Good day nairalanders, am 24 years old and I just rounded up my NYSC early this year. I have a girlfriend that I have been dating for almost 7 years now( I will say it's has been a on and off kind of relationship). before we got really serious last two years.

She is kind, lovely, beautiful and she is loyal. but her problem is money, anytime she sees or hear about money, all she thinks is how to spend it and she does not rest until the money is finished. that shit has bankrupt me so many times.

This luckdown has really made me to relax and think,
if I make such person my wife in the nearest future, I will not even buy land talkless of building a house.

We will be a couple that has like 4 cars in a rented apartment, and no savings, am tired and I d'nt want to make any mistake closing a life partner. I have talked to her about it several times but she can not change.

I d'nt know, just confused. I am thinking of breaking up with her now that I think I can bear the pain of losing her. I need ur advice guys.. no insults please

sorry about my English.

Elders please come.and advice

If you looking for Mrs. Perfect, You will have to marry Holy Marry.

Since thats her only fault, I believe you can still make her see reasons on why savings is good and show her few practical examples

You have to keep trying if that the only fault you find in her, cos you not sure what the next girl friend you plan to meet has in stock for you Manage what you have and polish it

Every married man can always tell you about the other side of his union but what makes you a man is managing the status quo.

Women`s deficiencies are like car models, it will always lack one touch. So searching for the perfect model is an effort in futility

First sit her down and allay your worries to her... If her symptoms persists after 3 days, kindly visit your break-up doctor ASAP

CoronaVirusPro:
If you looking for Mrs. Perfect, You will have to marry Holy Marry.

Since thats her only fault, I believe you can still make her see reasons on why savings is good and show her few practical examples

You have to keep trying if that the only fault you find in her, cos you not sure what the next girl friend you plan to meet has in stock for you Manage what you have and polish it

Every married man can always tell you about the other side of his union but what makes you a man is managing the status quo.

Women`s deficiencies are like car models, it will always lack one touch. So searching for the perfect model is an effort in futility

thanks, i really needed this..

ebohstepn:
Good day nairalanders, am 24 years old and I just rounded up my NYSC early this year. I have a girlfriend that I have been dating for almost 7 years now( I will say it's has been a on and off kind of relationship). before we got really serious last two years.

She is kind, lovely, beautiful and she is loyal. but her problem is money, anytime she sees or hear about money, all she thinks is how to spend it and she does not rest rest O'Neill the money is finished. that shit has bankrupt me so many times.

This luckdown has really made me to relax and think,
if I make such person my wife in the nearest future, I will not even buy land talkless of building a house.

We will be a couple that has like 4 cars in a rented apartment, and no savings, am tired and I d'nt want to make any mistake closing a life partner. I have talked to her about it several times but she can not change.

I d'nt know, just confused. I am thinking of breaking up with her now that I think I can bear the pain of losing her. I need ur advice guys.. no insults please

sorry about my English.

Does she make money as well, does she spend her own money like that or its someone else's money she like to spend?

[quote author=frankkydee post=88554277]











Does she make money as well, does she spend her own money like that or its someone else's money she like to spend?

she spends both of our money and she spends it on both of us. but it just too much. she can't save

You love her yes... But she got some flaws that u can't tolerate. So based on that, what should a reasonable person do in such situation.. in fact what do u think Jesus will do?

If u can figure that out in this world wide lock down, u are the luckiest man alive.. Don't let any one have access to your decision based on this.. or they too will bankrupt u of a good decision/ using your head forever.

Good luck bro

Mumu boy!
You think say you wise!

You are 24, just rounded up your NYSC and you are being stressed up over a financial lousy lady who will be quick to leave you should incase a richer man come her way.

You must avoid every unnecessary burden and expenses on women if you want to be productive now that you just finished your NYSC.

Don't break up the relationship yourself, kindly withdraw from unnecessarily spending and and watch her find her way if you really want your peace without hurting anyone's feelings.

ebohstepn:
That shit has bankrupt me so many times.

This here is a red flag!
Take a big step back & back the fúck off.

Don't think for one second you can change her.
She's a shopaholic, an oniomania. She will eat through your pocket and savings, and not even your mama or ancestors will recognize you.

It sounds like a salvageable flaw. Also, assuming you're of similar age, she's young and in that zone where it's 'socially acceptable'/she can somewhat be excused for making questionable financial decisions, so I wouldn't write her off as a complete lost cause just yet, teach her, help her.

7 years is a long time to throw a relationship away, you know her best however, so if you think there's absolutely no fixing the situation I guess you may have to just cut your losses

When u fail in ur duty as a man to discipline ur woman u suffer for it for a lifetime.
When I say discipline, I do not mean beating, insult, harassment or the like. As a man there are certain things u don't take lightly and ur woman should know better not to cross those boundaries.
Sometimes, woman are like children. U don't give a child access to whatever he/she wants 'cos that might end up hurting them. When u pamper ur child too much to the extent of downplaying the role of discipline, u have urself to blame.
Be firm and correct ur woman and make her understand the realities of life.
U pamper her too much and that's bad.

The day we realise that we are to help our partners overcome their weaknesses as much as possible and with patience, then relationships would be admirable

solution op let her work. dont marry her till you sort this issue out or else you would have a lot of money but you cannot point to anything tangible you have done with it.

What has always been her reaction or attitude whenever you or both of you are financially down?


If she's always adaptable whenever you or both of you are broke, then, that means the situation can still be salvaged by constant admonition but if she's the type that always nag whenever there's no much money to throw around, then, that's a red flag for me personally, if I were you.

One more thing, @op, financial matters need to be thoroughly trashed out before tying the knot o, it's not something you can be sweeping under the rug o. Make sure you both reach concrete financial position before becoming one o, because it's one of the major causes, if not the major cause of marital woes/crises sef, please, trash anything that has to do with finances very well before you both married o.

I HONESTLY FEEL LIKE SHOUTING THIS INTO YOUR EARS.

Ebohstepn, there's nothing to salvage here. Break up with her and focus on how you can make good of your life - this should be the most important thing to you.
There will always be women around ready to be with you.

I don't know what's up with young men these days carrying girl problems on top una head like there's some kind of benefit to it. I don't get it at all...

At 24, you're young and got your whole life ahead of you. By now, you should have begun developing your personal principles and learning to stand by them no matter what.
Any female who is a financial drain to your resources is not a wife, she does not even qualify as a girlfriend - her type should have been kept in the bootycall zone, getting little treats of cash/gifts now and then.

Take heed, if you will...

Cheers

ebohstepn:
Good day nairalanders, am 24 years old and I just rounded up my NYSC early this year. I have a girlfriend that I have been dating for almost 7 years now( I will say it's has been a on and off kind of relationship). before we got really serious last two years.

She is kind, lovely, beautiful and she is loyal. but her problem is money, anytime she sees or hear about money, all she thinks is how to spend it and she does not rest until the money is finished. that shit has bankrupt me so many times.

This luckdown has really made me to relax and think,
if I make such person my wife in the nearest future, I will not even buy land talkless of building a house.

We will be a couple that has like 4 cars in a rented apartment, and no savings, am tired and I d'nt want to make any mistake closing a life partner. I have talked to her about it several times but she can not change.

I d'nt know, just confused. I am thinking of breaking up with her now that I think I can bear the pain of losing her. I need ur advice guys.. no insults please

sorry about my English.

You detected a very sensitive party of a relationship

Pls free her with style

As you are freeing her stay away from sleeping with her and exchanging love words

You don't have the capacity to handle her finances or financial demands

Look else where

Many people are bad with money, men and women. Some marriages are hell because of it, while some thrive. It’s easy, you don’t give the person access to money and the financially responsible one manages the money. If it’s a dealbreaker for you, then it is what it is.

I’m curious how she still had access to your money enough to bankrupt you. Aren’t you also financially irresponsible by going bankrupt? Where’s your personal accountability?

doitforyou:
She’s not unique there are many people that are bad with money, men and women and they’re married. Some marriages are hell because of it, while some thrive. It’s easy you don’t give the person access to money. If it’s a dealbreaker for you, then it is what it is.

I’m curious how she still had access to your money enough to bankrupt you. Aren’t yourself financially irresponsible by going bankrupt. Where’s your personal accountability?

I was wondering the same thing too, unless they have a joint account? (I doubt).

crackkhaus:
Ebohstepn, there's nothing to salvage here. Break up with her and focus on how you can make good of your life - this should be the most important thing to you.
There will always be women around ready to be with you.

I don't know what's up with young men these days carrying girl problems on top una head like there's some kind of benefit to it. I don't get it at all...

At 24, you're young and got your whole life ahead of you. By now, you should have started developing your personal principles and learning to stand by them no matter what.
Any female who is a financial drain to your resources is not a wife, she does not even qualify as a girlfriend - her type should have been kept in the bootycall zone, getting little treats of cash/gifts now and then.

Take heed, if you will...

Cheers

Like d coward... No one is perfect and it's not like she holds a gun to d Op head to spend

@Ebohstepn, please pay no attention to anyone who calls you a coward for deciding not to spend all your money on a woman in the name of whatever...

It's a lot better to empty your bank account feeding the less-privileged, blind, lame, or homeless people on the street than on someone with her complete mental faculties.

Career hos will always react and find something to say once they discover a man is not ready to spend his money on them.

ibkayee:

I was wondering the same thing too, unless they have a joint account? (I doubt).

His concerns are valid and it’s actually admirable that he’s thinking about finances before he gets married.

Yea, he has to share some blame for his bankruptcy, even if it’s a JA, once he noticed her erratic spending habit, he should’ve shut it down quick.

doitforyou:

His concerns are valid and it’s actually admirable that he’s thinking about finances before he gets married.

Yea, he has to share some blame for his bankruptcy, even if it’s a JA, once he noticed her erratic spending habit, he should’ve shut it down quick.

Yeah his concerns are definitely valid, I just don’t understand how she’s getting ahold of his money to the point of bankruptcy, as much as it’s frustrating him perhaps he’s also being a bit of an enabler

ibkayee:

Yeah his concerns are definitely valid, I just don’t understand how she’s getting ahold of his money to the point of bankruptcy, as much as it’s frustrating him perhaps he’s also being a bit of an enabler

This!

How old is the hanty?

ibkayee:

Yeah his concerns are definitely valid, I just don’t understand how she’s getting ahold of his money to the point of bankruptcy, as much as it’s frustrating him perhaps he’s also being a bit of an enabler

I know am partly or fully self to be blame because am just too free with her to the extend she knows everything about me. and she knows how to get want she wants from me.
maybe I love her too much that I d'nt like seeing her sad, or maybe my weak point is love, am exposed when am around her, I know she loves me too but her love for material things is great too. she stinks around when am low on cash, she bring her cash to the table when am broke, but my problem is that. I need a life planner not a waster.

It is a habit she grew up with and nothing you can do to change her nomatter how hard you try to. If you go ahead and marry such a lady and you run into financial difficulties, she will look outside and too, could run debt on you without your consent.

The issue of talking it over with her is to force her to accept under durex and could make her hide for a while until you take her in as your wife. Once in, she will continue as she could have friends like her that would even encourage her and make her see it as a normal thing and by then, you will have serious issues with her.
Having been with her for 7 yrs, and no changes, you know her better. For me, I will take a walk 'cus the taste of friendshp is not the taste of marriage.

.

I wanted to advise that you stay in the relationship cause you've known her for 7 years and she's generous with her own money, but I know of a similar couple to yours, so I'll waver in my opinion.

My opinion is based on where you outlined about being an enabler to her spending tendencies. That is a major red flag, not just for her, but for you as well. You sound like someone who will be generous to a fault, and that is a character you need to work on even as you caution your girlfriend. If you were prudent on how cash was being spent, her shopaholic behaviour would diminish and savings can be achieved.

Even if you decide to break up with her, learn to be prudent in spending. Marrying a money manager, as you wished somewhere up there, can only work if you are cautious about spending as well. You need to learn how to say NO to spending money sometimes.

Dating and being married isn't same, there some attitudes(good or bad) one will display during dating, when married, such attitudes will disappear when reality sets in...

There is a guy's thread here you need to read through, hopefully it will answer your question.

I will modify this post when I locate the thread..

My view,.. Sit her down.. Express your displeasure on her way of spending..
Let her see reason why savings is very paramount.... If she persist, no change..

It's better you withdraw, don't get involve with a lady your mind is not at peace with...

It's better call it a quit now, than regretting and enduring marriage

Do your findings, many homes today.. The wives are holding up to keep it via the little husband drops

If she continue that way.. She many find it difficult to manage any little available..

dawnomike:
First sit her down and allay your worries to her... If her symptoms persists after 3 days, kindly visit your break-up doctor ASAP

Yes. Also, let her get something doing like work or business.