A husband and wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.
A husband, "Put 'MYPENIS' " and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause on screen was error, "Error. Not long enough."

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money andguns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn'tseen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry,he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds:"He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun,how many would be left?""None," replied Johnny,"cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "butI like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have aquestion for you. If there were three women eating icecream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the onesucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny,"the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

commendable!!!!

A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in.
After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy says,"Oh well,I better get home.My wife doesn't like meto stay out during late night."
The first guy replies, "I'll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning."
The guy agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to giveit a try.
When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face.
As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet.
Seeing her he screamed,"What the hell are you doingin here?!"
"Quiet!", she exclaimed."You'll wake my mother."

A man had six children
and was very proud of
his achievement.
He was so proud of
himself that he started
calling his wife, 'Mother
of Six', in spite of her
objections.
One night they went to a
party. He decided that it
was time to go home, and
wanted to find out if his
wife is ready to leave as
well.
He shouted at the top of
his voice,"Shall we go
home, Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her
husband's lack of
discretion shouted back,
"Anytime you're ready,
Father of Four!"

A guy with bright blue,
green and orange color
hair was standing at a
bus stop.
Few moments later an
elderly man stood near
him and kept staring at
him hard.
Annoyed by the stares
the guy asked him,
"Wotz up oldie! Never
done something wild?"
To this the old man
replied, "Yeah,I f*cked a
peahen once and I'm
wondering if you are my
son."