I met this interesting and beautiful lady and we started dating only for me to discover she can't read nor write. When we met I couldn't detect these flaws as she spoke good English. We had gone far into the relationship and already planning marriage when she dropped the bombshell on me. Now I'm in a dilemma. I'm a Christian and a Masters degree holder. What should i do. Please kindly advice me putting yourselves in my predicament. Thanks

Teach her

Have you seen the "My baby can read" informericals?@Inkie I think they lying.

@ op, send her to school?  

Area_boy:

@ op, send her to school?  

See if I had said that yall would have called me mean. But, I was thinking that trying to be less harsh this year. Gon be hard but I am trying.

Mrs, Eve:

See if I had said that yall would have called me mean. But, I was thinking that trying to be less harsh this year. Gon be hard but I am trying.

hehehehe. @op dere are adult literacy classes dat u can enrol her in.

@ Mrs, eve Thanks for not being harsh.lol. Its a serious situation for me and your review is commendable.
@ Inked nerd, checking out the Phonics website. Thanks

Of course Inkie, the two products are different but I just wanted to know if you knew about the other product that people saying will improve the baby's ability to read.

I agree with you when I saw that I was like yeah right. I know some babies can be gifted but NOT EVERYBODY BABIES are gifted.

OP.
I teach females ''Adult'' . . . .Pritvate classes!

Vomits

Pack it

Bite me.

Mrs, Eve:

Bite me.

I would seriously bite you if you refuse to pack your jagbajantis

D-sense:

I would seriously bite you if you refuse to pack your[b] jagbajantis[/b]

What is that?

Your vomit

She must be exceptionally smart for you not to have noticed ths inadequacy.
Anyhoo, like odas suggested, teach her

@ odunni she was really smart, if not for the countless sms I sent and didn't receive any response I would never have known.

I wouldn't marry her

It is bigger than "she can't read or write"

There is an entirely new WORLD and THOUGHT PROCESS that she lacks - that would be a major turn off for me.  

IF she can't read or write - what can she teach to any offspring?  Why can't she read or write?  Is she a little girl or a woman?  If she is a woman - there are way bigger problems ahead that you can't see yet.

Date her longer before you marry - they will come to the light

You need to see more of her first. Does she have a learning disability that she will pass to your offspring?  Why can't she read or write?

How many people in her family can't read or write?  Are her siblings and parents illiterate as well?  These people will be grandparents and aunts and uncles to your children if she gives birth.

It isn't just that she can't read or write - it is that she is from a "lifestyle" of ignorance which means you expose yourself and your children to the backlash of that environment that she brings into "your home."

I don't know if you even understand what I mean - I am not trying to offend at all or put anyone down - but realize that for her to be an adult and she doesn't read or write - that is a "major problem."

However, I wish you luck and God speed in all that you choose for your life.

Then get her a tutor since she can speak fluently it will be easy for her to learn. Or put her in adult class. And you can complete the rest when you are free i.e teach her .

Shy-One:

I wouldn't marry her

It is bigger than "she can't read or write"

There is an entirely new WORLD and THOUGHT PROCESS that she lacks - that would be a major turn off for me.  

IF she can't read or write - what can she teach to any offspring?  Why can't she read or write?  Is she a little girl or a woman?  If she is a woman - there are way bigger problems ahead that you can't see yet.

Date her longer before you marry - they will come to the light

You need to see more of her first. Does she have a learning disability that she will pass to your offspring?  Why can't she read or write?

How many people in her family can't read or write?  Are her siblings and parents illiterate as well?  These people will be grandparents and aunts and uncles to your children if she gives birth.

It isn't just that she can't read or write - it is that she is from a "lifestyle" of ignorance which means you expose yourself and your children to the backlash of that environment that she brings into "your home."

I don't know if you even understand what I mean - I am not trying to offend at all or put anyone down - but realize that for her to be an adult and she doesn't read or write - that is a "major problem."

However, I wish you luck and God speed in all that you choose for your life.

This is Nigeria, not America
A little compassion
Some one has to marry her
And she deserves to have a good life as well
The same situation happened to someone I know, an uncle to be precise

Life, especially in Nigeria is hard
She is not an exception, as a matter of fact she is the norm.
There are no safety nets, beyond your immediate family, like you have in America
In college, I had pell grants, even though i wasnt a citizen; in Nigeria, nothing like that.

So I think your advice is a little harsh, disrespectful, and unhelpful
Inked gave him the best advice possible
Educational attainment/literacy level is not a fair way to gauge someone's intellect or worth, not in Nigeria, may  be in America, but definitely not in Nigeria.

I don't know - I guess what I am trying to say and I don't feel like I am doing a very good job saying it - is that "for her to have lived to this point and she cannot read or write" why does that even exist?

Why hasn't she on her own done something about that?

Is there no one in her family [if her family could not afford to send her to school] that she could have persistently hounded who could have taught her?

A neighbor, a pastor?  Someone?

If a person wants something bad enough they get it, even if they have to steal it.

If I were you, I would present her with an opportunity to read and write and see how long it takes her to "jump on that opportunity" or watch to see if she drags her feet or gives excuses, etc.

That will tell you "why" she is still illiterate - if she drags her feet, don't make excuses for her - just look for another pretty face to replace her.

Re: She Can't Read Nor Write: What Should I Do?

fada

Shy-One:

I don't know - I guess what I am trying to say and I don't feel like I am doing a very good job saying it - is that "for her to have lived to this point and she cannot read or write" why does that even exist?

Why hasn't she on her own done something about that?

Is there no one in her family [if her family could not afford to send her to school] that she could have persistently hounded who could have taught her?

A neighbor, a pastor?  Someone?

If a person wants something bad enough they get it, even if they have to steal it.

If I were you, I would present her with an opportunity to read and write and see how long it takes her to "jump on that opportunity" or watch to see if she drags her feet or gives excuses, etc.

That will tell you "why" she is still illiterate - if she drags her feet, don't make excuses for her - just look for another pretty face to replace her.

What are you saying
Just because you had an education, you regard all uneducated people as inferior?

What if she doesnt wanna learn, so what?
Again, this is Nigeria, may be you'd do better if you kept your opinions to everything America

My grand parents were un-educated,cant speak nor write, but they were excellent human beings
Again, western education is what it is , western. It is totally unafrican

Inability to write doesnt make someone less human.  
Despite your education, your still not as smart as a lot of drop outs; in all respects, Steve jobs and Bill gates are way better than you, innit iit?
Moreover, she is African, with probably zero interest to live elsewhere, why should she bother to learn the language.
She has gotten by so far.
I bet ya she has more common sense than you.

Your post infuriates me, and I really would wish you limit your posts to things you understand. You come across as ignorant when you venture into unfamiliar territories.

fstranger6:

This is Nigeria, not America
A little compassion
Some one has to marry her
And she deserves to have a good life as well
The same situation happened to someone I know, an uncle to be precise

Life, especially in Nigeria is hard
She is not an exception, as a matter of fact she is the norm.
There are no safety nets, beyond your immediate family, like you have in America
In college, I had pell grants, even though i wasnt a citizen; in Nigeria, nothing like that.

So I think your advice is a little harsh, disrespectful, and unhelpful
Inked gave him the best advice possible
Education is not a fair way to gauge someone, not in Nigeria, may  be in America, but definitely not in Nigeria.

ohhh ok

thank you

no disrespect meant AT ALL

you are correct, I surely DO NOT KNOW

your taking your time to tell me - I am very grateful
I have just learned something thanks to you
------------------------------------
so said, let me rephrase, this is 2011

you can go into 2012, 2013, 2014 with the same statistics
you can marry someone who is illiterate and point at the surrounding population to offset your decision

or you can w/o emotion or judgment, marry someone who has lifted themself away from the surrounding population and educated themself to be able to 'at least' read and write

that decision and action and drive - will be passed from their hands to the hands of your offspring that you have together - because your future wife won't be content to remain illiterate like the surrounding populace

she will want to read and write and she will want your children to do the same and she won't allow the 'normal statistics' to be their future

that is the kind of woman you want - TRUST ME

Again, provide her with an opportunity to learn - if she runs towards it with eagerness - GET SERIOUS ABOUT HER FOR A FUTURE MARRIAGE

If she shows little interest - there are plenty of uneducated men out there who will marry her

You have a masters degree - which points out the interest you have in education

how do you require your children to go to school and your spouse can't even read and write?  Your children will look at you like a hypocrite - "dad you must be kidding, we have to go to school but mom can't read and write?"

don't marry her because she needs a husband, before she needed a husband, she first needs to feel the importance of being an active participant in her own destiny.  

If she were in a building that was on fire - she wouldn't be able to read the "exit" signs

How does she know what bathroom to use in a public facility that read "men" or "women" - unless it has the figurines posted?

She can't read a menu at a restaurant, she can't read a prayer in Sunday School, she can't drive in the U.S. because she can't train herself to pass the driver's test or realize what the signs on the side of the road mean.  She can't write a check to pay a bill in your absence [which might be a good thing - no pun intended].

But really, you know where I am going with this.  If she doesn't show interest move on - you will tire of her and it won't take too long because you are educated and you enjoy the rigorous, the challenging, and the interesting.  Her beauty will wane and fade and even quicker in your eyes once the newness of the relationship wears off.

She either learns to read or write or you need to move on.  You are educated - you have reached higher, you want more out of life - your relationship will last once you have a woman who wants more out of life as well.  If she doesn't more.  I would fondly, but politely, good - bye, bid her adieu.

I'm in the U.S. and I could grab right now today on any corner a very handsome, delightful, humorous, well-mannered uneducated, unemployed individual as well - but I know that I would be COMPLETELY miserable.

Shy-One:

ohhh ok

thank you

no disrespect meant AT ALL

you are correct, I surely DO NOT KNOW

your taking your time to tell me - I am very grateful
I have just learned something thanks to you
------------------------------------
so said, let me rephrase, this is 2011

you can go into 2012, 2013, 2014 with the same statistics
you can marry someone who is illiterate and point at the surrounding population to offset your decision

or you can w/o emotion or judgment, marry someone who has lifted themself away from the surrounding population and educated themself to be able to 'at least' read and write

that decision and action and drive - will be passed from their hands to the hands of your offspring that you have together - because your future wife won't be content to remain illiterate like the surrounding populace

she will want to read and write and she will want your children to do the same and she won't allow the 'normal statistics' to be their future

that is the kind of woman you want - TRUST ME

Again, provide her with an opportunity to learn - if she runs towards it with eagerness - GET SERIOUS ABOUT HER FOR A FUTURE MARRIAGE

If she shows little interest - there are plenty of uneducated men out there who will marry her

You have a masters degree - which points out the interest you have in education

how do you require your children to go to school and your spouse can't even read and write?  Your children will look at you like a hypocrite - "dad you must be kidding, we have to go to school but mom can't read and write?"

don't marry her because she needs a husband, before she needed a husband, she first needs to feel the importance of being an active participant in her own destiny.  

If she were in a building that was on fire - she wouldn't be able to read the "exit" signs

How does she know what bathroom to use in a public facility that read "men" or "women" - unless it has the figurines posted?

She can't read a menu at a restaurant, she can't read a prayer in Sunday School, she can't drive in the U.S. because she can't train herself to pass the driver's test or realize what the signs on the side of the road mean.  She can't write a check to pay a bill in your absence [which might be a good thing - no pun intended].

But really, you know where I am going with this.  If she doesn't show interest move on - you will tire of her and it won't take too long because you are educated and you enjoy the rigorous, the challenging, and the interesting.  Her beauty will wane and fade and even quicker in your eyes once the newness of the relationship wears off.

She either learns to read or write or you need to move on.  You are educated - you have reached higher, you want more out of life - your relationship will last once you have a woman who wants more out of life as well.  If she doesn't more.  I would fondly, but politely, good - bye, bid her adieu.

I'm in the U.S. and I could grab right now today on any corner a very handsome, delightful, humorous, well-mannered uneducated, unemployed individual as well - but I know that I would be COMPLETELY miserable.

I really do not know what to make of your drivel
To me you came across, for lack of better words, the typical lucky AA; a little education and you think you are as good as the rest of the world

Again, this is Nigeria. people's worth are not measured by their educational attainment.
My parents are both educated and i never needed them to help with my homework, and here I am about to finish my doctorate degree in the good 'ol USA. Despite coming from a disadvantaged background, I am more educated than you, who have lived in the US all your life, no offense.

My grandfather was a stark illiterate, yet my father was well educated, completed his MBA at the best university in Nigeria.
Again, interest in education/literacy level is not a good gauging tool of someones,s character, intellect or worth.

You cannot look at the world as black and white. Even if she does not show interest/willingness to learn how to write, it still should not be counted against her.
Again, this is Nigeria, I have seen countless situations like this and it absolutely means nothing .
About your fire analogy: Nigerian houses do not have signs like that, and even if there were, you dont need to know how to write for that, all you need is luck and common sense.

Again, even if she cant drive in the US, who cares, she is in Nigeria. And even that is a very stupit analogy: My uncle's wife is a stark illiterate, and yet, she lives in the US and drives fine, with no hassle.


Look, please for godsake, desist from commenting on issues like this, you make me sick honestly! Limit your input to the racism/tribalism section, you are better off in that department

@

Inked - ask your grandmother - I bet she wished she could read and write.  I have people in my family that also wished they could go further in school.

This isn't a put down - this is fact.

I am sure all people are wonderful - I am not commenting on their wonders.

The poster has a masters degree - in all respects - that person if they live in the U.S. - they have gone through 12 years of school prior to college and 4 years of undergraduate study and 2 -3 years of graduate study.

She can't read and write - they teach reading in 1st grade and in pre-school - 6 and 7 year old children - this Poster sounds like he is in his 20's or older.

There are many adults in the U.S. that cannot read and write and are in Night School today trying to learn - just as your grandmother wanted to learn - that must have been why you were teaching her.

My advice to the poster is to offer her the opportunity to read and write this is 2011 - Inked I'm sure your grandmother's generation - it was normal to and more acceptable to see people of that age group not reading and writing.  So obviously I am not speaking of your grandmother who is possibly 60-70 years of age?  I am talking about a young woman who has a man with a master's degree interested in her for marriage.

@ fstranger6

You like tangents - if you are furious - that's your problem not mine.

I don't care if I infuriate you - that's how I feel - why don't you marry her?  Make yourself feel better and her too while you are at it.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to 'better yourself.'  That isn't an "American" ideal.  Many of my friends from all parts of the globe want to better themselves and they have a hard life as well.

I have struggled and worked all of my life and the odds have been against me on so many different levels.  Stop speaking for her - you don't know - she just might want to learn to read and write.  

As far as common sense goes - when you can read and write, you can utilize your common sense even better as more methods of operation open up to you.

I suggest you use your common sense right now and get yourself under control.

^^^^

SHE IS IN NIGERIA, NOT IN THE US


STOP GENERALIZING!