Hello everyone
Have been pondering on this over the years and I think i need wider view and advice on this.
I'm from a family of 6 my father separated from my mom several years ago and remarried another woman and has several other side babes
now he paid our school fees wen we wer in uni but has neglected every other aspect of fatherhood.
we hardly see him because he stays in a different state
He did a court marriage with only my mom. so please what can we do because its becoming unbearable, i decided to concentrate on my self and hussle but its getting unbearable seeing your father with so much money squander it for another woman,side chicks,church etc and neglecting his very own family.
The last straw is he wants to stop paying rent for my mom claiming he has no money due to covid 19 but i got Intel that he just rented an apartment for another side chick. he will retire very soon and his gratuity should be nothing less than 30 m. He has no property for his children only a huz in the village and several cars he lavishes money on.
What can we do to salvage this situation
should we continue to look on as he waste his money and neglecting my mom that started life with him.
Can my mom file for divorce and will she get any benefit from it.
Can we the children out rightly sue him for neglect?
Mods please help push to front page so i can get wider contribution
please share your experience if you have a similar case like mine and how you tackled it..

sueing him wiill not change anything.

this is nigeria
leave him to God

You need to talk sense into him,i guess you're matured now,let him know he's making a big mistake and if he claims deaf ears to it, i would abvice you move on with your life and hope for better days ahead. Man's disappointment has always turn to blessing and a story to tell.

Sue him me........


His money.... His life......

All the children should strive and look after their mother.....

I'm speechless

sirciao:
Hello everyone
Have been pondering on this over the years and I think i need wider view and advice on this.
I'm from a family of 6 my father separated from my mom several years ago and remarried another woman and has several other side babes
now he paid our school fees wen we wer in uni but has neglected every other aspect of fatherhood.
we hardly see him because he stays in a different state
He did a court marriage with only my mom. so please what can we do because its becoming unbearable, i decided to concentrate on my self and hussle but its getting unbearable seeing your father with so much money squander it for another woman,side chicks,church etc and neglecting his very own family.
The last straw is he wants to stop paying rent for my mom claiming he has no money due to covid 19 but i got Intel that he just rented an apartment for another side chick. he will retire very soon and his gratuity should be nothing less than 30 m. He has no property for his children only a huz in the village and several cars he lavishes money on.
What can we do to salvage this situation
should we continue to look on as he waste his money and neglecting my mom that started life with him.
Can my mom file for divorce and will she get any benefit from it.
Can we the children out rightly sue him for neglect?
Mods please help push to front page so i can get wider contribution
please share your experience if you have a similar case like mine and how you tackled it..

How old are you?

I suggest you remove your mind from your Dad for now.

Focus on building yourself. Double your hustle.

If you can type intelligently like this on Nairaland, I believe you can learn a skill or something that will fetch you money. With that, you can take care of yourself, your Mum and your siblings (your Mum's children).

If you focus on suing, correcting or fighting your Dad, believe me you're going to waste a lot of time and emotions. He may not even change. Better invest it in other worthwhile ventures.

For now, take care of your Mum as much as you can, and pray for your Dad. Also, work on yourself, so you won't repeat his bad example when you eventually have your own family.

As for filing for divorce, let your Mum decide

All the best

Concerning alimony; On what ground is your mum going to demand for financial settlement?

Do they operate any joint account??
Is she a full time housewife with no income??
And did she contributed to his wealth??

If your answers are NO. Just forget about it.
I don't see how she'll get any benefit.

U and your siblings should go out there and hustle.

As for your mum, is she really idle?
Not doing anything but waiting on her husband to drop?
Her kids should spur her to action and forget the philanderer of a man. Hope she is not going raw with him.

I know of a man who usually lock up his kids.
Crazy man

sassysure:
U and your siblings should go out there and hustle.

As for your mum, is she really idle?
Not doing anything but waiting on her husband to drop?
Her kids should spur her to action and forget the philanderer of a man. Hope she is not going raw with him.

I know of a man who usually lock up his kids.
Crazy man

According to the OP, his parents are separated and his father is married to another woman whom he is cheating on.

Since your parents are still married legally your mum can sue him for bigamy. Talk to a lawyer about it.


This is a prime example of our parents "successful marriage" we keep hearing about.

Only your mother can sue for divorce and half of his assets including the 30 million which can be argued to be money made during the course of their marriage.

You have no locus standi to sue him.

Convince your mom to sue him, file a divorce petition request damages and spousal support , she will show prove that by being a wife and mother she supported him in earning the money. It will be a long expensive fight but it will be worth it.

Only your mother can sue him, forget your dad or his money and focus on yourself. Some parents don't own a house to their names yet their children struggle to build them mansion. Your dad paid for your education, it's your gift use it wisely.

OP don't worry the a man can cheat and still love his wife and be responsible crew have alot of advice for you. Be patient they're on their way.

I hope he doesn't squander all his money, get dumped by all his babes and now run back to your mum who will now be his caretaker. Because that's what usually happens. A man will spend his money around and now be broke and ill. That is when he will come back to be taken care of.

For you question, I don't think much can be done by the law in Nigeria. Maybe going the route of family elders might help.

ImaIma1:
I hope he doesn't squander all his money, get dumped by all his babes and now run back to your mum who will now be his caretaker. Because that's what usually happens. A man will spend his money around and now be broke and ill. That is when he will come back to be taken care of.

This is inevitable, and I await that period for OP. My prayer though, Op is made enough to show the father what loser he is.

sirciao:
Hello everyone
Have been pondering on this over the years and I think i need wider view and advice on this.
I'm from a family of 6 my father separated from my mom several years ago and remarried another woman and has several other side babes
now he paid our school fees wen we wer in uni but has neglected every other aspect of fatherhood.
we hardly see him because he stays in a different state
He did a court marriage with only my mom. so please what can we do because its becoming unbearable, i decided to concentrate on my self and hussle but its getting unbearable seeing your father with so much money squander it for another woman,side chicks,church etc and neglecting his very own family.
The last straw is he wants to stop paying rent for my mom claiming he has no money due to covid 19 but i got Intel that he just rented an apartment for another side chick. he will retire very soon and his gratuity should be nothing less than 30 m. He has no property for his children only a huz in the village and several cars he lavishes money on.
What can we do to salvage this situation
should we continue to look on as he waste his money and neglecting my mom that started life with him.
Can my mom file for divorce and will she get any benefit from it.
Can we the children out rightly sue him for neglect?
Mods please help push to front page so i can get wider contribution
please share your experience if you have a similar case like mine and how you tackled it..

How old are you?

Are you not a graduate now

What stops you from hustling like a man

You want to be fed when you are obviously above 21. Better enter street and go and hustle like a man.

As for your mum, is she without a source of income? Why is she still waiting for handout after separation? You her children should support her if she can't hustle too

Mstick:
Since your parents are still married legally your mum can sue him for bigamy. Talk to a lawyer about it.


This is a prime example of our parents "successful marriage" we keep hearing about.

Bigamy in Nigeria

[quote author=ImaIma1 post=90981325]I hope he doesn't squander all his money, get dumped by all his babes and now run back to your mum who will now be his caretaker. Because that's what usually happens. A man will spend his money around and now be broke and ill. That is when he will come back to be taken care of.


That is my biggest worry ooo

Palema007:
This is inevitable, and I await that period for OP. My prayer though, Op is made enough to show the father what loser he is.

Hopefully it won't get to that point.

ImaIma1:


Hopefully it won't get to that point.

Hopefully? I wouldn't care less.

sirciao:
[b]

I pray to doesn't get to that. Because he will realize too late that those other people are only after his money. And he happens to lose it all, they won't be there anymore.

bukatyne:


According to the OP, his parents are separated and his father is married to another woman whom he is cheating on.

Hian.

My ish was was he said the man stopped paying house rent for his mum.
Is the mum sick?


Abeg,make I mind my biz

At old age he will come back Tobe nursed after wasting his life with strange woman and ppl will say he's your father bma bla bla.

Nonsense deadbeat dads!

You need to find out whether or not your mother's character caused their separation, and you need to make sure that his carefree attitude towards you and your siblings isn't caused by you and your siblings sentimental support for your mother. If you can crack the truth on these issues, the problem will be half-solved.

Regardless of your findings, you've no locus standi to sue him. Make peace with him through diplomacy instead of manipulation/force. Of course, you need to squash your sense of entitlement mentality and focus on your personal emancipation, since he has already seen you and your siblings through uni, citing your submission.

This is why the mind is such a vital tool. Mindset is everything!
OP, what of your dad was dead? Or a pine wine tapper or yam farmer, this whole talk would not have come up in the first place.
You are a complete human being, there is no part of u that your father is holding. Remove your whole mind from your father so you can be a great somebody.
Thank u.

sassysure:

Hian.

My ish was was he said the man stopped paying house rent for his mum.
Is the mum sick?


Abeg,make I mind my biz

OP claims his parents have been separated for several years and the man has married another wife so I don't get why he should be dragged to pay the mother's rent in the first place.

If he is the son of the 2nd wife, I would understand.

sirciao:
Hello everyone
Have been pondering on this over the years and I think i need wider view and advice on this.
I'm from a family of 6 my father separated from my mom several years ago and remarried another woman and has several other side babes
now he paid our school fees wen we wer in uni but has neglected every other aspect of fatherhood.
we hardly see him because he stays in a different state
He did a court marriage with only my mom. so please what can we do because its becoming unbearable, i decided to concentrate on my self and hussle but its getting unbearable seeing your father with so much money squander it for another woman,side chicks,church etc and neglecting his very own family.
The last straw is he wants to stop paying rent for my mom claiming he has no money due to covid 19 but i got Intel that he just rented an apartment for another side chick. he will retire very soon and his gratuity should be nothing less than 30 m. He has no property for his children only a huz in the village and several cars he lavishes money on.
What can we do to salvage this situation
should we continue to look on as he waste his money and neglecting my mom that started life with him.
Can my mom file for divorce and will she get any benefit from it.
Can we the children out rightly sue him for neglect?
Mods please help push to front page so i can get wider contribution
please share your experience if you have a similar case like mine and how you tackled it..

@Bold:

If your parents have been separated for several years, why do you still expect him to pay her rent?

Your father only owes you his children allegiance except your mother also does wifey duties for him even after they have separated.

IF you want your father to help pay your mother's rent because of their history or you the kids, you appeal to him and not force him.

It is like someone forcing your mother to cook for him or any other wifely duties and threatening to sue her to court for it.

While at it, appreciate him for training you guys in school.

Perhaps, it might soften his heart to be more generous towards you guys.

sirciao:
Hello everyone
Have been pondering on this over the years and I think i need wider view and advice on this.
I'm from a family of 6 my father separated from my mom several years ago and remarried another woman and has several other side babes
now he paid our school fees wen we wer in uni but has neglected every other aspect of fatherhood.
we hardly see him because he stays in a different state
He did a court marriage with only my mom. so please what can we do because its becoming unbearable, i decided to concentrate on my self and hussle but its getting unbearable seeing your father with so much money squander it for another woman,side chicks,church etc and neglecting his very own family.
The last straw is he wants to stop paying rent for my mom claiming he has no money due to covid 19 but i got Intel that he just rented an apartment for another side chick. he will retire very soon and his gratuity should be nothing less than 30 m. He has no property for his children only a huz in the village and several cars he lavishes money on.
What can we do to salvage this situation
should we continue to look on as he waste his money and neglecting my mom that started life with him.
Can my mom file for divorce and will she get any benefit from it.
Can we the children out rightly sue him for neglect?
Mods please help push to front page so i can get wider contribution
please share your experience if you have a similar case like mine and how you tackled it..

If you are above 18, you father owes you nothing.

Nobody! Not even the court of law can tell an adult what to do with his money. I hope you have not look him in the eyes and stand up to him in an attempt to fight for your mom's right.... na suffer you dey carry play so.

Let your mom humble herself and go back to her feminine drawing board. Only she can return things to how it was... Them no dey take coconut head collect money for man hand..

Based on Nigeria's reality, it is like chasing whirlwind but the painful thing is that when the dad becomes drained, broke and sick, OP and his siblings will be preached unto to forgive and go take care of a prodigal father. Such is what influenced my term paper Cultural Subsidization of Dead Beat Parenting in my undergraduate's Family Therapy module

sirciao:
Hello everyone
Have been pondering on this over the years and I think i need wider view and advice on this.
I'm from a family of 6 my father separated from my mom several years ago and remarried another woman and has several other side babes
now he paid our school fees wen we wer in uni but has neglected every other aspect of fatherhood.
we hardly see him because he stays in a different state
He did a court marriage with only my mom. so please what can we do because its becoming unbearable, i decided to concentrate on my self and hussle but its getting unbearable seeing your father with so much money squander it for another woman,side chicks,church etc and neglecting his very own family.
The last straw is he wants to stop paying rent for my mom claiming he has no money due to covid 19 but i got Intel that he just rented an apartment for another side chick. he will retire very soon and his gratuity should be nothing less than 30 m. He has no property for his children only a huz in the village and several cars he lavishes money on.
What can we do to salvage this situation
should we continue to look on as he waste his money and neglecting my mom that started life with him.
Can my mom file for divorce and will she get any benefit from it.
Can we the children out rightly sue him for neglect?
Mods please help push to front page so i can get wider contribution
please share your experience if you have a similar case like mine and how you tackled it..

The system we have in Nigeria is a naughty system in the sense that, if you sue him, the court will ask for his pay slip and whatever is written there, the court will decide how he will share it

Just assume you don't have a dad, honestly

He will reap his own very soon

Let your mum try to pay the rent if she can and if she can't, you guys have to look for another accommodation which can be paid without stress

The house he has in the village belongs to your family and the other woman family so it's not for your mum alone

If you sue him, it will be a negative news to your kindred and families, they will see you as a scoundrel

Just move on with your struggle and keep communicating with him if you guys have access to him

Leave him very soon he will retire and all his powers will be broken

NairalandSARS:


If you are above 18, you father owes you nothing.

A parent is a parent till death.

Just how you honor your parents till death.