We are not ready for this discussion....But i know that some day we would all seat on a round table, clinching glasses, showing off our GOALS and smiling at how much we’ve LEVELED UP!.
But in the mean time, whatever rocks anyone’s boat. Everybody go dey alright....

Like I always say... Guard your money if you no fit guard your heart! E go be

And never forget, YOU’RE THE PRIZE

Sprinkle sprinkle sisters

Takotsubo:


Hahaha ..not in naija.However,I bet there are lots of people like us..they just don't see the need to talk about it.

The "not in naija" answers the question. Our society makes it difficult for husbands and wives to be cool like that...it is extremely rare! It is well.

About 4 months ago I registered on the site mail order brides Looking for some interesting dating. It is very convenient that you can sit on the site even on a mobile phone. In general, I like video calls the most, it’s unrealistically interesting and cool. Recommend.

yettymuse:
We are not ready for this discussion....But i know that some day we would all seat on a round table, clinching glasses, showing off our GOALS and smiling at how much we’ve LEVELED UP!.
But in the mean time, whatever rocks anyone’s boat. Everybody go dey alright....

Like I always say... Guard your money if you no fit guard your heart! E go be!!!!!

Sprinkle sprinkle sisters

Sherra girl sprinkle sprinkle

Eketem:


Sadly a lot of you have been soaked in poverty mentality; you assume every woman is soaked in same and seeking to grab any possible money from every man you see.

This is why marrying from ones station is important; both families agreed to skip the dowry and all that list drama, both were educated enough to realise that bride price and lists do not support equality.



Today we want equality tomorrow we are scampering for money.

Wow...

A true feminist here on Nairaland finally?

I'm still observing

Mizwisdom:



Did your husband carry any of your kids for nine month, give birth after labour and nurse that kid with breast milk, what about the pounding everyday in the name of seexx? Oga is just riding you and your equal contribution beliefs. A man should be the bread winner, if both of you are contributing equally to family upkeep you're being cheated especially if you live here in Nigeria. The only time things should be totally equal in terms of financial contributions is when he can help you incubate a kid in his tummy and bear the pain of childbirth and discomfort of nursing. Hope he also does his house chores equally and dutifully. Good luck

Well said!!!

Eketem:


Sadly a lot of you have been soaked in poverty mentality; you assume every woman is soaked in same and seeking to grab any possible money from every man you see.

This is why marrying from ones station is important; both families agreed to skip the dowry and all that list drama, both were educated enough to realise that bride price and lists do not support equality.



Today we want equality tomorrow we are scampering for money.

Keep this energy !!! Weh done ma

Ybaby:


Sherra girl sprinkle sprinkle

Yeeeeeeee!!!!! I found a sis! Sprinkle sprinkle!!!!

yettymuse:
Yeeeeeeee!!!!! I found a sis! Sprinkle sprinkle!!!!

Love you

Mariangeles:


You guys keep on shouting MONEY MONEY MONEY! Is that all you're good for?
What is money compared to children? Do women rub it in your faces that they bore you children as you rub it in theirs that you provide? ACCEPT THAT IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY THAT YOU NEED NOT BE PRAISED FOR, JUST AS WOMEN SEE BEARING CHILDREN FOR YOU AS HER RESPONSIBILITY.
All she should do is support you in raising your family.

IT HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED BY GOD!

So many things evident in your line of argument tells me this issue will linger on if I don't back out.
Where in my explanation do you think is all about money? I only asked you a question.

Sincerely, i wish you well in yout future marriage, it may work for you,cos obviously you are not married.

sisisioge:


The "not in naija" answers the question. Our society makes it difficult for husbands and wives to be cool like that...it is extremely rare! It is well.

We were both born ,raised and even did wedding in Nigeria.

Even while dating ,I was aware of his earnings.

I know relatives where the dad cleans, washes,cooks etc without issues and they're like 5&6 with their children and they're not broke.

We left naija and defined our relationship on our own terms.

When I wasn't working,I was still in charge of finances and know I'm not the submissive religious type.

I just think there's someone for everybody.

You choose your partner according to the values you share and then make your lives what you want it to be,refuse to bend to the norm if it doesn't suit you and try to live.

Inspite of all this there will still be issues,life isn't perfect..money is not a red line for me, but I respect those that balk at the idea of sharing everything.

Takotsubo:


Hahaha ..not in naija.However,I bet there are lots of people like us..they just don't see the need to talk about it.

One of my first posts on NL was one similar to yours. We could literally be the same person.

I’ve since spent enough time on NL reading and participating on lots of threads to now know that Nigerian women can’t afford to be all 50/50 in their marriages like women/wives in Western societies because the average Nigerian man and the society does NOT believe in the concept of true partnership in a marriage.

Yes! the man will gladly accept your financial contribution but that’s where the partnership ends, the woman is still expected to carryout her ‘roles’ and she’s still NOT treated as an equal partner in the marriage. I fully support Nigerian women that have refused to take on more roles without reward.

Then, the laws?? None recognizes any financial contribution the wife makes in the marriage. As a wife you can still get kicked out legally of the house you helped build/rent with the clothes on your back.

igbowoman:


What has this interrogatory CID cum FBI and KGB work got to do with anything?

it looks like he is just putting on with her because she is rich

Takotsubo:


We were both born ,raised and even did wedding in Nigeria.

Even while dating ,I was aware of his earnings.

I know relatives where the dad cleans, washes,cooks etc without issues and they're like 5&6 with their children and they're not broke.

We left naija and defined our relationship on our own terms.

When I wasn't working,I was still in charge of finances and know I'm not the submissive religious type.

I just think there's someone for everybody.

You choose your partner according to the values you share and then make your lives what you want it to be,refuse to bend to the norm if it doesn't suit you and try to live.

Inspite of all this there will still be issues,life isn't perfect..money is not a red line for me, but I respect those that balk at the idea of sharing everything.

The problem is our sisters here will not accept responsibilities for their actions and inactions; they won't put their cards on the table, they won't pick sane men to marry, they will ignore red flags marry the men and insist when things go south that every man is like the bad man they chose.

Don't even try to convince anyone, we can choose to evolve and grow as women or we can choose to remain the same lamenting complaining women in the next 10 years.

If a man is not what you want in terms of values then move on and marry somebody who is they will stay manage and lament later.

Traditional women should marry traditional men, women who believe in full equality should marry men who believe the same.

Somebody like me who left a long term relationship when I was smart enough to know the kind of man I wanted because he insisted a woman's kitchen is her office, I was called all sorts for leaving a relationship for what they said was a minor issue but for me it was huge. These women wont even talk about important things they just want to hang on marry anyhow whine later

Takotsubo:


We were both born ,raised and even did wedding in Nigeria.

Even while dating ,I was aware of his earnings.

I know relatives where the dad cleans, washes,cooks etc without issues and they're like 5&6 with their children and they're not broke.

We left naija and defined our relationship on our own terms.

When I wasn't working,I was still in charge of finances and know I'm not the submissive religious type.

I just think there's someone for everybody.

You choose your partner according to the values you share and then make your lives what you want it to be,refuse to bend to the norm if it doesn't suit you and try to live.

Inspite of all this there will still be issues,life isn't perfect..money is not a red line for me, but I respect those that balk at the idea of sharing everything.

Well said...if only we have more liberal minded folks around.

liberalchick:


One of my first posts on NL was one similar to yours. We could literally be the same person.

I’ve since spent enough time on NL reading and participating on lots of threads to now know that Nigerian women can’t afford to be all 50/50 in their marriages like women/wives in Western societies because the average Nigerian man and the society does NOT believe in the concept of true partnership in a marriage.

Yes! the man will gladly accept your financial contribution but that’s where the partnership ends, the woman is still expected to carryout her ‘roles’ and she’s still NOT treated as an equal partner in the marriage. I fully support Nigerian women that have refused to take on more roles without reward.

Then, the laws?? None recognizes any financial contribution the wife makes in the marriage. As a wife you can still get kicked out legally of the house you helped build/rent with the clothes on your back.

I completely understand what you mean,believe me.
I grew up in the average Nigerian household with a lord and master father and decided I wanted something different for myself.

I think it's easy before marriage to ask about values so that if it doesn't gel,as a female,you make a quick exit and if you remain,you know exactly what you're in for.

If you're not an average Nigerian woman,it would be a mistake to settle for the average Nigerian man.

If you're traditional,plenty of traditional men abound.

If you're not,there are lots who are unconventional and happy to be.

You can love and still be a smart person,know I met DH in my early 20s (olodo by all ramifications) but I knew what sort of life I was aiming for.

In my opinion,to give 50/50 means that ALL investments and property have my name and yours sitting pretty on them.

If all my money our money is joint ,it means I know about every Kobo and which direction the Kobo is going.

Also means that I'm actively making decisions but with love and a willingness to be open to another view point, being with a reasonable person also makes all this easier .

Even when not working,I had a pulse on everything perhaps because it was clear from the get go that I was not willing to accept anything less,I don't know.

People have the misconception that an arrangement like this means blindness and gullibility.

If things go south,who is kicking who to where? You sit tight because your money is inside EVIDENCED by legal papers so the Court of law must rule justly if it comes to that.

Maybe I'm being too optimistic ? I know.people change but I think a person has to lay their cards on the table from get go and run away if it doesn't match expectations

@ Eketem
I agree with you,however, I think sometimes people make mistakes and then are unable to rectify..or some marry hoping for change and then there's the ones who are blind sided.

Perhaps we all should clamour for more self awareness for all of us women before choosing partners so that we can become more confident in standing for what we want and expect.

bukatyne

man's finance is the issue

@ liberalchick& eketem,

I forgot to add that some of us females grew up in abusive homes,sometimes verbal and physical,with mothers who remained 'for the children'.

The effect is that a lot children grow up seeing this sort of setting as normal and then subsequently choose similar partners who continue to perpetuate same cycle.

Some females do not think they deserve to be loved or deserve to have their voices heard,some do not even know what a loving partner should be because of the above and term what you and I class as red flags as 'normal'. They don't know any different.

This female then marries this male,but then interacts with others,reads on the internet and realises that her situation isn't normal,she starts to put up a fight,but the person she is married to maybe also grew up in an abusive place and watched dad and mum fight and hurl insults at each other but still remain together.
Such a person would not see the rationale to change,and the union becomes even more troubled..

This lady may come to NL and complain and we start asking her about red flags before marriage..


A lot of us are damaged and while in that frame of mind can make mistakes that are life changing.

So while I believe we should choose wisely,I'm very open to the fact that a lot of us may not be brave enough to free ourselves from the yoke of our childhood and may go on to repeat the cycle and therefore live with a lot of suspicion and the inability to trust .


I'm digressing too much from the topic but I wish all of us the best.

Sorry for the long write up

affable4:


So many things evident in your line of argument tells me this issue will linger on if I don't back out.
Where in my explanation do you think is all about money? I only asked you a question.

Sincerely, i wish you well in yout future marriage, it may work for you,cos obviously you are not married.

With most of y'all's issues, it is not something to be excited about is it?
Going through family section on nairaland alone is exhausting
I might have to think it through because frankly, it is hardly a thing to look forward to.

Here here to you guys!

Takotsubo:
@ liberalchick& eketem,

I forgot to add that some of us females grew up in abusive homes,sometimes verbal and physical,with mothers who remained 'for the children'.

The effect is that a lot children grow up seeing this sort of setting as normal and then subsequently choose similar partners who continue to perpetuate same cycle.

Some females do not think they deserve to be loved or deserve to have their voices heard,some do not even know what a loving partner should be because of the above and term what you and I class as red flags as 'normal'. They don't know any different.

This female then marries this male,but then interacts with others,reads on the internet and realises that her situation isn't normal,she starts to put up a fight,but the person she is married to maybe also grew up in an abusive place and watched dad and mum fight and hurl insults at each other but still remain together.
Such a person would not see the rationale to change,and the union becomes even more troubled..

This lady may come to NL and complain and we start asking her about red flags before marriage..


A lot of us are damaged and while in that frame of mind can make mistakes that are life changing.

So while I believe we should choose wisely,I'm very open to the fact that a lot of us may not be brave enough to free ourselves from the yoke of our childhood and may go on to repeat the cycle and therefore live with a lot of suspicion and the inability to trust .


I'm digressing too much from the topic but I wish all of us the best.

Sorry for the long write up

Hopefully we grow learn and evolve but we won't do that if we fail to pick lessons and take responsibility for our own actions and inactions.

Some of the stories you read online are fictional, possibly to create traffic. Some people are genuinely happy in their marriages, not without sacrifices. Dare I say, u have it in you to make your marriage work.

Mariangeles:


With most of y'all's issues, it is not something to be excited about is it?
Going through family section on nairaland alone is exhausting
I might have to think it through because frankly, it is hardly a thing to look forward to.

Here here to you guys!

yettymuse:
We are not ready for this discussion....But i know that some day we would all seat on a round table, clinching glasses, showing off our GOALS and smiling at how much we’ve LEVELED UP!.
But in the mean time, whatever rocks anyone’s boat. Everybody go dey alright....

Like I always say... Guard your money if you no fit guard your heart! E go be

And never forget, YOU’RE THE PRIZE

Sprinkle sprinkle sisters

Sprinkle sprinkle - shera seven right?