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1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired - Family - Nairaland

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1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by goodgirl2409: 10:54pm On Aug 12
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

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Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by emeijeh(m): 10:57pm On Aug 12
Too bad, you married a grown up boy.

Damn

523 Likes 19 Shares

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by sapien(m): 11:06pm On Aug 12
He is cheating. No doubt about it.

Most cheaters are always distant and aloof to their spouse in their marriage.

167 Likes 9 Shares

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by khatea: 11:17pm On Aug 12
Sorry about this op!
What was courtship wt him like? D u just tell d whole truth here? Do u nag? Ur marriage is too young to start facing this emotional trauma, m sure sumtin is wrong somewhere. Either yes/no, U need a night preferably a midnight to deal with this issue my dear. Wake him, go on ur knees, cry if u want/can, pour out evritin bothering u and let him know how single in marriage u feel wt d way things are. I hope he speaks up

Note: U need to make ursef happy at all times no matter what pls. Remember prayer changes things too

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Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by healthserve(m): 11:18pm On Aug 12
Oya o


Daddytime Pansophist Even me need advice here as this one pass me

12 Likes 1 Share

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by goodgirl2409: 11:21pm On Aug 12
khatea:
Sorry about this op!
What was courtship wt him like? D u just tell d whole truth here? Do u nag? Ur marriage is too young to start facing this emotional trauma, m sure sumtin is wrong somewhere. Either yes/no, U need a night preferably a midnight to deal with this issue my dear. Wake him, go on ur knees, cry if u want/can, pour out evritin bothering u and let him know how single in marriage u feel wt d way things are. I hope he speaks up
Thank you so much.
Note: U need to make ursef happy at all times no matter what pls. Remember prayer changes things too

We have talked severally but nothing has changed. Every month, he puts up this attitude like 3 three weeks in a month, 1 week, things maybe normal.

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Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by healthserve(m): 11:22pm On Aug 12
goodgirl2409:


We have talked severally but nothing has changed. Every month, he puts up this attitude like 3 three weeks in a month, 1 week, things maybe normal.


I have things to say


1. Read the book Five love languages by Gary Chapman


2. That's your husband's love language and how he will keep communicating through the marriage. The earlier you come to terms that marriage reveal and not change people the better. I'm discouraging you from hoping for a change so you can start gaining the right perspective on managing the marriage, or levelling the ground to gain some advantage to yourself. If I encourage you to tow this line, you'll lose yourself so I will keep the secrets


3. You need to honestly tell your self privately the answer to this question. If my husband doesn't change cab I cope with this for the long haul? The answer will be your guiding light


4. Start dealing with the truth perhaps you married a stranger and now true colors are been unveiled.


5. Tip one to help you. Dissociate the emotional trauma from all the instabilities. I.e. don't feel bad if he doesn't eat,stays out or don't talk.


6. Tip two, don't let his inadequacies and tantrums go unchecked. I.e Never you confront him but respectfully let him know hes hurting you. I.e Nnanyi I know you've started with the silent treatment. I just wanted you to know that I know. End the sentence there and move on,transfer the psychological baggage to him by doing this. Talk about it and move on,the pain would be transfered to him psychologically relieving you off the stress hes projecting to you


7. Tip three, happiness kills bad vibes. Be cheerful. Never show that the bad experiences are stressing you. Deflect the bad vibe and exude happy reactions.I promise you he'll start calling you a witch cause he'll notice his down tactics have no hold on you.


8. Your husband isn't a demon, neither have I said he's a bad person or you didn't do some wrongs. I'm working with the facts I have here assuming both sides have stated both their cases

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Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by Jay5mie: 11:25pm On Aug 12
angry
Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by bukatyne(f): 11:28pm On Aug 12
goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.

He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

What happened?

1 Like

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by daddytime(m): 11:32pm On Aug 12
healthserve:
Oya o


Daddytime Pansophist Even me need advice here as this one pass me

Lol

Marriage na school wey nobody don ever graduate from.

Will touch on this topic tomorrow. I feel so sorry for op.

She's been blackmailed and having her mind/head messed with deliberately by a narcissist.

It's a mind game.

122 Likes 6 Shares

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by khatea: 11:39pm On Aug 12
goodgirl2409:


We have talked severally but nothing has changed. Every month, he puts up this attitude like 3 three weeks in a month, 1 week, things maybe normal.


O gidi gaaaan o
M afraid u have to learn to enjoy his one week normalcy to the max such dt u will be using its thoughts to stand firm for d next 3 weeks if u rili wanna keep ur marriage but pls, be ur normal self, don't change ur manners... This kind cross off me tho! It's well wt u

16 Likes

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by khatea: 11:41pm On Aug 12
daddytime:


Lol

Marriage na school wey nobody don ever graduate from.

Will touch on this topic tomorrow. I feel so sorry for op.

She's been blackmailed and having her mind/head messed with deliberately by a narcissist.

It's a mind game.

Reason I asked what their courtship was like but OP ddnt talk on dat. I think this shldnt just start all of a sudden after d wedding tho

20 Likes

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by healthserve(m): 11:51pm On Aug 12
daddytime:


Lol

Marriage na school wey nobody don ever graduate from.

Will touch on this topic tomorrow. I feel so sorry for op.

She's been blackmailed and having her mind/head messed with deliberately by a narcissist.

It's a mind game.


Yeap. Big time narcissist. The guy played on her emotions to get married to her. We need to let her know she married the wrong dude and its a choice now to cope or lipsrsealed

42 Likes 3 Shares

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by Mekenz(m): 12:04am On Aug 13
madam how long do you guy's courted before these marriage? secondary you have to look inwards, maybe there are characters that you normally exhibit that got him attracted to you, maybe you drop all those,thinking since you're marriage no need, your husband maybe someone, that doesn't like complaining therefore chooses to ignore you,since you're no longer as daring as before.

there is a popular saying.......

men marry their wife's with the hope, that they won't change, but they does......

while

women marry their husband thinking that they would change, but they never.

38 Likes 7 Shares

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by SageMK: 12:06am On Aug 13
I know for a fact that marriage is an eye opener but this is strange simply because a loving husband doesn't just start harbouring contempt and repugnance overnight.

So I know for a fact he hasn't changed at all!

He has simply stop pretending & what you see now, these sudden behavioural changes are his true colors.

It's your choice to continue enduring and suffering.
But you don't have to at all. You deserve better.

Be brave enough to know when to quit.

35 Likes 1 Share

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by paul1995: 12:33am On Aug 13
You didn’t marry your best friend you only got married to a sadist who lacks communication and understanding.. I won’t talk about love because I know that is a facade from the inception in this marriage.. be patient marriage na endurance �

24 Likes

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by Biglittlelois(f): 12:43am On Aug 13
Can you do exactly all these things he does? If he doesn't call you for discussions on how both of you should change, then he's not human or he's cheating.

2 Likes 2 Shares

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by Dollarseeker: 4:14am On Aug 13
madam u did something, tell us what u did. or you did something u think he doesn't know about but he is aware of. Hope you are not cheating on him?

38 Likes

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by Simpleandsweet: 4:25am On Aug 13
Hmmmn..there's so much to tell you but so little facts to work with...for now, my advice would be to delay having kids with him for now if you don't already have one.
With someone that keeps malice like that, and gives you the silent treatment so early in the marriage (not that it is okay later in marriage), you would be in for a very long ride of pain, hurt and pure anguish..best not to complicate it with kids in the picture.

There are so many angles to look at this from like others have said; he could be cheating, he was pretending before, he's a narcissist, or just a boy in a man's body or perhaps you ticked him off the wrong way and he decided to ' teach you a lesson'.
Whichever one it is, delay childbearing(thankfully sex is not even regular again sef) and give your young marriage a fighting chance cos I believe you love him.
Please buy the book 'The Power of a Praying wife' by Stormie Omartian and diligently pray for these negative attitudes and let's see how that goes. While you wait, play the psychological game with him properly and don't feed his excesses. If nothing changes, which I seriously doubt going by the efficacy of that book, then we'll go back to the drawing table for the next line of action.

If you already have a child for him, still follow through with all I said before but brace yourself for a bumpier ride, delay the next baby and wait it out a while.
Hope this helps and may God give you and your marriage the peace,joy and direction you need...

49 Likes 4 Shares

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by ITbomb(m): 5:56am On Aug 13
Have you added weight?

12 Likes

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by cerpvad(m): 6:35am On Aug 13
What I can sense from this post is that your husband does not get sexual fulfillment from you. A lot of men become unemotional in their marriage because of sexual incompatibility. Your husband has possibly found sexual fulfilment in another woman out there. Unless you quickly change your game sexually, it will be too late to have him back with you.
goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.

He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

10 Likes

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by eeewise(m): 6:52am On Aug 13
He is harbouring, nurturing resentment based on something you do constantly, have done.

Also d resentment might be due to unfulfilled expectations from you like lack of support financially, drastic change of weight, hygiene etc

He could be cheating and catching his groove outside

All this are possible causes

Talk more to God and pls give it time

Sometimes d grass becomes green where u water it

Patience is key

38 Likes 1 Share

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by eeewise(m): 7:28am On Aug 13
Just be patient and try and look for your own formula. Marriage is such that what rocks someones boat can sink another's

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by Lucasinho(m): 8:01am On Aug 13
shocked





Maybe if we hear Ur husband's side of story....some people up there with fast magic fingers that are fast in conclusion will begin to edit their unbalanced comments.


Ma'am! think and rethink what you did to this man that resulted to his sudden change after a year of Ur union.


Have you been nagging?


Anyway, only Baba God can restore your home.

29 Likes 3 Shares

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by franchasng(m): 8:06am On Aug 13
Possible causes of your marital challenges:

1.) He is regretting marrying you and indirectly trying to frustrate you to quit the marriage


2.) He had an expectation from you before he married you, and as the expectation can't be met, he is full of regrets

3.) You did something bad and he is finding it difficult to forgive; some people have an unforgiven heart.

4.) You guys married too early without knowing each other well, and now it has downed on him that you are the wrong person, that he ought to have married Anita instead of you.

5.) You blackmailed him into marrying you either using unprepared pregnancy entrapment, emotional blackmail, religious blackmail, etc and now he is regretting...is there a solution for this There might be solution but honestly I can't say.


Solution

You should know what you did; if its cheating, forget the marriage cos majority of men including myself can forgive a lady any other sin but I cannot forgive her having sex with another guy when dating or married to me.


In that case, the only solution will be for you to go to God in prayer with total repentance for God alone to touch your husband's heart to forgive you, but anybody telling you there is a solution for a wife cheating on her husband is lying to you....not all men can forgive a cheating wife cry

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Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by spongeisback: 8:34am On Aug 13
And he cannot communicate this to his wife? She has to be the one to change for a cheat?

cerpvad:
What I can sense from this post is that your husband does not get sexual fulfillment from you. A lot of men become unemotional in their marriage because of sexual incompatibility. Your husband has possibly found sexual fulfilment in another woman out there. Unless you quickly change your game sexually, it will be too late to have him back with you.

19 Likes

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by spongeisback: 8:36am On Aug 13
OP just ignore him, do whatever makes you happy. Stop begging him. When he sees that two can play whatever game he's playing he would want to talk.

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Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by cerpvad(m): 8:42am On Aug 13
You are making real sense. Reason I left an ex was she cheated on me, I found out, she begged and I accepted her back then. But the relationship was never the same as it was when we started. We later decided to go our separate ways.

However, for the four possible causes identified here, I don't think there is any solution. The op is wished a good luck
franchasng:
Possible causes:

1.) He is regretting marrying you and indirectly trying to frustrate you to quit the marriage


2.) He had an expectation from you before he married you, and as the expectation can't be met, he is full of regrets

3.) You did something bad and he is finding it difficult to forgive; some people have an unforgiven heart.

4.) You guys married too early without knowing each other well, and now it has downed on him that you are the wrong person, that he ought to have married Anita instead of you


Solution

You should know what you did; if its cheating, forget the marriage cos majority of men including can forgive a lady any other sin but I cannot forgive her having sex with another guy when dating or married to me.

13 Likes 2 Shares

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by Michelle55(f): 8:47am On Aug 13
franchasng:
Possible causes:

1.) He is regretting marrying you and indirectly trying to frustrate you to quit the marriage


2.) He had an expectation from you before he married you, and as the expectation can't be met, he is full of regrets

3.) You did something bad and he is finding it difficult to forgive; some people have an unforgiven heart.

4.) You guys married too early without knowing each other well, and now it has downed on him that you are the wrong person, that he ought to have married Anita instead of you


Solution

You should know what you did; if its cheating, forget the marriage cos majority of men including can forgive a lady any other sin but I cannot forgive her having sex with another guy when dating or married to me.

These are possible causes of which might be true( ain't disputing this facts) How can she scale through this phase without losing her marriage? Or is this the end of the marriage? Don't you think the man shouldn't have married her if atall she cheated to avoid all this stress and heartaches they are passing through? Can the man forgive her,if Yes, what are the things she should do to get her man and marriage back?

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by queenfav(f): 8:53am On Aug 13
I don't even know what to say. Just try talking to him about how you feel, let him know that you are not happy.
Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by cerpvad(m): 8:55am On Aug 13
It takes more than mere communication to resolve sexual incompatibility. Nothing hurts more than to find out after marriage that your partner cannot give you sexual fulfillment. Many men are not that patient to condone sexual laxity from their wife, hence they revert to cheating. If you can't satisfy your husband sexual needs averagely, why blame him for cheating?
spongeisback:
And he cannot communicate this to his wife? She has to be the one to change for a cheat?

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired by sisisioge: 8:55am On Aug 13
Madam! You've got to speak his language too...when he starts, just totally ignore him. Don't beg, don't cook, don't take the sex, don't frown, speak when spoken to, don't carry face, act like his behaviour is normal, just dey look too. Wtf! Hian!


Una just dey make single hood sweet sotey married friends dey advise person say there is no rush, take your time. Lawd! Where are the good fair people!!!!

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