I guess i really should not just be saying for the men as this should be a question for parents or lets just say people with dependant but in this instance its really a case of a man who is at the moment not able to provide for his family.My husband was talking to me about a friend of his who he thinks is just fundamentally lazy,rigid and not proactoive.This friend was a practising project manager and has all those naija(esp yoruba men,no insult intended as i am yoruba and i am also married to one)accompaniments,i.e Bsc,MBA,PMP,Price2,Prince 50 and the rest .He was earning quite alot of money but as we know the more you earn,the more your tastes increases and so him and his family had acquired a certain standard of living which unfortunately could not be sustained when he lost his Job in 2009 during the height of the recession.His wife was thankfully also working but parttime with an income that was just something that came in but was not really needed.

My husband's issue with him(which i dont really agree with)is this;he has still not found a job and unfortunately have spent the little they have in savings and with his wife's income not what they are used to,are having quite some problems meeting even their basic needs.He has gone for so many interviews and filled so many job applications relating to his qualications with no luck.He thus spends most of his time sleeping,wathching movies or browsing the internet when the kids are at school,so my husband has advised him why not try to do something that is not necessarily project management or try to look for things to do to make you busy and earn at least some money to contribute to the family finances i.e looing into selling or just generally research into ways to make that is necessarily not project management.We have a family friend that is an accontant but after searching for a job for ages now makes money as a painter and decorator and believe he started from charging 40 pounds to paint people's front rooms,he now has 2 staff .My husband drew this analogy and this his friend got angry,telling him that how can he tell him to be a painter,with all his qualifcations.My husband then reminded him that he(this friend)told him that his wife now snaps alot and complains that he sleeps too much,My hubby advised that he kind of sees her point as the poor woman would go to work and still come back to met him on the bed sleeping,the guy then flips and says that his wife is so ungrateful and she can now complain as there were no issues when he was the one earning the money.My hubby thinks he is just rigid but i can kind of see his point,why waste his time to get all those certificates if he was just going to be an elctician,like WTH but my hubby thinks his kids cant eat the certifictaes and he needs to do something fast to support his family.so my question is this can you lower your standards in order to provide for your family?

,,,

I'll keep this simple. I agree with your husband. Let him bag groceries if he has to. Foolish pride has never been known to do much good.

That guy still dey get food chop,stay warm etc thats why dat pride is still alive!what benefit is cert and status when the stomache is hungry?some ppl and their very annoying ego and pride sef,i cant imagine what the woman wud be going through now,anything she does or say now wud be analyzed as;the chips are down and the respect is gone.

Your husband is 100% spot on.
Women love a provider and where he does not have the present means of doing that BUT is making an effort and his wife can see that, she is encouraged.
[quote author=ifyalways link
That guy still dey get food chop,stay warm etc thats why dat pride is still alive!what benefit is cert and status when the stomache is hungry?some ppl and their very annoying ego and pride sef,i cant imagine what the woman wud be going through now,anything she does or say now wud be analyzed as;the chips are down and the respect is gone.

very true.

@chaircover abi o i forgot to add those ones ,u know us and our craze for certifcations,You know i have this oyinbo colleague  in HR who once asked me why we nigerians are so obsessed with qualifcations as he is always seeing CV's wuth my type of name who have so many certifications which sometimes sef does not relate to their work experience or the job they are applying for.Me i just said to her,we are academic high achievers(tongue in cheek as i know most of us get those pali to join the bandwagon).

Back to the topic,this issue came up as he wanted to loan some money from Hubby to go to amsterdam from Hubby as he did not want to ask his wife who i am sure by now is tired of footing expenses to go for so many interviews.Me i know my hubby is bluntly honest and so i can imagine how he must have told him about trying to look inwards in case the amsterdam thing does not work out.I kinda understand what you guys are saying about a man having to fend for his family no matter what,but i also understand in a way how the man feels,i remember when i came to this country, i did not have a job for about 7 months and so may people kept on telling you need to get a cleaning job or do care training(not that there is anything worng with this)but i just felt i could do better and so spent that time trying to brush up my marketable skills.I guess it helped that we had no kids then and hubby kept on telling me to take my time on the job front as he felt i needed a break as i was a workaholic back home ( you wont believe that i stopped work on friday and travelled on sunday morning despite people telling me they dont get why i am still going to the office).
So i guess you are all right, he needs to suck it in and face it like a man.

I can sacrifice anything to provide for my family.

Pride . . . . . the root of all evils!

Was it not on this forum I talked about a medical doctor working in a nursing home as a "Carer"?

you need a certificate to get a job but the certificate wont do the job, so the man who does the job gets a job not because of certificate but because, his hands are made to work and certificate opportunity.

i will advice the man, there is only one standard in every job you do, you need in as much it is legitimate. standard or status is in the mind reality check is most important.