My name is Wale. I’ve been married for the past seven years and my marriage is blessed with two children. But the problem is that my wife has bluntly refused to bear my name. Rather, she fights me whenever I ask her to do the right thing. This has made me lose confidence in our marital relationship to the detriment of the children. Whenever I ask her to state her reason for not wanting to bear my name, she would say there is nothing in a name! Please, what is there in a name (her words)? We got married in church. Your advice will be greatly valued. From Wale

http://lindaikeji..com/2011/01/my-wife-does-not-want-to-bear-my-name.html

If you're moslems, the Koran says:
"Call them after their fathers. That is most just in the sight of Allah. If you know not their fathers, then call them your brothers in faith and your patrons. There is no blame on you if you make a mistake but you are accountable for what is done intentionally. Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful." [Qur'an 33:5]
And if you're not then kick her ass!

I kept my father's name after marriage but hyphenated it to add my husband. If i ever get divorced, it will make it easier to drop the last name and continue with my dad's name

Nothing in a a name so why is she hell_bent on keeping her fathers name?Maybe the husband shld think abt hypernating both names,jeez so much wahala in marriage these days.

pslm23:

I kept my father's name after marriage but hyphenated it to add my husband. If i ever get divorced, it will make it easier to drop the last name and continue with my dad's name 

Almost like saying that you EXPECT to get divorced in future.

aloy/emeka:

Almost like saying that you EXPECT to get divorced in future.

@ Aloy Emeka, I'm a realist. In life we don't know what tomorrow will bring and I apply the same principle to everything I do. I'm not saying I want to get divorced or I wish for for it but I am not living and refuse to live in a fairy tale world where I expect the rest of my life to be a happily ever after. Despite problems I've faced in my marriage, I can still proudly say that I've got 8+ years under my belt.
So don't go trying to read a whole lot of meaning into my statements and please GET OFF MY BACK! It's like you enjoy trying to poke holes or find fault with things I say. Jeez!!!

One's name is like their identity. I don't know how old your wife is. I'll use a figure like 33. I can understand where she is coming from as one's name is their identity. For some, it's easy and exciting to change their surname. For some it's difficult and they may not want to do so. I'm so used to my own surname that I wonder if I'll be able to change it easily when and if I, too, should marry. I say you should leave her alone with the matter. If she'll come around, she'll do so when she's ready. Although I must say after seven years, is there still much reason for you to fight it? How is this making you lose confidence your marriage? If this is the only problem in your relationship, then I think you're being hard on her.

Why is the issue coming up now, After 2 children?

pslm23:

@ Aloy Emeka, I'm a realist. In life we don't know what tomorrow will bring and I apply the same principle to everything I do. I'm not saying I want to get divorced or I wish for for it but I am not living and refuse to live in a fairy tale world where I expect the rest of my life to be a happily ever after. Despite problems I've faced in my marriage, I can still proudly say that I've got 8+ years under my belt.
So don't go trying to read a whole lot of meaning into my statements and please GET OFF MY BACK! It's like you enjoy trying to poke holes or find fault with things I say. Jeez!!! 

I quit agrée with u, i also kept My dad's name with marital name. Hubby finds nothing wrong in it.
Just like your first post stated. It is best and mâke things easier in case of divorce.

OP, there is nô need to over read meaning, people who are divorcéd today never hoped gor it, it CAN happen just l'île sudden death. As for ue Wife try and tale things easy, dont créât problem where is suposed to be peace.

pslm23:

@ Aloy Emeka, I'm a realist. In life we don't know what tomorrow will bring and I apply the same principle to everything I do. I'm not saying I want to get divorced or I wish for for it but I am not living and refuse to live in a fairy tale world where I expect the rest of my life to be a happily ever after. Despite problems I've faced in my marriage, I can still proudly say that I've got 8+ years under my belt.
So don't go trying to read a whole lot of meaning into my statements and please GET OFF MY BACK! It's like you enjoy trying to poke holes or find fault with things I say. Jeez!!! 

Only 8 years?. Are you enjoying the marriage or enduring it?. Jesus can help you to stop existing and start living.

aloy/emeka:

Only 8 years?. Are you enjoying the marriage or enduring it?. Jesus can help you to stop existing and start living.

ROTFLMAO

aloy/emeka:

Only 8 years?. Are you enjoying the marriage or enduring it?. Jesus can help you to stop existing and start living.

@ Aloy Emeka, u r just a nit wit!  Why the heck will anybody be in a marriage just for endurance sake in this century? If you have nothing better to say, why don't u just do me a big favor and turn ur puter off or better still STFU! 
YES, i said 8+years and I'm proud of it.  In this day and age where seperation and divorce is rampant, yes I am very proud that despite the huge cultural differences between my husband and I and many other problems, we've had 8 years of happy marriage. Can u say the same about ur relationship? Maybe u have a gazellion years of marriage under ur belt and you are enduring it. You should be the one asking Jesus or whatever deity u worship to turn ur miserable life around so u can start living! Enuff already! 

You enjoy jumping into other people's posts and taking the topic elsewhere with ur cynical comments. Grow the "f" up! I will not waste any more of my brain cells on u or this issue!

ogugua88:

One's name is like their identity. I don't know how old your wife is. I'll use a figure like 33. I can understand where she is coming from as one's name is their identity. For some, it's easy and exciting to change their surname. For some it's difficult and they may not want to do so. I'm so used to my own surname that I wonder if I'll be able to change it easily when and if I, too, should marry. I say you should leave her alone with the matter. If she'll come around, she'll do so when she's ready. Although I must say after seven years, is there still much reason for you to fight it? How is this making you lose confidence your marriage? If this is the only problem in your relationship, then I think you're being hard on her.

@Bolded,so u are saying that as a married woman,she is ashamed of being identified with the hubby's name or 

I will fight about it and show my displeasure. If all other areas are ok in our relationship, then it is not a deal breaker.

pslm23:

@ Aloy Emeka, u r just a nit wit!  Why the heck will anybody be in a marriage just for endurance sake in this century? If you have nothing better to say, why don't u just do me a big favor and turn your puter off or better still STFU! 
YES, i said 8+years and I'm proud of it.  In this day and age where seperation and divorce is rampant, yes I am very proud that despite the huge cultural differences between my husband and I and many other problems, we've had 8 years of happy marriage. Can u say the same about your relationship? Maybe u have a gazellion years of marriage under your belt and you are enduring it. You should be the one asking Jesus or whatever deity u worship to turn your miserable life around so u can start living! Enuff already! 

You enjoy jumping into other people's posts and taking the topic elsewhere with your cynical comments. Grow the "f" up! I will not waste any more of my brain cells on u or this issue!

I struck a nerve, huh?. Make love o and not divorce. I wish you more (8 x 80) years of happy marriage .

@ poster, before you two got married, did u guys not talk about this? When she signed the marriage certificate what did she sign it as?

I don't know how it's done back home but over here, we first apply for a marriage license and on that license, the wife writes what her new married name will be.

you and ur wife shld have talked it over first. But really, there is nothing to it. Everybody still knows she's ur wife even though i concede that it must be awkward!

pslm23:

I kept my father's name after marriage but hyphenated it to add my husband. If i ever get divorced, it will make it easier to drop the last name and continue with my dad's name

What has the world come to?so peeps go into marriages these days with the thougth of divorce uppermost on their minds

@ OP

What does she want?for you to answer her maiden name?Again it depends on a lot of things,did you for instance discuss this issue before you got "married"?
Personally I feel it's girls that dont have enough regard for their husband's to be and who feel their father's name is more prestigious than their husband's surname that feel that way.

aloy/emeka:

Almost like saying that you EXPECT to get divorced in future.

fact!



@Op,

i hate stubborn women, if you can't bear my name then end of marriage!. i hate stress from women. . . .xpecially this kind

@poster
Na u pay her bride prize ,Abi na her dad pay am 4 you,

             

Is she African?

no1madman:

Is she African?

No, she is Nigerian.

ogugua88:

One's name is like their identity. I don't know how old your wife is. I'll use a figure like 33. I can understand where she is coming from as one's name is their identity. For some, it's easy and exciting to change their surname. For some it's difficult and they may not want to do so. I'm so used to my own surname that I wonder if I'll be able to change it easily when and if I, too, should marry. I say you should leave her alone with the matter. If she'll come around, she'll do so when she's ready. Although I must say after seven years, is there still much reason for you to fight it? How is this making you lose confidence your marriage? If this is the only problem in your relationship, then I think you're being hard on her.

ifyalways:

@Bolded,so u are saying that as a married woman,she is ashamed of being identified with the hubby's name or 

If I use the kain word wey I want use,  I don't see any mention or implication of shame in my post. So many NLers are so combative. Una dey add words to everything I post, so eager to argue.

ogugua88:

If I use the kain word wey I want use,  I don't see any mention or implication of shame in my post. So many NLers are so combative. Una dey add words to everything I post, so eager to argue.

Una as in who and who?
I only asked u to shed more light on ur post,my reply to you was a question not a statement . . .You could also have chosen not to respond rather than flater urself.Good day.

Madame I'm not flattering myself. If you want me to shed more light on my post, then ask, rather than implying I said one thing.

"The problem is that I, like so many women who marry in their thirties, already have an identity of my own—not to mention, as a writer, a last name intrinsically linked to my livelihood. And in that respect, I tend to track with the trends. “Women are marrying later, and they have a life before they’re married,” says Goldin. “Women who marry early are more likely to be changers.”

-An excerpt from this article:

http://www.elle.com/Life-Love/Sex-Relationships/A-Change-of-Name

OP, ask her if she is willing to hyphenate her name. If she's not, then it's best you just move on and conquer more serious issues together. You should not feel more connected to your wife because of a name you wish to share. You mentioned you have children. Your connectivity and overflowing love for her should come from the fact that she's the beautiful mother of your children, not that she bears your name. Why and how this name issue can make you feel differently about her is very much beyond me. I hope you haven't forgotten the woman you marry and why you married her in the first place.

The implying part must be in your head or eyes cos i know i asked a question.when and how did the question twist to "una,everything u post,ready to argue,combative", have our paths crossed before 
Anywayz,no need for drama.Thank you for explaining.

semid4lyfe:

I've got the finest and sweetest sounding surname in the world. . .any lady would be proud to drop hers and adopt mine

And what would that be; 4life or life

*_chuckles*

spikedcylinder:

Nawa o. It's almost like slavery. Now, husbands get to decide what kind of names a wife can bear and how to go about bearing it?
Tufia to these cave men! Tufia, I say!

Tradition and culture demands she adopts his name after marriage besides, it helps the family unit maintain one last name. Not husband is Adelaja, wife is Ademola and their children have Akinade and Ogunlesi as their last names.

aloy/emeka:

Tradition and culture demands she adopts his name after marriage besides, it helps the family unit maintain one last name. Not husband is Adelaja, wife is Ademola and their children have Akinade and Ogunlesi as their last names.

Why did you bother to reply. See how she turned marriage to slavery and men to cavemen because of a simple change of name. She might be a feminist