Klass99:
Dear OP,

You have every right to feel the way you do and your feelings are valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise (not even your mum) when they say things like blood is thicker than water, family will be always be family, no matter how frustrating or miserable they make your life you just have to endure because they are your family.

No, you don't have to put up with other people's continuous BS, foolishness or irresponsible attitude all in the name of they are family. When family members are repeatedly a thorn in the flesh, you need to take action which lets them know that you've had enough, you are at your breaking point and their BS won't be tolerated for much longer.You can choose to do so firmly and politely OR with gragra, anyhow you want to.

I hate people pushing their responsibilities to me (and I mean responsibilities of any kind) the kind you are even dealing with, will not sit well with me while the owner of the children is alive and well. It is not as if he/she is sick, they lost a source of income or had some major crises that caused their financial predicament.

I dey vex pass you sef, because as a single person myself I often see parents and married coworkers like your brother, who minimize the challenges of single people while acting like their challenges are more unique and better than ours. Hello! Excuse you I have challenges too as a single person which range from married coworkers borrowing money from me and when it comes time to pay they start to tell stories, using their children to garner sympathy, a crazy landlord who refuses to honour the terms of a tenancy agreement forcing you to bear costs that are his, employers who can owe for Africa, dragging their feet about paying for work done etc.

People like your brother and most of my colleagues, think we have nothing worthwhile to do with our hard earned money on, so they devise ways to make you spend on what is their original responsibility. These days I just ignore stories about I haven't paid my child's school fees or I need money for my wife's pregnancy/delivery care, when you had 9 months to plan for it.

Do what is best for you. Make decisions that are in your best interest in this situation because I don't see your brother ever making decisions that will be in your best interests, those boys of his, you are feeding will always come first. Put yourself first too. What sort of nonsense is this sef? I still dey vex

Olayinka8793:
I would have love to do as you suggested but the problem is that my saloon shop is not too far from the house, and I am always present in shop so there is no way they won't come and trace me to my shop after noticing my absence.

Olayinka8793:
Bro, there is no business that can't fetch you good profit believe me. The most important thing is Gods grace in whatever business you choose. Even if you want to be selling grass, as long as God's grace is in your business, you will blow, believe me. It is not every barber that is successful, I know of two or three fellow barbers who no longer do barbing plus several other present barbers who are struggling.
Grace is everything.

UndauntedYOCA:
Do all you can to complete your house as soon as you can bro but in the meantime, do not fail to help those kids out, they're family although they aren't your responsibilities, just do your part and if they are grown already then you can make sure they also go in search of a job or learn trades.
About wanting to get married before the next sallah, I'll advise you not to if your sole reason is wanting to avoid taking care of your brother's children.
Sorry ehn, may God elevate you to the point that you'll never have to worry about the burden that comes with helping people.

Exmilitant:
And what's wrong in taking care of 3kids? Just close eye buy one basin of garri make dem dey drink with salt morning, noon and night. By the time your brother comes back and see his kids all skinny and emmaciated, he would think twice before leaving them for you. Complete the house before you marry o.

PuZZyNegro:


All I can say is Afonjaaaaaaa

Where's that stewpid person saying Igbo ladies this, Igbo men that.

See, from Op father to his brothers, all irresponsible people, marrying women and bearing children they cannot take care of.

70% of Yorubas who married more than one wife don't live with them. It's more like being a community dick while the women hustle to train the children and of course the cycle continues as the guys join touting and cultism so early while the ladies take to baby mamarism and following babas to become the 10th wife

Olayinka8793:
Barbing saloon business is not like that my sister. In fact, festive periods are the most profitable in barbing business and hairdressing and so on.
Thanks for your input though.

Olayinka8793:
I just don't have the courage to, lest my other brothers and sisters see me as wicked and insensitive.

Olayinka8793:
I wish I had the liver to let him know to his face. He is much senior to me, he is 42 years while I am just 26. I guess I would have to let him know indirectly by posting about it on some of the social media platforms we share together and hope to God he sees it and get the message.

PuZZyNegro:


All I can say is Afonjaaaaaaa

Where's that stewpid person saying Igbo ladies this, Igbo men that.

See, from Op father to his brothers, all irresponsible people, marrying women and bearing children they cannot take care of.

70% of Yorubas who married more than one wife don't live with them. It's more like being a community dick while the women hustle to train the children and of course the cycle continues as the guys join touting and cultism so early while the ladies take to baby mamarism and following babas to become the 10th wife

highbee02:



I like your contribution on this matter, as little as the kids are, they know what's going on. Even if their father didn't recuperate the gesture, just continue doing your best, it's called HUMANITY

Gloriagee:
U be real militant

HomerTimpson:
you are second person that commented my comment after undauntedYOCA reading those other comments,its sad to see lots of people have lost being humane,if one can't make this kind of sacrifice for a family,and saying "I LOVE YOU TO A STRANGER where is the love ?

Exmilitant:
Ex, actually.

SegFault:

Are you sure you are mentally stable?

chii8:
Guy, immediately your brothers arrive for sallah, after the celebration on that day,back your bags and do a mini travel to a friend's house,be the first to leave, let's see who he will drop the kids for.Don't marry for a wrong reason,marry because you want to and ready to.

Olayinka8793:
Sacrifice should be a freely done thing from the mind, not forced on anyone. Being deprived of ones happiness and peace of mind against ones will all in the name of been forced to sacrifice is unacceptable.

Olayinka8793:
I am a 26 years old guy who works and earns a living as a barber. I still live in my dad's house which happens to be not too far from my barbing salon shop.
My plan was to move into my own personal house whenever I leave my dad's own, but my house isn't completed yet.
I come from a Muslim family, so every sallah, like the recent one of last Friday, all my married senior brothers and few sisters comes to the family house to celebrate the sallah with my dad.
There is this particular brother of mine that always makes life very difficult for me immediately after the sallah celebration.
The problem is that he comes from Ibadan down here to Ogun state to celebrate with us like the rest of my brothers and sisters, he is married to two wives (his greatest mistake in life) which contributed to his usually negative financial situation. None of his two wives are living with him in Ibadan, the second wife bore him two kids which she took away with her after calling it quit with the marriage (primarily due to financial suffering), while he (my brother) managed to secure the custody of his other 3 children born to him by his first wife who has also stopped living with him.
Now every sallah, he will come with his 3 children from the first wife to celebrate with us, and while every other family members would depart back to their various home at least two days after the sallah celebration, he will depart alone while leaving his three sons to be taken care of by God knows who.
Of a truth, I am his targeted children caretaker because he knows l am the only remaining son of our dad who is not yet married and who is fairly comfortable. The facts that I am not married or not yet with kids must have informed him that I don't have any responsibility to bother with and so l should be very OK to take care of his sons.
There is nothing l hate more than that and I am boiling with anger as I am typing this.
While it is true l am not married yet or have kids, I do have my own responsibilities/problems to deal with such as trying to save up money to complete my house, giving my old mum daily stipen (she doesn't live with my dad, she lives at her mum's house), I also got several other family members, even cousins and aunts/uncles that disturb me from time to time and I try to help whenever I can and ignore them most of the time.
This 3 burden some children of my wicked elder brothers are still staying with me right now (it is a big face me l face you house) and I had have to be dropping money for their feeding daily before going to my barbing salon shop because my dad is the type of Dad that doesn't give a fvck about taking care of his children, much less his grandchildren because he is a polygamous man with four wives and several children ( we all grew up to learn different trades and became successful by the grace of God.
So basically, this 3 burden some children are my temporary responsibilities now pending when their wicked dad who is my brother decides to come and take them which could take up to a month and it is draining me emotionally and financially.
I can't complain to my brother as it will make me feel remorseful afterwards and will cause bad blood between us, neither can l complain to our dad as he is a careless talker who will probably reprimand my brother while exposing me as the one who complained to him. And my mum as a woman will never consider my suffering and would ask me to endure since he is my brother and the 3 burden children are her grandchildren.
I am thinking of getting married before the next sallah to avoid a reoccurence of the burden because by then I will have a valid excuse and will prefer to hustle for my wife and kids instead of hustling to take care of another man's children. But the problem is, although I have a serious girlfriend now, I am not yet ready financially for marriage as my goal now is to gather enough money to complete my house before deciding to hustle money to start a family.
I am so confused right now I don't know how to go about preventing a re occurrence of this yearly sallah miseries while still living in my dad's house.
Your opinions and suggestions will be appreciated.