white men, my people simply "kweri no'yibo_ ko na." Agreeing to them didn't mean we were going to abide by whatever agreement. We just wanted them to go away with their pale faces, high pitched, nasal voices that spat out gibberish, aka oyibo. You must learn to capitulate and stop being so stubborn, with your irksome tone of voice. it runs off the wrong way. Keeping silent doesn't make you a fool. It just means you will have a little peace until you are back on your turf where you can practice your social and emotional distancing. 4 Likes |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Koralords: 7:45pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Xone3:Family is the most Important thing we all have,don’t rush into any decision now believe me latter you will all laff over it cos there no way both of your parents will want to lead you astray Cos if you have any problem this your family will be by your side. 2 Likes |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by thorpido(m): 8:19pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Xone3:You actually can do better than this.You don't have to be on the 'highway' all the time. In your home now,the major issue I believe will be chores.As long as you are in the home,help out.Take responsibility. Try to be a part of the family in activities.It doesn't mean you have to agree with them in everything but you can meet them in the middle. It's to make you a better person for yourself first,your family and the society at large. 1 Like |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by xcabczyxabczzzz: 8:30pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
MrBrownJay1:Forever is a long time bro. 1 Like |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 8:58pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Ishilove: Yes, I totally understand you. My tone of voice is totally always annoying most times because I am annoyed that they don't understand me and always try to impose everything on me. From my course of study in school to how I dress, to the people I talk to, to how I must behave, to me not staying in my room, to how I can't listen to music at a certain time, when I must wake up, down to how I must worship God etc. I have really tried to keep smiling throughout my years but it just seems I have gotten to this point where I am fed up of everything. The only major joy I have is derived from my Job. I love my job. 1 Like |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 9:14pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
thorpido: The chores in my house are unending. The issue I have now like always is that I can't seem to get anything right, I am like the bad influence to my younger brother, I can't have opinion about anything, I can't even cook water. I can promise to invite you for a meal and if you agree that I can't cook, I will go for cooking class on me. I get blamed for every kitchen disaster, I get blamed for not having a husband even though it is about religion. I can't even say I am sick because no one believes me. Everyone believes because I have a job, I am trying to be bossy. I have tried to understand why they feel I am proud, researched about it, tried everything, spoken to people, asked for opinions but all I get is that I act manly. I hardly sleep at night because I cant sleep, awake as late as 2-4am and you expect me to wake by 6am, I resume work at 9am and I never go late, I close by 4/5pm, head to the Lagos Island to package orders for my business and reach home by earliest 8pm. I really feel tired of being a better person for anyone other than myself at this point. Family activities are for bringing out the faults in you, how you did not respond well, how you are acting like a bad child. We have the whole day as we are indoors due to lockdown, why must I follow a schedule when I can freelance? Why must everything be by force? So sorry I typed too much. 2 Likes |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 9:24pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Koralords: They are not leading me astray, they are draining me mentally, emotionally and psychologically. To the point I feel I am running mad. This isnt a one-off situation. It is something I have lived with growing up. Many times I have regretted been born, many times I had wished I could sleep and not wake up. The only thing that keeps me going each day is my Job. Sometimes I wonder what I will do without it. Don't get me wrong my parents have been supportive, monetarily but what I feel is far above money. I have never been enough, why must I be the model for the community, teenagers around, church members etc. It is not only about being at my side, It is about understanding the child. A child that was never close to you while growing up can't open up to you now just because you want them too. The point where I dread picking up their calls because I don't know what to expect. I prefer it to ring and call back 2 days after than pick. I prefer to be indoors than outside where my every move, words or actions will be picked on and expanciated to be discussed and analyzed. |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Ishilove: 9:26pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Xone3:Oh my... |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Ishilove: 9:28pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Xone3:You need to separate yourself from such a tense environment and take a couple of steps back so you can get yourself. You sound drained. 2 Likes |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 9:28pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Ishilove:Also most times my facial expression betrays my tone of voice. If something irks me it shows on my face especially when someone says something that I dont agree with. Or is that why they feel I am proud? 1 Like |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 9:30pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Ishilove: I am drained. Funny thing is that I am a counselor. I actually felt like walking out of the house to get a hotel, pay for 10 days, switch off my phone and sleep throughout but my younger one said I shouldn't go out even though he didn't know my agenda. He is tired as well but dependent. |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by thorpido(m): 9:48pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Xone3:Hmm,this has gone really deep. Your parents didn't manage this well too while growing up and I don't know why it's both of them.It's one or the other most times. We can talk more about this if you want. |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 9:53pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
thorpido: Imagine being abused at 8 and you never speak about it till you're 28. You try to forget about it, act all strong and yes I mask my feelings so much that my friends and colleagues say I am too playful and energetic. |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by thorpido(m): 10:30pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Xone3:I'll be honest with you.You need therapy. Let's talk more. 1 Like |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 10:49pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
thorpido:I am trying to get therapy, contacted someone today. She said she will send me a schedule to book an appointment. |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by thorpido(m): 10:50pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
Xone3:Good.I'll like to follow you up. |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by bigl: 11:11pm On Apr 10, 2020 |
successmatters: You know, you should consider taking comedy seriously as a career! Yours response really cracked me up! But you raised a valid point! Stay blessed! 1 Like |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by babyfaceafrica: 3:42am On Apr 11, 2020 |
No need.. Just avoid them.... Manage till the lockdown ends and leave, and just call them when their is need |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Arsenate(m): 8:04am On Apr 11, 2020 |
Op, you must be fun to be around with. |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 8:07am On Apr 11, 2020 |
babyfaceafrica:Thanks |
Re: Disowning Family In Nigeria by Xone3(f): 8:08am On Apr 11, 2020 |
Arsenate:Thanks, maybe. 1 Like |
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