seun who are you?cos i think i need to marry someone like you.most men are selfish and are hypocrites they want the fly career women and also need the "slave" who is the one who does all the chores around the house.i personally believe both spouses share all the household chores including cooking.ur wife is a partner and not a chef.

honeyzz:

seun who are you?because i think i need to marry someone like you.most men are selfish and are hypocrites they want the fly career women and also need the "slave" who is the one who does all the chores around the house.i personally believe both spouses share all the household chores including cooking.your wife is a partner and not a chef.

I sure say na your papa dey wash nappies, sweep the house and cook food. The so called Civilisation is what is making some women loose their husbands to other women. A word is enough

honeyzz:

seun who are you?because i think i need to marry someone like you.most men are selfish and are hypocrites they want the fly career women and also need the "slave" who is the one who does all the chores around the house.i personally believe both spouses share all the household chores including cooking.your wife is a partner and not a chef.

you are very correct! How could we have been so obtuse not to have seen your point all these while? I personally believe both spouses should share all childbearing responsibilities including pregnancy. Your wife is a partner and not a baby making machine.

davidylan, is there any biological limitation that prevents a man from cooking? If not, then you're not making sense.

Seun:

davidylan, is there any biological limitation that prevents a man from cooking? If not, then you're not making sense.

A lot of you just jump in the middle of a thread without bothering to read the preceeding posts that lay the foundation for what you are replying to. This thread is not about whether men should or should not cook. A cursory look at the last 4 pages is enough proof that majority of men here can cook and do it very well!
the argument is about whether it is justified for a woman to REFUSE to cook for her husband. The majority of male responses have been that men should not expect the women to shoulder the entire burden of cooking for the family as the man is expected to help especially when the woman is incapable of doing so. A woman who cannot cook because she never learned is different from one who cannot/will not cook because she feels too independent to do so! That is the crux of the matter!

davidylan:

A lot of you just jump in the middle of a thread without bothering to read the preceeding posts that lay the foundation for what you are replying to. This thread is not about whether men should or should not cook. A cursory look at the last 4 pages is enough proof that majority of men here can cook and do it very well!

Then if you can cook, I believe you think it's not the primary duty of a woman and can be done by both spouses, right?

davidylan:

the argument is about whether it is justified for a woman to REFUSE to cook for her husband.

You have said it's not her duty so she is absolutely justified to refuse to cook.

davidylan:

The majority of male responses have been that men should not expect the women to shoulder the entire burden of cooking for the family as the man is expected to help especially when the woman is incapable of doing so. A woman who cannot cook because she never learned is different from one who cannot/will not cook because she feels too independent to do so! That is the crux of the matter!

They are right when they say they are independent to choose whether to cook or not. You will agree with me that not being it a MUST for women to learn how to cook makes it a choice. I have read the entire thread and I have seen more "should" (even from men) than "must". This matter is closed.

michelin89:

Then if you can cook, I believe you think it's not the primary duty of a woman and can be done by both spouses, right?

Marriage is a mutual agreement to compromise between two people not a group of people coming together merely to perform certain duties.

michelin89:

You have said it's not her duty so she is absolutely justified to refuse to cook.

And since it is not a man's duty to provide money for her upkeep he is absolutely justified to refuse to work?
This "justified to refuse to work" nonsense is mere wishful thinking. Get married first then absolutely justify to refuse to cook and see what becomes of your marriage. Every couple determines what role the other play in making the marriage work. The steering wheel cannot say to the car brakes that he is absolutely justified not to work. . . for a system to work at optimum capacity, all parts must must play their given roles.

michelin89:

They are right when they say they are independent to choose whether to cook or not. You will agree with me that not being it a MUST for women to learn how to cook makes it a choice. I have read the entire thread and I have seen more "should" (even from men) than "must". This matter is closed.

This matter is indeed closed. Too many little children arguing with their heads in the clouds. Ask your independent mothers why they did not absolutely justify to refuse to cook for ur fathers!

davidylan:

And since it is not a man's duty to provide money for her upkeep he is absolutely justified to refuse to work?
This "justified to refuse to work" nonsense is mere wishful thinking.

As I have said u can still survive even if you wife isn't doing the cooking. Making an analogy with working makes no sense to me. They are two different things altogether. Most women here have declared that they aren't going to be sitting at home all day doing nothing. It's old-minded to think the man will always earn more than the lady. If there should be a case where the wife is the only one working then it becomes a typical traditional marriage with the difference that the woman is the bread-winner.

davidylan:

Get married first then absolutely justify to refuse to cook and see what becomes of your marriage.

Why would I refuse in the first place? I can't really make any assumptions of what my marriage will be like. maybe I'll be the one to finish earlier at work and when I get home I'll make sure I cook. There is nothing more stressful than arriving home with nothing to eat. If on the other hand my husband is the first to arrive home, then he can also cook.
What would make me refuse to cook is if in the last scenario, I come home and meet him on the sofa waiting for me to come and prepare some food. That would be making  me understand that it's my duty no matter what and that's what I can't accept.
I am willing to cook anyway when we are having romantic dinners. It strengthens the intimacy between us,

davidylan:

Every couple determines what role the other play in making the marriage work. The steering wheel cannot say to the car brakes that he is absolutely justified not to work. . . for a system to work at optimum capacity, all parts must must play their given roles.

As you have said it's the couple who has to decide the roles. According to this this discussion is absolutely irrelevant as we can't choose roles for couples we are not part of!

Why would I refuse in the first place? I can't really make any assumptions of what my marriage will be like. maybe I'll be the one to finish earlier at work and when I get home I'll make sure I cook. There is nothing more stressful than arriving home with nothing to eat. If on the other hand my husband is the first to arrive home, then he can also cook.
What would make me refuse to cook is if in the last scenario, I come home and meet him on the sofa waiting for me to come and prepare some food. That would be making me understand that it's my duty no matter what and that's what I can't accept.
I am willing to cook anyway when we are having romantic dinners. It strengthens the intimacy between us,

@Michellin, thats a fantastic post u have there, i agree with u on that completely!

michelin89:

As I have said u can still survive even if you wife isn't doing the cooking. Making an analogy with working makes no sense to me. They are two different things altogether. Most women here have declared that they aren't going to be sitting at home all day doing nothing. It's old-minded to think the man will always earn more than the lady. If there should be a case where the wife is the only one working then it becomes a typical traditional marriage with the difference that the woman is the bread-winner.

you have just made my point! MOST MEN HERE CAN COOK AND HAVE DECLARED THEY ARE NOT GOING TO SIT ON THEIR BUTTS ALL DAY WAITING FOR THEIR WIFE/SLAVE TO COOK FOR THEM!

You really havent said anything that has not been said a thousand times before we just keep going round and round in circles. Men want a companion not a slave or chef! If she can cook great! If she cant cook we can teach her! What makes the difference is whether she is willing to learn or not.

anabell:

Why would I refuse in the first place? I can't really make any assumptions of what my marriage will be like. maybe I'll be the one to finish earlier at work and when I get home I'll make sure I cook. There is nothing more stressful than arriving home with nothing to eat. If on the other hand my husband is the first to arrive home, then he can also cook.
What would make me refuse to cook is if in the last scenario, I come home and meet him on the sofa waiting for me to come and prepare some food. That would be making me understand that it's my duty no matter what and that's what I can't accept.
I am willing to cook anyway when we are having romantic dinners. It strengthens the intimacy between us,

@Michellin, thats a fantastic post u have there, i agree with u on that completely!

Wait until you are married and have experienced that before you make outlandish claims.

well David keep it in mind that anyone can cook to save their life ( I am an example). My bf cooks very well. I am always surprised whenever I eat his food.

I for example don't like cooking that much but I am ready to do it if it's of vital importance. I agree that there some things in this life we don't value that much but are of great importance for someone else.

If my man wishes to taste my kitchen I'll make sure I find a special day when I'll cook something delicious for him. On weekends for example can be the right time for romantic dinners. I might not be able to cook always!

@davidlany , i dont have to wait untill i am married to no what i want, its better i get these things sorted with whoever my future partner maybe, so we dont have problems when we are married if he is cool with my demands then we are cool but if he is not, then its goodbye baby.

anabell:

@davidlany , i don't have to wait untill i am married to no what i want, its better i get these things sorted with whoever my future partner maybe, so we don't have problems when we are married if he is cool with my demands then we are cool but if he is not, then its goodbye baby.

lol symptom of childishness. So the validity of your marriage is based on your demands being met? What about his own demands? Or are REAL MEN too not allowed to have demands? What happened to love and the spirit of compromise?

If that is not the definition of selfishness then tell me what it is.

Good to see that this thread is still lame

Lame because, ? cooking in marriage shouldn't be discussed? or women shouldn't be held accountable to cook in marriage?
-------------------
most men expect their wives to know how to cook & many women here consider this male-chauvinism/patriarchy; I'm hoping this thread can help me understand why.

i'll marry a guy that doesn't place food as priority in marriage. lol
a skinny tech guy. maybe.

proverbial, you'll find a wonderful wife don't worry. women who love to cook all the time aren't difficult to find.

davidylan:

A lot of you just jump in the middle of a thread without bothering to read the preceeding posts that lay the foundation for what you are replying to.

A LOT?, i mean u should be reffering to whosever concerned i mean SEUN himself, so sad man,
@topic
  am married to AKATA for certain reasons, but aint the issue now, she's in2 eating MCDONALDS,BURGER KING, and watever, i do all the cooking all the time, sometimes she eats out of it cos i cant complain, well it dont matter whether a WOMAN knows how to cook or not, so far am satisfying myself, then what and even takin advantage of RESTAURANTS, i think am cool with it

a woman who doesnt know how to cook is stupid, wat kind of rubbish is that, ure meant to take care of ur husband, in mny own opinion sha, a womans supposed to know how take care of the home,

why shuld a husband cook in the house, he shuld help out, but its not his responsiblities,
i love to cook, proverb, come marrry me, lol

i'll marry a guy that doesn't place food as priority in marriage.

It might not be a priority, but it should be of concern.
food & survival, they sort of go hand-in-hand.

lol a skinny tech guy. maybe.

I hope you don't think all skinny guys are moderate munchers? Don't be deceived  .

proverbial, you'll find a wonderful wife don't worry.

ditto.  I might consider you.  I have a feeling you'll change a whole lot in years to come.

women who love to cook all the time aren't difficult to find.

Truth be told, I have a feeling girls of now-a-days don't spend as much time in the kitchen as their mothers/fore-mothers did generations ago.
Which is good  , but it worries me a whole lot.

i love to cook, proverb, come marrry me, lol

flattering . I'm accepting applications; all applications should be sent to my e-mail box.

applications ke, wat number am i on the queue

proverbial:

It might not be a priority, but it should be of concern.
food & survival, they sort of go hand-in-hand.I hope you don't think all skinny guys are moderate munchers? Don't be deceived .ditto. I might consider you. I have a feeling you'll change a whole lot in years to come.Truth be told, I have a feeling girls of now-a-days don't spend as much time in the kitchen as their mothers/fore-mothers did generations ago.
Which is good , but it worries me a whole lot.

lmao
yeah there are some really skinny guys that will eat the house and not gain a pound. I know, i live with one.
currently i spend a total of about 30 min a day in the kitchen on average.

mothers/fore-mothers didn't have day jobs, there were no blenders/microwaves to make things easy etc.

yeah there are some really skinny guys that will eat the house and not gain a pound. I know, i live with one.
currently i spend a total of about 30 min a day in the kitchen on average.

very well girl, you know what's good. keep up the good work.

mothers/fore-mothers didn't have day jobs, there were no blenders/microwaves to make things easy etc.

ah those good ol' days, technology sure breeds lazy wabbits.

I regard cooking as one of those vital roles a woman should play in a family.Any woman that cannot cook definitely cannot command my respect.

As a matter of fact a woman's ability to cook should form one of the "qualities" I should look out for when I choose my wife.I believe that if a woman cannot do cooking she has failed to learn many more things which makes her useful as a wife and mother of the house.

I CANNOT marry her.

@daividylan, sorri about my mistake, i ment that b4 i get married myself and my future hubby will lay our cards on table and should be ableto  come  to a compromise. if  he is a guy that feels its my duty to do all the household work incuding the cooking without his help then  he is  definatly not 4 me.All i am sayin is that whoever i  end up with should be able to help out with the household work and  i in return will  work and also bring in  money, cos i will never be a stay at home mum.If we both bring in money together to run our home what stops him from  helping out with the household chores?

This your 50:50 theory makes a lot of sense. When you have your first child, anabell, take the pregnancy and breast feed the child. When its time for your second one, its your husband's turn, he'll get pregnant and breast feed the child. Since you are preaching 50:50.

There are traditional roles meant for men and women, the reason we have these high divorce rates and single parent homes today is because of those that choose to deviate from these traditional roles.

please wat value is awoman when she can't cook for kids and her husband. guess we miss the picture. seun aint right one bit. Can't marry a girl if she can't cook. rubbish. u guys sholud be real and stop this funny thing about chef. Even married women in advance countries still cook. Imagine africans !

proverbial:

Lame because, ? cooking in marriage shouldn't be discussed? or women shouldn't be held accountable to cook in marriage?
-------------------
most men expect their wives to know how to cook & many women here consider this male-chauvinism/patriarchy; I'm hoping this thread can help me understand why.

Lame cos I say so. There are so many threads whining about the same garbage. If the answers you people got from the other threads werent satisfying, what the hell makes you think the 8th thread about it will change anything?

Why does it bother you if a person doesnt want to cook? Nah their own problem, if they wanna waste money by constantly buying food outside, wetin be your own? and this is to both females and males. the problem people have is the fact that this is "expected" from just women. Are you disabled that you cant cook for yourself? Why expect anything from anyone? Why depend on anyone for food? Unless you are trying to subtly tell us you are retarded?

Or maybe it's cos I was raised in a household where my father cooks better than most Nigerian women.

I've realized that the easiest way to kill most nigerian men is through food. Most women when they are fighting with their husbands or whatever, get back at them by not cooking, now if the guy knew how to, would such a thing be able to affect him? No but since you go around "expecting" food, they can do that and end up getting whatever they want from you. These are the same guys that cry about Nigerian women being deceptive/manipulative. Could be because as long as there is a hot plate of asaro in front of you, we can get away with anything.

Arnold1:


This your 50:50 theory makes a lot of sense. When you have your first child, anabell, take the pregnancy and breast feed the child. When its time for your second one, its your husband's turn, he'll get pregnant and breast feed the child. Since you are preaching 50:50.

There are traditional roles meant for men and women, the reason we have these high divorce rates and single parent homes today is because of those that choose to deviate from these traditional roles.

This is pure arrant nonsense! What right has the tradition got to impose roles on anyone?

Lame because I say so.

This would be an okay response if you're an authoritative figure, which you're not; it'd be even better if you had carefully crafted it into a more-developed, sharp, sentence.

The rest of the stuff is too assaulting, it seemed like a personal-onset (may be something you're going through). I'm dismissing as intellectually weak (pretty much meaning dull/stupid).

This is pure arrant nonsense! What right has the tradition got to impose roles on anyone?

Michelin, maybe similar rights that society has in imposing physically demanding roles on men.

michelin89:

This is pure arrant nonsense! What right has the tradition got to impose roles on anyone?

tradition does not impose roles on anyone, it simply suggests. I have seen happy couples where the husband does most of the cooking while the wife runs the larger part of the family business. There are no hard and fast rules that state thou must cook for ur husband. Whatever compromise the couple reaches is fine so long as they are happy with it.