http://www.wazobiareport.com/default.aspx/President-Jonathan%E2%80%99s-book-goes-to-top-of-best-seller-list


We are still trying to get him to be a fan of our Facebook page

Abuja – Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan’s book of his Facebook interactions has become the fastest selling book ever in the history of Nigeria - a record usually held by Pastors.

When the Nigerian President announced his plan to release the book, to stimulate the reading culture in Nigeria, many naysayers sniggered at him. Some even questioned his sanity: “Has the ghost of his predecessor been haunting Aso rock, thus turning him mad?” they asked.

His political opponents gleefully looked forward to the book launch, expecting it to be the biggest flop since the attempt on the 50th Anniversary, to bake the biggest cake in the world.

IBB particularly, was overheard telling someone on the phone that, “After this, we will only have Atiku to worry about.”

The President, however, seems to have had the last laugh. His book not only earned him praise for “Bringing Facebook to Nigeria,” – a claim which Facebook’s lawyers are still looking into - but he has also now officially outsold every single self-improvement book, prayer book, re-prints of Ikebe super, and every one of Wole Soyinka’s cryptic manuscripts ever published.

As of going to press, 10,000,000 copies of the President’s books had been sold.

Indeed, if his aim is really to stimulate the reading culture in Nigeria, ten million people will now learn how to read and write Facebook English. LWKMD.

Enemies of progress are however quick to question the sales figures, asking how it’s possible that a book by GEJ can outsell “Rich Dad, Poor Dad.”

Well, we can authoritatively reveal how the President managed to shift a cool ten million copies in a week:

Sales to date:

Minister of Information: 5000 copies

Ministry of Information: 500,000 copies

Other Ministers: 60,000 copies

Other Ministries: 1,200,000 copies

State Governors: 25,000 copies each

Governor Alao Akala: 1,000,000 (WTF?!)

State first ladies: 15,000 copies each

Senators: 10,000 copies each

House of rep members: 10,000 copies each

Dimeji Bankole: 50,000 copies

National Library: 1 copy

Other dignitaries at the book launch: 1,000,000 copies

Unknown PDP supporter: 5,000,000 copies

State legislators: 500 copies each

Wives of state legislators: 250 copies each

Government contractors: 2,500,000 copies

Atiku Campaign organisation: 10 copies

The list goes on, but the point is made.

Reacting to the news, a certain Presidential aspirant is said to be planning the launch of his own book, “My Top 1000 Twits,” while another has just rushed to his publishers with a book titled, “MySpace- Your World.”

http://www.wazobiareport.com/default.aspx/Official-explanation-of-the-three-police-men-engaged-in-a-brawl

Official explanation of the three police men engaged in a brawl



How to make a Nollywood Blockbuster.

The attention of the Nigerian Police Farce has been drawn to pictures which have been published in some national newspapers and are being circulated on the internet.

The pictures show two or three policemen seemingly involved in an altercation which allegedly took place at Ajegunle, along the Lagos-Abeokuta express road.

In the said pictures, police officers were supposedly engaged in a brawl, and their dangling AK 47 riffles endangered the lives of hundreds of commuters, jobless onlookers, and other road users.

Ordinarily the Nigerian Police would not respond to newspaper articles which have not been officially brought to our attention, neither do we join issues with unprofessional journalists who do not bother to check their facts, but we are constrained to set the records straight on this matter - because, since this story and pictures were published, there has been an upsurge of "two-fighting" cases around the country.

What actually happened on that fateful day was that a Nollywood movie, "My boyfriend is a MOPOL, but I'm in love with a militant," was been shot on location.

However, due to a tight budget, the director decided use a camera phone to shoot the scene that was witnessed on the road.

Also in a bid to save costs, the director did not use any waka-pass actors. This, according to the producers, was intentional, as they were trying something called method-acting, thus the semblance of reality to the scene.

We have in our possession, the police clearance form, Lagos State use-of-road-for-shooting-film tax clearance, other relevant tax receipts and certificates, and LASTMA intent-to-shoot-film notice, for the home video movie.

The Nigerian Police Farce(sic) wishes to state that its men and officers are highly disciplined, and in the event that there is the need to quarrel over egunje, such would be done within the confines of a police station or mammy market, and moderated by the appropriate DPO, DCO or SPO.

Thank you for allowing us to use your internet(sic) to communicate this message.

http://www.wazobiareport.com/default.aspx/Danbaba-Danfulani-Suntai,-governor-of-Taraba-state,-to-be-replaced-with-a-polished-pieced-of-wood


Who is he? Anyone?

Jalingo – Plans have been concluded by frustrated residents of Taraba state to replace their less-than-active governor with a polished piece of wood.

A source within the Aggrieved Residents of Taraba committee asked wazobiareport.com a simple question: “Have you people ever heard of Danbaba Danfulani Suntai?"

Unfortunately we had no
idea who he was talking about until we managed to google his name on Bing.

The inactive governor of Taraba state is said to be solely focused on being unfocused, and like his political colleague Obj, he simply does not give a damn.

This explains why not many have heard this strange name outside of Taraba state.

Residents have therefore insisted on replacing the governor with a polished piece of wood, because although it (the piece of wood) might be almost as inactive as the current governor on issues of governance and progress, it will also remain inactive with the state treasury, which is more than can be said about the current administration.

Meanwhile, the situation in Taraba appears to have sparked a dangerous trend in the nation as citizens have began to clamor for the replacement of political figures with various objects and
animals.

The residents of Oyo state appear to favor an old pair of jeans to replace their current governor, while the Idoma people of Benue state were said to have embraced a carpenter’s hammer and a very
big goat to replace the governor and senate president respectively.

Residents of Abia state are said to be interested in replacing their current governor with absolutely nothing.

The people’s choices of replacement for their leaders appear to reflect exactly how they feel about them.

“I will rather be led by a lifeless stick and a brainless goat in their real form than a lifeless stick and a brainless goat disguised as a human being,” said one of the protesters.

LMAO, I read the story of the Nigerian pastor that appeared on dragons den seeking £250k investment in church business from the site. He asked the dragons "How many of you own private jets".

Classic. I wish the that Taraba governor can read this. If he can read,