RedPhoenix:




Unfortunately you just defined your standpoint

Mine is and remains how he handles this situation will go a long way in what happens in his Union and he should take caution


Why you seem to be a good counsellor, rather an excellent one, you should watch out for your weakness while doing this madam

I am wondering what you are going on about here.

Everyone has dropped their own perspectives and advised him to talk to her as he doesn't even know his babe's standpoint on this.

If I agreed with your first post, we would not be here right?

Ok, I agree with you.

Let him share the money N50k each or N25K each for both parents.

RedPhoenix:



Yes. She's right. Her parents are yours.


Split it 25k each side. The peace you'll achieve will help you along way in your own marriage. If you don't, expect it to affect her habits and antique towards you. It's in your court to weigh in on the long term. Benefits

Splitting the money will make his family hate his wife.

bukatyne:


I am wondering what you are going on about here.

Everyone has dropped their own perspectives and advised him to talk to her as he doesn't even know his babe's standpoint on this.

If I agreed with your first post, we would not be here right?

Ok, I agree with you.

Let him share the money N50k each or N25K each for both parents.

What is this one saying.

SweetCunt97:
Splitting the money will make his family hate his wife.

Marriage is between man and wife. Both the discussion of money sharing, who knows and who hates are purely distractions

It actually depends on your income and hers and whether you will want to put funds together, to pay for bills. As a single lady how much does she give her parents monthly? l and hubby work, at the end of the month, i send my to my parent while hubby sends to his. We also put money together to take care of bills. It depends on you whichever way you want it. You can discus with your fiance. It is not compulsory to send to hers.

Beyond what you want to give to parents have the full financial debate


1. What do you both earn and what are your family monthly bills? Rent, light, fuel, DSTV,food etc. Who does what?
What kind of ideology does she have towards finances?
Does she expect a husband to do it all?
Does she expect a wife to support?
Does she expect a husband and wife to come together put resources together and pay bills?


What are her views to extended family?

RedPhoenix:



Marriage is between man and wife. Both the discussion of money sharing, who knows and who hates are purely distractions

Na dem sabi

LewsTherin:
Do you know her view about finances?
Does she know your views about finances?
Are you both getting married without knowing what and how you both handle finances?
Have you both discussed it at any time?

As one half of a married couple, would your resources be capable of taking care of your new family and still afford to send 50k to your parents? What of when the children come?

Do you know what she currenly does for her parents?
Have you both discussed it?
Do you have the interest of her parents in consideration?
Does she have yours?

Exactly what to do.

Joint account. Fairness on both sides. If emergency arises or something happens and someone needs more for a genuine reason, then send more.

No biggie

Takotsubo:
Chorismate

What hubby and I do is send same amount to both sides of the family. You send 50k to yours and she sends 50k to hers with scope to help out if any side is more needy at some point.

It's easier this way for the sake of fairness and to prevent any budding feelings of resentment.
Your parents will never be more important to her than her parents. No side of the family is more deserving.

This method only works if you both contribute to a joint account and then plan together on ALL expenses.If you're doing your thing with money and she's doing her thing,then it's no one's concern how much you send or how much she sends.

You cannot be sharing a joint account with equal contribution and then tell her to send less to her folks because she has brothers.It doesn't sound right .

So best to discuss it now very plainly,how much you bring in,how much she brings in, joint account or not, your estimated joint expenses ,savings plan, THEN how much parents will receive.

Good luck.

pocohantas:

She should take care of her parents. Even if she isn’t working, her siblings should take care of them. You can send gifts once in a while, but don’t start monthly something, you may not be able to keep up when responsibilities start piling

Best contribution on this thread.

LewsTherin:
Do you know her view about finances?
Does she know your views about finances?
Are you both getting married without knowing what and how you both handle finances?
Have you both discussed it at any time?

As one half of a married couple, would your resources be capable of taking care of your new family and still afford to send 50k to your parents? What of when the children come?

Do you know what she currenly does for her parents?
Have you both discussed it?
Do you have the interest of her parents in consideration?
Does she have yours?

Great advice. OP, do have this discussion with your fiance so both of you can come to a good conclusion.

bukatyne:

If the in-laws see him as their son, they would not burden him with unnecessary demands as he is trying to build a young family.

They will be grateful with the gifts he sends periodically.

Lol, I quite find it odd though how any parent today will be comfortable collecting a monthly donation from a young married couple they ought to let build their lives.

Perhaps people who do this have parents who have no single source of income of their own, but even then, my grandparents, all late from both sides, who didn't attend school, didn't work formal jobs and had no pensions or gratuities, weren't receiving a monthly salary. Not to mention we talking about parents today who are mostly retirees or business owners.

Don't get involved in monthly remittances now and you shouldn't have told her what you give your family. If you ever stop ,you become bad and if u cut into your parents budget, they will resent her. However, since you have towed the path of openness, ask her what she and her siblings make available to their parents monthly.They must have something on the table, which you can just increase by a token. You may even find out that the aggregate sum from she and her siblings might top the 50k you give your parents.

Chorismate:


This is a dicey area. In African setting, i think the couple tend to take the groom's parent more as their parent. Well, i stand to be corrected.

However, as @unnerve mentioned, since the ladies parents have other sons that are capable, i think a little more attention should be given to mine as i am the only one currently capable from my parent's side.

This is my rough opinion.

What do you think?

Chorismate:


This is a dicey area. In African setting, i think the couple tend to take the groom's parent more as their parent. Well, i stand to be corrected.

However, as @unnerve mentioned, since the ladies parents have other sons that are capable, i think a little more attention should be given to mine as i am the only one currently capable from my parent's side.

This is my rough opinion.

What do you think?

You're not wrong. But I can't say you're right either.

I don't think it should be a question of what either of you is giving to which set of parents. It should be a question of how much each set of parents have available for a good life and both of you ensure both sets have that. Either by coordinating each set of siblings (if you are in a position to do that) or by ensuring what you give each set is sufficient for that.

It is dicey though. A test of a good man is the ability to balance competing needs. So flex your good-man-muscles.

But seriously, you need to properly discuss finances with your lady. Very important.

Unnerve:

Lol, I quite find it odd though how any parent today will be comfortable collecting a monthly donation from a young married couple they ought to let build their lives.

Perhaps people who do this have parents who have no single source of income of their own, but even then, my grandparents, all late from both sides, who didn't attend school, didn't work formal jobs and had no pensions or gratuities, weren't receiving a monthly salary. Not to mention we talking about parents today who are mostly retirees or business owners.

Well, different strokes for different folks.

I know a friend who believed her husband should give both parents same thing as his duty.

We run a joint account and give both sides as required. Some on a monthly basis, others as needed.

If someone is comfortable, why should we even what we give when the other party needs it? This is apart from what we give for festive seasons of course.

He really needs to take to his babe sha. Even this thread is based on his speculation. The babe might/might not expect him to send N50k to her own family.

Chorismate:


We are both from Enugu and our dowry is fair.

Bride price