Nine Years o. For someone who never thought he would last up to three years in a (any) marriage. Don't get me wrong o, in every other aspect of my life, though I cannot say I'm an outright optimist, I will not deny being a pragmatist, in lieu for being a pessimist. The last year was the most challenging for us in our journey, and believe me what befell us had nothing to do with Covid-19, even though it visited, but it met us after we had recovered from our most perilous of times till date, and had become sturdied by the circumstances of it. If there was any lesson we came away with in the last few months, it is that love can be mended through loss, maybe, just maybe it was so in our case, because in the true sense of the word, we couldn't have been said to have lost what we never had.


We trudge on, this particular one falling on the day of the Jewish Day of Love, the fifteenth day of the month of Av. Interesting, that it has to be like this, like a sign appearing in the horizon after a tumultuous time, which those on a journey can receive strength from, because they consider the happenstance or coincidence to be fortuitous, like Noah and his family when they saw the rainbow, after the Great Flood. Another opportunity thus presented to have our vows renewed, in sharp contrast to what we thought would be an annual state of the union review. It has turned out that apart from the early years when the latter was a thing, it has failed to carry in the years to follow, interestingly when disappointments weren't as few and far between as it had been previously.


If you asked my take on what I think may have helped us thus far, I'd say we have managed to emphasise more on the intangibles than otherwise, and even though I know that nine years isn't enough to earn one a certificate as marriage counsellor, but I speak from the experience of our journey so far, understanding that the longer we stay in the union, the possibility of a divorce will always lurk somewhere, ranging from likely to remote at any given time; and could be activated by either of the parties over the flimsiest of reasons whatsoever, regardless of how we vary have remained unflinchingly tenacious through the toughest of times. Hence in making that assertion, I do so with utmost humility, and all sense of responsibility, because as humans with fallibility and frailty, without the ability to foretell the future, only YAHWEH can help us, and bring our hopes and aspirations to reality.


For the future, I can only hope for better times, even though we aren't under any illusions that interesting times lie ahead. Even gold is forged, through fire and if at the end, we are to tell stories that will inspire others to make of their marriages worthwhile adventures and ventures, we must be unshaken in our resolve to make it work, in spite of the challenges we may face. The fact that I now write about marriage like this (compared to how I used to, prior to this time), is testament to the things I have learnt, and still learning. Understanding there's no taking a hard stance on anything in a relationship, that nothing is starkly black and/or white, but in reality are all shades of gray, like how a few days back, when my wife told me about something that would ordinarily cause me to be angry, only to find myself shocked at the way I received the news, with equanimity (unlike I would've done in the early days, not at her but at the situation) and proceeded to discuss solutions with her. It is how marriage has shaped me into a more patient, less combative person, just because of the nature of the person I chose to ride with.


Yes, nothing I have ever said about her, in offerings such as this, over the years, have turned sour, rather like fine wine, she's gotten better, and gone ahead to make a better person of me. I owe a lot of improvements in my personality to this woman, who has become more than a companion to me since we became a thing. There's nothing like when someone compliments you, as you'd find with a lock and key. If ever there was such a thing as a match made in heaven, I cannot say ours isn't, because I doubt I'd have been able to ascribe what I have with her, with another, even if things are just as good with that other person. Ẹnì has my missing Rib, if you understand what I'm saying, and I'm grateful that we found each other.


'kovich


PICTURE CREDIT:
- https://forward.com/


THE NINTH ON TU B'AV https://madukovich./2020/08/05/the-ninth-on-tu-bav/